When Darkness Closes In(Sedge)

[Anna Banana]

Speech
Thoughts
Actions

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

The air was like a cold, suffocating blanket around Alexis; there was little room to breathe the stale air that surrounded her. It was how her life had been since well, as far back as she cared to remember. Nothing good had ever happened to her, Annie her twin sister, or Gus their younger brother. They had been driven out of foster homes, and even the homes of their own flesh and blood because they were "trouble". In truth they were trouble, but only because of the neglect that they had faced during their youth. No one loved them or cared about them, and they had been forced to fend for themselves as thieves...and other questionable methods. It had resulted in alot of pain and suffering, but at least they were alive...right? Staring blankly out at the street around her she began to wonder if death would be a sweet release from everything they had to deal with. It had been okay for a while but now money was short, food was short, and she had sold herself to the low life of the district just to keep her siblings alive. Maybe death would be better than this, but she couldn't leave Annie or Gus alone to fend for themselves.

Even though she was the same age as her twin she felt responsible for keeping the family together. Since they had been forced to live out on the streets Annie had changed, she would close herself off to the world and even her own family. Not that she could talk about keeping things to herself, Gus and Annie didn't even know about her dealings as a prostitute. They didn't used to be this way, the only secrets they had were the ones they had learned from the shadows and used as black mail. It was sad to see how things had gone from bad to worse with them, what was wrong with just being a happy famliy again. She knew better that to think about that though, they were to far stuck in their current way of life to leave it now.

Rising up from the shadow of the dumpster she had been sitting next to she looked around to let her eyes fall on Annie. She lay curled up next to a crate a look of pure death on her face. A pang of sadness shot through Lexi's heart as she looked at the sad, pitiful form of Annie. She deserved so much better than she had, once upon a time she had been a bright, happy girl with plans for her future. Now she was a pickpocket who had endured more beatings than a seventeen year old girl should. Walking over to Annie she slumped down next to her and put her hand on Annie's shoulder.

Annie, it's time for us to begin our rounds. We need some money for our dinner tonight or we'll be forced to have another night without food. I don't think any of us can deal with that again, we just don't have the strength to do it anymore. We'll start next to some of the businesses, most of the Peacekeepers are at the plants overseeing the end of the shifts so we should be able to get enough for dinner.

A blank stare greeted her when she looked down, but she knew that Annie had heard her. Of late she had been...out of it, like she wasn't connected to this world anymore. It was like she was drugged, but she knew better than to think that, Annie wouldn't let herself get into that kind of trouble. Once again though she couldn't judge, until only two years ago she didn't think that she would be living a life as a prostitute. Besides, Annie would say something about that if she was...wouldn't she?

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan

I had slumped into my usual spot when I returned late that night, curled up behind the crates. It was away from the view of the street, and on most nights it would keep me sheltered from the wind. Though it wasn't much to keep the biting cold out. However, it being the middle of December, I was all but shocked by the winter weather by now. I simply wrapped the old blanket around my body, and curled up into a tiny ball. The morphling brought other effects with it, usually drowsiness, so I never had any problems crashing out after coming home. Though I wondered if my changing sleeping patterns had drawn the attention of either of my siblings. I didn't allow myself this sort of thinking, and besides, it was a mere moments before I was asleep.

It wasn't a restful sleep.

My dreams were filled with shadows and terror. I remember seeing Gus and Lexie, dead behind our dumpster. They were the epiphany of skin and bones, and my heart wrenched. There was a stabbing in my arm where the needle would come in, and before I knew it, my blood was on fire. Everything inside me burned. Then came the gushing of the red liquid from the needle's opening. A sea of blood, more than I could have in my body, surrounded me, drowning me... Then it all went black.

I was roused by my twin, but I stared blankly, barely registering her words, "Annie, it's time for us to begin our rounds."

Rounds?

I was confused, until she explained herself, "We need some money for our dinner tonight or we'll be forced to have another night without food. I don't think any of us can deal with that again, we just don't have the strength to do it anymore. We'll start next to some of the businesses, most of the Peacekeepers are at the plants overseeing the end of the shifts so we should be able to get enough for dinner."

Money.

