Flowers are my only friends {Lotus} [Open]

[plantix]

“Just a little further!” I motivate myself, reaching for a branch that needed to be clipped. I finally reach the branch I needed to cut and in an instant, I use the clippers on it before the branch slips before I fall to the ground. The nearly-dead branch falls a few feet before hitting another set of branches, then falling to the surrounding ground, littered with a few dead branches I had already cut. Around this time of year, my job is to maintain the trees. Right now, its a few hours before sunset and work should be over soon.

I let out a sigh of joy, knowing that my job is almost finished for the day. I look down to the ground and think of jumping down, but I realize that the drop must at least be twenty feet, so I opt to climb down safely. As soon as I start to climb down, I realized that there’s problem. ‘That was foolish’ I think. When I was cutting the branches, I cut off some of the branches I used to climb up. Some of the branches were conveniently placed close to the branches I had already cut, but a few were too far to reach from so I need to leap a bit.

After climbing down half way the durian tree, I reach a branch that I need to leap to, to get down. I jump, but miscalculate distance by a few mere inches. The sudden loss of balance makes me stiffen with fear, then tip forwards to try and regain my balance. I don’t have enough control though, so I slip and fall down. Luckily, I only hit one branch that smacked my left shoulder before I fall to the ground.

“Lotus!” I hear mama gasp. She hurries over to me from the near-by tree she was working on, but by the time she gets to me, I’m already standing. “Are you hurt?” she asks me.

“I’m fine mama, I just hit my shoulder.” I say, but I see the peace keeper who’s in charge of watching us work. He gives us a threatening look to signal us to get back to work. Mama stands up and walks back to the tree she was doing her work on. We both understand that the peace keepers want us to work until our job is over, with absolutely no interruptions. I grunt a bit, but since I know better than to deny the peacekeeper, I stand up and gather the branches I have cut off from the trees.

‘At the very least you could have checked to see if I was bleeding’ I bark to our overseer in my mind. Saying things like that out loud would get me a beating for sure. I neatly place the logs of wood into a large bin that’s set out for us. As usual, I’m the first one to finish our job. There are other adults and children working here, but I don’t really talk to them much, and they don’t really approach me. I think of papa working in the fields; watering the seeds, watching the sprouts come up and tending to the plants. I’m reminded of my fall by a short, sharp pain that rests on my shoulder. I look under the shoulder of my shirt at it and it reveals to me a small, red bruise. Nothing serious.

…

As soon as the two of us enter in our small hut after our day of work, mama goes to the stove to start a fire to make dinner. Papa should be coming home real soon. I get my papa’s old and patched backpack and head towards the door.

“Mama, I’m going to the fields to play! I’ll be back soon!” I quickly say half way out the door.

“Alright, but Lotus, be back in time for supper!” she yells to me, being already outside of the hut. She knows that I have no friends to play with in the field. When I say field, it’s almost like a second house for me, and the flowers are the people who live there.

After a few minutes of running happily to the field of wild flowers in the peak of their bloom, I childishly say a loud ‘hello’ to the flowers, as if I was expecting a response. I know they won’t though, but it’s nice to talk to them because I can tell them how I feel without being judges. It’s so beautiful and relaxing here. I wish I could show this to someone, like, another kid who’s just like me. I lie down on a large patch of grass and look into the sky.

“I wish” I say to myself. I turn my head to my right and see a dandelion puff. It makes a perfect, fuzzy, sphere with no seeds that have been blown away by the wind yet. I sit in an upright position and take the dandelion puff.

“I wish I had a friend to play with” I ask the puff. I blow the puff of seeds away and they seem to float in a spiral to my right…

[Oogie Boogie]

Jaylin bats at the floating dandelion seeds.

"Aw, dude! You got them in my face!" following which, she lets out a loud sneeze.

She rakes her hair out of her eyes and rubs her nose. Jay's eyes begin to unfocus, but quickly snap to attention as she remembers that she's in polite company.

"Hi. I'm Jaylin Arbez." she holds her hand out, not really expecting him to take it. Yet these formalities must be observed.

And why would he? She's the town lunatic. The one people talk about after she leaves a room, totally spacing. She hated the 'furitive' looks exchanged when they thought she wasn't looking. But Jay knew better. She knew.

