```Tasting Salt [Open, Kiah]

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

Aryn let her curly hair float around in the salty water. Her eyes looked up at the sky, the clouds causing her to form pictures in her mind. Although most of the clouds were sparse and gray, she still wished she could float away on one of them. They could just carry her away to a new place, the place where nothing matters and where the world has no fathers. No brothers. No uncles. No boys. No men. That world would mean no pain and no pain was sure to mean beauty in the purest form. Maybe that's where Mom went ...

The day was cool and dark. The water sure was refreshing though after being locked inside for 4 days straight. Her father had thought she was running off everyday to see a boy so he locked her in her room. He had been in such a terrible mood during those days ... Because she couldn't go anywhere she couldn't get him his liquor which in turn caused for worse beatings than usual. And more drugs administered to her bloodstream. Less liquor equals more torture. It was the simple philosophy of her life and she had summed her life to nothing more than that equation.

She was lucky she could surf. It was the only way she could forget it all. It was a way to avoid the horrible images of her father. It was a release. She let her hands create swirls in the water as she lay on her back, her surfboard keeping her afloat. There were no waves, at least not at the moment, but the ocean still made the soothing sounds that it always made and not too far off you could her children running around on the beach and you could even here some bells from the fishing ships. These were the sounds that calmed her. She loved this about District 4, if nothing else. She thought that that may be the only thing keeping her here.

She knew she should be going, her father would want her back, need his liquor and that equation was a delicate one. But she couldn't leave, not just yet. She had to soak in a bit more of the perfection of the scene around her. The sounds, the tastes, the sights, the feelings. Just a moment longer, I beg.

[bg=000000]

[/td][/tr][/table][/blockquote][/center]

[kiah]

Evaman Walts

Evaman was never classified as normal, not with his disorder or his odd and fallen apart family; their father’s death had a huge impact o them, and Evaman felt that it was his responsibility to take the weight onto his shoulders. So he did. He puts his family first, no matter what. They were the only thing he had left, except for his life-long passion for surfing. Surfing is the only time that he can relax and let his mind wander, but not too much otherwise he might lose control and fall into one of his phases. He can’t really control when the phases occur but he believes that if he can relax his mind and body they might occur less.

He enjoys the peacefulness of walking along the beach listening to the natural sounds, sounds that are meant to be there, sounds that have not been mutilated by the capitols evil plans. The sound of the waves crashing against the shore. The birds singing softly to each other. These are sounds that he has memorised and will always remember.

But nothing can get better than the feel on the water on your soft callused skin, the salt water seeping into your pours rehydrating you’re thirsty skin. Looking past the horizon as the sun sinks, all thecolour paralizing you with the beauty. Sometimes, when Evaman is on his way home, he looks over his shoulder and stops and takes the time to watch Mother Nature perform such a beautiful show. One that even if you watch every day, will never get boring, no matter what.

Today, walking along the beach feeling his toes sink into the sand, he feels the usual peacefulness slide into him, making him remember that this is where he belong, were he can relax, where he can let his mind rest. Looking out into the oceans blue depths he gets the usual rash of excitement. Grabbing a firmer hold on his board Evaman wades further and further into the ocean, until he cannot hear the sounds from the shore. Sliding onto his board he stares at the water beneath him. The ocean was calm today just like the day. Days like this weren’t the best time to surf as there were no waves to catch, but days like this were perfect to lie back against his board and day dream.

Evaman was so engrossed with his thoughts he hadn’t realized that he had drifted. Opening his eyes he examined the water around him and it took him a couple moments to realize that someone else was enjoying the surrounding around them. He looked at the person trying to distinguish if they were male or female, and after a couple of moments he came to the conclusion that she was a female. He was to invcased in his examination that he was caught off guard at the sway of his board, surprised he plunged into the water disturbing the world that surrounded him.

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

AJ couldn't help the anxiety that rose within her. Even with her eyes in the sky, her feet dangling in the sea, hair twisted and curled into curly loops, and fingers twirling pictures in the waves, she couldn't shake the feeling. She knew it was thoughts of her father trying to enter her mind, but it was also the cloud in the sky. Ominous, dark, and gray. It covered the sun so that only little rays could poke through. This little cloud was so much like her father. Ominous, gray, always there, spirit-dampener, drunk. At least, the cloud was drunk with water not liquor. Maybe she should choose the cloud over him ... ?

She knew she must be getting back, that the stakes were getting high. If she didn't go back soon her beatings would certainly be unavoidable. And so would the drugs. She sat up on her board, but still her fingers swirled in the water. Even with the ugly cloud above, she didn't want to leave. This was so hard. Usually it was easy, to leave this place to go get her father liquor somehow, but today it just wasn't possible, at least not yet. She rolled onto her stomach and started to paddle back to the shore. Although there were children on the sandy beach, she knew that wouldn't pay any attention to where she hid her board. No one ever looked her way, not that she deserved their looks. She was in fact worthless as her father said.