A pang of guilt shot through my gut as I began to get to my feet, but it might have just as much been a dizzy spell from the lack of food. I stumbled, but the dumpster beside me provided support as I steadied myself. Thoughts of the previous night had sneaked into the forefront of my mind, and I remembered the payment I'd given. It was money that could have gone towards feeding Gus or Lexie, but instead I spent it on myself. I spent it on a fucking drug.

I'm scum.

But I couldn't stop now... I could never stop. Since the night that I'd tried it, I couldn't imagine functioning without it. I was able to go away for a little while. It was what I looked forward to at the end of the day. When I was away, and with these people... I felt important. I felt I belong. I didn't feel like the failure that I did when I was with my family. I didn't feel like a waste of money and food and everything that we worked for in order to stay alive. After that needle was in my arm... I felt like life was worth living.

But you don't deserve to live.

There it was again... Those thoughts. The kind that haunted me every morning I awoke. Haunting me. Reminding me. Making sure that I don't forget the ungodly betrayal that I commit every single evening. And ensuring that I feel every ounce of guilt that I deserve. It wouldn't let me forget what wrong I was committing. But I knew I wouldn't stop.

Through this all, however, my face and eyes were covered by a blank mask in the face of my twin sister. A mask that I'd become rather familiar with over the past years. It was one I'd been given so that they wouldn't know what was wrong with me. They wouldn't know that I was upset or sad or angry... But it seemed I wore it too often. Because no longer does happiness show through, or sadness, or anything else. I don't even need the mask anymore. I haven't felt any of those things in a long time. All I know is guilt, fear, and an overwhelming emptiness that I haven't been able to shake. Everything that was once me is gone.

I barely exist.

My voice cracked as I replied, "Then let's go."

It was all I would offer her, could offer her. Three little words. I didn't deserve her ear for a single word, a breath even. I didn't deserve her time, her company, or her worry. I was a traitor to everything that she did for me. For us. For everything that we still had in this district. This world. This life. I was ashamed.

I'm scum.

[Anna Banana]

speech
thoughts
actions

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

The reaction from Annie was minimal, almost non existent, it was like trying to wake the dead to be honest. Actually, on second thought waking the dead would probably be easier, and they would probably have more words to say also. Only three words, that was all she got from her, "Than let's go", usually she was always excited about getting the opportunity to steal from the people. Though of late the only emotion that she showed was sluggishness and some depressed state that she was permanently in. Sighing she helped Annie rise from the ground and gave her a quick slap on the cheek hoping to wake her up. Than taking her hand she led Annie to the edge of the alley and looked out at the people wandering by. To most people they would just be a few street rats loitering around, but to the people that knew them....they were a dangerous pair to set loose on an unsuspecting people.

A few people watched as they began their rounds. Some people made visible attempts to avoide them, while others were easy prey. Annie would walk up to them and get in their way, Lexi would "accidentally" run into them, slipping her hand into coat pockets and bags taking their money. It was easy for the first few, but the closer they got to the center of the district the more people seemed to be watching them. To her horror some of her "clientel" were also clearly visible amongst the crowd watching her. Their eyes bored into her with such lust she felt a shiver run down her spine, and she would swear everyone around her could see her shiver. Carefully she pushed Annie in the opposite direction wanting to avoid them at all costs...and avoid their stares. She couldn't deal with that...not now.

It turned out no direction was safe though, for the rounded the corner to come face to face with their favorite group of people, the Peacekeepers. They divided their attention between Lexi and Annie, wicked smiles plastered on their faces. They knew them well, Annie had been the object of their abuse more than once, and well some of them were her "clients". If anyone in the district knew about them it was the Peacekeepers, and even in their attempts to avoid them somehow they still found them. Backing away slowly from them Lexi cleared her throat multiple times trying to find the strength to speak.

"Ummmmmm, hello...we uh...just were lost and trying to find out way around the district...ummmm...and we happened to run into you guys. We're sorry if we...disturbed you, we'll just be on out way now."

