In the arms of [Death] ((Cici))

[kiah]

SASKIA CORBY

[When you lose something close to your heart, you learn to move on. You have to learn… because if you don’t you might as well have given up at life. If you don’t move, you can’t move on with life… You have to put things behind you, no matter how hard it might tear at your heart… the past is the past, and there is no way to turn back time, there is no way to change what had happened, even if you wished with all your heart. It’s like if have lost something, that you know you will never be able to find, you search and search, hoping that it will come back to you, when you know there is no hope… that is the same for me. I have wished, cried my heart out, screamed my silent wants, but yet she has failed to come back to me … I have failed to find her, and now it is time to let go and move on with the path that life has set out for me.

* * *
The sun hides behind the clouds today, too shy to let its rays of warmth to touch the life that is sheltered by the clouds. If you stare closely at the sky you can see the slight glow of the sun, as it remains hidden from sight. Hiding. The clouds are like a mask for the sun, the sun deciding whether it wants to reveal all or stay hidden... Most people say that the sun is something that brings happiness. Something that brings life, and blesses those that are able to feel its warmth. I have never been able to feel the warmth that the sun brings. Life has never given me a chance.

Finally when I thought that the rays of the sun might be able to touch me, that I might be able to feel its warmth, it was torn away from me. Finally when I thought I might actually be happy, my hope tumble to the ground. Finally when I had found a family that loved me, we were torn apart. So that warmth that I had longed for now seems so far away.

The streets that surround me a dirty, grubby, something that the capitol would consider inhabitable. But they quiet gladly let us live here. Let the people who have no hope for life, live in a place that matches. The place contained no happiness, yes it contained life, and well I would hardly call it life, more like the walking dead. A place where the sun ceased to reach any of us. I lived in the more shabby part of the district, the part that seemed to be crawling with people who wait for death to welcome them. -

Death

Seems like a funny words, a word the people would usually cringe away from, a word that would bring depression to a happy family, a family that had been touched by the sounds rays, only to have it torn away from them… But here where I lived the word was welcomed. Deep down no one really wants to die. No one really wants to give up on life… But when nothing is left for you in this life, what is the point in continuing on with this life? If it is only going to bring you grief, trauma, sadness... Where I live people only live for the sake of the people who they love, when all they really want is a ticket out of this nightmare in which they live through. After all, who wants to live through starvation? Disease? Knowing that at any moment that would die… that goes around a lot in this part of town. It wasn’t unusual to see a body on the side of the street, it was common…

Then you may ask why I still live, why I haven’t given up at this life, just taken the ticket out of here? Well because if I leave now, How was the person that meant more than anything to me, meant to continue on with life? He has gone through so much death over the past year, losing all the people that meant everything to him, but yet he is continuing on with life. He still believes that maybe in the near future the rays if the sun might find him, and bring him the happiness that he so deserves. So if he can live on with life, then surely I can…

Bundled at the corner of the grimy street sits the place that I call my home. It is one of the smallest sheds in this part of town, but to me it was all I needed to call home. But home wasn’t where I was heading, because heading home meant seeing Jerrome, and he needed space, something that I could give him… So instead of continuing down the street, I took a detour and headed further and further into the wilderness, in which is called District 8. I didn’t know where I was going, all I knew is that I needed to getaway for a while; I needed to escape all the sadness and death, and grief that threatened to end me. I wish, even if it is just once, that the sun rays would touch me, a fill me with warmth, and the feeling of love… just one I wish I could have a reason o be happy.

[Deleted]

Rix McKinney

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My sister loved chalk. She used to sit outside for hours and draw vivid pictures that stretched what seemed to be miles down the sidewalk, but was really only a few yards. Although I never had the ability to join her on the ground, I didn't ask her to stop. Instead, I would just sit and watch her as she scribbled her thoughts onto the ground. Our shared childhood wasn’t like most, for the majority of it consisted of Sadie playing and me watching, but I never complained.

I wish I could grasp the optimism that I used to cherish so wildly, but it seems as though it’s slipping away. Fear has replaced all of that happiness that I once possessed, filling my pockets with a heavy weight that constantly pulls me down. Will I ever get the chance to live? That’s what I’m afraid of. They say I’m getting worse, that one day my chest might collapse onto my lungs, that one day I might stop breathing. I’m waiting. Sometimes, I wonder whether it would have been better had I not been born. My adoptive parents wouldn’t get those mounting medical bills so often, and I wouldn’t be living this life of pain—where every move I make could be the cause of a fracture.

I am merely a piece of chalk, pictures and thoughts scribbled across the sidewalk we all call life. The walkers—they look down and smile—but tomorrow when they walk back, they’ll be reunited with the empty sidewalk. Will they even remember the green and the yellow—the colors that had once littered the ground beneath their feet? No, they’ll forget. They’ll forget every word that escaped my mouth, every significant moment that ever involved a boy named Rix McKinney. Someday, I’ll wash away just like the pictures that Sadie used to string across the sidewalk, chalk in hand. I already am.

Sadie pushes my wheelchair as we aimlessly head home from school for the day. I feel like a baby in a stroller every time, having to be escorted everywhere I go. Looking down at the ground in shame of who I am, I feel the wheelchair stop. Sadie asks if she can go check out this store really quick and apologizes for the fact that my wheelchair will in no way possible, fit through the door. It’s an art shop, obviously. I smile and nod, but the moment she enters, I start rolling my wheelchair away. I can take care of myself, can’t I? I roll it a bit further, with absolutely no destination in mind, until I reach a nearly empty suburban road. My arms sting, for I lack the much-needed strength to continue pulling myself along.

Suddenly, I spot someone: a small girl with dark hair, walking a few feet ahead of me, head down. I recognize her immediately: Saskia, the girl I had met a while ago, Chole’s sister. “Saskia!” I shout, rolling my wheelchair just a little further, enduring the stinging feeling in my arms for just a little while longer. When she’s finally facing me, I take a good look at her. I can tell that she’s still troubled, just by the look in her eyes, just by the fact that she’s walking alone down this street. I don’t want to nag her about it, though. I know what it feels like to have people pitying you left and right, and I know how annoying it can get, especially when you know that their feelings aren’t going to change anything that happened. Their sympathy can’t rewind time.

I don’t want this to end up like last time when I left Saskia because I had found out Sadie was out looking for me. I hate being treated like a child, especially because I’m eighteen now. If I wasn’t in this stupid wheelchair with this stupid disease, I’d be out there on my own with no one telling me what I can and can’t do. Right now, all I want to do is hug this little girl—she looks so lost, just like me: two little lost people—but I can’t. I physically can’t.

“Are you alright?” I ask, trying to get a few words out of her. I know what it’s like to be a quiet person; I’ve always been that way, which is why I desperately fish for something to say. What can I do that’ll make the girl smile? She doesn’t deserve to frown any longer. I take a quick glance behind me, just to make sure Sadie isn’t looking for me. Doesn’t she know I can take care of myself? I return my gaze to Saskia, realizing that the upcoming sidewalk is sloped down fairly steeply. I smile, finally having an idea.

“Saskia, have you ever ridden a wheelchair down a fairly steep downward-sloped sidewalk before? Well, you will now.” I move as best as I can, taking up only the right side of the wheelchair and giving Saskia room to sit if she so chooses to. I know that my parents would kill me for such risky behavior. Every little thing, they are always on me about it. Every time. Well guess what, mom? I’m eighteen. I’m eighteen, I have no job and I’m still not allowed to cross the street by myself. Thanks, life. You’ve been so kind.