Aryn suddenly heard a splash near her. She quickly pulled arms out of the water, assuming some Capitol mutt was trying to get a kill to add to its record. But instead, her eyes found an empty surfboard. There was a boy, not too far away from her, trying to re-enter the world of air. She almost laughed aloud, but knew it was better not to. He was a boy after all ... The utmost respect from females was expected. Her father made sure she knew that too. So, instead of heading back to shore and ignoring the whole thing, she paddled over to where the boy had fallen from his board and stopped. She sat up, waiting for him to resurface. She figured that since he was out on a surfboard that he could in fact swim. She wasn't going to bother helping him out.

She found herself asking the question that she was so used to telling. It left ran over her lips so often now-a-days that it came out without feeling. Honestly she didn't care about this boy and if he couldn't tell now, he would probably be able to tell later when she would leave to go to shore and avoid his good-byes. Or maybe she wouldn't. No ... she couldn't. Somehow her father would find out how disrespectful she had been and beat her even harder for what she had done. So, when the boy resurfaced and she was sure he could hear this time, she asked her question again.

"Are you okay?"

[kiah]

The water was warm and cold against his dark skin at the same time. Underneath the surface of the water, Evaman opens his eyes. He is always surprised at how similar things look beneath the water. It’s like another world, swarming with colours and life. It’s like the dessert just flooded and, well, wet. Clouds cover the sun and the water turns darker, like there’s a storm threatening the life under its power. The weather above the ocean surface affects what the world beneath will be, if the waters angry dangerous and angry, it’s like a storm beneath, if it’s sunny and dream like so will be this secret world. The secret world not many have the opportunity to search.

Evaman stayed under the water till his lungs begged for oxygen. Resurfacing Evaman took several gulps of air replenishing his lungs with the well needed oxygen. Dizzy for a moment, Evaman closed his eyes taking deep steady breathes. In and out he said to himself repeating the order until he could see straight. The water had picked up its pace, making it harder for Evaman to keep his head above the water.

Looking around he sees the girl watching him, suddenly he blushes, he was so embarrassed. He had fallen of his board in front of a girl! Making him look bad and stupid. It took him a second to realize that she was talking to him. Grabbing his board to steady himself he thought about the question that seemed to roll over him just like the waves. Answers passed from shoulder to shoulder. “Yeah, just got caught off guard by a wave.” He says quietly, he’s not sure if she can hear him over the waves which are statedly growing stronger. “ I don’t know about you, but I think I’m going to get out of here, I think a storm might be coming through,” he says louder. Sliding on to his board he starts to paddle back to shore slow at first to see if the girl would follow.

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

Aryn can't remember a time when her life was okay. Maybe perhaps her birth date was something special; possibly a decent day. She could remember when her mother used to read her stories or poems before she went to sleep. At the time, that may have seemed like something good, like a place where the world was a nice place to live. But as she grew older she found out that her age then had blinded her from what the world really was, what was really going on. She can remember now and comprehend the bruises on her mother's face and why her mom always told her to take a walk when her father started yelling and throwing things.

At such a young age it was hard for Aryn to realize how brave her mom was until she was gone. It's hard now not to wish that she could be more like her mom. Brave, fearless, strong, kind, fierce. Why can't I be like her?

Aryn tried to draw her thoughts back to the ocean she was floating on. The waves, the salt, the foam, the weeds, the fish. And a boy. She almost forgot about that factor. He probably spoke to her but she hadn't realized it, her thoughts having clouded her vision. He was already paddling back towards the beach, looking over his shoulder every now and then. She lay back down on her board and began paddling after him, all her vigor being put into the effort. Today was harder to paddle than most. Not just because of the wind, but because of the fresh bruises and cuts on her wrists. Usually she could ignore them, getting used to them over the years, but today it seemed the ocean was against her and the salt seeped easily into her cuts and the waves landed painfully on her wrists.

But she pushed on, ignoring. It wasn't all that hard. Besides she would probably lose all feeling in the next hour anyways. It was only a matter of time now before she had those hallucinations and painful spasms. It only meant passing out and being able to lose touch with the world. Sometimes she saw her mother when she last touch. And that was like a gift. Then it would be wrenched away in a matter of seconds when she awoke to her own blood under fingernails and scratches on her arms. An it's all his fault ...

She reached the beach in no time, wrists still stinging, but disguising themselves easily to any onlooker. The salt might even being helping the cuts. She couldn't tell though. At least her wrists looked okay, decent. They were unnoticeable. Only her father would later notice them and think she had been out cutting herself. The least he could do was try and remember that he had inflicted the wounds ... That's why she knew that she had to get something for him tonight. Maybe it would prevent any harm he planned to give her.

