Nobody Knows What It Means (Morgana)

[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

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Main~ffc540
Speaking~ffb100
Charm~ff9c00
Obsession~ffbi40
Self-Doubt~a05a1c
Other's Speech~a66d00

If there is anything not terrible in District Eight, it is the fact that we have enough left over wool to stay warm when it gets to the colder months of the year. These get made into wool coats that are as ugly as deformed sheep. The worst part about these ugly coats is that they are not form fitting (not like I have any form to fit, I'm just the ugly fucking duckling. My devil sister Demi is the one with the curves. I hate her!)

My coat is too big, too lumpy, it goes down to my ankles, and it is supposed to go down to my knees. Not surprisingly, it's a hand-me-down from the best fucking sister in the whole of this terrible country, Panem. Nobody even wants to come up to me, I'm too ugly and pathetic, nobody could ever like me, (why would they even want to talk to me?) Even the ugly boys don't stop to look, I'm to ugly for them.

Life has just been too much for me, so I've turned to the best option, drugs. They are so nice, they make me ever so slightly less depressed. The world spins around me from must a little bit of whatever I do, the bland landscape turns into pretty colors. I look into the mirror and I see a sexy beast, there is no way it could be me, it just cannot be. I spin around, nobodies there. Damn girl, you is a sexy beast. If anyone else were on the street they would be checkin you out. All thats there are some creepy looking green and blue things, and their changing colors. Oh my god, its amazing.

Everything is looking so pretty, the colored thingies turn into sheep and start running towards me. The start hitting me, but I feel nothing. Actually, they are just staying in the same place as before and hitting me at the same time. They morph into ghosts now and I try to run through them. Ghosts are supposed to be seeable but not actually there, right? I run into one and it is like running into a marshmallow. It is so squishy and soft, and sticky at the same time. OH MY GOD EW! My whole body is covered in sticky stuff. GET IT OFF ME! Get it off! This is so gross.

The marshmallow starts to make sheep noises at me, why is a marshmallow making sheep noises? This is so weird. I giggle at the bahing marshmallow, that isn't possible. That makes no sense, why is there a sheepmallow? Like really, what is going on here. The marshmallow is blue now, why? It pushes me down! Mean marshmallow. I never want to eat you again! I need to go tell my sister that Marshmallows are mean and cannot be trusted! They are going to take over the world and kill us all! What if she dies, my perfect sister. I look like her now, it's amazing. I'm so pretty and sexy. All boy must want me now, they have to protect me from the marshmallows! If they don't the marshmallow people are going to kill me with their pretty lights and sharp squish!

Getting up is impossible, so I crawl on the ground covered in stuff that lights up when I touch it. It is so pretty, oh my god. Lighting up blue and green and orange and red and all of those other colors. I've never seen cooler stuff in my life, why don't they have this in the games. I would love watching people getting killed with lighting up ground. Maybe they could have marshmallow people kill tributes. That would be so cool. If I were a tribute and Marshmallow people came I would just laugh, like, pretty marshmallows that want to eat me. What a cool death!

I get far enough away from those awesome, scary marshmallow people, and I lie against the portal in the wall. It is a pretty deep blue, it is amazing. I wish I could sit here forever, away from the cute marshmallows with the awesome pretty colored ground on my feet, who wouldn't, all of this stuff is just so cool.

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[Morgana]

Caden McCaughtery

I remember crowds
Where you stand alone right now.

Mondays suck. It's common knowledge. It's the day teachers spring a pop quiz on you, the day you remember that enormous project that's due, and the day the bullies decide to beat you up. Honestly, I had it coming. I don't allow myself to get beat up unless there's a good reason. Telling someone that the particular shade of yellow they're wearing is a monstrosity that looks like it came out of a cat's mouth is a good enough reason for me. How can you live in District Eight and have such a horrible fashion sense? People are probably rebelling due to the terrible clothes we're forced to wear. It's sad, really. Peacekeepers should focus their attention on those of us that dress badly. The world would be so much more peaceful if we all knew how to match.

The boys that beat me up thought they were getting revenge for what I said. I prefer to think that I'm a martyr. Martyrs are always remembered. Except for that old guy that was trampled by a cart last year when he said he refused to move until the Capitol sent him a turkey dinner. But he was crazy, so I don't think that counts.

