[|You|].[|Call|].[|This|].[|Sanity?|] {Semper}

[pikasoccer]

#EA0000 :::: Caspian's Speech
#BF5930 :::: Another's Speech
#A62F00 :::: Writing
#FF7640 :::: Song Lyrics

Insomnia is an evil thing. In the last five of days, I have gotten probably about five hours of sleep. That really isn't rare for me, but lately I've been seeming to need more and more of it. My eyes are bleary, and it takes several blinks to make my vision any way beneficial to me. Combing my fingers through my singed hair, I look at the blazing fire that I have just created.

The fire, the beautiful creation of mine, is completely under control. All my fires have been under control, ever since that destructive one four years ago. Shuddering, I turn my thoughts away from that. Thinking about it every night, all night is bad enough; I don't need it to occupy my daily life, too. The fire, flickering with different shades of yellow and red, warms my body and my soul. A fire is a calming thing, bringing serenity to your mind and spirit.

I take a quick look away from the fire to my surroundings. Usually, there's nobody out here to witness my fiery antics, but I see a few people out and about. A man is over on the edge of the field, apparently grooming an animal. From this distance, I can't tell what kind of animal it is, but I can say that it's large. Probably a cow. A woman with a couple of children, who run around her in circles, stands patiently by a tree.

The children remind me of Matthias. Matthias is inside right now, either sleeping or playing with his toys. I try and give him all the things he needs, and that includes things to play with. I feel bad for him; he has autism, and I'm afraid he won't be able to go through life without help. He can barely eat by himself; how is he supposed to do everything on his own? Out of all things in the world, his future is what I fear for the most.

No, scratch that. I fear most for his sanity. Because this is an insane world, and only the sane can make their way through it safely.

One thing I can't give Matthias though is a friend. I can be his brother, yes, and I can step in as both the parents. But I can't be his friend. I can't be a person who he goes to school with. I can't be a person who he spills his secrets to, trusting that they won't blurt it to anyone else. No, I can't be that person. And that's the one person I want to be.

[semper]

Shadow Bison

The greatest thing about the pasture, to Shadow, was that even though there were trees to cast the evening shadows, there were so few of them that it usually did not bother him. And on this particular day, the boy was thankful for that. He didn't need the abnormal fear of shadows nagging at him after having been yelled at by his father: "You good for nothin' kid! Why the hell do I keep putting up with you and your stupid fears? Why can't you be normal like every other kid and not be afraid of damn shadows?! Hell, even your name is Shadow! I just... I just can't take it anymore. I've put up with your damn fears for so long that I just give up. If you can't get used to shadows, Shadow, then just go away, or something. I'm not going to deal with you anymore. And don't just go out to the cow pasture. I don't want you scaring ou-- my only source of income." And that's what Shadow did.

Holding a frayed rope in his little hand, Shadow crawled under the rails of the pasture fence, making his way out towards the herd of cattle, wiping tears from his eyes. He loved his father more than anyone else simply because he had put up with shadow phobia for so long, but he guessed it was just about time for his father to crack about not having a normal son. Quite frequently Shadow had prayed and dreamed of being normal, but what exactly did that consist of? He had always imagined it to be that he could walk around, in and out of shadows, without any little pang of fear in his little heart. Being normal would mean that his father would love him even more, and that's all the boy wanted. "But it's ain't gonna hap-.. happen. I won' ever... be normal..." Shadow mused to himself, his voice timid and trembling from the sorrow and guilt he felt. "I let y'down, Papa. You don' wan' a son who's... who's scared of shadows. So's I'm gonna leave 'n' you c'n have another son who ain't afraid of no shadow. 'n' his name c'n be Shadow, 'cause he ain't afraid of no shadow." Wiping away a fresh stream of tears as he came to the cattle herd, Shadow mad a bee-line for a young spotted longhorn calf that was lying all by itself on the edge of the mass, who stood up and walked over to the crying child, nudging him with its little wet nose. He began to stroke her head and ears, sniffing as the little calf let out a quiet moo. "C'mon, Austria, we's gonna go. We's gonna go." Shadow tied the rope around her neck in a loose loop, though the calf, Austria, needed no encouragement to follow. She was the runt calf of the group, and though the boy didn't like to play favorites among the cows, he tended to like Austria the best since she was the most outcast-ish, just like he was.

He led her away from the cattle, through the opposite side of the fence, and from there just aimless wandering. Austria remained quiet on the occasions that Shadow ranted and sobbed, only offering the boy comfort when they stopped walking, which happened often. Shadow was certain to carefully pick his way down the dirt road, weaving around shadows on the ground as though they would reach out and snare his ankles. He kept Austria out of them, too, for fear that they would scare her as much as they did him.

It didn't take very long before the smell of smoke began to fill the air, bringing the duo to a stop. Where there was smoke there was usually people, so having nothing else to do, Shadow cautiously ventured after the smell, curiosity taking over. On any other occasion he would have steered clear of other people, but running away from home had made him feel somewhat more.... brave, in a sense, though he couldn't quite tell what compelled him to hide behind a tree and silently watch the person that was next to the fire. A few moments passed and Austria let out a moo, spooking Shadow into jumping and yelping, quickly ducking back down behind the tree to hide himself while the young longhorn calf stood out in the open, oblivious to everything going on around her.






((I'm so sorry this is so late. DDDDDx And Shadow reminded me of young!tribute!Semper, so I had a few nostalgia moments. x3 I think this is my longest Shadow!post ever. :O :D ))

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