She began walking up the beach, board on her hip, heading for her board's hiding spot. She walked past kids and girls and boys her age and couldn't help but notice all the differences there were. So much more beautiful and handsome and strong and proud. Their parents must be happy with them. Unlike mine ... She suddenly remembered the boy she had just left without saying goodbye. Her father would kill her if he found out. She quickly threw her board in its place and sprinted back to the boy. All she wanted was to go home, to ignore the boy to leave without saying a word. In fact, any male she wanted to ignore, but she knew it would never happen. Her father wouldn't allow it.

"I'm going now. Thank you for bringing me back to shore. Goodbye sir."

She hated using words like that. They were so unnatural, so unbelievable. Bleh! She could just spit them out onto the ground and stomp on them then burn them. But it was what she was taught, and it allowed for no boy to want to hit her. It had to be hard to have an excuse for hitting a girl for talking too nice. And if anything it scared them away or weirded them out. It helped with getting away form them quickly.

[kiah]

The knock on the door brought both my mother and me, hiding shyly behind my mother’s leg, to our old rotten door. “Sorry madam, but we have some bad news for you. Mind if I come in?” he announced letting himself in to the house.
”Sure, what’s wrong?” My mother asked, face pale, but wiped of any other emotion, but her voice giving her away, by quivering with worry.
“It’s your husband. He’s been killed,” the man’s voice was grave but soft and gentle for my mother’s sake, “he was a great man,” he continues,” his last words proved that he wasn’t afraid of death, that it was his turn and he understood. There will never be another man like him....... goodbye, sir... that was the last words he said, always so loyal.” As the man said the last words his voice was so quiet you could barely hear what he had said, his eyes glistening with tears, just like Evaman’s mothers.

..... Goodbye, sir.......

The words echoed through his head. A wave of grief and exhaustion washed over him. Goodbye, sir..... Goodbye, sir. The words melt into his brain. They felt so familiar, but definitely words he did not want to hear. They were words that he wanted to forget. The words brought grief to his family, they would never forget that day. Tears built up in his eyes, it wasn’t often that Evaman cried, but his bipolar was playing up, and he missed his father dearly. The tears stung his eyes, running quietly down his cheeks, making them saltier than they originally were.

Hastily Evaman wiped his tears away from his eyes, accidently rubbing sand in his eyes, could his life get much worse. The girl must think he’s a wimp, a coward, too see a man cry must be very amusing to her, and would most likely make her day.

The sand in his eyes stung and made him very uncomfortable, but Evaman tried really hard to not show how hurt he was, physically and mentally, he had already shown to much emotion in front of this girl. A stranger, she didn’t need to see anymore. But no matter how much he tried to control his emotions tears still kept pouring out, and within moments Evaman was sobbing uncontrollably. Why did his father have to die? Especially when the family needed him the most.

Slowly Evaman sat down on the sandy ground, not looking to see if it was wet or contained any uncomfortable objects. From where Evaman sat he cried, sobs racking his body as he fought to control himself.

Evaman hadn’t cried like this in months, since his last depressed phase, that was when he was much younger. Last time Evaman was like this he had cut his wrist, saying to himself that it helped with the mental pain by turning it into physical pain. With his depression he stayed isolated in a corner forgot the world around him, during this period he wished he was dead. This was when his family needed him the most and the guilt almost drove him crazy.

This time he had to fight through it, for his family. But all Evaman thought like doing was to collapse on the floor and stay there for the rest of his life; he was so tired of everything. In a way he knew the cause for this phase to come on so quick, after weeks of fighting his feelings he lets his guard down, and had let his feelings over power him. And now Evaman was going to pay for it and he knew it. His moods will be unpredictable over the next couple of weeks, and people that don’t know him, and know him will be hurt and there will be nothing he could do about it.

After his breakdown he doesn’t look up to see if the girl is still there, because he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care about anything, anymore. Hunched in a ball continued crying letting the sobs take control of his body, forgetting the world around himself.

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

Aryn almost left. After those words, she almost sprinted away. It would've been easy, ignoring all things around her for the rest of the day. Except maybe the feelings, smells, sights, and sounds of the ocean. She was sure that those things were the only things that kept her sane and on the ground. But what was so bad about leaving the ground? Floating away might be just what she needed ... Take me now ...

But she never turned. Instead she watched. The boy stood, then crumpled into the sand, sand sticking to his wet skin as he did so, then did what she had never seen any male do before. The boy cried. No, he didn't cry, he turned himself into a complete wreck. His entire body shook, his cries echoed. But all Aryn could do was watch. Was this boy like mocking her or something? Had he seen her in one of her fits before? No ... He was hurt. Not physically like she was at the moment, but mentally. Which was a similarity between the two of them. Mental damage.