My ribs hurt, and I'm pretty sure I have some bruises on my arms and legs. It won't be easy going to sleep tonight, seeing as it'll be nearly impossible to find a comfortable position. At least I'm not limping. Mom always gets worried when I limp. And when i tell her it's no big, she thinks I'm lying because I don't want to make a big deal about it. Which is true. Even if my bullies were expelled from school for what they do to me, it wouldn't stop a thing. They'd just drag me into an alley and beat the shit out of me. Needless to say, they'd enjoy every minute. Besides, I don't care. Someday they'll be working for me and wearing my designs. They'll treat me like a god, and if I so much as mention their past torments, they'll beg for forgiveness and kiss my feet. Just three more years, and I can start working.

It's unusually sunny today, so the walk home from school is actually enjoyable. The streets are bustling, people crowding everywhere, pushing to get where it is they need to go. Giant pillow-like clouds float low in the sky. You could almost touch them, I think. Someone shoves into me. I look up, trying to figure out who pushed me. And then I see her. A girl my age, maybe older, crawling along the dirty, trash-infested road. She stops by a building and leans against it. Something's wrong with her, I can tell that from one glance. People don't just go crawling through the streets for no good reason. I pull out of the crowd and make my way toward her. When I get to her, I crouch in front of her so I can see her better. "Hey, are you okay?"

I don't have much experience with drugs - or alcohol, for that matter - but even I can tell she's high. Being high, being on a crowded street, and being a girl is a terrible combination. She could get kidnapped or raped or something if she's not careful. I really don't want to be the one to help her, because honestly, I don't know what to do. But it doesn't look like anyone else plans on helping her, so that just leaves me. I try to remember what my health teacher said to do if one of your friends gets high. Roll them on their side? No, that's if they're crazy drunk. I rack my brain, but I can't think of a single thing. The best thing would be to bring her somewhere to wait it out. But where? Who knows how long this girl's been high, or how long it'll take to get the drugs out of her system! The only place I can think of is home. And Mom and Dad wouldn't be too pleased to discover I'd brought a random high girl I found on the street home. Still, it's better than nothing.

"Come on," I say, pulling on her arm to get her upright. "I'm going to take care of you, don't worry." What am I getting myself into?

[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

[/center]

Just when I think that Marshmallow man is gone for good (which he should be, I can't even see him. All I see is the pretty light up ground stuff,) he comes back and leans over me. He was the guy talking before, oh my God he is going to kill me. I start backing away into the black hole as fast as I can, but I'm not moving. He is going to murder and rape my beautiful new body. NO, I WON'T LET HIM! I AM TOO BEAUTIFUL RIGHT NOW TO LET THAT HAPPEN! He keeps getting closer with ever step. Oh My God, oh my GOD! OH My GOD! I'm dead, I know it. Don't kill me marshmallow man, I need to live. Life is so awesome, with this light up ground that I've never seen before. I need to come here more often, it is just so pretty here. How did I not know about this place.

I start to giggle, and then I realize that the Marshmallow is upon me, it looks like his squish is engulfing me but I DON'T FEEL IT! What is going on! He already killed me, now I'm dead. It feels so weird, everything is so alive. The Marshmallow man is still there! Why is he following me into death, why can't he just stay back with the living. I try to hit him but I fail. I try scolding him but instead just giggle at the thought of scolding a giant, human-shaped marshmallow. Bad Marshmallow Man! Bad! No Killing Humans, stupid Marshmallow, they are your friends. I mean, honestly, what type of marshmallow attacks humans.

Now he's telling me that he wants to eat me, but he already did that. How am I even hearing him though, his fluff engulfed me, I'm hearing his thoughts. Wow! This is so amazing, I'm in a marshmallow! I bet nobody else has ever done that, I'm just too cool for all of them clearly. The first ever person in a marshmallow, whatever my name is. I'll be so admired for my accomplishments, everyone will think I'm totally awesome and everything. The best and most coolest person in the world!

Marshmallow man starts to drag me and I try to fight back, my efforts are more futile than anything. I cannot even lift a hand to him, my attempts are mostly me hitting myself with my un-engulfed hand. Like seriously, how can a marshmallow be so strong, he is like totally cramping my style. I was so happy sitting on the ground in that light up ground place, it was so amazing there too. I need to tell my big sister about it, she'll think it's awesome. I look back and now there is a giant dog there, it is really mean looking. I remember these badass things, and oh my god it is a hellhound! It starts running at me, I try to hold onto Marshmallow man's hand even tighter, but somehow my grip falls out.