Dammit, why could she lie to everyone else in the districts but not to the Peacekeepers. That was one of the worst displays of ability to lie to date. The malicious smiles grew wider on the Peacekeepers faces as they moved towards the two of them. One grabbed hold on Annie and another grabbed onto Lexi holding them in place. They laughed as both squirmed to escape their captors, but their small frames weren't built for this and soon they grew tired of their struggles. One of the Peacekeepers slid his hand into Lexi's pockets knowing that their loot for the day was stored there. His hand lingered to long in her pocket causing a blush and goosebumps to rise on her skin. Than he had the audacity to run his hands over her "searching" for anywhere else she may have hidden anything. Her face turned beat red and she squirmed in his touch before finally getting the nerve to stomp her foot down on his.

Instantly his hands left her body to swiftly turn her around and slap her across the face. A small gasp left her lips at the force of the blow, but she quickly silenced it so Annie wouldn't see her pain. She knew that this was one of Annie's biggest nightmares, being held by the Peacekeepers. Sadly they had to wait though until they lost interest in them before they could slink back to their home...empty handed...again.

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan


My brain was buzzing, and I could barely feel my sister's hand slapping against my cheek. It wasn't very hard, more of a rousing smack, but I could barely register half of the things that were going on around me. My mind was foggy, and I couldn't find where my initial thoughts had went. They leaked from my head, and down the drain, never to be found again. There my mind disappeared again, forcing my body to take over. I was to operate on simple, physical instinct.

We strode through the streets, prowling for a victim. Or at least Lexie was looking for someone to steal from. I was still out of it, and merely followed her through the district. It didn't take long for her to bump into someone, and I knew this wasn't an accident. This was a technique that we had for getting into the pockets of citizens. They're too distracted looking at your face and apologizing that they don't notice our grimy paw slipping into their coat pockets. It's quite easy, really, and usually I would be joining her in the little escapade. However, the drugs had taken a toll on me, and I was still drowsy, with a slight headache that left me foggy.

I nearly was separated from my sister as we fought through a particularly thick crowd, being forced towards the side for a few moments. My eyes landed on a woman, and I moved that way, forcing back into the crowds to get back to Lexie, but my fingers had slightly different intentions. They wrapped around the money, before finding themselves in my own pocket. Nobody said anything as I walked through, eventually rejoining with my twin.

As we rounded a corner, familiar white uniforms forced me to a halt, and my heart began hammering in my chest. All of the blood drained from my face, and I must have looked like a ghost. All of them were familiar to us, some more than others. No matter who they were, it brought my heart up to my throat. A terror only they brought to me. My gaze fell onto the cruel brown eyes of one, and I began to shake, taking a small step backwards.

Get away.

Beside me, my sister was stuttering, trying to present some sort of false alibi, "Ummmmmm, hello...we uh...just were lost and trying to find out way around the district...ummmm...and we happened to run into you guys. We're sorry if we...disturbed you, we'll just be on out way now."

Strong grips were soon on us, and I could hear the thump of a hand against my sister's flesh. I didn't look. I had my eyes wired shut as I tried to block them out, and I could already feel the tears burning against my lids. I remembered when I'd been caught stealing, and I felt the whip of the lash against my back. I felt it again once more, flashing back to that terrible day. Nothing could make me move, and nothing more than strained whimpers came from my mouth. I was shaking, and could feel the pounding of a new beating from these peacekeepers.

When will they just kill us?

It was as if the man had heard me as he grunted in my ear, "You'd think we wouldn't have to beat the shit out of you this often... But you brats keep it interesting."

Nothing lasts forever, though. Not even the abuse from the so-called "peacekeepers." Eventually they grew weary of us, and moved on, but it was too much for me. I stayed on the ground, face hidden in my hands. The frustration of being so totally at another person's mercy was the pain that I felt now. Not the physical torment. By now, none of us were really unused to the beatings, you had to. But I could never adjust to the emotions that surfaced afterwards.

They could have finished the job.

Maybe I wanted them to.

[Anna Banana]

speech
thoughts
actions

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

Time seemed to have slowed down, the peacekeeper that had a hold on her seemed to never grow tired of letting his restless hands run over her body. Why didn't they just go already? Was it just her imagination or were they acting a little bit more...bold right now, normally they would just leave them alone after taking away their spoils, what had changed this time that made them stick around? The look in Annie's face was one of utter terror, she was obviouisly remembering the abuse she had suffered only recently from them. A few whimpers, like that of a small child escaped her lips, and to an onlooker she had the appearance of a small child, not a seventeen year old. It was horrible for her to have to go through this, it was no wonder that she was so quiet and reserved. These damn peacekeepers had "killed" her sister, turned her into the silent girl she now was. Anger boiled up inside of her, but before it could reach it's culmination they seemed to lose their interest in the situation and relinquished their grips on her and Annie.