So there really was no way to save this boy. If his situation was like hers, there was no way of healing him, the wound was already there and already beginning to seal itself and create a scar. Actually, the situation felt more like the re-opening of a very old scar. But Aryn knew better than anyone else that the scar wasn't visible to anyone but herself. Wounds healed into scars, but scars always remained. And then new wounds showed themselves and new scars arose. And that only meant more pain would remain on the tattered, cut and scarred soul. All pain remained, hidden to those looking on. But this boy, to Aryn, the scars seemed so visible. She wasn't blind to the way the world worked, all of the evil that lurked around.

She had looked down upon him long enough. He didn't seem to care that she was there, in fact he didn't seem to care who heard or saw. Aryn sat down next to him, legs folded. She wasn't sure he needed to be touched. And if he acted like her when this happened to her, she was positive he wouldn't want to be touched. So she just sat, her hands folded in her lap. She counted the creases in her hands, crevices so deep, sand rolling in them. The boy was only background noise now, not even a distraction. Why should he be? To her, this was usual.

It was as if she was watching herself ...

[kiah]

Evaman Cried. And cried. He didn’t stop until know more tears would come. But even after they stopped coming, the ragged breathing and faint hiccups stayed. He fought to breathe evenly, taking in deep breathes and hold, then breathing out. It calmed him in a way, until he started getting dizzy. His eyes were puffy and red, just the way they were years ago, when he was told about his father’s death. The thought brought back dry sobs. Was this ever going to end? He thought to himself. Was the pain and grief ever going to disappear? Was his life always going to be this miserable?

Ev shifted to a different position, but not without the cramps and aches, telling him that they were stiff and tired of being in the same spot for such a long time. Suddenly he looked up, the sky had darkened, and the clouds had become bigger and more threatening, and the smell of rained threatened the life living in district 10. How long had he been sitting here? He could barely remember where he was, or if anyone was with him-

Suddenly Ev remembered that there was a girl here before he had the breakdown. He looked around himself to find the girl sitting beside him staring at him but making no movement to comfort him and tell him that everything was going to be alright. This comforted Ev, though, and he was grateful that she didn’t, because it might not have ended well for both of them. You see when Ev is in this type of state, emotionally, it’s good to keep your distance, as he might physically harm you, not on purpose but, sort of, out of fear.

Ev was a bit embarrassed by his performance. And ashamed. Men don’t cry, and especially not in front of people, and Ev had just shown this girl how weak he can be. How at some little, polite, words that he can crumble into a pile of crumbs and stay there for hours.

He looked carefully at the girl now studying her but her face showed no emotion, it was blank. She was playing with her hands, as though this scene didn’t worry her, or it might be common for her to be in this situation, really Ev was just playing with words trying to work this girl out. Why had she stayed, and not just have walked away, and left him to defend himself of his own emotions?

Ev wanted to know more about the girl. What was her name? Does she enjoy life? What colour did she like? Ev wanted to know so much about the girl, there was something about her that he was drawn too he wanted to find out more about her.Ev was surprised at the urgency that he felt to know more about the girl, and also surprised at how the thought had crept into his mind, now controlling him. The thought ate at his mind he had to know more. Why? He didn’t know.

“What’s your name?’’ he asked keeping his voice low and soft.

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

Have you ever looked in a mirror that wasn't made of glass? A reflection that wasn't in the water? Well it's quite amazing when you finally see yourself clearly. It's almost like the world starts to turn in a different way than it had before, like you can get a whole new perspective on things. Watch yourself grow and learn and teach and understand. It is almost like a kind of rare art; beautiful and unique. And then you realize that it isn't actually you but another person, someone who looks exactly like you. Not in a physical sense, no - That would be insane, It's more an emotional sense, as a whole person you match them. Does that qualify as a soulmate?

---

Aryn never let her eyes leave the boy. Even as the sky grew darker and the sun continued to disappear her eyes remained on him. She had never focused so much on any single being before in hre life, not even her mother. How she wished she had though. If she had just taken the time to study her mother maybe she wouldn't be forgetting her face right now. Maybe the sound of her voice would still fill her ears as if she was right next to her. Maybe if she had noticed her more, studied her more closely, she could just magically reappear right here, right this instant. But of course, she had never looked at her the way she looked at this boy, and so her hopes would never come true. Her mother was truly gone.