Even though he is not dragging me anymore, I am still being dragged. What the hell is going on, it is like he has me on a leash or something. Maybe he put one of those awesome child leashes on me, those are just so cool. The hellhound is falling behind, I start to giggle. Marshmallow man must be taking me to his house. Maybe it is a gingerbread house, with all the little gummy drops and icing and everything. That would be amazing. I'll eat my way through the chocolate chains that I am going to be imprisoned in and then I'll eat my way out of the house! I'm going to get so fat, but it is going to be so amazing!

Marshmallow dude grabs my arm again, he is really sticky, except I don't feel sticky anymore. It must have been my mind playing tricks on me, after all, marshmallows are only sticky if they are touched by anything wet. Clearly I am not sticky. The hound thing is gone now, I can't wait to be at the marshmallows house. He turns a corner and it is amazing. It looks like a giant gingerbread house that my mom and sister made without me in the winter every year. The only difference now is that I will be able to eat everything, and back then I was not allowed to touch it. If I touched those houses they would tell me how much they hate me and then they would beat me. Those people are so mean, everyone is, only marshmallows are nice! They treat you will before killing you, feed you with all the sweets you want until you are nice and plump. The marshmallows are so merciful, with their marshmallow swords and gumdrop bullets. They even have giant gummy sheep to do their killing. I can't wait for the gummy sheep to come, I will take a bite out of its pretty colorful fur!

Somehow he takes me through the chocolate pretzel doorway, it is so awesome in here, there is frosting everywhere. It is so pretty. The next thing I can tell is being put on a bed of Cotton CANDY! This is so amazing, I love this so much. I try to eat the cloud under me but it wont cooporate. Stupid cotton candy cloud, I will eat you soon enough. Just make it easy for me, okay cloud. OKAY! Why do you never listen to me.

For no reason at all tears start to fall from my eyes. The tears are not of joy or sadness, just nothing. It is like I cannot control my body in this candy world of heaven. It is like anything that the marshmallow man imagines is created, it is just so amazing. He probably has the orange gummy bears for workers, with giant hats on their heads and gumdrop noses. I want to see one now, LIKE RIGHT NOW! They must be so very cute! I try closing my eyes but all that greats me is the scary marshmallow man, smiling creepily at me. I open them and I see a room filled with nothing at all. I can feel stuff around me and I can feel the cotton candy bed, but I can't see it. Everything is covered in a vail of light! OH WOW! This is SO COOL! I want to stay in this gingerbread house forever and ever and ever and ever!

[/color]


OOC: Morgana said it was okay for me to do those slight powerplays, for obvious reasons may I add.[/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[Morgana]

Caden McCaughtery

I remember celebrations.

It's a good thing I didn't think this would easy. Otherwise, I would have quite a wake-up call. As soon as I start pulling the girl after me, she writhes in my grip, tries to hit me, get me away from her. She probably has no idea who I am or what I'm doing, so I just keep trying to pull her up and after me. People on the street stop to stare. They shouldn't. It's none of their business, and when I shout at them to stop staring, a few go red and turn away. The rest shift around uncomfortably, but don't seem to care enough to resume their daily lives. They probably haven't seen something this interesting in weeks. Their own lives are too boring, I guess, so they have to watch others to get their satisfaction.

After a while, she gets pretty quiet and just lets me lead her. I check to make sure she's still okay a few times, just to be sure she hasn't keeled over or fallen asleep or something. But I guess she wouldn't be so easy to tug along if she's passed out. It's a lot longer of a walk to get home than I remember, but I've never had to drag someone weighing nearly as much as I do and out of their mind besides. I stop a few times to catch my breath, and I don't think the girl even notices. When we finally reach my house, I pull her quickly through the house and to my room before anyone can see. It doesn't take me long to figure out I'm the only one home, so it didn't really matter, anyways. My parents are probably still working, and Memory's most likely at school, getting some studying in.

