Simple Wonders (Open)

[laphae8ash]

"I was just being nice. I thought you might want to wash down after work. I didn't mean to upset you. I forgot that not everyone is okay with being naked." I kind of shrugged unsure about why he was so upset. Its not like he'd never...it hit me then. "Wait you've never seen a girl naked before? But...you're a teenage boy!?"

I was almost in shock and now I felt like a real jerk...well kind of...I mean its not like I"m ugly, I have nice curves and a pretty face...In fact they get me out of a lot of trouble. "Cyrus, do you think I'm pretty? I think you're really nice looking, I didn't mind that you saw me naked." It was the truth, he was good looking. He had a great smile and mouth.

I sat down next to him and cocked my head with a smile. I was tempted to push things farther, drop the towel or even lean in kiss him. I'd never come across someone who was so...innocent. The wanderers I rac across were free. They were free with their bodies, their emotions, their lives. Maybe it was the fact we never knew what would happen the next day that we lived to seize the moment, but here in the districts things were different.

I chewed on my lip, for a moment and thought Maybe he'd like it, maybe it would help him stop being so shy and instead of doing something drastic I just reached over and held his hand. Mine clean hand inside his larger rough hand. I locked our fingers again.

"Cyrus, I'm sorry if I upset you, I was just being friendly. Would you like me to put some clothes on, I'm afraid I have nothing to wear, but if you have an old tshirt I'm sure it will be big enough for a night gown." I was trying to be kind but I wasn't sure how to.

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

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Cyrus felt a heavy weight upon his chest when she began to speak. He always began to feel this way whenever embarrassment would meet fear and the two would work together to weigh Cyrus down. He had fought so hard for so long to keep them at bay, and every so often they would get the better of him. It was why he always tried to look at the bright side of things. He found that he saw the better in people, and stayed positive then the weight of the anxiety, fear, and subtle embarrassment that was sure to follow wasn’t as harsh as it could be. But now the familiar mix made him shake his head, close his eyes, and stare down at the floor.

At times he felt like he was a child that was never growing up. He was still content in his old pair of overalls, with his play dinosaurs, with visions of imaginary games and tinker toys. His friends—I guess one could call them that— had progressed to talking about girls and rough housing and finding new and different ways that they could get into trouble. And Cyrus, as usual, was bringing up the rear. He was the kid in the race that was destined to finish last, never breaking into a run, but always jogging. He would see them disappear over the horizon before he even knew what they were talking about. And how he tried to understand, to be nice, to be rational and clear… but then… then people got naked and asked him to do things that he had never contemplated before, and he just didn’t know what to think.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” Cyrus said as he shook his head. He only knew to apologize, even when he didn’t think it was her fault. He didn’t want the first person who listened to him in a long while to think that he wasn’t worth talking to anymore. He had to snap out of it, but he was still held back by this immense weight. And now she was going to start making fun of him, wasn’t she? They always did whenever they found out something about Cyrus that he had thought was absolutely normal.

He looked down when he felt the softness of her hand against his. He stared at it for a long while, and then to Tatum, and then to her hand, and to Tatum, holding on her face. He squeezed it for a moment, and then looked at her again, in her towel. “No… I’ve… never…” Cyrus said meekly, looking down and away from her at last. He had to stop staring, even if she was pretty.

“I… I do think you’re pretty but… I… I just don’t know…” Cyrus let his voice hang in the air. He didn’t know much of anything, it seemed, when he had to talk to people. He did like the way her hand wrapped in his, though. He supposed that she must have been trying to calm him down. He felt a little better thinking that maybe she wasn’t going to be so terrible to him after all. Embarrassed that he was holding her hand for so long and playing with it, he finally unclenched his grip and pulled back some. Standing he went into his room quietly. His brother Naif was sleeping soundly, and he couldn’t even see him under the covers. He turned with a long, white sleeping shirt.

“Here. You can have this,” Cyrus said, giving her an oversized tee from some time ago. He took a seat next to her again, and his hand rested gently at his side. He looked at her and chewed his lip for a minute or two. “No. I have not done a lot of things. I just… I just don’t think about that sort of thing.” He looked down once again.

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[laphae8ash]

I went back into the bathroom and slipped into the tshirt feeling like I was doing something wrong. Obviously Cyrus has issues with people, but I didn't realize it wasn't just girls. Either way he was a nice kid and he'd helped me out of a sticky situation. I really didn't want to upset him anymore. So I tried to let things just play out as the would.