But this boy ... She wasn't going to forget. Already she could memorize the way he looked; his eyes, hair, teeth, ears, chin, limbs, torso. It seemed that no matter how much she hated men that this boy rolling on the ground in front of her didn't fit into the category with the other guys. He was something else. Someone else. Me. OKay, he was a guy and she was a girl and physically, well, they didn't match but she knew that he was her. Maybe the world was blind to that, maybe it wasn't, but Aryn was sure that they matched. She didn't have to liek the boy, in fact she was almost positive that she hated him, but he was different. She liked that part of him. She liked how he matched.

His tears began to slow, his sobs began to become quieter, he was beginning to sit-up. Aryn wished with all her might to see inside of him. Would his eyes let her see that? He looked right at her, a bit of confusion on his face. But it almost instantly disappeared and was replaced with something else. She couldn't read it though; actually, she didn't care. She only wanted to see him. Where was he hiding? Where would I hide?

"What's your name?"

"Aryn." she replied simply, still searching. "And you?"

[kiah]

The thought ate him up on the inside, this girl is such a mystery to him, a mystery he wanted to solve. Ev watched the girl, and he felt that she was familiar, but he knew he had never met her before, but.... this girl he reminded Ev of someone, someone he was or is very close with, it just didn’t pop up into his head. He started to become restless, but the thought and eagerness ploughed on. A Mystery.....

Evamans eyes never left the girl. The question only hung in the air for a moment before her voice echoed though Ev’s head. Aryn.... it was a pretty name Ev thought as he let it roll over his tongue, it seemed to match her. Her eyes never left Evaman as she answered the question, to bring upp another one. His name? Evaman knew he was known around the place, but not for a good reason, one that he is ashamed of but has no say in. He was known as the boy with a problem, the one with major moods swings.

Reluctant to say his name he looked away. Was he being selfish? Did it look really rude? Would she want to leave as soon as the name left his mouth, knowing that he could go into a phase any moment? Summoning some courage form deep down Ev turned his gaze back to the girl. E looked her right in the eyes, as though they held the answer he was looking for. But they showed not much emotion, but he did see something, but he couldn’t place what it was.

Evaman took a huge breathe, as though he was preparing himself for a speech, but of course there was no speech, just a simple word that fell out of his mouth as though it was a stone trying to free its self. “Evaman”. The word hung in the air. Evaman couldn’t ho0ld the girls gaze anymore, as he turned away he felt the blush in his cheeks reddening, he was afraid of what the girl would think. Would she thik he was a creature one to stay away from?

[/justify]

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

The caves were empty, dark, cold. I could hear the soft drip-drop of water tapping the rocky bottom in a rhythmic patter. There was no longer a flow in this underground river, no more flooding. But still, the cave, brown and dark, was still empty. Everything in front of me is untouchable, unreadable, unreachable. The walls told stories but because there was no light I couldn't read the stories. I can feel them etched and carved into the muddy wall. My hands pick up dirt that sticks as I glide them across the wall. I hold my earth filled hand to my face, my nose. I can smell the beauty in it. The walls must look beautiful, the stories must be well told and extraordinary. I could live here in this deep, brown cave forever. Maybe then my eyes would finally adjust to the dark and I could finally read the long lost stories etched into the sides of the cave.

I look into your eyes and that is what I see.

Aryn continued to stare at the boy. Still no secrets revealed, and still no reply to her question. She felt she already knew the answer and wasn't sure if she was even listening. She was almost positive that she hadn't decided to listen to anything he had to say until he turned away from her. Her hands ball into fists in the sand, its grainy features cutting her still raw hands. Her jaw clamped tighter shut and she felt her teeth grind together. Why was anger rising within her now? The boy showed signs of submission but Aryn felt anger bubble inside her. Was it because she couldn't read his mind and his life stories or because this boy was causing her to fail in her efforts to read the stories inside him. The hidden mysteries hidden in the deep brown eyes that somehow resembled a big blue ocean. Why isn't he letting me see!?

Before she rose to her feet ion anger the boy turned his eyes back on her. It was as if all anger washed away instantly at the sight of his eyes. He pulse slowed, her fists let the wet sand fall away, and the muscles all over her body relaxed. It was almost instant, like no anger had ever entered in her. Why couldn't all her worries be solved this way? She knew the answer but ignored it. None of her worries would ever be solved, they would forever continue to ruin her life. And she deserved it, the filth that her father said she was. It was all true too, the only thing her father didn't lie about.

His name. Evaman. His voice had almost missed her ears again, but this time Aryn was making it a point to pay attention. She knew his lips would never tell the story, at least not without provocation. Or maybe all he wanted was her story ... No. He was trying to read her she realized as his eyes met hers for longer than expected. But he eventually turned away, afraid of something. Or so it appeared to her. Did he already see her story? No, no, no, no ... She stood, different sorts of thoughts running through her head. He couldn't have seen, there was no way. Her thoughts, she was so sure they were hidden, she was sure her stories would never be told to anyone, that they would remain mysteries forever. Had this boy -Evaman- had he just looked his way into her stories. Was he now ashamed to have met her?