I set the girl down on my bed, making sure she stays before I start going around my room, picking up my things. I shove sketches into my desk drawers, pile clothes into my closet. I don't want her getting into anything and hurting herself. When I look back at her, tears are falling out of her eyes. What do I do? I've never had a girl cry in front of me. Or anyone, for that matter. I sit down next to her, considering my options. I could just do nothing, and wait until the tears stop. But that seems kind of cruel, worse than leaving her out in the street. So I reach my hand forward and wipe the rain off her cheeks until she's dry again. When that's done, I don't know what to do anymore. So I just stare at her for a while. She'd be the perfect model to build some clothes around. Her body's perfect for that. The clothes would fit just right, fall off of her in a way that would reveal the full beauty of an article. Maybe when she's back to normal again, I can ask her to be a model for me. That would be amazing.

The best thing for her right now is probably sleep. I leave her for a while, hoping she doesn't move, while I raid the medicine cabinet for sleeping pills. I shake a couple out into my hand and get a glass of water from the kitchen sink, balancing it carefully as I head back to my room. I press the pills into one of her hands and the glass into the other, hoping she understands what to do. If I'm lucky and she falls asleep, I wouldn't mind taking a nap myself.

[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

[/center]

Still, why I am crying is beyond me. I am happy and everything in this candy world, but I do not feel the need to be crying because I am so happy. I am like, just ever so slightly happy. I look pretty and I am in a place where somebody is taking care of me. A MARSHMALLOW IS TAKING CARE OF ME! Oh my god! He is just so cool. He is letting me fall asleep on his cloud bed, this is so cool! Maybe the marshmallow man is not going to kill me after all, maybe he is going to take care of me and cherish me and treat me like the queen that I AM! That would be so amazing and I will always love Marshmallow man (even if it turns out that he is not a marshmallow and that he is just a person in a Marshmallow suit. THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS TRUE THOUGH.) He is my Marshmallow man now, mine to take care of and be loved by. He is just so cool and I am just so perfect right now. He must love me so much, because I am perfect all.

He is just totally not sure about me. He must think that I am awesome, but he must not trust me yet, how could he? His house is so cool and pretty there is no way he can trust me to not go eating everything. I want to eat the cotton candy bed so badly right now, it is so pretty and looks like it tastes amazing. I keep biting at it, but all I get is the feeling of stuff that goes on a bed. Why WONT THE COTTON CANDY COOPERATE! BAD COTON CANDY! LISTEN! I'm your master, you listen to me. Now Obey, go into my mouth stupid. Despite my begging, it still does not listen. The cotton candy is not being good, it is not listening to the queen of the world, me! I need to show mother this place, she will beat me if I don't. She'll wonder where I went and I'll just be like, FUCK YOU WOMEN! Yeah, my mom just sucks. She can go die in a candy hell.

WIthout me even noticing really, Marshmallow dude comes over to me. Apparently, I'm still crying, and he wipes the tears from my face. It is a nice act, but it kind of too up in my face, not like I care. All I want to do is go to sleep. It would make my life so much easier right now, going to sleep that is. The only thing keeping me up is the candy wonderland all around me that is ever changing. All of the little details are keeping my up, the growing and shrinking of the room has a creepy effect on me. I want to sleep, I WANT TO, I want to just so bad. It just is not happening, I will not find sleep, there is just no way that it is ever going to happen. I am going to be up in this room forever. I don't want it, I don't want it. I want to go home. I can't move. My body will not allow me to move, it is awful. I hate this, why can't I move. Marshmallow man has left the room, but he must be watching, I am not able to leave. Everything is awesome but I just cannot do anything. Nothing at all.

He comes back holding a blue gumdrop in his hand as well as wine glass, he puts them in my hand. I quickly swallow them, hoping they are some sort of awesome type of magic. Then I down the wine glass with a liquid that tastes a lot like water. It is so awesome being in this heaven, everything starts to change, sheep start roaming inside. Why are there sheep inside? Sheep stay outside, that is the rule, they should not be in here. There not supposed to be in here. I giggle at the sheep.

I feel myself getting tired, without a doubt he is drugging me. I try to fight the urge of sleeping, but it is too strong. The crazy images take over my mind and a settle into a totally unsettling sleep. Everything is beyond explanation. I hate it, it is trippy and awesome, but I hate it so much. I want to go back home, out of candy-land, out of everything. No more marshmallow man, please. Just people. PLEASE. THEY'RE ALL ATTACKING! Why? I just don't know what is going on anymore. Even my body is twisting and turning constantly in sleep.

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[Morgana]

Caden McCaughtery

But now my reign has run
all the color from
all my decorations.

