As I Slowly Lose Myself

[kiah]

It was weird how Elmo felt more and more relaxed the further they got from the forest. She had been all worked up about it. When she knew- she knew she would be back there tomorrow. It was her routine. Her life. She felt no need to live if she couldn’t feel the pain that would… would do so much to her. a good way and not. It was all so confusing. Frustrating. She wanted to turn her life around… but somewhere deep down she knew she wouldn’t be able to resist. The forest had a hold on her, one that she wouldn’t be able to escape, with a simple click of her fingers, the hold went deeper than that, it was more, more that she couldn’t release that easily. Not without losing apart of herself. A part of her heart.

Elmo felt her eyes stray to the boy beside her. he was nervous. Even she could tell. But it confused her. this boy was meant to be a catch! According to what she hears from the people around her. but out here. Now. He seemed not to be able to summon that relaxed pose. Out here on his own… he seemed more nervous, that he might say something wrong, that he would he worried about it. Elmo didn’t know how to feel, she was no good at reading people, and the boy wasn’t really making it very easy for her. but why would he?

He had big paces and Elmo was having trouble keeping up with him, but the further she got away from the forest… the more she felt free, she knew she was bound to it. but a break would be good, she could feel it. so intend of slowing down to catch g-her breathe, Elmo ploughed head, trying to keep up with the boy. She was determined to get away from there, she didn’t know where she was going to go… but anywhere was better than here. So trying to get her breathing to calm down she hurried on beside the boy.

Then it happened. it came out of nowhere! And before she knew it she had a mouthful of dirt! It wasn’t peasant. The could feel the air fly past her ears as her face mad contact with the muddy wet floor. Slowly she looked over her shoulder to see the stick that had stepped into her path. It was a bit one, the size of a miniature log. How had she missed it? it stuck out on the mush like black on white! But yet here she was gobbling down some yummy mud! Now she could feel her cheeks burn the deep shade of red, as she looked down to the ground. she couldn’t bring herself to look up at the boy. She was embarrassed. I mean who wouldn’t be? the log was the size of like two melons… and she had walked straight into it. Wait no. she corrected herself. It had walked into her path.

Slowly she looked up at the boy, a smile playing on her lips. She didn’t want to seem like a woss. Today she was going to turn her life around. It started now.

[Kyalee]

It was quiet as Adrian and Elmo made their way hurriedly down the deserted street. He noticed that he was going much faster than Elmo, and thought of slowing down since it looked like Elmo was being strained to keep up. Soon though, he changed his mind because it seemed like she wanted to go fast, to get away, escape. Escape from what exactly he wasn't quite sure, but he could see the gears in her mind at work, and knew he probably shouldn't ask. Just like she hadn't asked about his blurt about Daren. He still cursed at himself even now about letting those words escape his lips. It could possibly be the end of his secret, the end of his normal life. He probably would be sent to a crazy house, or maybe an asylum if they had those anymore. He would probably be disowned by all his friends, and worse his parents. They would always remember him vaguely as the child that went wrong. Possibly even the worse could happen, the Capitol could do expirements on him, since nobody would care. He had heard stories before, stories about "mutts". Mutations that the Capitol made. He would probably be turned into a mutt and be set free in a Hunger Games, which was worse than being a tribute.... Your mind would be screwed up....

Adrian soon tried to get these thoughts out of his head, fearful that they would soon dominate it and make him get all depressed or something. Soon he came back to the silent street. And just in time too. Elmo suddenly was flying through the air, almost like an injured bird. She landed face first into the mud, and sympathy imediatly creeped into him.
Wow. Didn't see that coming...[/color]
After analyzing the situation for a few quick seconds, he realized she had tripped over a broad log. It seemed almost impossible that someone could trip over something so extravagant.
Hahaha. So she's a cluts.
Daren, stop. The fall was pretty funny but it was my fault she fell I was walking too fast.
Of course Adrian is the one to blame a funny fall on himself...[/color]
Adrian just ignores Daren, and comes to the aid of Elmo. After laying for a few seconds, she raised her head and gave him a small smile. He smiled back, just as he noticed her face was turning crimson.
Aww. She's embarassed.[/color]
Adrian laughed, both at Daren and Elmo. It was a nice laugh, and although it didn't cease to feel foriegn, he liked it.
"Are you alright? Here, let me help you."[/color]
He helped her up, pulling her up by her arms and helping her gain balance again.
"I'm sorry, I should have walked slower for you. Would you like to wipe the mud off your face with my shirt?"[/color]
He was just trying to be polite, yet a touch of akwardness was in his voice as he said this. He would happily let her have his shirt, but he sensed it might be weird after that. He kind of hoped she didn't want it, but at the same time he wanted to help her. His heart was torn but he let her decide. Suddenly though, he realized he was still holding her hand from when he helped her up. Quickly he shyed away, and let go of her hand, smiling in embarassment.[/size]

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Word Count: 566
Outfit: Here
Comments:

[kiah]

Elmo smiles quietly up at the boy, who at first looked worried but then smile back down at her. then he laughed nicely as e watched the girls face turn red, Elmo took this as a good sign, but still could feel her embarrassment right on her heels. She had never really felt this embarrassed before, not since the meeting in the forest. She hated the thought, and she tried to banish it from her mind, but it was too late. The memory hit her like a slap on her face. She was in the forest, as she usually would, but the forest, was more of a safe haven back then. She respected it. it was her home. Her life, she saw it as her guardian, I guess. But then she was betrayed. The forest let this stranger enter. This stranger, at first she hadn’t recognised… but when she did…. The fear that had flowed through her was the worst she had ever felt. The fear of the memory was too much for Elmo… she couldn’t handle to think about that wretched woman.

