all up in the stars

[Wonder]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-image: url(http://i48.tinypic.com/15ot2xx.jpg); width: 500px; padding-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true] ♛ peridot myler; ♛ and i'd be saying that you you're always holding on to stars i think they're better from afar because no one is gonna save us

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∞

Coming to the Capitol was completely different this time around.

The train ride wasn't nearly as nerve racking, there was no ultimate pressure to do something bigger, greater. There was no pressure to win - though, if I had the choice, I probably wouldn't have. Victor life had only proved to be tremendously difficult compared to normal life. Before the reaping all I was was a klutz, a nobody, a failed career who tried ever so hard to be better and greater. But now? Well, I'm not so sure really. I won, and there was that. Gor the rest of my life I would be safe from any reapings, but I could have easily just done that by lasting one more year, a single year without my name being drawn from that stupid fucking bowl. One more year, but alas, I wasn't given that luxury. Neither were Kiera, or Aria, or Wes.

It all seemed like a dream now, sure I'd seen their graves, all their graves. I'd seen their bodies and their grieving families, been yelled at, torn down and yet - it still felt as if those three weeks, those days spent in the pit of hell, where the skies fell and multiple headed monsters reigned supreme, was, well, unreal. But I know it wasn't - scratches across my body dictated otherwise. The small cut on my stomach provided by the one and only Aria Wolfe was a scar that I made sure they didn't erase. It was a reminder. I needed that these days, something to keep me grounded, to ensure that all of that, all of the pain, and torture, and the loss of the only people I'd ever known, that was real.

It was all real, Little Boy, but live on, live on. And I do, I do as the cackling mouths still plague my nightmares, and my daydreams, the visions of the Gamemakers trap still haunts everything I do - and say. Whispering, and laughing, and telling me things, the mouths in the dreams that killed the only girl I'd ever connected with in my District. Live on Little Boy. The Capitol fashion was really breathtaking this year, and by breathtaking, I mean horrendous and puke worthy. The general anxiety of being a tribute had quickly disappeared, and this year, I seemed to notice the pretentiousness of every single person that passed. Karmel's shrill screams only seem louder and more annoying now that I know that I'll see her again - day after day, at least when there was a chance of death, her screams were slightly comforting. She was someone to spend a few last days with, she was someone to take comfort in when I needed to yell, or someone be pissed at. One last mother figure, but these days, watching her rush after Emerald and Viridian before they jumped off into the harsh Mayan empire, I know she is nothing but a babbling idiot.

Karmel, Kaisar, and Willis together were a combination enough to shoot oneself in the head. Not to mention the tributes, all high and mighty thinking that they're better than Topaz and I? Well - fuck that. They can help themselves. They think they can win? Fine. That didn't stop Topaz from sending in a bloody cloak for the girl, an emerald cloak. Because you know, when people are dying what you really need is a coat the colour of your name, no. But, mind you I hadn't been the best, I wasn't too sure on how to deal with Viridian, what to do for him. He was fighting a swallowfish - he was safe, made it out of the bloodbath, and yet, I'd failed at every chance to get any sponsors for him. Not that he needed it, I think? Topaz hadn't been really helpful on what to do, I mean I guess she had to learn as she went, but that only brought me home after how many years of mentoring? Seven? Well done, Mrs. Ross. Or whatever she was now, Moss? Something like that.

If there was one upside to this whole ordeal, I guess, it was the luxury. Sure, District One was entirely a luxury district, but the gems here were unlike ones I'd ever seen. Upon winning, I'd been given a new opal, a new token that hadn't been as good as my previous one. I mean - my father had given me the opal at birth, but it'd shattered the day I left the arena, it wasn't as strong as it should have been, didn't shine bright any more, so they gave me a new one. And they forged the wolf necklace, and aquamarine stone all onto one string. They stayed with my always, my brothers and sisters, the stars. The stars were what guided me always, home, to the Capitol. They followed me everywhere, though they didn't shine as bright here. The stars didn't shine nearly as loudly as they should have in the polluted county of the Capitol. But there was nothing I could do any more.