Thankfully, the girl takes the pills. She probably doesn't have any idea what they are. Maybe she's even hoping they'll be more drugs. On thing is certain: she's fighting sleep like it's death. Struggling to stay awake even as sleep claims her. I try to watch as she fights it, because it makes me feel uncomfortable. I know that I did this to her, and I know that she's suffering. If there had been an easier way to get her to sleep, I would take it now. Anything to stop this.

I move away from the bed, seating myself instead at my desk. I pull out some designs I've been working on and start sketching, adding detail and finishing up lines, connecting them to the rest. I try to ignore the sound of the girl writhing on the bed, falling into fitful sleep. Though I work for twenty minutes, I'm getting nowhere at all. If anything, I'm ruining what once had the potential to be a gorgeous dress. Finally, I put it away, knowing I can't fix it now. I'll start it over later, keeping the bits I like and scrapping the ones I don't. Almost the second after I've put it away, I hear the front door open. I glance at the girl, seeing that she isn't jerking around as much now. I could probably leave her for a second to see who's here.

The second I pull open my door, Mom shouts hello. I walk over to her, ask her about her day, give her a hug. She kisses my forehead like she's done as long as I can remember, then launches into a lengthy story about everything she's done today. When Mom gets to talking, it's hard to stop her. She just goes on and on until she's done, barely stopping to breathe. It's impossible to get a word in. So I just stand there, listening and nodding for nearly half an hour, until she finally stops. Then she asks how my day was, and I give her the standard, one word answer. I tell her I'm going to go take a nap, and it isn't a lie. I'm exhausted. My ribs still hurt from my beating earlier today, and dragging that girl halfway across the District took a lot of energy.

Back in my room, I try to figure out where I'm going to sleep. Not the floor, because, well, it's hard. And if I slept in my desk chair I'd fall out and crack my skull open on something. After a short struggle, I manage to get the girl underneath the covers and sort of to the side, so there's enough room for me to sleep on the edge. I close my eyes, already feeling sleep coming. I'm too tired to care that there's a strange girl in my bed, and that when she wakes up, there's going to be a hell of a lot of questions. I'll deal with that later. Right now, I just want the black to pour over me, for sleep to claim my eyes.

[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

[/center]

The further and further into sleep I get, the worse and worse the images become. Giant clowns are swallowing sculptures of me whole. It would not be so scary the sculptures weren't moving and squirming to avoid their deaths, but they are. I want to turn and run away, but behind me is a giant clown, running and chasing after me. Well, maybe not running, more just laughing and catching up to me no matter how hard I push my new bodies legs. My new legs are just so awesome, my whole new body is. I don't even know how I changed to look like this, it was just like one moment I was ugly and the next I became a sexy supermodel that they sometimes have on TV from the Capitol. All the guys must be like, DAMN GIRL! YOU IS A SEXY BEAST! Yeah, just like they always said to my sister.

I am almost completely sure that I am asleep, only because these giant clowns do not seem real and because there is only one person in the world who looks like me, not ten. My current thoughts have slowed me down though, the giant clown is catching up to me. I try to run but my legs wont work, and then the clown grabs me and oh my god I am going to die. The clown brings me up to its face before suddenly turning into a giant marshmallow man. I have never been happier to see a marshmallow in my life, that I am sure about. It is so squishy and soft and nice and fluffy and tasty. It drops me and then I bounce right back up off of its foot. That was so freaking cool, I fall again and bounce again. I never knew that marshmallows could be awesome trampolines like this! Then the next time I fall I don't hit the marshmallow's foot and it hurts a lot, I try to get up but my leg hurts. I start to crawl, almost giggling for who knows what reason.

Now I'm back in the place where the ground lights up when I touch it, maybe the Marshmallow man is here to bring me to his candy house again. That would be awesome. I must be awake though, did the marshmallow dude bring me to his candy house in my dreams, probably. I was telling the future I bet. I look behind me and see no giant Marshmallow, just some awesome blue lights following behind me again. I love those lights, they are so pretty, just like the ground every single time I touch it. Instead of crawling to get away, I go and sit up on the wall that I was dreaming about earlier. I wonder when the Marshmallow will come, it has been a long long time. Marshmallow man, where are you? I just want him to come so he can be nice to me and take me to the candy house for real this time. Maybe now I'll be able to eat the cotton candy bed! That would be amazing!