As soon as they had faded from sight, she ran over to the crumpled form of Annie and put her arms around her. Her motherly instincts started to come through, though it was difficult for her to be that comfort when she didn't know what the entire problem was. There was so much that she no longer knew about her sister that she was almost a complete stranger to her. None the less she wanted to be a comfort to her, there was only one thing she knew about Annie without a doubt...that she had a bad history with the peacekeepers.

"Annie, Annie, it's okay, they're gone now, it's okay." She pulled Annie into an embrace and began to rock back and forth trying to get her to come out of the shell she was going in to. They needed to get home, they needed some food, in truth they needed alot of things and if they didn't get moving fast they would have none of it before the sun fell below the horizon. Another cold night would await them, without food or proper shelter, and for her own personal use a good location to...sell herself out. Time was slipping by as she lay there trying to comfort Annie, precious time was wasting away. Carefully she began to stand up taking Annie with her, than slapping Annie on the cheek to wake her up led her past the small row of houses on the street. This time though people watched them carefully, they had seen the run in they had with the peacekeepers, and knew what it was about. Several of them put their hands in their pockets as if to protect what meager amounts of money they had. A sigh of defeat escaped her lips as she knew they wouldn't be getting any more money today.

Lexi took Annie's hand and led her to shadows that were closing in around them. Despite how many people felt the shadows were the most warm and inviting thing in the district to them. It was the only thing that enveloped them in an embrace, taking them and holding them when they needed it. Now though not only was a comfort, but it was a hiding place. Now more than ever they needed to fade back into the shadows, since the peacekeepers got involved with them people would be on the lookout. It happened every time something like this happened, they would have to slink back to the shadows and wait for a while before they could get anything done. The sad truth though was that they had little money and a dwindling supply of food, they couldn't afford to wait like they had in the past. Every time she looked in the makeshift sack that held their money it seemed as if there was less in it. She wasn't spending it so it came down to two people Gus or Annie, but they always asked eachother before taking anything out of it. So where was the money going to, was someone stealing it from them?

Those two things were the only possible way that the money could be disappearing so quickly. She didn't want to think about that now, her sister needed her to get her home. In the current state of shock she was in there was no way she was making it home on her own, and who was to say whether she may completely go into a state of shock and just faint right than and there. Returning back to the problem at hand her eyes scanned around looking for anyone who might help her. Annie's wieght was beginning to be to much for her, despite her thin frame a dead weight was a dead weight, and she wasn't helping in any way right now. Looking at the still shocked face of Annie she half carried half dragged her through the streets trying to reach their "home". No one offered a hand of help to her, they all turned away leaving her to struggle through the streets with a broken shell of a girl. Sighing again she looked ahead to the next patch of shadows, yup, the life of the O'Sullivans, a harsh world with no one to help you get through it. Putting on a determined face she doggedly kept going knowing that the end of this trip would only come if her feet kept moving.

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan

I couldn't move. Locked in my flashback, only a few pained whimpers came from my lips. They sounded so far away, like I was merely a spectator to the dreadful scene I was a part of. I was dead weight on my sibling's back, and incapable of helping her on the journey back to our little hole in the comfort of the shadowy slums.

Who was that shell of a girl, clinging to her sister so strongly? She seemed so empty, so lackluster. What happened to her? Had sunshine once glittered off of the straw-like blonde hair on her head? Was there ever a time when those blue eyes had glittered with childish joy, and imagination? Perhaps there was a day when hope had been there, and maybe even curiosity. A victim of fate, and a weak disposition. Life drained her.

That girl was me. I was there. Once again I locked myself into my little cold box, and away from the people I loved most. Why was I so afraid to speak to them? What was this imaginary judgement that I dreaded being cast upon me? All the time I find these strange questions haunting me like the ghosts do a graveyard.

