Yo Ho Ho and a Carton of Milk [Yearlings] {kheft}

[thatirishguy]

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***

Julyan moaned as a spear of light rested on his face, cutting in between the cloth curtains in the modest little room that he called his own. "Moooom, it's Saturday, I don't have school today, jeez..." He rolled over onto his front and flopped face down back onto his pillow, shifting a few times to get comfortable like a dog settling down to sleep, before collapsing into what appeared to be a coma, mouth hanging wide open. Julyan was at home in his bed, it was his natural habitat. His mother had always told anyone that would listen that her son would quite happily spend the rest of his days there, given the chance. These days, he would spend anywhere from twelve to fourteen hours in bed, had he not to get up for work, an act that had become a daily hell. January had gotten him smelling salts to help with the process of getting him awake, but they proved to be ineffective. He had instead resorted to dumping a jug of water on Julyan's head, which worked more often than not.

Julyan's eyes suddenly snapped open. I'm not with mom anymore, she's...well I'm in January's house now. So who the hell... He quickly sat up to see Juniper perched on the end of his bed, watching him. "What the f-" As he backed away from her, more than a little creeped by her presence in the room while he had been sleeping, he fell off his bed backwards. A moment of utter terror, he flailed his arms around uselessly whilst in mid-air, looking for something in reach to grab onto, before meeting his inevitable fate and falling to the wooden floor below, whacking his head off his beside table in the process. He lay unmoving for a few moments before a groan came from the misshapen pile of sheets and limbs. After feeling the back of his head to find a bump that must have been the size of a fist (no blood...), he rose from the ground, shedding the blanket that caught around his shoulders. It was only after pulling his vest back down from over his head that Julyan remembered the reason he had fallen off the damn bed. Juniper.

His eyes flicked across the room to find her still sitting there, a grin plastered on her face. It was right about then that Julyan realised that he was standing in his bedroom, with a girl, wearing only a vest and boxer shorts. Purple ones with polka dots, for that matter. Even better. He swiftly fetched a sheet from the floor and swept it around himself as a makeshift cloak, hiding his chicken legs and utter lack of muscles of any way, shape or form. She had only arrived in the house a week ago and she had already seen him stumble about his bedroom in luminous boxers. Smooth, as ever. No, wait. Why was she here in the first place? He had forgotten to question why this phantom-esque looking woman, with her bleached hair and pale complexion, had infiltrated his bedroom."Wha...why...who..." He scratched the back of his head as he tried to form a coherent sentence. Girls always made him awkward, but this was a whole new level of social ineptness. "Were you watching me sleep?" Julyan wasn't sure if he was entirely cool with the idea of a girl he barely knew, or a girl full stop, examining his unconcious form. If he watched February sleep, he would almost certainly get a whack of the nearest blunt object. But for some reason, Julyan wasn't nearly as outraged by the situation as he should be. I sure hope I didn't do anything weird in my sleep he thought, forgetting the fact that he was currently donning a blanket toga.

[Kheft]

Juniper just sat on the bed, cool as a cucumber, and watched Julyan have his mental meltdown, perfectly at home where she was perched. Her expression didn’t look the slightest bit abashed, or embarrassed at the boy’s state of undress.

“Nope, I was listening to you. You talk in your sleep.”

Now that he had abandoned his bed, she stretched legs out, kicking back and stealing the pillow to tuck behind her neck. A large piece of buttered bread appeared in one hand, where it had been secreted to on her person previously was a mystery, but she took a large bite. Chewing with deliberate motions, Joon muttered around the mouthful, “Oh, also you drool.” The sunny smile following the comment was impishly exaggerated in proportions. Her eyes travelled down his mummified form to land on a spot where the sheet sagged and a splotch of polka dotted undies shone through with malicious brilliance. If possible, the Cheshire cat grin grew even larger.