The tshirt was down to my knees long enough to cover up anything that would make him feel like I was trying to make him uneasy. I undid and redid the braid in my hair letting the last few droplets of water fall in the sink. I looked in the mirror and I couldn't help to be disappointed in myself. I had nothing to bring back to my family, except myself. I know that will be good enough for them, but it doesn't make me feel any better. Wrapping all my undergarments in my dress I tie them in a bunch and bring them out with me.

Pushing the door open I smile at Cyrus and go sit back next to him, making sure nothing was showing that he would find offensive. "I really am sorry I upset you. I just figured you were like the boys in the woods. We really don't care about who sees what or does what...not that its okay for me to assume its the same here." Chewing on the inside of my cheek I looked down. "Its nice meeting someone so different."


It really was, I loved the different personality and people you'd meet out there. No one was the same, and nothing was more true to that than Cyrus. He's so gentle and shy and good. He had a good heart and here I was just assuming he was the same as the rest of the boys I'd met. I take his hand again, since he seemed to like that, " Are you tired, you can go to bed if you want, I'm sure you have a job or something that you need to rest up for." I didn't know where I would sleep, or even if I could. It'd been so long since I'd last slept indoors, with out the small hums and chirps of the animals that inhabited the forest to lull me to sleep.

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

As Tatum got up to change, Cyrus turned his gaze down to the ground once more. He knew that he made her uncomfortable, which was why she was going to change (even if it was something he had asked her to do). He tried his best to understand what had just happened, and still couldn’t quite come to grips with it.

He knew he was supposed to have had a better reaction than that—there was something to seeing a girl naked that he was sure his classmates would have handled differently—but all he could feel was the bits of fear and anxiety that filled him in that moment. He was embarrassed now that he had admitted his innocence. He was certain that this girl knew much more of the world than he ever possibly could.

When she came back and took his hand again, Cyrus felt some of the anxiety leave him. She was doing her best to explain herself, and for that, Cyrus was thankful. Girls were usually never as forward or revealing as Tatum. They were confusing, and he saw them as altogether more emotional than his guy friends. But then he supposed that even if he didn’t show it, everyone considered Cyrus to be a little unbalanced. He just could never find the right way to express himself when it came to how he felt. He thought that by being as cut and dry as he was, it would sound as rational and clear to everyone else as it was to him.

When she remarked about how they treated things differently in the woods, Cyrus nodded his head. “I’m sure you all do,” He said. This wasn’t to be rude or condescending, though it may have come off this way. He had no way of knowing just what life was like out there in the wilderness, but he was certain they did things the Districters must not do. They had a different way of organizing themselves, and a different perspective completely.

“I don’t have anything for tomorrow until my next shift. It is not a school day tomorrow and I was only going to help my mother around the house.” He began playing with her hand, lifting it up some so their palms matched one another and then dropping back down again. “I am a welder at the aeronautics design facility. I cut pieces of metal and solder them together. My father works there as foreman and engineer. He helped find me something to do for work for now.”

Cyrus wondered what she would do if he were to go to bed now.

Certainly he couldn’t leave her to get back to sleep. It was a tricky situation, as his father would wake early in the morning to have breakfast, and Naif would follow in getting to the lower school. His mother would not be a problem. She would stay in bed until midmorning, when Cyrus would come to give her something to eat. The real issue would be disguising or hiding Tatum in a way that his father would not question. He would have to think on this. He could come up with a solution. If he had enough time, he was able to solve almost any sort of problem.

“What do you do then? Do you stay outside all the time? Have you always been moving?” Cyrus looked at her curiously, again as though he was studying her. There was so much to learn from her, and he knew he may only get one chance. If she was a true wanderer he didn’t expect her to stay in District 6 long. They were not as open and expansive as some of the lower districts, nor were they as wealthy as the upper districts. He supposed it was a comfortable and safe place to be, as they seemed to be more relaxed than some of the other districts.

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[laphae8ash]

I couldn't help but smile as he played with my hand, it was like he was trying to figure out all the deminsions of it compared to his. Lifting it highter and lower, pressing it against his. The size difference was impressive to say the least, my hand was nearly invisible when he'd put his hand over it. The actions seemed to comfort Cyrus and it was relaxing to see him chill out a bit.