Lexie dragged me along, until finally depositing me upon my blanket behind our dumpster. I felt my voice return to me, and I asked her, "Why won't they just get it over with?"

Did I just say that?

Suddenly, I really wanted to head back to the seedy end of District 6.

[Anna Banana]

Speech
Thoughts
Actions

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

Time seemed to slow around her and the wieght of Annie across her shoulder was causing her shoulder to flair up in pain. The looks on the peoples faces as she looked around her were accusing and cruel. None of them had any sympathy for the two girls, nothing but scorn and disgust. Not that they had any reason to look upon her with anything but scorn and disgust. Being a prostitute wasn't exactly a business that the "nice" people went into, but she was desperate to help her family, even if it meant sinking down to that level. People never seemed to look at the big picture, would they be any better than her were they in the position she was, it was unlikely. That was wishful thinking though, that sort of thinking would mean she would have to be better off than she was now, and that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

Finally the familiar shadow of their "home" loomed before her and she stumbled into the sanctuary, away from those prying eyes. She took Annie's arm and slid her carefully onto her ratty blanket behind the dumpster. She looked so beaten and sad, only a shell of her former self, it was disappointing to see her like this when she used to be so happy. Than her voice broke through the gloom. It was raspy and weak, but she could hear the words all to well. They were the words of someone who sought sweet release from this world. She wanted to know why they just didn't get it over with. Shock numbed Lexi's body and she fell backwards feeling her back hit the wall. Sliding down and huddling up in the corner she wondered what had happened to her sister. This was not the girl that she had grown up with, the girl who was so happy, this wasn't her sister.

"Annie...I...I don't know what to tell you to make things better. I try...so hard...to make our lives better, but I'm only one person. I can only do so much, I've given up everything for you and Gus, I've given till I have nothing left to give. I don't know why they don't get it over with...but it must be for a reason...we're meant to continue living. Someday things may get better...something will happen that will change our lives. Until than we just have to try and make the best of what we have, we still have eachother...and that's a reason that's worth living.

Falling silently she looked at the ground between her legs. Reaching down she scooped up some of the dirt and let it slowly fall between her fingers. Their lives to this point had been a disaster, full of mistakes, hardships, and bad choices. There were only two ways out of this hell of a life, and that was to get into the Games or to find more ways of getting money. Ironically getting into the Games seemed the better option to her, she didn't know if she could take the punishment of finding more "jobs" to do. Getting up shakily she walked back to the edge of the alleyway her back to Annie, and looked out at the quickly dispersing crowds of the district. It was almost time for her to begin her "work", by shadow of night terrible things happen. Some people welcome them, and others have it forced upon them due to neccesity.

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan

I watched her for a few moments, disappearing, waiting for her to go out of view of both me and our little dumpster. It was time for me to slip out, and I couldn't let Lexi see me leave. That would have me discovered sooner than you could count to three, and the fallout that would come from it was... undesirable. I saw her turn the corner, and I got to my feet.

There was a path that I followed every evening down to what I knew simply as the House. It was where I went under the needle all too often, and I had become a familiar face. The place was a source of acceptance for me. They knew my name, and they knew exactly how to make me feel better. What more could a vulnerable little street urchin ask for?

Within a few minutes I was in the place that I needed to be; I was in front of the building where I'd get my fix. It was a grimy building, like any other, but it was the only place I could do this in private. My regular dealer greeted me, and I handed him the money from pickpocketing earlier. Cash that I failed to mention to Lexi after we were beaten for stealing.

My dealer's name was Cross. I didn't know if it was real or just a nickname, but it didn't really matter to me. He had something I wanted, I had something he wanted, we gave it to each other. It was a simple relationship.

When I handed him the money, he tapped a bruise on my cheek and raised an eyebrow, "Busy being a bad ass today?"

I shrugged, "You know why I'm here."

He nodded, "Yeah, yeah. Come on sweetheart, let's get a little sunshine in those veins."

I allowed him to guide me over to the familiar little seat, and I lay back. He cinched the cloth, and stuck in the needle. Immediately came that sweet relief, and I lay back in bliss for those long fifteen minutes.