Surely enough, he comes, and instead of dragging, this time he carries me like a queen in his arms, not letting any part of my body touch the oh so pretty light up ground. Quickly does the ground change from that to a candy cane forest, and a nice orange gummy bear riding on a brown gummy horse comes up to our side, greeting us as king and queen of candy land. Once I can see the candy house in the distance, I tell the marshmallow to start running, because there is a giant wolf chasing us and the ground starts to shake, but he falls over. The candy house is so close to me, I start to crawl, slow my pace is, but I am moving. Then a tree falls right in front of me, I am stuck. I could eat through it, but then I will be fat. I want to eat it so badly, but I cannot. I see the Marshmallow Man is crushed by a candy cane and then all I can see in front of me is a giant clowns face laughing at me.

Another tree falls, this time it is going to land on me.

Then I wake up, and somehow the world seems so normal again.


OOC: Um, it is like five hours later, if you wanted to know the time frame of this or anything.

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[Morgana]

Caden McCaughtery

And I'm fine; I'm just a little lonely.

I dream that I'm swimming through a ocean. I've never seen the ocean, except in books, and I never learned how to swim. There's no place to, and no reason. So I'm just swimming, or drifting, or floating, or something. You'd think it would be boring, but it's nice. It's just me, no one else. I'm not lonely. I just go on and on forever, never getting tired. I am at peace. Suddenly, the water to starts to swirl and drain, like I'm in a giant bathtub. I wait for the water to disappear, and when it does, I am left in a vest, sweltering desert. It's too hot to move, so I just lay there, let the sun bake me alive.

My throat grows dry and parched, my tongue fat in my mouth. All I want is water, so I start to crawl, desperate. But I'm not strong enough, I can't go on. So I stay a little longer, closing my eyes against the red hot sun. When I open them again, I am lying on a bed of feathers. No, not feathers. A bed of geese. They move beneath me, carry me somewhere. I don't know where, and I don't really care. There are bottles of water resting on the bed next to me, and I open them, drink them one after another. I don't care where they take me, because I have water now, and my thirst has been quenched.

The next time I open my eyes, I'm staring at the ceiling of my bedroom. A quick glance at the clock tells me I've been asleep for about five hours. Rubbing sleep from my eyes, I roll out of bed. The girl's still there, sleeping peacefully now. My stomach growls at me, demanding food. My family's probably eaten by now. They usually don't knock on the door ore than once, because they know I won't eat until I'm done with whatever I've working on. I can sleep through pretty much everything, so it makes sense that I didn't hear the call for dinner.

Mom and Dad sit on the couch in the living room, watching something on our blurry television. I slip past them and raid the fridge, returning to my room with two apples, a couple cinnamon rolls left over from breakfast yesterday, and a half-full jug of orange juice. Not the best dinner, but I don't care. I've got more important things to worry about.

I sit at my desk again, eating one of the apples while I wait for the girl to wake up. Juice dribbles down my chin, and I wipe it away. There's darkness outside my window, another sign of the late hour. Well, not that late, but it's proof of how long I slept. I'm nearly done with the apple when the girl begins to stir. I set it down, wipe the remaining traces of juice from my face, and place myself inside her field of vision. "Hello. I know you don't know me, but I-" I cut myself off, realizing I sound a bit creepy. I swallow hard, try again. "You were on the street all alone, and I was afraid someone would try to do something to you, so I brought you here. To my...house." I slow down as I hear the end of my sentence. I don't think there's any way of explaining this to her that wouldn't make me sound creepy, so I just stop and stare at my wall.

"I just, um...I wanted to help," I say quietly, hoping this will fix anything I've said that sounded wrong in any way. Maybe it would have better to leave her. I get the feeling this is going to turn into quite a mess.

[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

[/center]

Waking up sucks, I feel like total shit. My head hurts, I don't know where I am, and my stomach does not seem to agree with me. I don't know what I did that could make me feel so bad, I took a few pills, sure, but from what I know bad stomachs only come from drinking, and I am ninety nine percent sure the only thing that a drank was water. I remember buying a few pills from someone or something like that, but I thought they were going to have a calming effect. Needless to say, I was wrong about that. I think I can remember something about a giant, fluffy, man-shaped marshmallow chasing me around and helping me, but that seems far to ridiculous to be true. I just do not know what the hell could have been going on in my mind.