"Trust me,” I say to Saskia, a friendly grin across my face. “It’s fun.”

ooc -- Ugh, sorry this took so long D: and sorry that Rix's colors are so ugh. They're getting changed soon.[/color][/size][/blockquote][/justify]

[kiah]

SASKIA CORBY

When Saskia was young she never had anyone to hold her, and tell her that everything was going to be alright. She never had anyone around that she could trust, because all those that she did trust were the ones that hurt her the most. The night that Jerrome found her was the night that Saskia was reborn again. It was the night that Saskia began to live her life. She had gone from never being cared for to being cared nurtured, she was loved. Love. She didn’t know what that word meant, until know. But Saskia also found out that love could be what hurt the most.Getting someone ripped away from you that you loved all so much, hurts more that she could ever have imagined. To watch her die, made it even worse. There wasn’t one day that went passed that Saskia’s mind didn’t think of her, and how she died in order to make the Capitol happy. But that was not the person to have hurt her because of love. Jerrome.

He swore that he would never leave me that he would be here for me, but know in order for him to be happy, she have to give him some space, she have to let him breathe. She knows this all sounds so confusing. Seriously, how could love, the most precious gift in the world, tear a family apart? Saskia didn’t know, but what she wanted to know was if love could mend a broken family. That’s what she was waiting for. She was waiting for Jerrome to accept her, hold her in his arms and just sit there… And Saskia knew if that were to happen, life would go on. If that were to happen, love. Once again, would have brought happiness to her life.

Continuing down the dirty street, Saskia knew where she was heading, she didn’t know why she was heading there she only knew that if she was to reach this place that maybe, for just a while, she may be happy, maybe smile that had been hiding for too long, could come out and warm her face.

Saskia freezes, was that her name? Saskia turns around reluctantly, right now she wants nothing more than to walk with the shadow. Being unnoticed is how she feels comfortable. Not many people know Saskia for who she really is in District 8, they know her for being the sister of a dead tribute, they pity her, and tell her everything is going to be alright, the only ones that actually empathise with her… are the ones who have experienced the loss of someone close due to the Capitols actions.

And then there was Rix.

He was another person that Saskia could feel herself being dragged in by. That he meant no harm to her, he genuinely cared. Maybe it was because they had something in common… Saskia though to herself. They both wanted an easy way out of life. A way where they would not hurt people close to them but a way where they could just slip away unnoticed. Rix was one of the only people that Saskia felt comfortable around, but that didn’t mean that she was ready to let her guard down. That doesn’t mean that she was ready to let him be part of her. She was scared, that if she did let him in that he might hurt her. he might not mean it, but Saskia didn’t want to be hurt. She had been hurt enough.

To her surprise Rix come wheeling to her side. He looks thin and fragile in his chair, like a piece of glass. That even the slightest touch might hurt him. He smiles at her as he come to her side. He looked sad, he always did. No matter hwo hard he tried to hide it, Saskia could see that sadness that lurked deep in his eyes. Saskia knew that deep down all he wanted was to be a normal boy. A boy that was not dependent on his chair. Saskia wished she could help him, but she knew there was nothing that she could do. that was just life and sometime life is harsh. As the saying goes, “some people walk in the light, others walk in the dark.”

“Are you alright?” he asked his face shined with curiosity, as he looked down upon her. Saskia wondered if he was alright,. He spends all this time worrying about others, but what about himself? Saskia hadn’t spoken a word since she was young; some people assume she has no voice, that she is not capable of speech, but it was simply cause she found no use to words. She didn’t like to communicate, she preferred to keep to herself, away from the prying eyes of the public.

When Saskia didn’t reply he asked, “Saskia, have you ever ridden a wheelchair down a fairly steep downward-sloped sidewalk before? Well, you will now.” Saskia could feel a rare smile forming on her lips as she thought of the adrenaline rush of riding down a hill, on wheels! “trust me, it’s fun!” he encouraged as he shifted over in his seat. Saskia was hesitant at first, shy away from the boy. But after a few moments there was no stopping her, she jumped onto the wheelchair, preparing herself for a once in a lifetime experience.

Saskia let her eyes meet Rix’s. she could feel her excitement climbing up her limbs as she waited for him to let the party begin


[[OOC: Ahhh!! I'm so sorry it took me so long, and if it is just a bunch of ramble D: <3]]