i can't look at the stars [open]

[pinky is a timelord]

hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road,
and although this wave is stringing us along just know you're not alone,
cause I'm gonna make this place your home,
settle down, it'll all be clear,
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

'Where am I?' I struggled to sit up in a daze. I ran my fingers along the bed sheets and let out a shuddering sigh. I remembered what they looked like. A plain green plaid. I was at my dad's house, my old house. 'How did I get here?' I chewed on my lip, rubbing my hands over my face. After feeling the makeup that was still on my face, I made the decision to take a shower. I stood under the weak spray and rubbed the mascara off with a rough rag. I preferred my father's house over my mother's. He had running water after all, even if he was incredibly sloppy. He's been a wreck since mom left him.

I turn off the knob and wrap a towel around myself, walking into my old room and going through the drawers. I keep half my clothes at my mothers house, although the better ones I keep in here. I pull on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. It was plain, but not too tight or too large. I remember this shirt from a few months ago when my sister took me shopping. The texture and the feel of it. Besides, she wasn't one to joke around with me. It wasn't like it was pink or something. I then pulled on a jean jacket and moved my arms around. Full range of motion. Smiling to myself, I opened the door and trotted down the stairs.

I could hear my father in the kitchen, and judging by the area I could tell he was drinking his morning coffee. That meant it couldn't be later than ten in the morning. I shuffled forward, knocking over a cane. My cane. It had been leaning against the wood walls. I picked it up and began tapping my way down the rest of the hallway, no longer needing to drag my hands across the wall. "Enjoying your coffee?" I said quietly, standing in the doorway and daring to put on a slight smile. He was the only person I had a bit of affection for. "You are scary when you do that." He chuckled in reply, swirling the coffee in his cup. I could hear it.

"I'm going out." I said, suddenly feeling like I was choking. I could feel his gaze on me. I bet he had that questioning look on him that he used to have, eyebrows slightly furrowed and lips drawn in a thin line. He just grunted in reply. There was an awkward pause and I left the room. "Don't go out drinking again. You worry me." He called after me. 'Damn. I was drinking?' I didn't reply, frustrated that I could not remember the night before. I knew I was a lightweight and I barely remember entering the bar, but I don't remember what I ordered and how much I drank. Oh well. One can only have so much fun when they're blind.

I slam the door behind me and hesitantly walk down the steps. I could hear the coast, only half a mile down the road. The fishing crews were talking loudly, yelling out commands. I could hear a few dogs begging for fish and I faltered. 'I hate dogs.' This time, though, I was determined. I hadn't been to the docks in months and I wasn't about to be deterred by the neighborhood dogs. I knew that I had encountered the same dogs before. They were owned by some people up the street and they tended to pester the crews for the unwanted scraps, the decaying fish.

I knew this road well and put the wooden cane against my hip, instead using my memory. I knew when the sidewalk ended, I knew where the cracks were in the road. I could hear the waves calling me from a distance. I was so close I could taste the salt in the air. I crossed two road ways, passed a street full of children playing tag, and managed to make it to the docks without looking totally blind. I was confident. I knew this area like the back of my hand. Well I don't know the back of my hand anymore, but you get it. I was at peace here, this was where I watched my dad work. I remember watching the blue ocean and getting lost in it.

'Too bad I'm bl-' My thoughts were cut short by claws clicking against damp wood. One of the dogs was coming toward me. I didn't like animals I couldn't see and suddenly I felt panicked. My hands wavered out, trying to shoo it away even though I couldn't tell where it was coming from. Suddenly I was spinning, panicking. I was walking backward. The dog bumped against my leg and I shrieked, rushing forward and stepping where there was no where to step. My heart dropped into my stomach. Whoosh. Splash. I was in the water, I was flailing. I knew how to swim but I couldn't tell where I was in the water. Luckily my hand slammed against one of the poles holding up the dock and I clung on for dear life.

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[charade]

Katrina Sykes

"Tis an ill wind that blows this day. I do not favor it. Shall we seek port for awhile or douse the lanterns and muffle the oars?" Captain Kat normally took what her first mate Missy had to say about the weather at face value but today things were a little different and the captain was not pleased. The Shidder's twins (her bodyguards) could sense her discomfort and in turn it made them uncomfortable as they paced the length of the ship. Sharkbait had pulled crow's duty and even now was far above the rest of the crew. Storm clouds were gathering but a port was near. Not the most favorable of places by her estimation but a place where most of her crew would be looking to get well and truly sauced. Kat did not put up with stupidity, and certainly not the kind that came in a bottle.

Still...

It had been quite some time since the last time she had let everyone go ashore."Bring her around Ms. Langstrom. We're going to go ashore. But because I decided to, not because you told me to."Her words were met with a raucous cheer from the men and women of the Song Of The Storm. Soon they would be partying and having all manner of a good time. As for her? Well, the Captain of this austere ship would stay aboard and catch up on her sleep. There was little that taverns could offer her, and even less that she would take."Just make sure the men stay in line Missy. I don't have the funds to get them out of jail again; and I'm sure you remember the incident on Piscatus Isle..."The first mate nodded sharply and saluted before marching off.

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It was still fairly early in the day but seventeen year old Katrina had already been awake from quite awhile, taking her little skiff out for the morning and enjoying the sea spray, the surf and the absence of any other people. Sure the fishing boats were out and about getting their catches for the day, but she steered clear of them, and after the incident with the Guppy boy she had made it a point to stay away from the piers until she was done sailing, lest someone break a portion of her small boat again.

The district was filled with too many people that didn't have a clue about what they were doing, too many oblivious unskilled swimmers, and by far, too many people that just didn't know when to stop talking. Despite this, Kat was in one of her rare good moods, having not run into any of the above mentioned types of people the entire time that she was out on the bay. But the heat of the sun was starting to get to her and she needed to pull into a dock and take a break; oh, she wouldn't get off the boat, but past experiences had taught her that when a nap was in order, it was best not to let the boat drift.


The entire crew had disembarked and Captain Kat watched them go with a raised eyebrow. Scabrous dogs though they might have been, they still deserved some down time every now and then. But not too much. Shaking her head, she began to head to her quarters when a splash by the pier distracted her. A shock of blond and a shimmer of blue. Now what could that have been? Did some drunk fall off of it? Did a school of fish swim by, unafraid of getting caught? But then why did it look vaguely like a person? Could it be one of those elusive mer-people that were the stuff of legends?

Someone was definitely floundering around like an idiot over by the dock. Kat had half a mind to just let her skiff keep going and hit the person but she dropped the small anchor and leaned out over the edge to watch. It was another girl, one with blond hair and a look on her face that made Katrina want to laugh. Did she not know how to swim or something? At any rate, the girl managed to cling to the side of the dock while looking all at sea. A snicker escaped her lips before she shook her head through out a length of rope that landed with a wet splash.[/color]"Need some help there mermaid? Grab on."Her words were only a tad derisive, but it sounded more so due to the huskiness of her alto toned voice.

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[pinky is a timelord]

hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road,
and although this wave is stringing us along just know you're not alone,
cause I'm gonna make this place your home,
settle down, it'll all be clear,
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

Shame. So much shame. My face burned as redness spread across my cheeks. Why would I ever learn? I was too stubborn. Of course the dogs would want to come greet me, say hello, beg for some kind of treat. I could feel the waves lapping at my body, drawing me down to the depths to cover up the utter embarrassment I was feeling. I was tempted to just let go, since it would be a lot easier compared to coping with my lack of eyesight. Then again death would have to wait because I intended on keeping him off my back for another twenty years or so. About that time I figure I would be practically begging for death anyway.

"Need some help there mermaid? Grab on." One voice stood out among the general jeering and chuckling from the men on the docks, the ones expecting me to climb back up on my own. Sometimes I hated my dad's crew. Digging my nails into the pole, I tilt up my chin in her general direction and began slowly moving my hands away from the pole. I sank a few inches as I kicked my feet out, trying to find the rope. My hands luckily managed to graze the rough texture and I held on. I honestly didn't have much body strength, but I didn't plan on shaming myself further. I began hauling myself up, huffing with effort until I clambored onto the wood and fell on my knees.

I sputtered pathetically, trying to get rid of the rancid taste of salt water. I looked like a drowned rat and I felt like one too. I slowly stood up and tried to look for her, or where her voice had come from but I was about as disoriented as they come. Instead I stared at my shoes and tried to portray the discomfort I was feeling. She didn't know I was blind. "I'm not a mermaid." I snorted, frustration welling instead me. I was probably giving her so much satisfaction. She was probably laughing at me. However I prefer that over feeling the sympathetic gazes on my back. I wanted to be regarded as stupid over disabled.

"Thanks... though. For helping me." I managed, balling my fists up. Now that I was far away from the animal, I kept telling myself that it was just an innocent dog. It just wanted food, but I didn't like it. I remember when I loved dogs, but that was when I could see them. Now I wouldn't even dare go near an animal, no matter how 'adorable' it was. No, I intended on going on my way as soon as she let me go. After all, it couldn't be helped if I entertained her with a few words. She did 'save' me, didn't she? Even if I could have... sort of made me way back up the dock some how. I'd done it before but it hadn't been easy.

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[charade]

Katrina Sykes

The creature was pulled aboard, and soon resolved itself into not a mermaid but a sopping member of the elite, complete with petticoat and frilly frock. The kind of girl that she'd hold for ransom if she was in a bad mood. But this one looked completely out of her element. How had she wound up in the water? A lovers spat? A failed attempt to end her life? Or had she just lost her balance in those wretched looking shoes and taken a tumble that her clothes wouldn't let her surface from? I'm too nice sometimes. I'm going to get a reputation for this sort of thing if I'm not careful.

[/i][/color]

This wasn't the first time that Kat had pulled a dripping shivering person out of the water, and yet again she had to wonder why she kept doing it. Perhaps it was a misguided attempt to be a nice person to people who continually couldn't get it. Or maybe it was just the chance to berate talk to someone who wasn't one of her sisters. Case it point, the girl flopping around on her deck. She had found the rope easily enough and Kat had reeled her in like a fish that had taken the bait. But Katrina didn't like fishing all that much because the the fish were so dumb there wasn't really a challenge to hunt for them.

And what a fish this was. A blond who even in a simple shirt and jeans looked like some kind of stuck up socialite. She even sounded like a prissy miss. Likely not a career then. For one, careers were tougher and less petulant and certainly not that soft, coughing up the ocean weakly and muttering a half-hearted thank you. Kat let out a snort as she wound the rope back up and put it away."You're welcome mermaid. Though I don't understand why you were flailing helplessly anyway." Kat cracked her knuckles one by one and offered a hand to the girl."Come on, get up. I'm sure you don't want to spend all day kneeling on my deck."


One way or another, Captain Kat Sykes was going to get to the bottom of this. Who was this girl? It was a mystery that she planned to solve long before her crew got back. The girl was lucky that socialites weren't at the top of her blacklist. That, and that she was bored and looking for a pleasant distraction that didn't involve coming ashore.
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[pinky is a timelord]

hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road,
and although this wave is stringing us along just know you're not alone,
cause I'm gonna make this place your home,
settle down, it'll all be clear,
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

"You're welcome mermaid. Though I don't understand why you were flailing helplessly anyway." I felt my cheeks burning profusely as I helplessly leaned on the railing, catching what little breath I had. I probably seemed so weak and small, so completely useless. I mean, that kind of described me, but I didn't like feeling so ridiculous. Even as I sat there, soaking wet and nervous, I wanted her to think that I knew what I was doing. In reality even the factories turned me away. The only revenue options I had tended to be gathering firewood out in those retched woods and giving them to our neighbor for a small amount of coins. It was either that or prostitution and I wasn't that desperate. Not yet.