They were dead, and I was alive. But still I watched the stars on the roof, counted them. Every night in the Capitol. There was no one here for me, there never would be. I miss home. But where home was, I'm not too sure. Some nights I still think it's back in Tartarus, the cold cave in which I'd left my heart and soul, and some nights I think that it's the statue garden, towered high with the dead tributes of the past, where one night we told stories of our past, and learned about each other before the real chaos started. Home was by Kiera's grave where I'd spent hours every day for months, the training centre, Aria's grave, Wes' grave, home was among the stars, where I still talked to my friends every night.

"It's day two guys, this was the night that Kiera talked about Kaelen. I hear he's back, he's starting some sort of stupid ass war. I haven't gotten involved, but uh - I hear it's pretty serious. But he's back Kiera. And I'll tell him for you, I promised. I just -" The closure would be too real, I hadn't told Kaelen about her hatred, though I'm sure he'd seen it. Maybe he didn't even need to hear it from me? "that would kill you, I guess. Your last memory. I need to keep that burning. And Aria - Aria, you wouldn't believe, remember Red? That girl from Twelve last year? Yeh - some District One took her idea, but this time she got an emerald cloak." I laugh, chuckle even. It was so stupid, and it was all Topaz's fucking idea, and it was ridiculous. "She uh, she's doing well. But she's not mine, she's Tope's so she might come home maybe. I'm sorry, the two from your district are gone already. Couldn't do much about them, even though I tried." I pause, you can't lie to the stars, Little Boy, they know. "Ok, maybe not so much, but uh - they weren't you and Bran." You and Bran, I fiddle with the wolf locket, and the collar handing loosely from my neck, they were both long gone now. The Wolfe children - and the family hadn't been too welcoming, I'd hoped maybe that they would be fantastic. But, they weren't my sister, they would never replace her.

"Wes, Wes, there's a fighter in the arena! He's my tribute this time around. He sort of reminds me of you - really cocky." Cocky? Was Wes really that cocky when he had so much ability? No, he was just perfect. Perfection, a god, but he still fell by my sword, he let the sword pierce him. "He's strong, real strong, I think he'll make it far. Maybe not as far as you, but the warriors fall always. I'm sure he'll be up there with you eventually. You'll probably like each other, Viridian Harper's his name - Stark's sister, from the year before ours." He was as good as his sister, but better? That was a pressing question. Topaz had been really awkward around Viridian, unwilling to help him out really, not really wanting to say why, but it makes sense I guess. Having a dying tribute's sibling, I hadn't experienced yet, losing a tribute at my own hands, well I had. I'd killed more than a few in the arena, but none of mine. Not the one's from home. No, not home Little Boy, your home is among the stars. "Day Two is ending soon, and the death toll is continuing to rise, treat them well. Welcome them, yes Kiera even you." I imagine she's not even kind after death. But that was the way she'd always been. "Goodnight, brothers and sisters."

My home was among the stars, and I miss the stars so much.

growing old is getting old
i often find myself here thinking
about the birds, the boats, and past loves that flew away or started sinking
and it's crazy here without you

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∞

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credit to south, zoe, and lalia, because i don't know who made this template but it's definitely one of you three ^^

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[Rosetta]

Lethe Turner

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Lethe had completely forgotten about the brownies until now.

There they sat in their little white box with the ribbon, untouched since her younger sisters, Jasmine and Acheron, had shoved it in her hands with smiles that startled Lethe. “For you!” they sang and Lethe’s eyes widened for her sisters barely exchanged more than two words with her doing the day and now they were giving her brownies. Maybe they, for once, took pity on her for it was the start of another Games and so Lethe was off to the Capitol, only Camalia in tow. Maybe they took pity on her and sensed the strain travelling by train with two dead bodies had on her.