"Well, yeah, most the time we stay outside. We have some nice tents and sometimes we even have a little makeshift shelter. I have a little family, well its not like a really family, mainly my mom and dad and some of their friends, I've never had a home like this though." I motion around to his house. " I was born in the woods and I really like it. I don't really know any other way, though I kind of have to make the choice soon if I want to stay somewhere for good..."

It was kind of sad when I thought about it. I never have had a bedroom or even a real bed. I've never had a day of schooling or thought about getting a real job. We just took whatever we needed, never more. We weren't greedy, but if I needed a new dress and there was one out on the line I wasn't going to pass it by. I figure they have a way to get another one...me not so much.

My eyes were starting to get heavy as we sat in the candle lit room. I started to lay my head on his shoulder, but thought better of it and used the back of the couch instead. A yawn escaped my mouth and I tried to cover it with my slender fingers. The smile on my face was getting dopey and sleep was creeping my direction. I tried so hard to keep my eyes focused but they were becoming blurry and I caught myself as I started to close them.

"I need to get going or I'm going to fall asleep right here." It was the truth, unless he found me some place to sleep soon his parents would wake to find a wondering gypsy girl on their couch. Juding by Cyrus' expression I'm not sure thats the best idea. I yawned again and went to stand. I'm sure there was an alleyway or stoop I could find to curl up in for a few hours. Brushing my lips against his cheek I leaned over and whispered, "Thank you for everything."

I was hoping he'd offer me a closet or somewhere to sleep in just til morning when he could help me sneak back to the fence, but I felt bad with all he'd done for me already. The candle light flickered off the planes of my face as I headed towards the door.

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

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Cyrus tried his best to imagine what she was telling him. She was born in the woods, and wandered from place to place with her mother and a group of friends. They had tents to live in, but it she said that soon they were going to pick a place to stay for good. He wondered what district that meant, or if perhaps they were trying to get to the wilderness and beyond. They had not a chance in certain districts, he was sure of that. Perhaps that’s why they had made it to District 6; they were less likely to be found by peacekeepers. Still, he thought it must have made her anxious to have to wander around all the time. He felt a twinge of admiration that she had lived her whole life doing it.

More importantly, he liked the way that her hand felt in his own as he played with it. The softness of her small hand against his giant rough one was a fun juxtaposition. He continued to lift it up and bring it down, before placing it down on his lap and looking over the back of her hand. For someone who spent all of her time in the unknown, she didn’t seem to be scratched up and calloused as he expected. He looked at her as her hand dropped and she began to talk about having to go. The morning was coming quickly, and his family would soon be waking from their slumbering. He could imagine Naif rubbing his eyes and coming in wondering who Tatum was and what she was doing in the house. He couldn’t imagine what his father would say, other than for whoever Tatum may be, that she was to leave their home.

He wasn’t sure what he wanted her to do in truth. He knew it was wrong to ask her to stay, but he didn’t want her to walk the streets in the early hours of the morning as the sun was rising before anyone went to work. She had obviously been doing this for a long time, which he was sure meant it wouldn’t be the first time she wandered the streets alone at an early hour. At the same time, he felt somewhat responsible that he had kept her here all this time without sending her off with anything. Maybe he could cut some more ham for the rest of her family, and give her some bread to take with her as she went. Maybe he could walk back with her, and see the edge of the fence.

Of course, all this thoughts were interrupted when Tatum kissed his face. He touched his cheek, rubbing the spot as she got up to go, and a noise escaped his lips. He blinked a few times and looked from her to the door.

“Don’t go!” Cyrus said, and as soon as the words escaped his mouth, he wished that he could take them back again. He had said it like a child, as though he was afraid of her leaving. She didn’t want to stay here with him, and it was strange for him to even ask. He felt his cheeks burn again and tried to pull himself together. He stood from his spot on the couch and walked to his room. He returned a few moments later with a blanket and moved down to his knees along the wall next to his bedroom. There was a small insert, big enough for one and a half persons he would say, that he opened up. This was the crawlspace, as his father called it that collected nothing more than dust as his family had nothing to fill it with other than old magazines and a few handymen’s tools.