By the gently sway of the wood beneath me and the slightly far off calls of the men, I could tell I was on a boat deck. The girl confirmed it for me when she told me I ought to get up. My eyes lifted up in her direction and I caught the sound of clothes rustling. Did she just offer me her hand? I couldn't see it. Curses. I didn't want to seem impolite to my 'savior' so I hesitantly lifted my hand, but I couldn't find her hand. My eyebrows furrowed and my heart beat quickened as I desperately jerked my hand to the side and managed to bump it against her's. I then proceeded to take it and struggle to my feet. Was it obvious then? That I was blind? To me everything I did was a dead give away, but there weren't many live blind kids hanging around.

I ran my hands along the railing and tried to picture the boat. Large with snow white masts, with a pleasantly plump look about the whole structure. I always liked how ships looked fat but thye managed to stay afloat. I moved my eyes toward where the docks were and tried to picture the waves hitting the boat and the wood. Gripping the railing, face twisted with anguish, I turned back around. It wasn't fair, I felt like screaming it out. My stupidity should not have cost me my eyesight, but alas here I was like a stupid cripple. As soon as she figured it out she wouldn't look at me the same and I desperately wanted a friend. This girl... she seemed interesting too. Was she the boat's Captain? I liked the idea of a woman captain. I pictured a powerful woman at the wheel and smiled.

I licked my lips and forced myself to speak. I was uncharacteristically nervous, considering I was facing someone who could possibly be a pirate. Oh wouldn't that be cool!? A-ah. I'm Charlotte. Charlotte Wells. My father owns some fishing boats around here. I was just uhm... visiting and I got... frightened and fell. Ah thanks... for what you did. I sped through the words, my lips quivering and my left foot tapping. Nervous habit. I was under the direct gaze of a peer, someone who's voice sounded aloof but full of authority, kind of like my mother. I almost felt like I was going to be interrogated. "Is this your uhm... boat?"I struggled through my words, floundering like a little child in trouble with their teacher.

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[charade]

Katrina Sykes

It was lucky that the crew was going to be ashore for several hours yet, because the Captain wasn't sure how she was going to explain the presence of such an utterly female...well female, when she had made it quite clear that she disliked this sort of person. The socialite had clearly never seen a woman like herself, and even more so, had probably never been aboard a ship. She seemed frightened half to death, though that might have been the fact that she was half drowned and didn't seem to all aware of her surroundings yet; just stumbling around like a dreamer in a heavy sleep, her eyes unfocused on everything, but cast in the direction of the horizon.

What was the matter with this girl? Kat offered her hand and the other girl looked like she had to make up her mind before taking it, sticking her hand out to the left before moving it to the side and grasping her hand. Perhaps the girl was frightened by her. Kat knew that her height was imposing since very few girls were almost six feet tall, but it wasn't like she had threatened violence towards the girl. Was it her style of clothing that gave the blond pause? Cut-off jeans that were frayed around the edges and a tank top that bared her mid-riff? Was this too scary for the girl? It was Kat's opinion that a prissy missy like this probably wasn't used to a girl looking so rough, but that was kind of Kat's intention. Showing off her arms and legs just made her look even taller, and if the girl had a problem with it, maybe she should just fling her overboard and let someone else deal with her judgmental attitude.

Kat watched with a raised eyebrow as the catch of the day inspected the railing with her hand and forced herself to bite back a retort. What, doesn't it look nice enough? You have to get your paws all over my ship too? Can't you look at me? Sorry I'm not dressed one of your peacock like friends but that doesn't mean you have to be rude.The blond continued to face away and look out towards the docks, giving Katrina cause to wonder just what she was staring at. There wasn't much over there but for a few other fishing ships and a couple of sailors pulling in their fish. A few people milled about aimlessly, having dull conversations or waving at the sailors. Nothing unremarkable or out of the ordinary; just the same stuff that was there to be seen day in and day out. So what was the blond so captivated by?

