It's Got to End Living in My Head [The Phobias]

[Sarella]

I wake up on the floor, face down, and lift my head. As I lift it, a pounding feeling comes to it like a headache. With a groan I sit up and rub my head. What happened? I can faintly hear voices in the next room, so I stand up and stumble over, and hold onto the wall as I listen. "Don't let her get out today." I hear my dad tell my mom. The front door opens and slams as he goes to work. Maybe they caught me yesterday? I don't remember. Only one, single thought is in my mind. It's a Saturday, and that's when my friends and I always meet up, whether it be just to hang out or to comfort each other. Saturdays are when we help each other figure things out if we need help. I don't like missing them. I peer around the wall, at my mom who is sitting on the couch with an empty glass in her hand. I see her eyes begin to flicker my way and hide. "Apflril?" she gurgles at me like a baby. I shut my eyes tight, then open them and come out. "Yes mom?" I ask. My head is really pounding right now, so I hope she isn't about to yell or anything. I don't even remember what happened yesterday to make me wake up like this. "Just checking." She says, as though I was a robber or something. I breathe a sigh of relief and walk to the couch, then sit down and rest my head. All I have to do is wait for her to fall asleep.

Her eyes are half closed, and I think it's almost time. But I'm so impatient. I slowly get off the couch and creep to the door, but I stub my foot on the table and make a loud BANG. "Hmmm" My mom moans, and I look over at her frantically. No no no no no. I fling open the door and stumble forward, and the door barely closes. I turn the knob and finish closing it, then release it slowly. Success! Sort of. When I get home it won't be such a success, unless I manage to get home before my mom wakes up or my dad gets back. My dad gets back at different times every day. Anyways, I just want to go see my friends. Lucas, Qaiue, and Blaire where all a bit scared of going outside, or the sun for its starriness or... fieriness. That's why we made sure the place we met at was a building, and could be accessed my following shady places in the morning - or allies. Qaiue doesn't like allies much though. He's a bit fearful of everything. As I begin to walk, my head turns in all directions for any mirrors, or that terribly creepy sign with all the swirls. I hope I'm not too late. Of course, no one is ever late, I just hate being the last one to arrive.

After only a few minutes of walking I come to where I know the sign is. I just have to scurry past it without paying attention and run the rest of the way. It's abandoned and falling apart, so no one would think we'd hide there to talk. It's around a mile from the Square though. I usually run there once I reach this point. Now I'm on the same street. Closing my eyes, I stiffen my body and go around it, behind the stores, walking on the soft morning ground dotted with dew. Still pretty early in the morning. I pass a girl who looks about my age, and she comes running up to me. "Could you spare some money?" She asks. I look at her for a few moments, then shake my head, "I'm sorry, I don't have any." I tell her. She nods her head, disappointed, then leaves me. As I keep walking, I feel sorry I couldn't give her anything. She looked so hungry and sleepless. Of course, that's a mirror of myself. In a way. I could eat plenty if my parents weren't such pigs. They eat it all, forgetting about me. And it gets kind of hard to sleep some nights. Others they help me go to sleep. The thought makes me shudder and I look up from the ground. Not many people take the route around the Square, so people who know about how "crazy" my friends and I are look at me suspiciously, expecting trouble. I won't scream for them today. Hopefully.

The end of the path arrives quicker than I thought it would. I stand at the end for a bit, then look ahead. You can't see the building from here. It's short, with only two floors. It isn't very wide either. Nonetheless, it's like a safe base for some of us. I just hated being there at night. In the dark, creaky place. The dark bothered me the most. I start running, my head pounding with every step. Step, pound, step, pound, step "OWCH!" I groan loudly, and stop running. I put my hand to my head and a blinding pain fills my head and eyes. This headache is terrible. Maybe even counting as a migraine? I don't know. I walk the rest of the distance. The sun is coming up, and the dew is slowly disappearing from the ground. It's a good thing the walk to the building is surrounded by thick trees, or some of us would never make it through without screaming at the sun. I'm alright. I'm getting just enough light not to be enclosed in darkness.

I reach the door and look around for any of my friends that might be coming. I can hear a few voices inside, and I open the door. Inside is Deimos, Jaden, Lucas and Beatie. Jaden is standing in the corner with his arms crossed, Lucas and Beatie are sitting at the table, and Deimos is just standing around. "Hey" I say. I pull up a chair and sit next to Beatie quietly. Now all we do is wait for the others. I cross my arms on the table and put my head down. My head hurts so much. I give a shudder when a spike of pain seems to push through my brain. What the heck happened last night? Anyways, it's about time the others came. I keep my ears open for the sound of the door opening. Or maybe a scream. This silence makes me feel so awkward.