Cyrus looked back at Tatum and to the space and realized it must have been altogether ridiculous what he was suggesting. Putting her into a little dank hole at the base of his house? Why on earth would she rather sleep there than finding her way back to her family, whatever the risk? Again, Cyrus felt stupid. He looked down at the ground and didn’t try to make eye contact when addressing her.

“You can stay. There is room…” Cyrus said quietly as he moved his hands along the wooden floor.

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[laphae8ash]

The hole he was offering wasn't any worse than a few other places I had slept. But the look Cyrus gave me, like he was terrified I'd disappear, sealed the deal. "Will you sit next to me til I fall asleep?" Its hard without the sounds of the wild life." The lullaby of the forest was one of the best things about living outside. It was ever changing, ever there, and it made her tent a home.

I couldn't help but watch Cyrus, his movements so diliberate, so precise, it was like he never had a chance to just be free. In fact I'm not even sure he knew how to. I smiled thinking about sneaking him off to my family, letting him run through the trees as fast as he could or diving into a creek letting the water rush past him. There was just so much I wish I could show him...but thats the difference between being tied down to a place, you could never leave.

I slid down into the crawl space and smiled up at him, "Tell me about you life, what is it like being in a place like this forever?" I really am not sure if I want to settle in a district, my mother and father left one and its worked out for them. Nana Bracin said that Districts were just a way to keep us from enjoying life and Uncle Saul often said they were only for the "sheep."

I'm sure to Cyrus I was just a scary enigma that he couldn't understand, I was probably like that to most people, but in Cyrus's cut and dry world there was no one like me. I squirmed to get comfortable in the little box like area, even as petite as it was a little uncomfortable. I wish he'd offer me his bed, I'd be quiet as a mouse, but I know I couldn't dare ask that. My eyes were getting heavy but I wanted to hear more of his story, so I found a spot that didn't hurt too bad and waiting for him to start.

[/size]

[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

Cyrus feels a smile cross his face as Tatum settles into the crawlspace, accepting his invitation. He was happy that she wasn’t leaving him, at least for now. It was silly for him to think only in the moment, something that he rarely did, but it meant a lot to him that she would at least be staying. As she slid down into the space, he thought this must not have been the first time she slept in a cramped little space. She must have experienced plenty of situations where she had to hide herself some to make sure she made it to another day. He wondered if that was what she felt every day. It must have been exhausting to constantly live in the moment, never knowing just where she could put her head down and rest.

When he was asked to join her, Cyrus felt a knot fill his stomach. Again, it was a battle between what he had never experienced and what he was supposed to do—rather, what he wanted to do. She was so pretty and sweet, he had never met anyone else like her. She was so exciting and new, he didn’t even want to go to his own bed to sleep. Instead, Cyrus bent down and curled up against Tatum. He wrapped the blanket he had brought out around them, and brought his arm around Tatum, pulling her close to him. He was doing this to make things more comfortable, but he also enjoyed the way that the two of them rested against one another. He shifted to make more room for her, and despite the discomfort for his back, he hadn’t been this comfortable with someone in some time. He sealed the space to give them a cover of darkness.

“Well… I was born here in District 6. My mother and father were also born here. My Dad is an engineer, and my mom was an engineer, too. We used to have an apartment when I was little, in a black bricked building. I didn’t like it very much… there were always too many people around,” Cyrus said as he brushed a hand against her arm. He wasn’t quite sure how to answer her question. He’d never thought about how he had lived in District 6 his entire life. He didn’t have a mind for exploring, or for new things. Too much change for him was overwhelming. Even though he disliked it, it had been hard enough for him to move to this house.

“Then my mom got pregnant again when I was about 5 with Naif, my brother. She had all sorts of problems when she was pregnant with him. We think it had something to do with the chemicals she had been working with beforehand. When he was born, she didn’t get much better. So she’s had to stay inside the house for some time… she hardly ever goes out at all because it’s too much for her.” Cyrus had taken on a lot of responsibility in regards to this. He didn’t understand his fellow classmates or people his age, so it had been easy to settle in to helping his mother. This was his excuse for not having explored, or escaping from the real world outside.

“I… I like it here. I think. We have a nice house. We have food for all of us to eat. My brother and I get along. I help my mother a lot. I am thankful that I have a job, and that I have something I can count on every day,” Cyrus said. He looked down Tatum and blinked. He knew his life must have sounded so different than whatever she had experienced. “Why do you ask? Are you not happy with moving around all the time?”

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[laphae8ash]

"I don't dislike it. I love being able to come and go as I like. I think I'd be scared to be so tied down." I whispered as he pulled me close to him. It made me feel safe in his arms though. Even if he was a little different he still had feelings, and I enjoyed feeling him so happy. His breath was hot and sticky on the back of my neck, and gave me shivers.

I worried how he would react having so much of me so close to him with so little clothes on. Only the thin tshirt seperated my body from his hands as they wrapped around me. It wasn't like he was about to try anything, he wasn't that type of boy. I was more worried about causing him stress than anything, but soon after he curled up next to me I felt my breathing slow as my heavy eyelids started to close. Pulling his hand into my I pressed it against my chest near my heart like my mother would do as a baby. It gave me a sense of peace, no matter that I was sleeping in a small cramped box of a crawlspace.

Trying to fight the sleep for fear he would be scared alone down here with me in dream land I tried to finish telling him about the wild. "We get to run free as much as we want, through the woods the wind whipping through your hair...or jump in a creek when the water gets warm enough and swim. Its like the whole world is yours." a yawn pushed through my words.

"But I'm enjoying my time with you Cyrus. You're special. You don't judge me." I brought his hand to my lips and kissed his finger tips. "Thank you." With that I felt myself slip off no matter how hard I fought.

My dreams were those of vivid colors and flashes and filled with flowers and rain. The things I loved most in the world...only now and then I'd see Cyrus's smile or eyes hidden in things. It was a shame he'd never get the chance to be free.

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

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As her lips touched his hand, he pulled her tighter against himself. He felt lightness with Tatum that he had yet to experience, ever. Everyone around him treated him as though he was a piece of a puzzle that didn’t have a spot to go. Tatum seemed to take him as he came, and was grateful for what he was doing. In just a few short hours she had been able to get closer to him than anyone else in recent memory. Perhaps there was something to the randomness of the way that she viewed life. By not holding back, she was able to let herself be free and experience new things. Such a concept would still frighten Cyrus, but for now he had gained a brief glimpse as to what that meant, and why someone would live that way.

As Tatum drifted off to sleep, Cyrus felt his own eyelids growing heavy. He didn’t want to leave her in the space by herself, and he decided that perhaps he could stay there for a little while longer, even if it meant that his brother would wonder where he had gone off to. His father wouldn’t notice his absence. He never cared much anymore about Cyrus was doing, as long as he was not getting into trouble. He had gotten him the job as a welder, and considered this to be enough for now. Perhaps Cyrus would move on to bigger things, but he was making money, didn’t complain, and helped provide for the family. His father’s long hours also meant he didn’t have much energy to look after Cyrus, especially now that he was sixteen.

Cyrus rested his head atop Tatum’s and felt his eyes close. He pictured himself as a child, sitting in the lap of his mother. He could see through the haze pictures of a book of birds and flowers. He would point and she would mouth the words of their names. Cyrus was so curious then. He wondered if they all still existed, and if she would ever get to see them. He saw himself now, standing at the edge of the fence, looking at the grass and trees beyond. The fence seemed to rise up ever higher, and he felt himself backing away from it. There was so much beyond the wall, he could never imagine that he would be able to move beyond where he was now. He retreated to the safety and warmth of the room with his mother. She was gone now, and all that remained was the couch and book, opened to the page that they had been looking at. He moved to put his hand on the page.

He woke with a start after hearing the closing of the door. He fidgeted in his place, and tried not to wake Tatum. Slowly he moved towards the door, and quietly opened the crawlspace. A bit of light streamed in, though Cyrus could tell the morning was just breaking. His father had gone already, he was sure of it, and Naif must have just left for school. His mother would be asleep for some time more, until he brought her breakfast. He slowly made his way into the kitchen and again made a plate for himself and Tatum. He put a few slices of bread with butter on a tray, and a couple of small glasses of milk. He moved to the entrance and kneeled down with the tray.

He stared at her for some time, watching her sleep, not wanting to wake her. She was pretty, wrapped up in her cocoon of a blanket. Cyrus had taken a risk he normally would not have taken in sleeping here with her. He wasn’t sure if it had been because he was so tired, or if perhaps a little of Tatum had rubbed off on him. Again, he realized that he was staring, and finally moved to speak to her.

“Tatum…” He whispered softly to her. He thought that perhaps they could have breakfast, and he could send her on her way with a few things. Perhaps he could even see where she was going to leave. Perhaps she wouldn’t disappear. He hoped that somehow, he would see her again.

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[laphae8ash]

I heard my name being called softly and for a moment I was confused as to where I was. It made me jerk up quickly my eyes wide as a deer in the cross points of a bow. Scooting back I realized quickly I was blocked in, but in the door way in front of me I saw comforting figure. "Ohhh its just your Cyrus." I released the breath I had sucked in for fear of the worst. With a smile I said "I thought you were...well...I just thought it wasn't good."

I thought you were a peace keeper Cyrus, I thought you were here to take me away. I thought I was never going to see anyone I cared about again...including you. I can't believe that I was grouping him in with my family, but there was something about this pure and innocent boy...man...that had really touched my heart.

Yes, my heart, my deep down hidden piece that I never really let open was here for Cyrus. He was just such a caring person, so genuine. It was hard to find friends in the woods, especially those who were my age, or even close to my age. A few years ago I had made one friend who's family stayed with us for a few months, but eventually we decided that too big of a crowd would be easier for the peace keepers to track. So we said our fairwells and I haven't heard from him since. I hope he's doing well, where ever he is.

The tray in Cyrus's hands catches my eyes. Once again he's bringing me food, keeping me full. This is more than I can remember having when it comes to bread. We get a lot of game and wild fruits and veggies, but bread...good real bread...its been at least 6 months since mom snuck in a stole a few loaves. Now I've had it twice in a row, and this time with butter! The smell was enough to make my mouth water as I tried to shimmy out of the crawl space.

Looking around to make sure no one was there I finally came out. "Is it okay? I don't want to get you in trouble." My eyes scanned the empty room as he led me back to the living room. After he had given me the all clear I sat on the couch smiling at him. He looked like me, messy after sleeping down on the floor, but content. Taking my braid in my hand I tried to smooth it back to looking somewhat normal. "Thank you for this, you really didn't have to. I promise I'll be out of your hair soon."

There was a tugging at my heart as I said the words. How I wanted to show him the freedom I had, but I don't know if he was ready to handle it, and heavens forbid if he got stuck on the other side of the fence! My parents would never turn him away, but another mouth to feed, one who had as many idocyncrasis as Cyrus would never make it in the forest, and I'd hate to have anything happen to him.

Taking a piece of bread and biting in savoring it, I looked up at him, "Are you going to be able to help me get back to the fence later? I'm sure my family is getting worried."

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

[/b]

As they made their way back into the living room, Cyrus could feel her nervousness about being awake in daylight. He was certain that there would be no issues for the two of them. Before long, everyone will have gone to work, and the streets will be empty, save for the few free to go shopping or running errands. They could make their way along the streets towards the town center, turn up a few side streets, and run up against the wall to the other side. He was less certain of the activities of the peacekeepers during the day, but he did know that he would not them take her. That would be his promise, whether she knew it or not.

He took a few bites of the bread and butter and grinned as he watched Tatum. There were so few he had ever felt close with, if at all. It was so hard for him to come this close to friendship with anyone his age. He took another bite and looked away from Tatum. As she spoke of leaving him, he felt his heart sink. He was an idiot. This whole time he kept seeing her as a friend, as if there was some kind of future between them. As if there was any possible way for the two to remain friends, when a fence and a wandering family separated the two of them. They were just so different, and things so temporary, that he didn’t want to think of her as the way he thought of everyone else. She was special to him. She made him feel different. She listened to him.

He had to stop thinking about her as a possible friend. He had to regain his composure and rationality. She was a wanderer and this friendship was going to be temporary. Who knows what her family would say about her staying with some strange boy the entire evening? What good would come out of the two of them being together? Worse, what if something happened to her? He could never forgive himself if he somehow managed to get Tatum into trouble. Worse still, he would just feel awful for losing the first person in some time that he had any feelings about at all. He felt strange and beguiled by Tatum, and all of the emotions and feelings she brought confused him.