It was time to leave. Her withdrawal effects were beginning to kick in. Her vision was blurring, dark figures were floating around in front of her. She tried to blink them away, but they were still their. She needed to stay strong just a bit longer ... Just hold on ... She crouched back down into the sand, face to face with the boy, except it wasn't him anymore. It was someone else, someone she didn't recognize at first. Her mom. She was laying perfectly still, undisturbed in the sand, but looking up at her. So real ... It was her, it had to be. I bent over her and my lips met her forehead. She was so beautiful, so clean and shiny and new. But her body suddenly transformed, swallowed by black and replaced with something else. Her father stood over her now, throwing beetles at her. The bugs bit her and she screamed as they tried to crawl inside her, digging into her skin. She clawed at them, but they continued to eat away at her skin. She screamed, but there was no one around her that could help. only darkness ... Filled with her father's laughter.

[kiah]

Water surged around him. The surface, unreachable. What was happening to him? Flash of white resulted in an agonising pain to his cheek. Red filled the water. Urgency to reach the surface increased, only for a gulp of air that would stop him from choking on his pain.....

Evaman released his grip on his necklace; he had gripped it so hard, now blood dripped from his hand, like a dripping tap, a continuous flow. It was the tooth, the one that hang around his neck, to remind him how dangerous the sea was. But to him it didn’t only metaphor the sea, but life. Nowhere is safe no matter how hard you try, otherwise people wouldn’t be dying every day, of sickness, or just because they’re sick of life but that’s the way it is. Nothing people can do. The ocean is the same, you enter the water you put your life at danger. But what is life, without danger? Then what would be the point of living?

But too much? Then you life goes down the drain. You become miserable with no point of living. You feel there is no need for you to exist in the world, if you do nothing to help it change, to improve for the better. Evaman often feels like this, when his low phase kicks in, but he continues to live, as he knows that it won’t last forever. But looking at this girl now, and what he has seen of her today, is soo much different, he hadn’t seen her smile once, not even a not pf glee in her voice. Just sadness, and no wish to stay in this world any longer.

In a way she looked like him, when he was in his low stages. She looked so familiar. With new thoughts his heads, ones that are reasonably positive Evaman turned around. But what he saw he didn’t expect. She had crouched down in front of him, but it didn’t look right. She was so still, Evaman didn’t even know if she was breathing. He started to panicked, he couldn’t handle it if she just died here in front of him he knew nothing of her. He looked into her eyes hoping to read what was wrong with her as though he was reading a book, but the book says nothing, just like her eyes. Then suddenly, it’s like her face explodes, all emotions are blossom on her face, the first one makes her look so beautiful, she is happy and relieved, a smile lights up her face, like the moon lighting up the night sky, it is so beautiful. But then it disintegrates into a face full of terror.

Evaman couldn’t look at the face a moment later it brought back memories he was trying to forget, memories that could summon a look of terror equal to the one plastered on Aryn, right now. He looked away, but the fear for something bad happening brought his eyes back to her face. He had no idea what to do, what was going on. Still there. The world spun around him. What was he supposed to do? Sit there and watch her, as though everything was going to be alright? Try and comfort her? But he knew the last doubt in his mind was wrong, she was like him, she would most likely aperciate not being touched, or comforted. She, like him, might take offence to it, knowing that life would never be alright. So Ev sat there and waited, eyes never leaving the girl for a moment, alert for if she needed him.

Really, this reminded him of himself, just before, when he broke down.... but still he didn’t know how to handle it. Is this what she had felt?

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

You. You aren't worth anything. You are worthless. Completely and utterly worthless. It's so simple and easy to pit on you because you mean nothing to me. You are nothing, not only to me but to everyone. No human - scratch that - no living thing could love you or even remotely like you. No living thing could even keep you as a pet because you aren't even worth that much. I think having a year's worth garbage thrown all over the house is better than having to deal with you for a single minute. The simplest tasks can't even get done with you around. You aren't even decent as a money making whore. No one would ever take you, no man would choose you over all the other real treats in the world. Why do you insist upon living? Why not just die? I know you wouldn't be missed. Not by me, not by the neighbors, not by the dirt on my shoes. You know why? Cause you aren't respected by any of them. No one should respect you because you are the lowest life I know. You deserve nothing from anyone ever because you are the worthless whore. The only thing anyone likes about you is me. All you have is me. Why don't you respect that? Trash. Worthless trash. You are lucky to be here ...