[Naya]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Give me a second, I
I need to get my story straight
My friends are in the bathroom
Getting higher then the empire state

Today was a Saturday, late April. Alta knew today was the day that the group had to meet up. But her heart was aching to badly to be pained and get out of her bed. Today, was also the day her brother died. At least, 7 years ago. If Alta’s brother had been here today, sitting in this very room, he would be a mature, grown man, most likely married and had at least one child. 27 years old. Alta’s father, who was often working, even bothered to stay home and mourn the day with his family. But, as Alta quotes, ‘she just wants some alone time. To think.’ She cried into her pillow, but made sure to be silent enough so her parents couldn’t hear her. But, they already knew that Alta was probably crying like a baby in her room right now. She didn’t want to be played off as a wimp, so she slowly got up. Her body ached from staying in her bed way too long.

So, alas, she got off her bed and headed into the living room. Connected to the living room, was stairs (which Alta, being afraid of heights, would never go up), where her parents slept. She’s seen her parents bedroom once in her whole entire lifetime, and it was before her fear of heights became to be. Even then, she couldn’t remember what it looked like. Most likely something not very special. Her parents weren’t sitting up at the living room, so she called up the stairs. “I’m going out, OK?” Alta didn’t hear a single reply, so she just shrugged and headed off, out the door, looking at the wooden surroundings near her home.


Alta walked into town. She was going into the wrong direction, but she was extremely hungry. She had some pocket money of her own (that didn’t go into the family’s income). She looked at her surroundings. District 7 wasn’t a wealthy district, but wasn’t as poor as District 12. You saw the occasional person begging for money or food, their small frail bodies looking very unhealthily thin. Alta wasn’t one of those people. But she was about to be… Anyways, Alta walked towards a stand. A thin girl was selling what looked like home grown fruits. She examined the cart. It was full of apples. Nets full of apples, and even single apples. Alta rarely had apples. It was something very uncommon in District 7, but god knows how she got her hands on an apple seed when District 11 was the agriculture district. She took the money out of her pocket, and slowly counted it, one by one. She had enough money for a net, and she could bring it home for her family, as a… what should she call it? A mourning present.

She was probably late by now, but she was too busy looking around and eating the juicy, red apple at the same time. They met in an abandoned building, or at least it looks abandoned. Alta hoped so. She took a bite into the deliciousness. Lucky District 11, they would probably got to eat these type of things all the time. Who knows, really. Well, maybe except them. Alta saw a couple of lumberjacks, entering the wood, which was only open to the wood workers at District 7. She would never dare enter those woods, she was never the rebellious type. She would rather not be whipped to the death, or become an avox in the Capitol. Alta was happy the way she is, despite all her fears.

She finally arrives at the destination, the abandoned warehouse, which was not near the woods (because of Qaiue’s fear of the wild animals that roam the woods, and well, pretty much everything else), and not outdoors (because of Blaire’s fear of stars, sometimes the meetings can last a long time). Walking in the door, she takes a moment to look around and see who’s there. Deimos, Jaden, Lucas, Beatie, and April. And now Alta. “Hi…” She says so quietly, it was almost a whisper. It was almost as if someone put a silence curse upon the room. She sat on the floor next to Deimos, and attempted to make a conversation. “So…” She awkwardly puts a hand on her cheek, and adds, “Um, so, what’s up?”

[Deleted]

But when it comes down to it
You never made the most of it
Ooh, so I cried, cried, cried
And now I say goodbye

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It was still a dark cold morning when Jaden a woke. Everything was like the night except for a little orange ray of light. He sleepily got out of bed, like a mummy back from the dead, he never liked waking up so early to make breakfast, it wasn't suppose to be him to cook food it was supposed to be his mom. But ever since his dad died she never was the same. She some how broke down during the time he needed her the most, some kids would grow to hate their parents because of this but he didn't. Instead he loved her very much. He feed her everyday, she can take a shower and all other things alone but he wants to be the one too feed her because it's like a payment to his mom for all that she did for him. He walked to the bathroom to change quickly, because today was the day that he would meet up with his friends?, he wasn't quite sure that he should call them that considering they were quite insane. See they were not the typical kids who hang out, they each had a fear of their own, they meet up in an abandon warehouse because of the phobias they have, they stay secluded in their and talk about things .He quickly got out and rushed to the kitchen. He wanted to do everything before the sun came up, because it made him feel cozy if there is no light out yet. He always loved the darkness, it makes him feel normal, it makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside, just like how he feels when he is with them. He took the egg out he bought yesterday from the market. From a guy he thought was insane, because he wouldn't stop bugging him about how to handle the egg.