The girl introduced herself and Kat grimaced.Charlotte's daddy owns more than one fishing boat. How quaint. I'm sure Missy Wells here hasn't worked a day in her life. Real shrinking violet too. Fell because she was scared? Oh boy. How are you liking the real world there girly? A thanks was stammered out again as Charlotte fretted about nervously. Kat shook her head and went to start furling the sails down. "Is this your uhm...boat?" Katrina looked back at her and rolled her eyes."Uhm...Uhm."She mewled mockingly."What? Can't a girl own a ship? Yeah, its mine. Paid for and fitted since some of us have to work for a living. Katrina Sykes at your...hmph. Service. " The older girl was starting to get annoyed with the blonds constant whimpering, but talking about her ship always brightened her up, a sense of pride filling her speech."Welcome aboard the Song Of The Storm Char. She's a right beauty ain't she?"

[pinky is a timelord]

hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road,
and although this wave is stringing us along just know you're not alone,
cause I'm gonna make this place your home,
settle down, it'll all be clear,
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

"What? Can't a girl own a ship? Yeah, its mine. Paid for and fitted since some of us have to work for a living. Katrina Sykes at your...hmph. Service. " She was mocking me. The sudden realization dawned on me and my jaw suddenly tightened. She knew I was blind. I was used to this, but for some reason I thought maybe this girl would be different, that she would know hardships. I thought that she might appreciate what I've had to go through, but alas I must have been mistaken. I drew my jacket tighter around me and gritted my teeth as she talked about her ship, her demeanor completely changed. I would have asked her more about her ship but I was struggling to hold in my anger and it was threatening to spill over.

"I wish I could work." I said suddenly, directing my unfocused and hazy eyes toward the prideful voice. My voice was harsh and slightly haughty as my mouth twisted into a rueful smile. "Unfortunately every factory, every single work place has turned me down. If you haven't noticed, being blind is a deal breaker. And in case you didn't notice, I'm blind. I'm a liability. You think I don't try to get stuff down for my family?" I snapped, my pent up anger was suddenly very apparent, every action was controlled by it. "I have to go chop wood for the family that lives next to my mother because their father is too busy in the factory and their mother is busy taking care of the seven of them!"

I breathed heavily, tugging on on the sleeves of my jacket uncomfortably. How long had it been since I had ranted? I wasn't even down. I wanted to scream at the world about how I had been cheated of a life I deserved to live. I wasn't a bad person! Not necessarily, anyway. "I'm... treated like a little kid where ever I go. Rightly so, since I screw up practically everything and I fall off docks." There was a regretful laugh entwined in those words, as if the whole thing was just one big joke. I bet she was judging me for lashing out at her, and I knew it was only a matter of seconds before she yelled right back, but for some reason I yearned for it. I wanted to fight. I wanted to let everything go.

"Just because my father lives comfortably doesn't mean I live comfortably. I still have to try my best to feed my mother and my siblings, since she chose to leave my father and all." I added bitterly, leaning against the railing and sighing. Life wasn't supposed to be so complicated for me. Difficult, yes, but not complicated. It was supposed to be simple. Work, eat, survive, reproduce, let your kids do the same. "Jeez. I forget. You probably have a worse story than I do." I muttered, drawing my finger along the edge of the railing and picturing the clouds drifting across the blue sky and the sun blazing off in the distance. I could still feel the sun's rays engulfing me. I guess sometimes one forgets to count their blessings.

