If Only Tears Could Bring You Back

[cass]

Sperring Kapow

Just like a shadow, cold and alone, people passed through, stood on him, trode on him.
They cared nothing for him.
Just like a shadow, did Sperring really exist?

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

An ache filled Sperring’s chest. It wasn’t one that was filled with the pain of the many injuries that littered Sperring’s body, and it was from the pain of the despair that washed through him. Sperring felt nothing for himself except that loneliness that swallowed him. It drove him mad. All the pain; His pain was centred on one person, the only person who perhaps cared about him, the baker. Numbly Sperring’s hand fumbles for the necklace around his neck, Sperring had had a hard time getting it in, the sharp point could have been used as a weapon, but finally it had passed.

He took small comfort in the necklace, his mind flashed back to seeing it lying there on the floor, had the baker really meant it for him? Or had it been some sign of disowning him leaving him once again alone. Through the pass through days this thought had continuously troubled him; it lurked in the back of his mind, a doubt that never seemed to leave, it was stuck there a constant nagging feeling that grew as time passed. Now it meant everything. Sperring was dying, the man who cared was watching, would he be sad, would he be the only one to shed a tear? Sperring knew there would be no other, if there was one it would be him.

~~~~

Sperring flinched at the pang of loneliness that swirled with in him. Sperring had been lonely all his life, what was the difference now?

His gaze faltered as he saw something glint, the sheen was all too familiar, the glint all to wrong. He could tell it came from a smooth surface, the light hit it wrongly, he knew what it was, and he couldn’t believe it. If possible Sperring became far more depressed. Could anyone have such a bad day? Sperring hoped he was wrong, he hoped that the thing on the ground wasn’t the necklace. It was. Sperring staggered over to it, the world reeled around him, spinning in circled, and it made his belly do flip-plops, very unwelcome in his present situation. His hand hesitantly reached down towards it; maybe it was an illusion, just a figment of his imagination. He didn’t believe it. Slowly his hand circled around it, guilt washed through him as he looked at the sharp gleaming point, of the shark tooth.

His curiosity burned as well as the disbelief. He wanted to know why he had it, why was it here. He just didn’t understand. This was his father’s; Sperring had given it to him. It was the only thing Sperring had been able to buy all his life; he had given it to the old man, a sign of affection. A small frown creased Sperring’s face, he couldn’t fathom, why he had this, it was past his skills to even think why he had it. Did his father won’t to disown him, let him go, well/ Sperring was going to die, why not, the man needed to find a new shop helper. Sperring didn’t want to believe that so he didn’t, he decided it was a gift, something that, told Sperring his father would be with him in the hard times to come.

~~~~

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Sure, Sperring felt the pain of every individual wound, it felt like a knife was stabbed into him every second, the pain was unbearable, but Sperring didn’t fear it, he accepted it. He deserved it. He had caused so much pain in his life, the boy... he hadn’t deserved it. The boy would have had a family; parents who had loved him cared... Sperring had ended it; he had destroyed that boy’s life. It was only fair that his should end as well, the most painful way possible. It would only be fair.

Karma was a real bitch.

Sperring shook his head ever so slightly riding the thoughts that plagued him. The icy ground around him was smattered with blood, it shone, and the ground gleamed with white. It glared at him; he shielded his eyes from the accusing glare of the cold ground. He felt as if everyone was against him, nature as well as man. No one wanted him, no one cared. Was Sperring really meant to be alone forever?

Blackbird fly Blackbird fly
into the light of the dark black night.

Tears are shed for those who are loved, for people who are going to be missed.

Sperring ached inside, his sadness swallowed him. It controlled him. He couldn’t believe this was it; the end. Sperring felt the tears well in his eyes; they stung against the cold background. He took deep gasping breaths, they stung against his chest; Sperring’s heart fluttered weakly in his chest. Sperring had always thought no one deserved to die, but looking at himself and who he was his opinion changed, he believed he deserved the pain and agony that ripped his body apart. He deserved the shame and humiliation that came with the tears that leaked from his eyes... No one would see him die... right? He was all but a shadow cold and alone. There were more important people out there, he wanted no one to see him die, but you never got what you wanted.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Allies...

The word echoed a distant thought in Sperring’s mind. It was being dragged forward. The word was conflict, it battled in him. He had so many questions. Where were they? Why had they not helped? Again and again the battle was thought the same outcome was thrown around. He had no allies... as always in his life he had trusted and that trust had been torn from him. Sperring was naive he had believed he had truly made friends... he felt as if he had found two people in his whole life he could trust. Sperring felt so alone, the only people he had placed his trust-

“I’m sorry,”

The words shocked Sperring, the voice it was all too familiar.

Shayde

Sperring felt a ghost of a smile cross his face; he was sorry, sorry for what had happened? Or what had he done? Sperring couldn’t tell; the outraged builded up in him blocking out the pain momentarily. He wanted to yell and scream hateful and spiteful words at Shayde, but he couldn’t the strength had left Sperring. More than anything Sperring felt confused Shayde had watched as Sperring had been repeatedly attacked. How was that fair?
Sperring opened his mouth, he wanted to ask to know, and before he died Shayde stood there staring at Sperring. The look on his face answered all Sperring’s questions.

Shayde hadn’t meant it. He had tried help.

Regret covered Shayde’s face. The sadness was evident. Sperring blinked weakly, he couldn’t believe someone could... Would feel like that for him... it made Sperring happy. Maybe there would be one other who would cry when he passed.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life

Sperring sighed heavily closing his eyes briefly. He had treated so very many people wrong all his life. Now he would die with all the apologies on his lips. He was to end one journey and start another. Sperring opens his eyes. The words escape his lips barely more than a whisper.

“You shouldn’t be sorry. I don’t deserve it.”

Shayde was already gone.

You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise