Simple Wonders (Open)

[laphae8ash]

All of my dreams seem to fall by the side
Like a discarded thought or the day's fading light
But I know that if I could just see you tonight

Forever

At times we may fall, like we all tend to do
But I'll reach out and find that I've run into you
Your strength is the power that carried me through
Forever

My body pushed into his, wanting to meld us together forever, to let his goodness and kindness seep into my very soul. I didn't want to let go, I want him to know that this was as hard as anything I've ever done. All I wanted to do was to take his hand and lead him out with me, show him how safe I will be...but the truth is, I'll never really be safe. At least not out there.

I hear his words eating away at the very core of my heart. They're so truthful and honest and filled with his pure emotion, no reasoning behind them other than its exactly what he feels. For once he's letting himself say and be the person he wants, with no fear.

“I am going to miss you Tatum. I liked having you here. I liked being with you. I want to know so much more about you. I want to sleep with you every night. I want you to be safe. I… I don’t want you to leave. But… I know you have to go. And I… I want you to be happy… so please… please be safe? For me? Please don’t forget about me. Please don’t think I will forget about you. You’re so wonderful. You’re beautiful. I have never met anyone like you. I… I have never felt so happy as today. You’re beautiful Tatum.”

Your kindness for weakness
I never mistook
I worried you often,
Yet you understood
That life is so fleeting,
These troubles won't last
Forever

BEAUTIFUL. He's said that from the beginning, and it warms me. Its not that he thinks my physical being is beautiful, but his eyes portray that its so much more. I reach up and wipe a stray tear from his wet cheeks. For someone so big so handsome its strange to see him so vulnerable.

"I'm going to be safe Cyrus. Safe because of you, for you. I'll never ever forget you. I'll never forget your kindness and your goodness. I'll never forget how smart you are, how clever you are. I'll never forget the smile on your face under our quilt. Ill never forget a second of the time I spent with you." shoving the tears off my own cheeks now I smile and take a step back, forcing myself to release my arms from around him.

"Maybe one day we'll be back in District 6. I'll find you again. I promise. Someday." The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop them. I really don't know if I'll ever be back here, I know I want to...but I shouldn't get his hopes up. I take a few steps towards the gate. Looking around to make sure no one was watching. The cost seemed clear so quick as a flash I make my way through the hole and into the grass on the other side.

Inspired me truly
You did from the start
To not be afraid
And to follow my heart
There's a piece of you with me
They can't tear apart
Forever

"Goodbye Cyrus." my voice breaks as I call out from beyond the gates as I raise my hand to my lips and blow a kiss in his direction. My brain tells my feet to move. Mentally I know I should be running, but I can't yet, I can't stop looking at him. I can't let him out of my sight yet. The sunlight falls over a building behind us sending a glare into my eyes. Shielding my eyes from the blast of light, I finally force myself to turn and run.

Run through the woods and weeds and through the fallen branches. Ducking and diving trying to push my tears and sobs away. Sinking against a fallen tree I try to catch my breath as I dissolve into a mess of tears and sorrow. It takes several minutes to calm myself to a point of being able to see to walk. Wandering through the woods I finally see the tents of my family, my steps quicken as my mother comes around the corner. Choking back another flood of tears, I throw myself into her arms. "I'm home mama. I'm okay, I promise." I pull out the bread that Cyrus handed me, taking the fabric he wrapped it in and pressing it to my cheek.

Someday I'll find him again. Someday.

In times we may fall
Like we all tend to do
Your strength is the power
That carried me through forever

Forever I'll find you, forever we'll be
Forever your power and strength stays with me

[cyrus]

Cyrus Malloc

-----
I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
-----

When she says goodbye, he can feel the ice start to form over him once again. This was the moment he’d feared, the moment when it was all to disappear. The heaviness was not going to overtake him this time, but he could still feel. He could still have the pain that stabbed into him as she turned away. He wanted to feel this, to work through this, as hard as it was to hear those words. There was something to the ability to feel this hurt that made Cyrus think that he would again feel the happiness that Tatum had brought. There went the quick, warm happiness that he’d been able to feel in his hands for such a short period of time. He watched as she stepped away and made her way through the fence.

-----
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
-----

Would she return to him someday? Would he see her smiling face ever again? They were questions for which he had no answer. Only time would tell him whether or not her words were true. Logic and reason would say the chances were small. She had no reason to return her. Her family would find little from district six. They would have more luck scouring the fields of the farming districts, or on the beaches of the sea. District six had relative safety, but offered them no real future. He would have to be content in reasoning that he should take her at her word.

-----
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
-----

There was none that he could share this with, at least, not for some time. He would only dream of her, in the way he could feel and think of her for some time. He worried too that he would one day forget her face. He hoped that the time he’d taken to memorize her features, the feel of her body, and the shade of her eyes would not disappear. The pang of fear grew stronger inside of him as he thought that one day he would forget of this. That one day he would not smile thinking about the girl who’d spent the night with him. The one who had taken the time to see him at a deeper level would disappear, just as she had into the forest.

-----
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
-----

There was an urge for him to follow, but his feet were like stone. He could forget about all of this—the people of district 6. He could run with her and say goodbye to everything that had given him nothing. But his body and mind said no; they found that he could do no more than watch for a long time. He watched Tatum break into a run as she at last disappeared into the trees. Cyrus stood there for a long while, watching the forest. He knew he must have been strange, standing near the opening in the fence, staring at nothing in particular.

-----
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
-----

He felt the wind whip up behind him, and at last got the strength to turn away from the fence. He took a few steps forward, and then began to pick up the pace. He rushed faster, feeling the wind against his face, and turned a corner, swinging along his memorized route home. He weaved along a sidestreet, and at last ducked into an alley, into a patch of darkness. He stood with his back to the wall, and pounded a fist against the brick. He let out a sob as he pulled his hair. What did all of this mean for him? What had he done for all of this? He slid down along the wall and felt his chest heave. He hit the ground with a thud and tried wiping his eyes.

-----
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here
-----

Saying goodbye had been the hardest part for him—he hadn’t managed to say it. He hadn’t managed to utter the word that he so desparately needed to say. Instead, he stood like a proud fool as she turned away from him. He had tried so hard to be strong and to not break down, that he hadn’t prepared for that moment when she wasn’t against him. His armor, the armor that he used to cover himself from anyone and everyone had broken into a pieces. He had wanted to think that this one-night tryst wouldn’t affect him so—but he realized as his fist hit against the brick again that he was wrong.

-----
What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
-----

There was nothing more that he could have done. He was broken in that way. He wanted too much to feel like everyone else did, to be able to communicate like they did, that he forgot just to be. He brought his knees up to his chest and pressed his eyes against his jeans. There he stayed for some time, trying to get a grip of himself. He would have to stay strong. He had to struggle through this. He would make it on his own; he would have to survive without anyone. No one else could know what to do with him—they never had before, and wouldn’t now.

-----
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
-----

Even his family would notice no difference in his sullen behavior upon his return home. Without speaking, he would continue to go through the motions of life. He would work through this struggle. His mother would be too distant to speak to his change. Naif was too young to understand what his brother’s moods meant. And his father would have nothing to do with him and his moodiness. They would leave him alone to his silence. So he would have to journey forward without a guide, without one to turn to.

Cyrus would not be reduced to nothing, however. He would not be able to shake this longing—this desire for her to return—but he wouldn’t let it consume him. No, he would grow from this. He would come to understand himself more deeply. The hurt would be strong for now, but he could move on. He would find another to love and to be loved. He was certain of one thing: she had taught him not to be afraid of growing and becoming. He may not have understood much, but he could understand this.

His slow, meandering walk home let the tears dry and his eyes clear. He entered into his home quietly, and set about preparing a meal for his mother. He set some bread on a tray, with some meat, milk, and a slice of apple. He took the try to the door, and took a deep breath at her door. Could he do this? Could he move forward? Could he try to go back to the way things were before? Would they? He stared down at the try, and saw a glint of turquoise. The bracelet Tatum had given him hung around his wrist. He pressed against the door and opened it with a small smile. “Good morning Mama… are you feeling well? I’ve brought you breakfast.”

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If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
-----