---------------

When the world doesn't help you escape the hole that you were born into, how can you trust the world? The hole in the ground seems to be leading me somewhere, but why should I care about that place? This place has never cared for me so why should I care about what it wants me to find? Sure it is probably a better place, or possibly even a darker place, but my eyes are filling with dirt and my lungs are collapsing from the pressure. I see the light, but I know that it isn't the sun ... I'm being buried before my death, but still I remain alive and living. Everyone looks at me but no one notices that I am dying, slowly, painfully. I may seem alive but if anyone cared enough to look closer they would find that I am not just a dying person ... But I also can't be saved. I have been buried too deep for too long and it is too late. I am already dead.

---

Aryn felt her skin crawling. She knew what she was like in these situations. Rolling and thrashing around on the ground, screaming, grunting, gasping, clawing and her own skin, eyes wide, and completely unpredictable. Usually she went home to endure these attack, but today had been different. Instead she had attempted to stay and watch a boy. What a waste. How pointless. Right? He was probably watching her right now, thrashing around getting sand in her hair as she rolled around on the beach. She hated when people saw her like this. She hated knowing that she was doing this and still not able to control her fear of the things that flashed in front of her. She knew they were fake and nothing was there but her mind told her otherwise, and so, she continued to be afraid. But whether she was afraid of the hallucinations or herself, she was unsure.

Aryn tried to ignore the feeling in her skin and the flesh eating beetles she saw all over her body. Usually if she just let them eat her alive she would grow unconscious and wake up a bloody mess after clawing at her skin for so long. But this time, she couldn't avoid the urge to attack herself and get rid of the insects crawling around her. She tried to stand up but they held her down. She coughed and coughed and she found that they had crawled into her throat and lungs and were eating her from the inside out. She tried to scream but she found that she couldn't. But through the mess of bugs she saw a glow. Brighter than the sun, brighter than a nuclear explosion at close range, brighter than anything she had ever seen. It glowed and the bugs left her body, screeching away in terror as the light expanded and swelled and almost seemed to consume her. It was warm, comforting, serene. This had never happened to her before and she was sure that she was unconscious now, sleeping in the sand. This was a dream. Not a nightmare or hallucination but a dream. She let the light consume her as she walked towards it. As she grew closer it seemed that the glow was a person, a figure, perhaps and angel? Aryn wasn't sure, but she was sure that she was not frightened of this person and this person was not an enemy. Only a savior.

I feel connected to this savior, this entity. "Thank you."I whisper as I let myself gravitate towards this persons warmth. I can't even make out his or her face, not even their features or clothing if they have any. But I walk closer and can't help myself from trying to find their eyes. I love this person, more than they could ever know, This dream, it was something beautiful, something different than her normal life. This glowing figure had not just saved her from her hallucinations, but had at least temporarily saved her from her life. Was this death? I looked into the eyes of what I now presumed to be death, who I now know as a savior and lay a kiss upon his or her lips. I still cannot differentiate whether death is female or male or young or old or fat or skinny, but I do know that my lips are touching that of Death's. My eyes are closed and I can feel the touch warm against my lips. I feel warm and tender as I pull away, The kiss of Death had just made my life bearable.

But as my eyes open I no longer see the beautiful glow of Death. Instead I see someone else. Different eyes, lips, body, form, figure. Confusion does not have time to cross my face I fall into Evaman's arms, unconscious. My hallucinations had led me to believe in things that weren't true and I realize as I close my eyes as I fall asleep that I had just kissed and fallen in love with none other than Death. But Death had been a hallucination, something unreal. So, as I fall into a deeper darkness, I figure I just kissed a boy I barely know. And I wonder if I will remember this ... But deep down, I know I won't, and I will wake up in a daze and remember nothing except that my father needs his liquor.

[kiah]

Her face, was terrified, trying to handle whatever that was going though her head. Through her head. What was going through her head? What was happening to her? If only there was a way Evaman could enter her mind, and comfort her, tell her everything was going to be all right, that he wasn’t going to let anything happen to her. That she was safe in his hands. That no matter how little time little time that they knew each other wouldn’t stop him, he wasn’t going to leave, because honestly who could leave someone like this, so afraid, so scared, so.... vulnerable.

Evaman never let his eye stray from her for very long, now and then he would look out into the ocean to feel at peace, until he glance back over at the girl who lay beside him thrashing and scratching at her skin as though there was something there that she couldn’t get rig off. Something there that was causing her pain and fear. It scared Evaman to see someone so scared, yet he couldn’t do anything because no matter how many times he tried to talk to her he never got an answer she would start thrashing around screaming and clawing at her skin.