"No, no, no. Don't hold it like that your going to break it!" the vendor said angrily. Jaden was taking a look at the eggs and lifting them to inspect it, but the guy wouldn't stop annoying him on how to hold his "precious" eggs. Jaden knew that food was very dear in their district considering there has been no District seven victor ever. So food was really scarce in the god forsaken place. He was resisting the urge to run because of the guy, "I'll have five eggs please." he said. With a sigh the man placed it in a bag and gave it to him with a final warning "Don't toss the bags okay or else you would brake the egg." the guy said seriously. Walking quickly he wanted to run away from the place immediately to avoid anymore crazy people. But then he met another person, one of his mom's old customers. "Jaden! How is your mom darling?" asking with worry in her voice. Shocked flash in his face also confusion, no one asked him about his mom's welfare. He thought people already forgot about her since she hasn't come out of the house for some time already ever since his dad died. Quickly he got out of his trance and started to stutter "Umm....well.... She's good....but she's still sad about what happened to my dad. Well I have to get home now, so will you excuse me." quickly he made for a dash towards his home. He heard the girl say something about sending her regards to his mom, but he didn't hear it anymore because of the howl of the wind. He wanted to get home fast because of all the crazy people. Shaking his head real quick, he blinked quickly to get away from his trance, to cook for his mom.

He took the pan out of the drawer and placed it on the stove. Slowly he took a bottle of oil out and placed it on the pan and turned the fire on. Like food oil is also very uncommon in the district. Luckily he was smart enough to save his commission from his part time work. Never in his entire life have he wasted money because of things he doesn't need like.....unnecessary things. He took out the egg and placed it on the plate, he did the same to the rice and quickly took it up to his mom. Entering the room he saw that his mom was already awake and sitting up on her bed, already she finished taking a bath. He walked up to his mom and sat beside her and started feeding her. Then he begun a conversation with himself, "Mom you know what someone sent her regards to you, your old customer." he said, We all know that he is afraid of insanity, but because of his mom he tries to hide it in, for her. Sometimes it's really hard because he can't stop imagining his mom trying to kill him. Suddenly his mom grabbed his hand, "Jaden is your dad back?" she asked smiling. He wanted to say that "Yes he is.", but that would be a fat lie and he can never do that to her. "No mom his still coming." he said with tears streaming down his face. Change was never his favorite word. He even hated it, he wanted everything the same as before his dad died. He continued on feeding his mom and when he finished he just went out. He wanted so badly to be with my group. Rushing down the stairs, he left the plate in the sink and grabbed his jacket as he rushed out the house. Closing the door gently, he continued his dash to the ware house.

He wanted to be in the meeting place. Running to avoid every person he thinks are nuts. Lucky for him it was still early so there were not much people around. The air was still cool from the cold night and the sun was hidden behind the clouds, so obviously it would be really cold. Everything was as how some would call it serene. There wasn't that much people around to make the city a chaos, stopping Jaden saw that a little more further the sign was there. It was a sign towards the secret hideout, he was close to it already. A smile started to form in his lips, he started to run again he just wanted to get there really fast. He passed the sign and headed for the road towards their beloved place. As he arrived he stopped in front of the door to fix himself he didn't want to look over excited about seeing them, he straightened his jacket and styled his hair. He blew a nervous sigh and pushed the door, he saw that Deimos, Lucas and Beatie were already there, do they even sleep he thought. "Hey everyone!" he said with a smile, he saw the same expression on everyone's faces. They were happy to be here, so was he. He went to the corner and stood there waiting for the others. One by one they start coming. April came in looking calm, "Hey!" she says, all we do is smile and stay quiet. The next one to arrive was Alta, "Hi" she says softly. She looks so cute Jaden thought. Then quickly thought why he was thinking of that. They all start to wait for the others it was so quiet, he liked this, but it started to get bored. He started to walk close to April, "April are you okay?, you look sick." he said asking her with worry in his voice. April was the youngest so he had to try and look out for her right?

since they were ONE BIG, HAPPY, INSANE FAMILY.

