Deylia, Wanderer

[Sam]

Name: Deylia Jones
Age: 16
Gender: Female
District/Area: Wanderer
Appearance:

Black ragged hair down to her shoulders. She has lots of freckles but you can barely tell as her face is almost black with dirt. Her right eye is a shade of royal blue and her left eye is gray. She has high cheek bones and a button nose. If the dirt and blood was washed off her face she would be very pretty. Her palms are medium sized and she has medium fingers but she's good with her hands. She's very skinny and tall, about 6 feet. She's underweight though, about 130 pounds. You can see her ribs faintly. Her arms are about two feet long and her legs are about 3 feet long. She wears her hair up in a pony tail with a piece of string or she just wears it down. She has hand marks on her neck as if she had tried to be strangled. She wears a dirty t-shirt and dirty, raggedy, holey, pants. She wearing worn out shoes that are too tight for her. She has a scar going from her left cheek across her lips to the bottom of her chin.

Personality:

She's loud and sticks up for herself. She isn't shy AT ALL but knows when to be quiet when she has to. She's also really good at fighting with her body. She doesn't like to cry but she's used to feeling like it because of her father. She can take care of herself and hates the Capitol. She has a strong spirit and doesn't care what happens to her if she brakes the rules, even if she should. She loves animals and she loves riddles and puzzles. She's good at thinking on her feet and is agile and a very fast runner. She has a strong voice and is very confident. She hates littering and wants to save the earth. She has many flaws however. She deaf in one ear from getting hit really hard. She sometimes doesn't know when to give in or back down. She also gets scared very easily even if she doesn't show it and she sometimes gets distracted easily. Also, she has trouble surviving in the wild more often than not. Despite being always on the run, the life as a wanderer was better than her life at home and there's a little part of her that enjoys the excitement. She doesn't plan on settling down in the near future.

History:

Her father was abusive. Her mother and father fought all the time but her father was stronger and often made her agree with him. He married her because he got her pregnant with Deylia's older brother Caleb, not because he loved her. He hit her and treated her very poorly. She was always covering bruises and cuts. Before she ran away she lived in district eleven so she was forced to work the fields a lot. She went to school and got OK grades but didn't do as well as she should have, not because she was dumb but because she was usually distracted or didn't feel like putting in the effort. When she was five her father forced her mother to have another baby. She did and it was a girl but her father still wanted a strong boy to take care of the orchard while he was gone and to make him proud. Her mother had three more babies, all girls. She managed to have one more and it was a boy but he was weak and small. Her father got drunk and came home that night. He killed her weak baby brother and then did what he always did when he was drunk; took it out on Deylia. Her older brother tried to interfere but her father hit him very hard in the head and he crashed his head against the table, sending him into a coma. One of the reasons that she hates the Capitol would be the Hunger Games. She thought they were cruel and unfair. She also thinks the Capitol itself is inhuman and it's rules are unreasonable. When she was 15 he made her mother have another baby and she died in birth. He got drunk and hated himself and everyone around him. He cut her face leaving the scar. That was when she ran away. She took her mother's necklace and cut off the charm which she slipped in her pocket and tied the black string around her neck, putting her hair up with a string. And that night she ran away as fast as she could.

Codeword: oDair
Comments/Other:

None.

[sadniss everdeen]

I'll make the post all pretty later but I can't find my damn templates.

Note that you need two paragraphs in Appearance, three in Personality and two in History.

What's her weight? Give us specific numbers.
You need to give her flaws. Scars don't count unless they're horribly disfiguring.
Hand marks? They don't scar over into things that you can see.
Explain her body more. Is she underweight? Can you see her ribs? How about her arms and legs?

Personality:
How does being 'dark' classify as a personality trait? It sounds like you're describing skin color. Use a different word, perhaps.
If she's good at fighting, tell us with what. Hands, weapons? Don't make her amazing at everything - that's a sign of a Mary Sue.
Why is she used to feeling like crying? Is she depressed?

History:
A Peacekeeper's daughter would be forced to go to school - they're watched closer than regular citizens.
I doubt she could do a full grown man's work. Was she tall as a child so she could pick the higher apples?
It sounds like her parents don't have a good dynamic. Expand on that.
You said that her brother saved her but also that she only had a weak brother. Is there something I missed, or...?
If he killed his own kid, they'd know. Again, Peacekeeper.
Publicly? He'd be arrested and jailed and possibly Avoxed.
Does she like her life? Does she want to settle down?

[Sam]

Edited everything.

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]

(no intro, feeling lazy and tired at the moment...sorry)

dark dark gray, near black

I've never actually seen any eyes that have been that dark grey and in contrast with blue eyes. I have seen people with one blue eye and one grey eye, but never with such a dark shade of grey.

She has high cheek bones but not freakishly high

I don't understand by what you mean "freakishly high". They're either high or low....

She's very skinny and tall, about 6 feet 2 inches. She's underweight though, about 100 pounds.

Whoa....she would be starving. >.> Probably worse than starving. Lemme put this into more tangible facts. Her height-weight would mean she would have a BMI of 12.8. That makes her in the first percentile....which means she shouldn't even be alive...or functioning for that matter. Then the comments about the ribs contrast the statement. If she was that underweight, her ribs wouldn't only be merely showing.

her legs are long, about four feet

This is really off-balanced. The leg-body ratio should be about 3:5, not 2:3. If it was 2:3, she would have a really short torso and she might need to be in constant care since she would be off-proportions enough to cause health risks.

She's loud and sticks up for herself.

She has a way of not being noticed unless she wants to be.

These two statements contradict each other. I say pick one side and stick with it. Either she is seen easily or she is not.

still wanted a strong boy to run the farm

Point of clarification: District 11 was orchards and they probably wouldn't have a farm. Also, Peacekeepers are not allowed to marry until they are out of service and they are required to serve for 20 years.

This was all I could find for the time being. Reply once you've edited the app.

[Sam]

EDITED! xD

[ᕙʕ•ᴥ•ʔᕗ]