“You don’t have to worry about anyone bothering us for now.” Cyrus looked to the doorway that was his mother and father’s room. “My mother will be asleep until midmorning, and I will bring her breakfast to her so she doesn’t have to get out of bed. She doesn’t usually get up in the morning that often anymore. My father and brother have already gone, as have most people to work and school. There will be a few people in the streets when I take you back to the fence.”

He felt another pang as he said this, and stared over at Tatum. He didn’t so much as want to go out into the wilderness with her as he didn’t want her to have to leave. He tried to imagine her settling down, but he knew that this was nonsense. He just simply couldn’t picture her wanting to stay in District 6, or any district for that matter, no matter how comfortable. And he didn’t know if he could handle what was beyond the wall. It was so foreign to him, and he worried of the risks of being caught. What if he was not able to return? How would his mother, brother, and father get on without him?

“I will be able to get you there safely, I am sure of it. And then… perhaps we’ll… well, we will part but…” Cyrus tried to think of how it was he wanted to say this. He wanted her to take care of herself. He wanted to see into the life of Tatum, if only along the fence. He wanted to know that she would be all right, and that there was something that he could give her, even her family. He stood from his spot from on the couch and entered the kitchen. He wrapped something in a cloth and returned to her. He opened it to reveal a loaf of bread for her family. “I can at least give you this, so you don’t go back to them empty handed.”

It was all he could offer to her, and it was a lot considering his father and mother would wonder what happened to the bread. He would get a new ration by putting himself in for tesserae, though he wasn’t about to let Tatum know that.

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[laphae8ash]

Cyrus hands me the bread. I can't help but take a look at it and back to him and back to the bread again. "Cyrus, I can't take this. This is yours." my voice was gentle and kind, but I really couldn't take it as much as I wanted to. He needed it. He wasn't just some nameless faceless person I could steal from. He was someone who...mattered.

I look down at the small rope like bracelet I wear. Its nothing special, just some twine I braided in a pattern. I had attached a small bead on it after it fell off a dress I had taken from District 1 a few years ago. The bead was a brilliant turquoise color, no bigger than a pebble, but it was special to me. My fingers were a little slow at untying the knot before I reached over and tied it around his wrist. It was snug, but I wanted him to have it.

"For you, From me." I smiled and squeezed his hand. I didn't want to lose my friend, and this way he can always have a piece of me with him. To remind him to be free. To be open to someone different. To accept people for just what they were. Just like he had done with me and I with him.

I could see the day light poking through the curtains and I knew I had to get moving soon. "Cyrus, its not that I want to at all, but I need to get back to the fence. I have to get back to my family." I didn't want them to leave without me, and more than that I didn't want them to send someone in to find me. We all had an unspoken rule, but I know my mother would break it if I was the one left behind.

Please don't let him get upset. It has to be like this. I can't take him with me as much as I want to. I wish there was a way to stay in contact with him, but until I decide if I want to join a district or not, I have to go.

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[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

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Cyrus felt the loaf of bread come back to him, and he looked from it to Tatum. He wasn’t trying to give her charity. He only wanted to make sure that she had something to take back to her family. He had kept her the whole night. The least he could do was to provide her with some food. It did not matter to him that he would have to get more somehow. He had some money to spare. And he was hardly in the reaping at all at this point. He was almost certain that he would not be picked. It seemed mathematically improbable to him at this point. And he was particular good with figures.

“Please… you can have it…” Cyrus tried to push it back, though he doubted that this would go answered. He sounded like a child, and felt himself growing tense yet again. He could sense that she was going to leave. She was going to turn away, and he was not going to see her again. He did not want her to leave, and to have to be without her. She was so different than anyone he had ever met. She was the first one in some time that had gotten him to open up. She was the first girl who ever kissed him, even if it was only on the cheek. He did not want to let her go.

And yet he knew that this too was improbable. She had only stayed because she had nowhere else to go. She had been with him because she was afraid and lost. It wasn’t because he was nice to her and had offered her anything. No, it was because she needed a roof over her head, and had seen Cyrus as a comfort. He was nothing more than an object to her. He was as he had always been—a useful tool for someone else, nothing more than a number, a boy who could be relied upon to complete a task. He felt ashamed that he cared so much to see her go. He wanted nothing to do with the feelings that he couldn’t explain inside of him. He just wanted it to go away. For her to go away.

