{All} The {Right} Moves ~ AU Damien. Oneshot.

[Ally is tentatively back]

[bg=FAFFD7][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,520,true][atrb=style,width: 520px;] DAMIEN TYSON DEMPSEY // 32

[bg=FAFFD7][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,520,true][atrb=style,width: 520px; padding: 10px; border:10px solid #EF5D02;] I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing. Roman cavalry choirs are singing. Be my mirror my sword and shield. My missionaries in a foreign field. "Uncle Damien, where are we even going?" Kae grumbles, eyes narrowed with suspicion and sleepiness, because hey, nine year olds get drowsy at ten o'clock. Can't blame him. Kiera's actually more asleep than awake, poor thing, but this is something I think they should both be in on. (I don't think a certain unholy alliance of parental units would agree with me. This is not anyone else's method of doling out justice.) I put my finger to my lips and give my niece and nephew a trademark smirk, the one that still gets Ambrose worried, even though it's been years since I did anything bad enough to get myself in real trouble. (I won't pretend that isn't mostly because a week out of the hospital I was reduced to a hacking mess because the neighbors were burning trash and the smoke clogged up my barely-healed lung and I faced the doctor's prediction that I was never going to be recovered enough to be who I had been.) (The smoke mysteriously stopped about twenty minutes after we figured out that's what the problem was, and the fact that it coincided with Todd coming back from a walk with blood on his knuckles was simply serendipity.) I generally keep the promises I've had to make about keeping out of major trouble, but this is revenge and it's in the Dempsey genes like dark hair and graceful fingers. "Just a little bit farther, Squirt, you'll see." I promise, and the kid's eyebrows shoot up, but he doesn't press the issue. We stop in front of the house, not huge but nicer than anything we could afford, and I tell the kids, "Remember the asshat who pushed Aurora? He lives here." in a measured voice that even I can hear the rage shaking behind. Both of their round little kid faces tighten angrily and suddenly they're wide awake. "Wait... What does asshat mean." Ah, these kids today, with their swearing and vengeance. "Figure it out from context." I fix a faked (mostly) look of panic on my face and turn to Kiera "And for the love of ripred don't tell your dad I said that around you." They both giggle a little, but then we all turn back to the house and the air turns grim. "Now. We need to give these people a warning. They should be teaching their kid how to behave." Aurora had come home with both knees and an elbow scraped up and full of rock dust, face red and hair messed up, so I'm pissed because you can say a lot about me, but family is everything and that's the end of that. I reach into an old, worn backpack that's somehow survived from my school days, pull out three cartons of eggs, lay them on the ground, and say "Start throwing, kiddos." ~ Three hours later, I'm sitting in my oldest brother's kitchen trying to look abashed and smug at the same time, wheezing a little because the asshat's father came out and maybe shoved me into a wall pretty hard, fucker, and my lung is a pansy that likes to crap out on me at the slightest provocation still. It'll be fine by morning, and the satisfied looks on Kae and Kiera's faces when we got home, and Aurora's giggle when we told her of our exploits, are kind of really worth it. Aurora's on my lap, happily contemplating the look on her least favorite classmate's face tomorrow, if I'm any judge. All four of the supposed adults in our little clan were already here, and isn't that just my luck. Laurna was just upset that I dragged her baby girl out of bed at this hour, and I did reassure everyone that I hadn't put the kids in danger, I'm not that stupid, thanks. (No, really, I'm not, Todd.) Kendra seems to be mostly on my side, which is both shocking and utterly unremarkable at the same time. Todd and Ambrose are both absolutely furious, and I can't get a word in edgewise. "-Put them in danger, put yourself in danger, and you swore you were done starting shit-" "I wasn't-" "-And just because, what, you were bored?" "We were-" "Such an irresponsible asshole-" "-And you can't involve kids in your schemes, for ripred's sa-" "WILL BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP." I hardly raise my voice anymore, either, and it prompts a few strangled coughs. But they stop ranting, so hey. "I had a good reason for this." I grumble, slinging an arm around Aurora and bringing that hand up to rub at my chest a little because ow. They both raise their eyebrows challengingly, and I scowl. "You might have asked whose house we pranked. That kid, whatshisname, Ricky?" I look at Aurora. "Ricky, right?" She nods and I look back at my brothers. "Okay. So they deserved it. Fuckers can't teach their kid to keep his hands to himself. And we're all okay. So." I wait until I see Todd and Ambrose exchange the age-old "Our kid brother's a moron" look before I allow Aurora to tug me out of the kitchen. ~ It's Saturday, so nobody bothers telling the kids to go to bed, and I end up sandwiched between Siberia and the arm of the couch, Aurora still sticking to me like a barnacle, as we watch what is possibly the most explosion-filled movie ever on the crappy little TV. I fall asleep about halfway through the sequel, and wake up with the sun in my eyes. I stumble back into the kitchen, where breakfast is apparently being served, and thank ripred the kids aren't up yet because I definitely need a cup of coffee. Nobody says anything directly to me for a minute, until Kendra says, calmly, "Just so you're aware, if you turn my baby into the second coming of you, I will rearrange your face with a spatula." I smirk at my sister-in-law over my mug. "Wouldn't dream of it." And for some reason I can't explain, I know Saint Peter won't call my name. Never an honest word. But that was when I ruled the world.

Credit for table coding to Lalia!