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[charade]

Katrina Sykes

Shocking Katrina was a hard thing to do. There was little that surprised her, but the girl exploding like a firecracker was the last thing she had expected from a seemingly simpering girl like Charlotte. Kat pursed her lips together as she went on and on about her daily hardships, though the part that grabbed her attention was where the other girl spat that she was blind. Suddenly, the unnatural clumsiness and aloofness of the Wells girl made more sense. She wasn't stuck up, she just couldn't see. Kat would've been a bit more inclined to apologize if the girl had stopped at that, but she went on and on in such a patronizing tone that Katrina could feel herself getting more annoyed by the second. Charlotte continued staring off into the distance while she moved a finger idly about. Katrina began to talk in a quiet voice, the voice she used to scold her sisters when they were being dumb about something.

"No... I hadn't noticed. I thought you were being rude. Much as you are actually being right now. What gives you the right to be a jerk to me on my ship, 'specially after I took the time to help you?What do you want, my sympathy? If you're so afraid of people looking down on you, prove em wrong! You don't owe anything to them, don't have no one to live for but yourself. So you take care of your siblings. Fine. You don't gotta let that define you. I do much of the same. My parents could care less about me and my sisters. And my brother? The only person that cared at all is somewhere along the bottom of this ocean where the fish can eat his face. So excuse me for trying to help you. I only did it because you looked like you needed help, no more no less."Her little speech ended a little huffily, and she crossed her arms to make herself feel better.

Katrina attacked every problem the same way. Being bluntly honest had not won her many friends, but if she couldn't be herself around someone, then by her estimation, they couldn't have been worth being around in the first place. It was for this reason that she treated everyone the same. Why should she act differently in the company of different people? They were just that. People. Though some were smarter than others."This is just a misunderstanding of sorts. So, I'm gonna try again. My name is Katrina, and its nice to have someone aboard my ship that isn't trying to get me to play fight with them and their stupid career friends."Charlottes answer would determine whether a pleasant conversation could still happen, or if Kat was going to dump her onto the dock and sail away. Little good ever came about hanging around land anyway.


Just what would the crew think about such a womanly woman aboard? "Bad luck" she wagered. And yet... It was nice to have the company of someone who wasn't answering her every command with awe, respect, fear, or some mixture of the three.

[pinky is a timelord]

hold on to me as we go as we roll down this unfamiliar road,
and although this wave is stringing us along just know you're not alone,
cause I'm gonna make this place your home,
settle down, it'll all be clear,
don't pay no mind to the demons they fill you with fear

I leaned against the railing, eyes icily watching her. Although quickly it melted into a guarded expression as Katrina started scolding me. Like my mother. Or at least it sounded like my mother before my parents split up. After that she never dared to to raise a hand against any of her children it seemed. Now I was thrown back into the depths of my childhood when things were okay just by being reprehended by a peer. It was unheard of. No one said anything to the blind girl. They all pitied the blind girl. I could feel my facial expression twisting into confusion and I couldn't stop it. My eyes fell to my feet, imagining their contrast against the wooden deck.

"You're right." I breathed out with a sigh, analyzing the situation. I had done some unwanted damage with my ranting, but at least it was all laid out on the table and her attitude hadn't changed. "I'm sorry, I'm sort of a ticking time bomb." A ghost of a smile appeared on my face even though my words were laced with regret. "I'm sorry about... your family..." I said awkwardly, shuffling my feet against the wooden deck. She made me feel like a little kid that had just pitched a fit, which was exactly what it was. I hadn't had things my way and I practically started throwing things. How silly.

I was relieved when she mentioned starting over and introduced herself again, which made me smile. "Charlotte Wells. Pleasure to meet you, Katrina." I couldn't help it, I started to laugh. I was far from one to play fight. I was probably the most unprepared person ever for the Games, if I was ever reaped. What a sad story that would be, wouldn't it? Then again I had to remember when happened to Bran Wolfe and shiver. "Nah... I'm not... fighting material. I just sit around and eat people's food and complain." I was even making fun of myself. How quickly my demeanor changed from being so closed off.

ooc: ew I have no muse

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