“Some fancy duds you got there.” When Julyan simply stood in silence, she shrugged and chucked the last bit of bread into her mouth. “Mmmm. You should thank me, y’know. You’re gonna have the best alarm clock in the District.” One hand waved airily at what appeared to be a sad heap of cogs, wire, and small bits of bent metal on the bedside table where a functioning alarm clock previously sat. “You don’t wake up so good. I’ve been sittin’ in here for an hour listening to you, and you never so much as opened a lid. So I decided to fix up your clock, it was in a bad way. When I’m done it’ll have you out of bed in no time!”

The wide smile was back, and it seemed to be near a permanent fixture on the young girl’s puckish face. Lashes fluttering outrageously, one hand reached to pat the warm space on the bed that Julyan had occupied before his rather hasty exit. “You can come back to bed if you want, don’t mind me. I’ll be invisible.” With that she proceeded to sprawl out, gathering up the tiny pile of clock bits and begin tinkering with them. A small spring trapped between her two fingers gave a protesting creak as it was pulled to and fro, in time to odd snatches of song that she began whistling with obnoxious clarity.

[thatirishguy]

Description

Thought

Speech

***

His mouth hanging half-open, Juyan stood frozen to the spot, entirely unsure about how to react to this whole...thing. The only movement he made while Juniper was talking was to shift his robe of blankets to cover his...duds...after she brought them up. This was just flat out embarrassing. They are absurdly comfy though. He hadn't deliberately chosen such outlandish boxers purposefully; it wasn't a fashion statement, not that anyone would see them anyway. Unless they sneak into your room and watch you sleep. His eye twitching as a scattering of bread crumbs gathered on his bed sheets from the toast Juniper was eating, Julyan realised that he should be engaging in a conversation of sort. That's what a person with functioning social skills would do, right?

"...I’ve been sittin’ in here for an hour listening to you..." Twitch. Upon her bringing up the state of his quote unquote alarm clock (it was in such a state that it could hardly be considered one), Julyan finally came to, as if he had been in a coma for the entirety of the conversation. "Oh yeah, it's been buggered for a good while now, hah!" A rare smile came to Julyan and some color entered his cheeks. With as entrenched with work and, well, sleep, as Julyan was, it wasn't often that the sober demeanour of one well beyond the teenager's years left him. His eyes met Juniper's for a fleeting second, but her maniacal grin left him unnerved, looking instead at the ceiling, the floor and every else in the room that wasn't Juniper Pearl. Considering the pair had before only exhanged brief pleasantries, Juniper was being ridiculously forward. However, Julyan was glad for the company, even if he didn't show it outwardly. This house could be a lonely place at times, if that was even possible with a family of 12.

Put on some clothes, you utter tosser. Julyan suddenly sprang into action, reaching the breaking point of being able to stand unclothed in the presence of another. "I'm just gonna...you know...clothes, if you wanna turn around..." Shuffling over to the pile of clothes that lay on the floor after Juniper had pushed them off the bed to make room for some pieces of clockwork that she was fiddling with, he did his best to conceal his thin framework while slipping into a pair of cotton trousers and a stained shirt, habitually rolling the sleeves up to his elbows. His room now a complete trashheap, he exhaled, hands on hips. He collapsed back onto the bed at Juniper's invitation, careful to avoid any sharp mechanisms. Normally, he would be asleep for another few hours at least, so his body was unprepared for being awake at this time. What is it, like mid-day? Insanity. "Thanks for fixing the clock, I guess. Did you really have to wake me up this early on my off-day though?" He was entirely serious, but for whatever reason, Julyan found himself smiling. She was alright, this girl.

[Kheft]

Joon whisked one of those head-mounted magnifying glasses from…again, somewhere, and popped it on. The comical apparatus gave the impression that her eyes had expanded to dominate half her thin face. The now bug-eyed girl glanced up as Julyan joined her, perhaps a little surprised that he had taken her up on the offer? However, she accepted it with the perfect equanimity that she always seemed to exude. With the added weight, the small mattress tipped them both towards its center, old springs sagging and turning what should be a flat surface into something more resembling a hammock. Clinking bits of metal went sliding across the sheets; Juniper threw an arm across the spot, trying to carefully herd all of the escapees back into their respective piles.