Realizing she'd been scowling, she shook her head out and smiled.

"You can call me Jay though," she added, "what's your name?"

[plantix]

'What the?!?!' I shout in my mind. I really did wish for someone to be my friend, but I didn't expect someone to appear, just like that. I’m sure I came here alone... Wait... Was she here before me? I question in my mind. I take a second to look at the girl; a girl with auburn hair, brown eyes, standing slightly shorter then I am. The most noticeable thing about her though is that her body is riddled with scars… ‘How did she get here? Who is she? Where did she come from?’ these questions role in my head.

I snap back to reality and accept that wish has been granted… At least I think. She seems friendly enough… I’m determined to make my wish come true, for that dandelion puff who sacrificed its life for my wish.

‘Wait… She’s holding out her hand… for a hand shake?’ I say to myself, the girl must have been waiting for me to shake her hand in my trance, which was probably only a few seconds.

“Uhhh… I’m Lotus.” I respond to the girl before giving her the hand shake.

[Oogie Boogie]

"Lotus? Like the flower?" Jay shakes his hand and let's go after a bit.

She ponders on the name for a while.

"Lotus," she repeats, "pretty."

Jay smiles vaguely and her eyes roam the boy's body. He was taller than her, but not by a whole lot. He had dark hair and eyes. But his eyes were beautiful to her. Captivating. She wanted to know the story behind those eyes. Jay wanted to know what he felt and why. She wanted a bond. She wanted a friend, just as much as he did. Jay was sure of it. But how to about this....

"What's your favorite color, Lo? Can I call you Lo?"

[plantix]

'Yes! Like the flower!’ I say excited in my mind. Maybe she likes flowers too!I look into her eyes noticing that she’s staring back at mine.

“Um. Sure.” I respond to her second question first quickly. It took me a second to digest her first question, which was simple in the first place. It was arbitrary, but simple enough to answer.

“Oh, My favourite color is pink.” I respond. The reason I like pink is because I feel like the pink flowers sing and are more humble, even though they stand out from the usual green surrounding. I think of complementing her if she’s wearing anything pink, but then I look at her neck which has a huge pink scar leaning to her shoulder. It seems more red then pink though. ‘Did that I sound offensive?’ I ask myself.

‘This person is really nice and I think she wants to be friends. I can’t mess this up.’ I say to myself.

“And, what’s yours?” I repeat her question.

[Oogie Boogie]

Oh God. He's looking at my scar.

Internally, Jay begs him not to ask how she got it. She hates to lie. Especially to this boy, who she's just met. She becames uncharacteristically shy about her scars and strokes her neck.

So he likes pink....unusual, for a boy.

"Gold's my favorite. Like the color of the sun hitting the wheat at sunset." Jaylin can see it in her mind, so vividly.

"Beautiful," she murmurs and looks in his lovely brown eyes again.

"How old are you, Lo?"

[plantix]

‘Oh man, I did offend her!’ I think in my mind. I try to take this thought away from my mind and focus on maintaining a decent conversation; after all, they usually didn’t last this long with the other kids. It was usually just a ‘hi’ and then they would either ignore me, or say a ‘hi’ back and then walk away.

“I’m 14 right now. How old are you, Jay?” I ask trying to incorporate her name.

From the beginning of our conversation I noticed her scars, but I refrain from asking how she got them because I know that would seem very rude. Maybe when we become official friends… or if at least. It’s hard for me to keep friends, but I’m determined to keep this relationship going.

“Oh, also… Can I ask you a question?” I say. Wait. I try to think from her perspective. I’m going to ask her why she’s in this field… But she might think that I’m talking about her scar… Ops…

[Oogie Boogie]

[ooc: Sorry for delays. I'm kind of in between tasks]

Panic lights up in her chest.

Please, please. Don't ask

She didn't think he would, but she really didn't want to get into it. She didn't want to go back to that night. Her hand brushes at the scars on her arms and shoulders, almost like she's trying to smooth them away.

Jay liked this boy. He seemed nice, if a little shy. He was younger, but for all she knew he could only be younger by a few months. Which didn't make much difference. Besides, friends are friends.

"I'm recently fifteen. Couple months ago was my birthday,"

Jay smiled again, trying to think of what else to talk about. When Lo abruptly brought another question to surface. Perfect!