The screaming took him back though the present and into the past. Back to when his father was alive. Back to when Evaman had felt afraid. To when he was most afraid, back to his shark attack. It was the worst experience he had ever experienced, but that never stopped him from re-entering the moment and the actual attack wasn’t the scariest part, it was the thought that his father would never take him in the water gain, never surf with him again, never spend time with him again. Ev’s passion for surfing developed out of his love for his father, and without surfing he would never have gotten to know his father. So in words it’s elf surfing was his life saver, the only way he was able to love his father.

Aryn screaming brought Evaman focus back to the present, the sun had sunk lower in the sky, framing the ocean with its beauty, the only disturbance to this picture was the girl side him, but he refused to leave her side. He couldn’t handle it anymore the screaming had drawn him closer to her, he wanted to hold her to calm her down, to comfort her, but he knew that he shouldn’t touch her, after all it might scare her and send her deeper into the fit.

Being unable to resist any longer, Evaman pulled her into his arms, gently but firmly. The moment his skin touched hers the thrashing stopped and her breathing slowed down. In his arms, like this, she almost looked peaceful. Her eyes fluttered gently under her eye lids, and occasionally her thin lips would twitch, but every movement looked natural in Evaman’s eyes. At every passing moment she seemed to fall into a deeper sleep, the peacefulness turning her face soft and delicate.

Evaman didn’t know what he was doing when he realised that he had made a move to kiss her, but an urgent tug drawled him forward. Thoughts that he couldn’t record raced through his mind confusing him. What was happening? What was he doing? Before he knew it he felt his lips touch hers, soft and gentle. Her lips were warm and comforting, pure and innocent. She pulled away and took a step back her eyes dazed and confused and then without warning she fell forward.

Then again she was in his arms, but it felt different this time. She wasn’t in a peaceful sort of stance, her face was wiped of emotion and she lay a dead weight in his arms. He started to panicked. Was she dead, had Evaman killed her, would she ever open her eyes again, ones that Evaman wanted to see so badly, just to know that she is alive.

Slowly he world around Evaman crumbled...

[/size]

[arx!!]

--- Aryn Jacckson ---

The dark is always a greeting for rest. Whether it be a simple sleep in the night or the eternal sleep where the dark just never disappears. But when darkness meets your eyes, you will rest. In some way, you will rest and rest in peace. So why are we so scared of the dark? Why do we cringe away from the dark and twisted night? We all know what going towards the light means for us, and yet we gravitate towards it. Why not embrace what means rest? Why do we fear the dark when the light is the enemy?

---

The blood is all I taste. It flows through my teeth in a similar way syrup would and surprisingly the taste is soothing, familiar. I can't move my body, for it has not awakened from the stupor it has entered. Exhaustion is tangling itself into my muscles, relaxing them. I know I am existent on Earth, visible to everyone, but I still cannot feel a thing. I think I have disappeared. My eyes, though closed, go on seeing my surroundings. How? I cannot figure, but I do know that I can see everything, all of it in front of me. I fear that I am not breathing, that perhaps I can't feel myself dying. But I quickly find that my chest is rising and falling, even if just ever so slightly. I know I can't feel anything, but I know that there is someone near me, maybe even touching me, my bare skin.

The sand beneath me signals a beach, the sparkling landscape before me signals the moonlight bouncing off the waves of the ocean, and the big, dark sky above my head signals a beautiful night. The fishing nets and the large piers signal a large industry of fishing, and this in turn means District 4. This is where I live, this is my home, this is me. Oh, yes. My name, my age, my father, my dead mother. I can feel life returning to my body as the memories flood back to my mind. My muscles are awakening, twitching, tensing. My eyes are blinking, my breath is deeper, fuller, I can take the deep breaths I need. I can swallow down the blood in my mouth, I can feel the spot where I bit my cheek, I can feel sand entering the deep and bloodied scratches on my arms. My arms, I realize, burn with pain. My eyes are watering, tearing up, crying. But this is not because of the pain, for pain is something I welcome. Instead, I cry because I of the drugs. They mess with my head, make me think I'm said when I know I am not. I know I am fine, and yet, her I lay in the sand, tears streaming down my face.

I have not yet moved, my body still stiff. How long has it been? What day is it? What time is it? My head begins to ache and suddenly I m aware that I am moaning, wriggling a bit in the sand. I sit up, but the world before me swirls like a painting I had seen once where the moon and stars and mountains and ocean swirl into one big landscape of bright and dark. I am able to stand, but walking just doesn't work right, my feet do not fall where I need them to in order to maintain my balance. I stagger and sway and fall to my knees, but still I find myself unable to move forward. I find myself laying face down, my need to move forward becoming greater until I find myself attempting to speak. "Help ... Help ..." But I can only manage whispers as my throat feels scratchy. I lay in the sand, hoping that the world will stop spinning and someone will hear me. Hope, hope, hope.

Where has death gone?