Opening my eyes, I peer around. This guy of about my age is in the room with he, looking creepy and all. Why am I in his room, I was on the street before. This must be the place the marshmallow took me, but I just don't remember anything. He must have raped me, he must have. But I am too ugly for that, why would any guy want to rape me. They would want to rape my sister, that's for sure, but not me, I'm too ugly for that. Because of my fear, I feel around under the covers, my clothes are still on, even the long wool coat that I had on. Maybe he did not rape me, who would have taken the time to put a coat back on if he did.

"Hello. I know you don't know me, but I-... You were on the street all alone, and I was afraid someone would try to do something to you, so I brought you here. To my...house." Yeah, this dude is creepy. I figure he did not rape me, but why help someone so ugly out. And even if he is a good person, which I am sure he is not (he probably wants something out of me,) then isn't the most important rule to not bring somebody who is high or drunk or whatever home. You are supposed to take care of them on the street, not bring them to where your parents can see you. Not a smart move by this guy, not a smart move at all. I would talk, but that would just dignify what he said somewhat. I figure he is just some stalker guy who wants to get with me. I will not give him that satisfaction even though he might have saved me from some crazy old guy or horny Peacekeeper while I was high off my ass on shrooms. Maybe I should not be so tough on him mentally.

He has not given me any reason to trust him, he has not proven himself. For all I know he could just be here to say how ugly I look in my coat, and how I am just a waste of space and ugly in general. It does not look like he is going to do so, which I greatly appreciate. Even if he does not say it though, I know he is thinking it. I am so ugly it is obvious, my parents and sister tell me that almost every single day. I am the mistake, it is my fault, I am the devil child, right. Fuck that, I am not. They say it so much though, I almost have to be. They are not stupid people, especially not my asshole, perfect sister. She knows what she is saying, she is so pretty, she would not tell me I am ugly for fun. Maybe she would though, it might boost her self-confidence. I would not but anything past that bitch.

The boy then makes a claim that I can tell is completely crazy, "I just, um...I wanted to help." I scoff at this, he just wanted to help. Sheepshit he just wanted to help, he is hear to make fun of me, he wants to torture me just like everyone else in this whole fucking planet wants. It is bullshit that they do this to me, I already take enough shit from people at home, why must everyone else do it too. They should be nice to me, I never did anything wrong to them. It is just total bullshit that they think they are better than me, and it is even worse that everyone thinks they can just be assholes to my face and tell me I am an ugly slut who nobody likes and is a mistake, so that I will just get with them because I have nothing better to do with my life. Well I do have something better to do with my life, it is called fucking living it.

"You just wanted to help, you say? Sheep fucking shit you just wanted to help. Help the ugly girl, see if we can get in her pants. Right? That is all you are interested in, making me feel good by getting with me and then telling me how ugly I am. I am ugly, just say it, I know it is what you are thinking. And you, whatever your name is, have the fucking nerve to say that you are just trying to help? Let's not be naive, we all know what you are doing." I pull myself out from under the covers, the asshole liar was nice enough to share his bed with me, but that must be a ploy to get into my pants.

I start to make my way to the door before bending over in pain, my stomach isn't ready for this yet. I kneel over, and then I lay on my back. Everything in my midsection is churning right now. I manage to croak out the words, "Help... Don't want... puke... please."

It is funny how the tides can change so quickly.

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[Morgana]

Caden McCaughtery

So can I ride on your back for a time?

I know I wasn't expecting a good reaction. You don't just wake up in some strangers bedroom and thank them for peeling you off the street. Even if they did save you from potentially being raped by another random stranger. Honestly, I was expecting her to scream and storm out of the room. Which would alert my parents, leading to even more explaining. Memory might be home by now, too, and though we've never had the best relationship, her finding out I had some strange girl in my room would definitely change the way she looks at me. We barely talk now, so I can't imagine what it would be like if she had that knowledge.

With my parents, I've never had to hide. I can say anything to them, and be myself, wholly and completely. They accept me no matter what, and I know that they love me. But it's not the same with Memory. She's so good. All her time is spent studying. I don't think she has any friends, and I don't think she cares. She's at the top of her class, whereas I'm somewhere near the bottom. I'm not the best at anything. Our parents don't say they're proud of me when we get our report cards; they tell me I've done my best. But for Memory, I don't think my best is good enough. Though it's probably not true, sometimes I think she looks down on me. All I've ever wanted is to be accepted by her. But for some reason, she thinks leaving me alone is good enough.