"Sure. You can ask."

[plantix]

[ooc: It's cool. :} lol Great job Lotus.]

She doesn’t seem to be affected by my last question, so my feeling of trouble left in an instant.

‘Fifteen a few months ago?” I ask in my head. My birthday was a few months ago too, but it seems very random to say that.

I continue on with our conversation with my question “I don’t mean to sound rude but-, why are you here? No one usually comes here except for me.”

I think about other people coming here to play when I’m at school or work. I imagine another person who is lonely, coming out here for practically no reason, like me. ‘Maybe she visits here often too?’ I ask. I give her a smile in case she seemed worried.

[Oogie Boogie]

Jay lets out a quiet sigh of relief and smiles back. She wasn't entirely sure why she came here. Something just drew her here today. She only came here when she was in desperate need of inspiration. But today, she hadn't even brought charcoal to draw with.

"I just felt like maybe today would be a good day to come," Jay settles on saying at last.

This wasn't even her favorite place to draw. She preferred a copse of trees out by a lake. There she could swim, draw and climb. It was wonderful place, in the perfect spot to watch the sunset or sunrise. And when she climbed high enough, she could see everything around for miles.

"I suppose my hunch was right, huh?"

Jay smiled gently and twirled a lock of hair around her finger. She fidgeted awkwardly a bit before sitting in the grass. As soon as she sat, puffs of dandelion seeds swirled up into the air, twisting in the wind. She longed for her sketchbook, but maybe actual people weren't so bad.

[plantix]

“Yeah it is. The flowers are in full bloom this time of year.” I give her a smile. I knew that she possibly was referring to me, but I don’t want to sound desperate. ‘Wow, I’m actually talking to other kids!’ I say in my mind. This thought fascinated me so much.

“I’m usually here because it’s usually quiet and safe. But it’s nice to talk to people, I only talk to the flowers because no one usually speaks to me.” I inform her of my explanation

. . . What did I just say? I think back to me saying ‘I only talk to the flowers’. Oh God. She’s going to think I’m crazy. Why did I say that so naturally to her? I’m already a social outcast, if people think of me talking to flowers; everyone will think I’m mad. Flowers aren’t things a guy should like in the first place! Oh man, I really screwed myself up.

[Oogie Boogie]

She almost burst out laughing at how uncomfortable he was. At the same time, she understood. Talking to flowers beacause nobody will listen. Jay understood being an outcast. All too well.

"It's okay. I get it," she whispers, "talking to flowers 'cuz the world turns its back on you."

When the world seemed to shift to something nightmarish mid-thought. When the world rejected you for the things they couldn't see. When they don't understand. She felt a rush of affection for him. Here was someone who understands. He was hurting as much as she was.

"Do you want to know how I got my scars?"

Jay pulled on his hand in a signal for him to sit. His hands were hard, but smooth. Like hers. Working in the fields does that to hands, but his were unique. They felt trustworthy.

[plantix]

I give her a meek smile. ‘She understands!’ I say in my head. I remember back to me a few year ago; attempting to make friends with another boy. When I told him that I talked to flowers, her kept giving me weird looks and just abandoned me. I pay attention to her question; coming out with why she has the scars. I was curious about her scars, but I was afraid she’d be offended if I ask. Now, she’s openly asking me if I want to know.

I sit down in a lotus position, like mama taught me and responded “Sure.”

“I’d feel bad if only you were confiding, so I’ll tell you why I talk to flowers after your story.” I don’t know why I’m so confident with sharing my information to her. For all I know, she could be a mean kid trying to find out things about me to start rumours… On the other hand, she really could be a new friend. I’m thinking the latter though. I feel like she’s a nice person, so I trust her, knowing that she trusts me.

[Oogie Boogie]

Jay breathed deeply. Finally. She could let it out. She let herself slip into the place she refused to go in polite company.

"When I was young, my mama was still alive. She hated that I could see things and hear things. Every so often, I'd become incoherent with fear, unable to explain the things I saw."

Breathe in, breathe out.

"One day, when I was five, she was so outraged at my abnormality that she slammed me hard into a wall.

'Why can't you think right? What's the matter with you? Why did I get stuck with you?"