[Anna Banana]

Speech
Thoughts
Actions

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

Lexi continued staring out at the streets, and a wave of sadness fell over her. So this is what her life had become, a life of agony, regret, and pain. She lived in a vicious cycle in her life, and eventually she would be unable to hide what she did. How long could she go on without eventually bearing a child because of her "job"? Secrets required so much work to keep, and the more you lied about them the harder it got. Eventually this would all end up blowing up in her face, and Annie and Gus would be so disappointed in her. Their faces flashed in her mind, looks of disgust and pain written clearly across them. They just wouldn't understand, they wouldn't understand that everything she went through was for them. They would just think that she was a corrupt girl with dark desires.

Sighing she took a step forward and walked into the streets. It was time for her to begin her rounds, and tonight would be a long night, they had lost all the money they had made pickpocketing. A few people watched her as she walked silently down the streets, some of them whispered and pointed, but for the most part she was left alone. Walking up to a house she knocked lightly on the door, and a young man opened it up to greet her. A malicious grin formed on his face and he grabbed hold of her arm pulling her inside the house. The door slammed shut and the door did not reopen till half an hour had passed. Lexi emerged from the house, her shirt torn along the sleeve and falling off of her, and her jeans no longer sitting at her waist. Tears stained her cheeks and she walked across the street and slumped against the wall. They fell freely down her cheeks, and her hand reached into what was formerly her pocket and drew out a few coins. Was this worth it, were these few pitiful coins worth what she was putting herself through?

Wiping away the tears she looked again at the coins. Each one represented the loss of her innocence and purity. It was to late to have regrets though, and with a sigh she moved about the district, to each house that "welcomed" her in. Each time she would leave the house looking more and more ragged, her clothes torn and nearly falling off of her, but she continued on until the moon was high in the sky. By the time she was done her hair was a mess and her shirt no longer covered her midriff. Her pants were lopsided and torn in several places so they no longer fit her properly, and she had to walk carefully to avoid losing them all together. A fresh wave of tears fell down her cheeks and she blindly followed the path home. Her only hope was that Annie wouldn't see her like this, to many questions would arise from it, and she would have to be completely out of it to not realize what had been going on. Quietly she sobbed as she walked, until she finally found herself in the familiar alley that was home. Slumping down beside the dumpster she buried her face in her hands and cried, sobbing loudly, the sound echoing around her.

[Sedge]

She Does,

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan
When I left that night, I was feeling a little more off than usual. The typical drowsiness I typically experienced was mingled with an overwhelming sense of nausea as I stumbled towards her home. Memory carried my tired legs back to our little spot behind the dumpster, where I crumpled to the ground into my blanket.

I knew my sister was there, but I didn't say anything, merely laying flat on my stomach. My guts were churning, and I didn't know how or if I'd need to explain my absence to Lexie. Surely she'd put the pieces together and find me out?

Right now, though, I could barely move and I wondered if it was because it was the guilt in my belly that I couldn't throw up, though it might have been the fact I had nothing in it at all. finally got back up, dry-heaving by a couple of wooden crates, before falling back onto my back.

"[I didn't mean to, please don't cry," I apologized.

[Anna Banana]

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

My body hurt, my heart hurt, my mind hurt, nothing could ease the pain I felt, only my tears seemed to help me get through it now. I couldn't even turn to my brother or sister for comfort because that would mean I would have to explain to them what I did to keep us alive. No, there was no comfort for me in this world, at least none that could help me now. My one last chance had been to get into the Games, but I wasn't even "lucky" enough to have that. Maybe I should just let the darkness of my heart overtake me, give in to the depression...let myself die. What more did I have to live for, we were just drawing out the inevitable, we had no money for food, and we're at the mercy of the elements. What was there to live for...that was when I realized that my sister was with me, and I remembered...she was the reason I kept on going.

Instantly I stifled my tears when I heard her voice breaking through the fog of my mind. I didn't hear most of what she had said, only that she was asking me not to cry, and instantly I felt ashamed. For some reason though her asking that only caused the tears to flow even more, I couldn't hold them back any longer. Rising from where I was still sitting I walked in the direction of my voice and blindly let my hands lead me towards Annie. I could feel the warmth of her skin before I could see her through the haze of tears, and instantly I let my arms go around her in an embrace. My arms wrapped around her and I pulled her close, my head fell onto her shoulder and I kept crying until I could cry no more.