"Thanks for fixing the clock, I guess. Did you really have to wake me up this early on my off-day though?"

Her shoulders shrugged once in reply, then, as if to further the odd image she cut, her face suddenly darted inches away from Julyan’s, her magnified eyes peering at him unblinkingly. Then, she…sniffed—her small nose crinkling up and taking a large whiff from the side of his neck. She sat that way a long moment, almost nose to nose with the bed’s rightful occupant, not a sound uttered. And then she was gone again, sprawled over the majority if space provided on the mattress, even letting her legs flop across Julyan’s to further spread-eagle. Without looking back at him, she buried her nose once again in the indecipherable guts of the alarm clock.

“You shouldn’t have changed out of those shorts, they made a statement, very…very…” She waved a finger around in a spiral, “Pulchritudinous. Also spotty, I like spotty. Spotty is good.”

Deft fingers darted from part to part, pulling, tweaking, notching them together, and then, with small grunts of displeasure, tearing them apart again. A particular spring warranted particular enmity and was sent pinging across the room like a small missile, ricocheting off one wall to collide with the window in a squeal of metal on glass. Joon licked her upper lip in concentration. Several small metal rods found their way behind one ear, and various wheels and cogs were secured between her lips, springs looped over fingers like abstract jewelry. Around the metallic accessories, the occasional mumbled note of a tune escaped, garbled and nearly unrecognizable save on the moment or two when she removed the parts for use and warbled the off-kilter verses.

“Said cabbage to…fishcake who lay on one diiiiish…
I’m big strong cabbage…you only fool fiiiish.
Yeeeeaaaaaaho! Little fishy…don’t cryyyy, don’t C-ryyyyy!”

The half assembled clock fell from Joon’s hand as she flopped over backward, nearly falling on top of Julyan. Her stomach gurgled loudly in the shocked stillness following.

“Foooood…ungh…I’m shriveling up!” The loud complaints accompanied her random flailing, and clock parts bounced off the edge of the bed to disappear in directions unknown. “I’m booooored, lousy clock! Doesn’t even taste good.” A pink tongue poked out at odd angle made a small swipe across the hunk of exposed metal. Her grimace marked it as decidedly NOT food. A pause, and then the skinny girl rolled over, still bedecked in her headgear, the pink tongue making an appearance as she took an experimental lick across Julyan’s bare arm.

[thatirishguy]

Description

Thought

Speech

***
Julyan's brow furrowed and eyes widened slightly as Juniper continued her strange act, staring him out for a good fifteen seconds before taking his scent and returning to her work. As he pondered the possibility of her having a mental problem or three, a spring rocketed its way around the room, causing him to sit bolt upright, startled. She's a freakin' health hazard. When out of nowhere she dropped the clock and lay back on the bed, Julyan contorted his position on the bed quickly to avoid touching her. Any contact would surely cause this time-bomb of a girl to explode. He was staring at the ceiling absent-mindedly, not paying much attention to whatever she was mumbling about when he felt something wet touching his arm. Her tongue.

"Fneh!" He yelped rather too loudly and leapt from the bed, marching to the kitchen without another word or backwards look at Juniper. Yup. Mental problems. I should tell January, really... January was not to be found along Julyan's path to food, however, and that was the priority right now. Anything to get away from her. He quickly made the decision never to talk to a girl again, based entirely on the last five minutes. Dying alone wouldn't be that bad, right? He strolled through the dining room on auto-pilot, not hearing the "hullo" that was murmured in his direction and pushed open the door to the kitchen. Pausing for a moment, he took in his surroundings. Pots, pans, knives and a vast array of utensils for which Julyan couldn't imagine a purpose. He put the realisation that he hadn't prepared a meal in aeons out of his mind and set about making breakfast. He pulled a mish-mash of foodstuffs from the various cupboards and set about making what could only be called a gloopy mush. He was in the process of unevenly chopping a carrot when he remembered that awful sound that Juniper's stomach had uttered and poked his head out the door, waving the stump of a carrot in the direction of his room. "Do you...eh...do you want anything Juniper?" Weird as she was, he still liked having company. It was...different.

He brought two bowls of the broth to the dining room, leaving a trail of broken parsnips, leaves of cabbage and some form of viscous...liquid behind him in the kitchen. Whoever had previously occupied the table had left, leaving behind the remnants of a meal that looked far more edible than what Julyan had prepared. Placing the bowls on the wooden surface stained many times over, careful not to spill their contents, he sat at the head of the table and dipped a spoon into his breakfast. Lifting it from the "liquid"'s surface revealed a rather lumpy consistency, entirely too thick to call it soup. In truth, Julyan had simply smashed a variety of vegetables into gloop and thrown them together in a pot. Tasting it hesitantly, it was surprisingly non-lethal. Pleased with his efforts, he allowed himself a smile and leaned back in his chair. I should be a chef...

[Kheft]

A few crashes and bangs resounded from the direction of Julyan's room following his departure. What could be generating them was a mystery, but after a few minutes of ominous silence, a poof of smoke wheezed out from under the closed door. Joon emerged in its wake, coughing and sneezing a bit, her face and hairline smudged with black soot. Dirty palms made black swaths across the legs of her pants as she padded over to the table and sat down.

The soup stared back at her from the bowl. Odd bits of partially cooked vegetables bobbed about in the murky broth, their origins sketchy at best. Spoon in hand, Joon guide one of the more distinguishable pieces of carrot into the utensil and tentatively raised it to her lips, taking a cautious nibble. Eyes watering, she offered Julyan a strained smile.

"Mmmm...ummm...wow." Her eyes dipped back down to inspect the soup again dubiously. "You didn't put any...body parts in this...did you? Eyeballs...toenails, anything like that?" Her teeth gingerly nipped off another little corner of carrot. “"It's missing something, some kind of spice I think." The thin, pallid face screwed up in concentration, staring at the bowl as if she might be able to suddenly alter its unappealing aspects. “"Mint? Do you put mint in these food kinds of things? Maybe a little oil? No...that's usually for gears, right? Ahhh!" Triumphantly Juniper leapt from her seat and dashed off into the kitchen as if whatever Julyan has served her for lunch was even now abandoning its dish and chasing her out of the room. Returning, she flourished a very old and battered box that had the words 'cayenne pepper' spelled out in neat block print. A fine sprinkling of red dust drifted through the air with each wild gesticulation she made, until her blonde hair began to slowly turn an unusual orange tint.

“"Perfect, it's perfect!!" Plopping back down at the table with enough force to set the silverware atremble, Joon proceeded to turn the small box upside down over the bowl, dumping at least half its contents into her bowl. The spoon cut swaths in the newly formed red land mass, letting in narrow water ways of the muddy, green broth. It took quite a bit of effort to mix the mounds of pepper in, and when she had completed the process, her bowl was full of a rusty, brown looking porridge that cemented together the uncooked lumps of vegetables. Seemingly unconcerned for the possibility of her mouth proving less than fire retardent, Joon scooped up a heaping spoonful of the mess and shoveled it down her throat.

It's amazing how one very pale face can suddenly turn so many different and lovely shades of color. Red, purple, even a faint hint of puce green. When she finally swallowed, it was with eyes shedding copious amounts of tears. Despite the obvious acute discomfort, she managed to croak out in as cheerful a tone as can be managed when one's throat has been turned into a flame thrower, “"Oh yeah, that's the stuff."