Over and over again, as blood poured from my broken arm. Tears streaming down my face, but I wouldn't cry out. Not for her.

That was the first time. I blocked a lot of those things out. I was hit a lot when Ba wasn't home. He never noticed. Either that, he didn't care. I didn't want to hate them. They were all I had."

Jay went on to describe the worst scars, most coming from willow switches, long nails of sometimes knives. She came around to the one across her shoulders.

"Mama came up to me while I was asleep. Ba was out working late, so he wouldn't have seen. She was holding the coals in her bare hands. She pressed them to my back and held them there for five minutes. I still refused to cry out. I wouldn't. Never. But it hurt, Lo. So bad. My eyes watered so terribly, my pillow was soaked.

A sob choaked out of me.

'Mama, please. Don't do this anymore. I'm your little girl. I don't hurt nobody, please stop.'

She stopped. I didn't understand. She bound my wounds and then....she slit her wrists."

Tears had been streaking down her fasts, cutting furrows in now evident streaks of dust.

"I miss her, Lo."

She leaned her head toward his shoulder and cried silently, waiting for his story.

[plantix]

My heart sags at her story. That’s so traumatizing for a girl so young… I feel a small ball in my throat, like when I’m crying alone, but now I have another person who understood pain in a way similar to mine. This ball sticks itself in my throat and it doesn’t go. Her head leans on my shoulder, and I allow her to mourn over her loss. I stroke the back of her hair gently, and take a deep breath. I feel like I should be mourning with her, but we literally just met.

“That’s… Very sad.” I say, but that was an understatement. I compared it with my story, and see that her past did not only hurt her externally, but internally too.

“I have scars too-” I say. “But they’re all inside.” I continue my sentence. It’s obvious that I’ve maintained my body pretty well my life, but emotionally, I’ve crumbled so much.

“Here’s my story.” I start off.

“I used to have three older siblings. Two brothers; Larkspur and Narcissus, and one sister; Poppy. I was the last born in the family. Ever since I could walk and talk, they all bullied me, when my parents weren’t around of course. They’d usually make me eat dirt or worms if I was lucky. I remember them pushing me into a pond… It was full of lotus flowers, and also leeches. After being shoved in the muck by Poppy, A whole mess of leeches came to me and started sucking my blood.” My body shivers at the horror of the scene: coated in leeches and my three older siblings laughing at me.

“They’d also torture me by poking me with sharp sticks until there was a small hole in my arm. When I five, I was so scared of my Poppy, Larksup and Narcissus, that I told Mama and Papa what they were doing to me. After Mama and Papa talked to them, they only tortured me more. They told me that if I told Ma and Pa again, it would keep getting worse.” I feel my body clench, but I take a deep breath to relax myself.

“They also scared off anyone who I wanted to make friends with…” my heart sags even lower.

“So I came to this field to talk to the flowers. They always listen.” I say to her.

“Then one day in this field, when I was seven, I was picking flowers for Mama. It was a day like today; so peaceful and beautiful with the flowers everywhere. Poppy, Larkspur and Narcissus were out to work in the fields that day so I didn’t see them.” I took a deep breath before trying to explain.

“After I got a whole bunch of flowers of Mama, I came back to my house. But when I went home, I saw mama crying and papa hugging her. I just gave her the flowers in my arms without knowing why she was crying. Mama put a fake smile to make me happy, but then she told me what happened to my brothers and sister.” I look down to the ground and feel a tear run down my face.

“Mama…Mama said that they were killed while they were working-… by a whole swarm of Tracker Jackers. At first, I didn’t think Mama was serious… But then we went to the funeral the next day for all who died in the field.”

“They didn’t even say sorry…” I inform her off my own guilt. I remember that feeling at the funeral. It was a mix of pure hatred knowing that they never apologized and a pure feeling of sadness for the deaths of his other bloodline. My conflicting emotions turned me speechless and solitary for the next year. I feel a few more tears collecting in my eyes and then falling to the grass.
“I forgive them though.” I smile at a small patch of the Daffodils. (Narcissus is another name of the Daffodil.)

“But I’m not sure if they want to accept it from their ‘Bulilit na tao’….” I look down into the ground again.

“Oh… Did you know my last name is Tears?” I tell her, trying to make the mood lighter.