Walking to the box, Lethe gently pulled the ribbon off and opened it to reveal stiff and dry, but otherwise alright, brownies. With a sigh at herself for letting the brownies go hard when her sisters painstakingly made them for her, Lethe turned and put them into the dumbwaiter-like thing in the wall of her Capitol room and pressed a button to warm them. The warmth should soften then and then she ought to eat them. Her sisters had made them for her after all perhaps to help her say good bye to Eden more easily.

Her goodbye to Eden was just as difficult as it had been the previous year. Eden had cried until Lethe was sobbing, promising, “Oh baby, mommy will be home soon. I’ll be home soon.” Too soon, Lethe had to place the squalling, red-faced child in her mother’s arms with a final kiss on her forehead and turn away, her stomach aching. Being detached from Eden was like losing a limb and feeling it there every single night, hearing her voice, catching a glimpse of her lamp-like eyes, wanting just so much to hold her in her arms and standing all alone in her room, Lethe all of a sudden felt hot. Like she couldn’t stay in this room, this suffocating room, alone, so lonely. With a deep swallow, Lethe quickly spun, knowing she couldn’t stay and to the room, to the roof she’d go where her baby’s words would escape with the wind rather than bounce off the walls, rattling around in her brain until she broke down and begged to be let home.

In her haste, she nearly forgot the now warm and soft brownies, but grabbed them just in time.

The night was calm and gentle as Lethe slid through the dark, shivery hallways, half-expecting to hear the sounds of pleasure coming from the rooms of Elodie and William, but for days, those rooms had been empty. One of them would forever be and most likely the other soon.

Lethe heard the talking before she saw the boy and shrugging off the cloak of blood she’d wrapped around herself, she blinked blearily and saw him. Oh. The boy Eden says makes people go “bye-bye.” Peridot Myler had the first Victor Eden had been exposed to. She’d seen him at the Victory Tour, the first one she was old enough to be brought to, and just before Lethe took her place on the stage, she’d pointed her chubby fingers at the new Victor and cried out in gurgling laughter, “He was on the TV, mommy, he was on the TV!” The innocence of her daughter would be shattered when she became fully aware that “bye-bye” meant forever haunted Lethe as she recoiled from the cool night air at the doorway. He was talking to himself, whispering something: apologies, thoughts, feelings, something that surely every Victor must’ve exclaimed softly at some point, trying to relieve the terrible weight that stood on each of their chests.

It never worked.

Should she go and leave him to it? The chocolately smell of brownies wafted up into Lethe’s unresponsive nose. He surely must’ve heard her by now and it would be rude to disappear now…and so, with a deep sigh, Lethe drifted forward with a soft, “Hey,” before taking her place on the cool, marble of the roof next to Peridot Myler. She’d always found him an attractive boy with those green eyes, just as brilliant as her own, overshadowed by dirty-blonde hair that just made one want to brush it away. Was that how Eric had viewed her? Did he look at her at that party like she was looking at Peri now and want to brush her blonde hair out of her dazzling green eyes? Would he even remember the color of her eyes if her image wasn’t plastered on television every year during the Games? Lethe’s heart felt full to bursting with each thought and as to subdue it, she pulled an oozing brownie from her package and held it out to Peri. “Here, my sisters made these for me. I have enough for both of us.”

With an encouraging smile that hadn’t reached those dazzling eyes since Lethe was a child, she took a bite off of another brownie and alerted by the wonderful, deep chocolate taste of her own hunger, had gobbled up one in a second. And then a second.

Perhaps it was the serotonin in the chocolate or something because Lethe gradually felt herself perking up as she licked the fudge from her fingers and smiled with brown-stained teeth at Peri. “They’ll make you feel better-if,” she swallowed hard and gave him a small smile, “if you’re not feeling too great! I mean, you don’t need to eat one.”

Perhaps she should’ve felt bad in assuming that something was wrong with the boy, but Lethe was a Victor and in the face of a second monster, she felt no shame.

(ooc: here take my crappy post. Better one next time)

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