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[[occ: sorry for this horrible post, I'm trying to write in third person again D:]][/size]

[mara0107]

narration
speaking
thinking
others speaking

As usual, Blaire had the shutters of her bedroom windows closed tight. She had closed them yesterday way before the sun went down to prevent the stars from peaking into her room. She had to hide in the house. Hide from the stars that were watching from the sky and that tried to find her. Even though she couldn’t explain why the stars watched her she was absolutely sure that they were purely evil and wanted to catch her. She had managed to lock herself up in her room before the sun went down yesterday. Luckily she didn’t have to work the late shift in the factory because otherwise it would have been difficult to hide. She hated working late shifts but sometimes she just didn’t manage to prevent it. It had happened before that she got off work and the stars were bright in the sky. Blaire didn’t leave the factory building that night. Even though it was strictly forbidden to camp out in the factory building that’s what she did. She hid behind a big machine until the guards had left the building before she slumped behind a big pile of paper and fell asleep. Luckily she woke up before the morning shift arrived and was able to leave through a shattered window. It wasn’t that they would have whipped her in public for falling asleep at the factory or anything serious like that but she would have gotten in trouble for sure and might have even lost her job, something her family couldn’t afford. That’s why Blaire avoided working late shifts whenever possible.

Her closed shutters kept the starlight from shining into her room but they also prevented to let the sun shine. That’s why Blaire was late. She just didn’t realize a new day had begun. Quickly, she threw on a shirt and jumped into her jeans. Blaire ran to the bathroom, tossed a load of water in her face. The water was icy and the chill on her skin caused goose bumps to appear on her whole body. Her family couldn’t afford the luxury of having hot water coming from the faucet. They were lucky enough to even have running water in their house. Other people in District Seven had to collect water from a public water source. And even though there were more pleasant things than icy cold water in one’s face in the morning, it had for sure one effect: Blaire was wide-awake in almost an instant. She scrubbed across her face with a towel before she looked at herself in the mirror. Well it was a mirror once. Now it was mostly shattered. A sense of guilt hit the young girl. It was her fault that the mirror was broken. She had smashed it when she saw the reflection of the stars in it. She had forgotten to close the window before it got dark and the stars shone bright onto the reflecting glass of the mirror. Before she was able to stop herself, Blaire had thrown the mirror to the floor before slamming the window shut. The mirror had broken but at least the window stayed whole. It would have been way worse to have a broken bathroom window than having a broken mirror. Blaire turned her eyes away from the mirror that was a constant reminder to her of how much trouble she caused her adoptive parents. There the sense of guilt was again.

Her parents were already gone as were her siblings. Even though it was a weekend, her parents worked and her siblings probably went out to meet with their friends. Blaire looked towards the kitchen table. It was empty as usual. Her family had enough money to buy enough food so they didn’t starve but it wasn’t enough to always walk around with full stomachs. Blaire shrugged her shoulders. She was used to being hungry. Maybe she would find something to eat on the way to the place where she wanted to meet up with the others.

Blaire’s mood lifted as she left the house. The sun was shining bright in the sky. She loved the sun and loved the bright daylight. The sun blinded the stars and while the sun was up in the sky, Blaire was safe. The stars weren’t able to see her during the day. With a big smile on her face, she walked through the streets of District Seven. Digging through her pockets, Blaire got lucky again: She found a quarter. That wasn’t much but it would be enough to buy a small bread bun.

It was a detour to walk to the bakery but now that she had a little bit of money, she didn’t want to go to the meeting without some food in her stomach. The meetings could get long sometimes and sitting there being hungry wasn’t the best thing. Well, in her case it would be standing rather than sitting but the being hungry part would be the same nonetheless.

A few minutes later she was back on the street that led her to the abandoned warehouse where she was supposed to meet her friends. Still munching on the bun, she slipped through the door and smiled as she saw the others. “Hey guys.” , she greeted them before she took her normal spot, leaning against the wall close to the door. She loved her friends. They were, each in his or her own way, crazy, just like her. Everyone had to fight fears and everyone had to fight hard to manage their life. They understood her craziness and being with them made Blaire feel better and safer. But even with her friends around her, ready to protect her if something should be coming for her, she wasn’t able to sit down. She never tried even though the others tried to talk her into sitting down with them numerous times. Maybe some day she would be able to sit down with them. Maybe…