[/color]She forced that woman out of her mind. She didn’t deserve to be there so Elmo wasn’t going to let her. That woman only deserved to be in hell, and Elmo hopped that she was going there soon. But right now she was going to leave her mind; right now she had other things that she was trying to juggle. The boy voice, that was thick with laughter busted into her unstable mind. “Are you okay?
“ he asked as he looked down on me, his gaze sinking into mine, eyes wandering, to make sure I wasn’t just putting a smile on my face. “Here, let me help you up.” He said reaching down reaching out to my hand, which I took. Trying to put my previous thoughts about not trusting the boy. She had talked to him, observed him. she thought that she could trust him.

The boy said a couple of other things, but Elmo was concentrated on the hand, that still sat in hers, warming them. She wasn’t used to this type of contact, but she wasn’t going to be the one to pull, away. Well she wasn’t sure if she was meant to, right? I mean maybe he was still holding on for some reason that she couldn’t tell. But after a moment’s hesitation the boy removed his hand as he went shy, that’s when Elmo realised that he hadn’t meant to, but had simply forgotten. Secretly Elmo had liked the feeling of his hand in hers… it gave her a sense of… would you say comfort?? Or even protection? She hadn’t had that type of feeling before, she hadn’t had anyone to protect her, but the way his hand had sat in he’s, had sent thrills through her that the thought of someone else in her life.

But suddenly she forced those thought out of her mind. What if he was going to make an effort to talk to her again? What if she was just someone for company while he skipped class? What if she meant nothing to him? Elmo couldn’t just let her guard down. She had no trust, and no one was just going to win it by taking their chances and having a go at getting to know her, she had to keep herself prepared for the worst. Suddenly she turned a little more reserved.

That when she realised that the boy was looking at her questioningly. She shook her head as she wiped a muddy sleeve across her mud slick face, just spreading the mess even further. Then she gave up, letting her had fall slack to her side.[/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/jusify][/size]

[Kyalee]

Relief spread through Adrian. This girl, this Elmo, she seemed similar to him, and he liked it. He was becoming less shy of her, but still a uncertainty was inside him as he watched her wipe the mud off her face. She was indepedent; that was clear. She seemed to like to take care of herself, and not have anyone but herself control what she did and how she felt about it. Comparing himself to her, they were similar, but he was less independent. He always liked to go with the flow, let people around him shape his opinion on things. He still liked her independency though, because he wished he was more independent too. He wished he was more bold, and social. But he wasn't, and there was nothing to do about that except to get Daren to control him whenever he wanted his body to act that way. So instead of others controling him he was controled by Daren. This seemed like a better alternative, even though there were better things he could do.

Adrian sought comfort in the girl's eyes. She could possibly be his first friend. But what was a friend? Someone who knew you well? If that was the case, this girl was not his friend. But maybe friends were just people that were nice to you, and people that you liked. If that was it, then this girl was his friend. And he found comfort in this, knowing he actually did have a real friend, not some poser wishing to bask in Daren's glory and popularity. A real friend who would probably care if he tripped in the mud too. Cheerfulness enveloped him, and for the first time he felt wanted, he felt like he somewhat belonged. Maybe it wasn't that he didn't belong in this world... Maybe he just didn't belong with most people in this world. But he did like this girl, and when he was around her he seemed to fit in just a little more. And he liked this. Daren was awfully quiet, but Adrian knew every move he made Daren was watching. Watching closely. Circumspecting every thought and action he did, and approval seemed the right word for the vibes coming from Daren, who was hiding in the far corners of his mind. Daren's approval seemed welcoming, and made Adrian feel slightly more acomplished.

He felt as if he had been lost, and now had found an open door. Of all the other doors that had been open, this one was different because it hadn't been abruptly slammed in his face by a disaproving man or woman. It had been left open, and he had crossed it to find Elmo, a mysterious but interesting girl. She seemed to accept him more than anyone else ever would, even though he had only known her for a couple of minutes. Dread suddenly sprung, as a small thought entered his mind. A thought that could ruin his life, and Daren's reputation. Daren saw this thought, and he also was fearful, and imediatly drew back, trying to keep himself from lunging at Adrian because of the thought.
What if she found out about Daren?
This would be dreadful. Not only would Adrian be sent to a mental institute, but Daren would be devistated, and his amazing reputation would die down. Adrian would be avoided, and kids that knew his insanity would back away, fear quite clear in their innocent little eyes. Doctors would look eagerly upon him, wondering foundly how his brain worked, yet even they would be slightly frightful. He was messed up, yet somehow all these years he had managed to hide it. Was he now going to give all that work up to this girl, only for her to spread it to the whole District, and ruin his life? But no, no thoughts like those should be thought, she just could never know. Nobody could ever know. He would have to live out his days like this, hiding from the world his real self. And he knew this from the first moment he found Daren, lost and cold in his jungle of a brain. His own creation it seemed, or something of the kind. But him and Daren were a team, and they could never give up their secret. Adrian faked a smile, hoping Elmo couldn't see the insanity through his eyes, and waited for her to start moving again so they could walk, and he could put all his thought into each step and not the slow dread that was torchuring his soul.