I think I might have found ~// You (Danny)
Apr 22, 2011 20:23:20 GMT -5
Post by Arrow on Apr 22, 2011 20:23:20 GMT -5
MORGAINE SIMONETTE
The sun drifted through the window in the kitchen as I sat at the table, an apple standing in the center, glossy red surface shining in the milky morning sunlight. That was going to be my breakfast. It didn't look appealing at the least bit, such a small morsel, but that was breakfast. I was trying to avoid large meals these days. I was trying to do anything to keep training as a career. With my back getting worse and worse, I could tell my time as a career was close to being almost up. That was causing me extreme stress, since being a career and a victor was all I had ever dreamed about. The respect I never had would all come flowing down at once.
Anger bubbling up inside of me like champagne in a glass, I suddenly flung my arm out, fueled with rage, and smacked the bright red apple off of the small table. The fruit collided with the wall with a dull thud. I still had a chance to be a career. I was going to be a fucking career. I was going to win the fucking Games. I just had to. All the pride that had been shattered inside of me would be back. I would no longer be that poor spinally injured girl who still desperately wants to be a career- I would be a victor. Snarling with rage, I shot up from my seat and stalked out of the small house, determined to get my day started.
Outside, the heat was already sweltering. Spring always got hot here. I could feel the heat waves rolling against my skin, making my t shirt and shorts cling to me like they were stuck to my skin with super glue. It was a very uncomfortable day. I knew spring would be hot, but this hot? Shouldn't have guessed. Hopefully the unusual weather spell would pass quickly. Brushing a few beads of sweat off of my forehead, I decided to stop at the grove of trees behind my little shack of a house.
I knew the trees would be blooming in the unnatural heat of the spring, but I didn't expect for it to be this beautiful. The trees, only standing about ten feet tall or so, their branches reaching out like skeletal arms, were covered with small, but equally beautiful pinkish white blooms. Petals would fall with the gusts of wind that came with the heat of the morning, which only added to the beauty. I smiled, which was a rare occurrence these days. I strolled up to the tree closest to me and ran my battle scarred fingers along the trunk. The rough wood made a unique texture under my touch. The place and the natural aura of beauty seemed to suck all that anger and blood lust right out of me. I felt at peace here. I don't know what it did, but it seemed to bring me back to that age of innocence I had faintly known. I sighed, then sank down to the grasp, wet with the dew of the hot morning.
A faint song of birds drifted to my ears as a soft wind ruffled my dirty blond hair. I wiped the sweat off of my forehead again and tried to think clearly. The sun was behind me for the moment. I didn't need to worry about facing the source of the uncomfortable heat for the moment.
I stood up again, suddenly feeling a bit of anger return to my body. At first it was an unwelcome feeling after the brief moment of peace I had just felt, but I knew it was inevitable- it had to come back eventually. Anger, spite, and blood lust were a part of me. A part of the monster that could never be dulled. Growling, I wrapped my hands around the lowest branch of the tree I had recently touched, and tried to climb.
Thankfully, my back didn't mess up as I climbed into the first few nooks and crannies that the network of blooming branches formed. The energy that I felt wasn't a source of positive emotions- when I feel those monstrous feelings returning, I just get the need to entertain my body, only usually, the entertainment I find has something to do with violence. The grove just didn't seem to offer anything to attack or shun, so climbing a tree seemed reasonable. Actually, I was enjoying it. The feeling of the soft and beautiful and small petals brushing against my sweaty skin as I climbed was refreshing, the shade that the tree offered. I rested my body on one of the branches and gazed down into the blooming green grass below me. Maybe somebody could come by, and I'd find something to throw at them, then I'd laugh. That seemed like the typical me. I;d laugh even harder if they bled.
I winced as I thought about my habits, how I could never be changed. You can't change a monster, a voice whispered in my head, and I balled up a fist and slammed it into the unsuspecting tree branch. The branch shook with the force of the smack, and sent many of the beautiful tiny petals fluttering to the growing green grass below. Holding my hand up to my face, I examined it. That tree branch was a lot sturdier than it looked. The waterfall of petals looked very unnatural compared to the steady, slow fall of the pedals when the wind finally unlatched them from the tree- if anybody was nearby and saw the sudden rush of many of the tiny petals, they'd probably come over to investagate. Crap. I didn't want that at all.
I growled as my hand slowly began to pulse and throb with pain. Why did my sudden and so intense anger make me do stupid things? Sometimes I didn't think life was fair to me in the least bit. It probably wasn't. I mean, I was orphaned two times over. I have a fucked up back. I'm a monster. i crave blood, I'm a constant negative Nancy, my life is fucked. I'm cursed. I can feel that sudden anger rise inside of me again, threatening to explode. I have to gulp heavily a couple of times because I think it might help keep down these negative emotions- unfortunately, it does not. Why could I not have anyone in my life? The boy at the pond was a brief friend. I should have talked more. maybe we could have been better friends. Monsters don't have friends, I hissed to myself, and winced. I need to find someone to help me through this crap, and soon. Very soon, or I might destroy myself.
The thought was heavy in my mind. The anger was threatening to take over my mind again, make me act reckless and cold- but I acted that very way on my own accord anyways. My life was a riddle of monstrous behavior. Trying to keep my mind from exploding with the normal negative emotions that controlled my life, I tried my hardest to peacefully stare at the petals as they drifted down to the growing green grass below, at a natural pace again. It had been a few minutes since I had sent the pedals into a nose dive to the growing green grass below- maybe nobody saw. Hopefully not. I was in no mood to be talking to anybody at the moment. I could lash out at them for no reason at all, and cause them harm. Like I have done so many times before. I am a monster.