When her hand touched his wrist, he swallowed hard, feeling the emotions building up in his chest. He was so sure that he could have led her home and she would have been fine. That perhaps he could meet her at the fence now and again. That they could be friends, and that maybe one day he could see the other side of things as she did. Then they could curl up together in a blanket again. And he could rest his head against her again. But he knew this was all his foolishness. It made no sense, and could never be.

“What…” He began to say as he saw the small piece of turquoise. It was a beautiful color. He looked from the bracelet to Tatum and choked a little. There were so many things that he felt. She had been the first in some time to make him feel anything. He looked at the bracelet and let his hand drop to his side. For another moment he stood looking at Tatum, studying her. He wanted to know the exact shape of her face, the color of her hair, the curve of her lips. He wanted to know if she had small hands, and how many freckles were on her cheeks. He wanted to be certain that this image could stay this way for him, for some time, for when he needed her again.

In an instant Cyrus had wrapped his arms around Tatum, snugly, and let out a small sigh. “Please… don’t forget me, Tatum. Please… be safe. Please… be safe…” He said as he pulled her into him. He could say nothing else for now. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say. She had spent one evening with him, and he didn’t want her to go, but he knew that he had no right to seeing her again. She had to live her life, and he had to live his. He would go on living, for her. Maybe one day he would see her again—or perhaps at least know that there were more people like her out there.

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[laphae8ash]

The way he pulled me close brought tears to my eyes. I didn't want to leave him yet, I wanted to pull him out of this world he made for himself, but it wasn't my place to do that. I breathed in his scent hoping to remember this moment for when I needed comfort, when I needed to know that somewhere no matter what was happening I made a difference to one person.

His face when he saw the small token on his wrist made the wetness in my eyes worse. I'm not a cryer, I'm not even sure when the last time I cried was, but in this moment this boy was holding on to me like a piece of driftwood in the sea. I've never felt so torn, I couldn't live in his crawlspace, I couldn't leave my family. I wanted to bring him with me, take him away from this life and show him just so many things that made my life worth living. I wanted to show him the world.

"Cyrus",I started pulling back from him to look up in his soft caring eyes, "I'll never forget you. I promise." the other thing he asked for I couldn't promise. My life was not safe and until I made my choice it never would be. It was an endless maze of hiding and running, stealing and lying, it was never safe. In fact, the safest I've been in the past two years was here...with Cyrus.

I push myself back into his arms. Pull it together Tatum. Your whole life you've been in and out of districts your whole life. You knew this was coming...but why is it so hard this time... I knew the answer. It wasn't that I was in love with Cyrus, but I cared for him so very much. I waited a moment, my head on his chest listening to his heart beat, trying to find the best words to explain how I feel. Yet no words came. This boy didn't fit into any of the categories I was trying to place him, he was too special.

Finally it hit me: There comes a time in your life where something that seemed so little and insignificant becomes a life changing moment. A time when your eyes open to something to pure and beautiful that you never want to look away. Thats how I felt about Cyrus. He was everything I wish I could be. Good. Caring. Smart. Pure. He saw things for what they were, not what the world made them out to be...only for some reason time left him behind and no one cared to know why or see that it was okay that he was different.

The chill of the hardwood floor was creeping up my feet to my legs and I shiver. "I need to go change out of your nightshirt. I can't run through town like this, it would be more noticable than my dress." My lame attempt to lighten the heavy mood was not very good. I could see the pain in his eyes and it was killing me inside. How could I make him understand that this was what was best. I couldn't put his family in harms way by keeping to sneak back in. I couldn't do that to my family either. I was a wild girl, he needed safety and security. I couldn't ever give him that.

Stepping out of his arms I went to the bathroom. When I heard the door click shut I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I sunk to the floor my hand in my mouth trying to stiffle the sound of my crying. Why was he the one I had to run into? Why him. I felt so guilty that it was going to stay with me for ages. He didn't need to know someone like me. I had just shattered the bubble of his world and within 24 hours I would be walking out of the rubble leaving him to piece it back together. My hands flicked the tears away as fast as they were coming. I couldn't let him see me like this. I couldn't ever let anyone see me like this. Struggling to untie the wrinkled pouch that was my dress I pulled out my underwear and bra. Pulling off the nightshirt I tucked it inside my dress. I wanted to keep a piece of him with me. I slide into my undergarments and called out to Cyrus, "Did you say you might be able to find me something less obvious to get me back to the gate?"

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