The girl on my bed starts hurling words at me. I don't flinch or wince as they hit me, I just let them come. She goes on about ugly she is and how all I want is to get in her pants. That particular comment nearly makes me fall off my chair. I've never even thought about that, which is probably strange for a boy my age. I think about random girls getting raped, but I've never had a single thought along the lines that this girl is talking about. I've never even looked at a person and tried to decide if they were attractive or not. It never mattered before. So if this girl says she's ugly, I can't exactly deny it. I don't know what pretty is, except on clothes. And a girl is not the same thing as clothes as at all.

She pulls herself out of my bed and starts heading to the door. She's barely started when she doubles over, clutching her stomach. I jump u from my seat as she falls to the ground, rolling around so she's laying on her back. "Help... Don't want... puke... please," she manages. I grab my garbage and set it next to her, hoping she won't feel the need to vomit. I really don't want nasty smells in my room. But still, if she has to puke, she has to puke. I look around for something she can drink to settle her stomach, but all I see is the orange juice. I don't think it's going to help.

"Do you need me to get you anything?" I ask, bending close to her. I'm not really sure what to do. All of this is quite new to me. "My name's Caden, by the way. Maybe we should get you back in bed? I promise I'm not going to do anything." Isn't that what people say when they are going to do something, though? I'm terrible at this. "Okay, I know you probably don't believe me, but really, all I want to do is help. I don't want to get...in your pants." I can barely say the last few words. I have to force them off my tongue, choke them out of my throat. I'm not comfortable saying them at all, or any words like them. I hope she gets the message so I don't have to repeat them.

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[Spesh]

Kristina Mackenzie Miller

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To put it simply, waking up in this guys bed is not what I wanted, not at all, yet I have to live with it. maybe doing shrooms is not for me, maybe it was a bad idea. Of course it was the right choice, I needed an escape, I needed something. Maybe going overboard on drinks would have sufficed, but I need not find out now. The one plus of drugs over alcohol is the lack of a hangover, yet I still feel screwed up beyond anything. This is not how it is supposed to be, I am supposed to feel good, not like I am about to puke. The fucking dealer lied to me (or maybe I just told myself what I wanted to hear). Either way, I am screwed in this guys bed, whatever his name is, Caden or something. A stupid name.

Then it all comes back...

I can't move, but the marshmallow man is chasing me again, all I can do is laugh, but I know he's out for me, out to get me. It is so obvious that I am going to die here, all because of the mushrooms. I want to live, so I try to crawl, but my body wont let me. Please stop, stop, stop, STOP! "GET AWAY, GET AWAY! I DON'T WANT TO BE MARSHMALLOW FOOD! NO!" I can't move though, just can't. I'm going to die, die asthe worthless slut that I am. Please just make it stop, make it go away. JUST MAKE IT STOP!

It all ends, ends as quick as it begins. No doubt this Cyden or whatever his name is stares at me like I am crazy right now. I am. I just screamed out because of a marshmallow that was just part of the side effects fro the shrooms, I'm pathetic. All I wanted was to enjoy myself, and now that isn't even working out... (my life sucks so much drugs cannot even make me happy).

I'm still kneeling on the ground, and he offers to help me, though he clearly has no idea how to do so. I have no idea either. It sucks for the both of us, sucks a lot. He clearly wants to get with me, even an idiot could see that, (an idiot like me). As I actually look up at him, he isn't half bad, if he raped me while I was out cold maybe I could take it as a compliment. At least I won't die a virgin. Maybe he saw me as the pretty girl that I miss from my high, the girl was me. I was just so pretty, why not all the time?

"Just help me into bed. Don't lie either, you're not half bad looking, if you admitted to trying to get with me maybe I'd let you." Of course I'd let him, who else would go for me? Nobody.

Once he helps me into bed, I feel slightly more relaxed and the need to puke leaves me for the most part. I just want to relax, that is not much to ask. I asked of a dealer, and they left me like this, it sucks so much. He was supposed to give me joy, and all he gave me was a massive headache and just overall suckiness.

"Sit," I command him, "on the bed, I mean." If he knows best he'll listen, otherwise I swear I will puke on his floor.

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