Once I could cry no longer, and the tears had dried up on my cheeks I broke away from Annie and leaned against the wall beside her. If I hadn't looked like a mess before I most certainly did now, my clothes torn and my face a mess from the crying. Why should I look any different though, my life was a mess, it was only fitting that I looked the part. "We can't keep going on like this Annie, we need to find some way to get out of this routine. Something anything to get us away from all of this...even death seems like it would be a blessing right now." I choked back another fresh wave of tears and forced myself to continue on. This needed to be said, regardless of how much it hurt me to say it and Annie to hear it. "Since we have been without the care of a proper parent or guardian I took responsibility for you and Gus...but I'm not sure if I can go on anymore Annie. I'm wondering if now...it would be best if we separated...the three of us I mean. We can't keep going on like this, money is scarce, and I think someone is stealing from us, I can't keep offering...my services to people for money if it gets stolen from us."

I had made a mistake in my speech, one that might cost me a great deal of explaining. Annie didn't seem to be completely cognisent of everything that was going on around her right now, so all I could hope was that she hadn't picked up on that. In any event I waited for her responce, her opinion meant the world to me, and I needed to know what she thought we should do.

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan

"We can't keep going on like this, money is scarce, and I think someone is stealing from us, I can't keep offering...my services to people for money if it gets stolen from us," Lexi said, and in that moment, I felt my heart fragmenting into a thousand tiny shards, never to be found again.

The guilt swelled in my chest, and then rose up to my throat, and stopped the words. I wondered if there were even words I could have used to tell my twin that I was the reason that we were having such a hard time. Everything that I felt, and believed myself to be seemed to have been confirmed to be true with the words.

Selfish... Worthless... Evil...

Words of self-loathing that could not escape the confines of my skull, and remained there to taunt me with my every mistake. The voices that hated me, made me believe that I hated me that would not stop, and could never leave. Was I mad? Was ithis God's punishment for such a wretched creature as myself?

I don't even think I am human anymore. A human would not do what I was doing. I am little more than a selfish, under-evolved drug addict that would never amount to anything higher than 6 feet under the earth I walked on.

Hands numb, I rolled up one of my sleeves, and revealed it to my sister. There were no words, my mouth was devoid of any moisture, and I was petrified. Would she reject me, hate me for this? Would she make me leave, or simply beat my skull into the ground like I deserved? Or would she perform the greatest evil, and love me despite this?

My now bare arm could not hide my use. The shrunken, dead veins made no mistake, and said more than I could have, should anything could have escaped my throat or clenched jaws. All I could muster were the droplets of liquid sorrow that streamed down my grimy cheeks, and plopped softly onto the dirty ground.

I hadn't noticed until now the tension of my muscles. My hands were clenched with all of the strength my weak body could spare, and I was shivering. My nightmare, realized.

After what felt to be hours of torture upon my mind, I whispered, "Lexi, the only one who should be dead is me."

[Anna Banana]

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

I felt hollow inside, my eyes were open and yet I couldn't see what was before them. My ears could not hear what was going on around me, all of my senses were dulled and no longer working...my life as I knew it...was at an end. I refused to believe what my eyes were seeing, but I couldn't tear my eyes away from what they saw. It wasn't true, I wouldn't believe it, my sister...she was a victim of...morphling. Everything fell into place though, it all made sense, the lack of money, she was never around at night, everything made sense now. But who was she to judge, how could she judge when she was no better, no, she was worse. Her sister sought solice and freedom in a drug, was that so wrong? In the state they were in it must have felt like freedom to her, freedom from the pain, suffering, and poverty that they lived in. I still didn't want to believe it, but I could say nothing to her. A feeling of guilt fell in a wave over me, the weight of my own secret bearing down on me like a ton of bricks.

Annie said that she was the only one that deserved death, but death was not the answer to her problems. That was only the words of someone who was to caught up, to lost in the drugs that now ruled her life. She had to know though, now was the time for all secrets to be told, it was time for her to reveal her secret. For better or worse it was time for her to know, she could only hope that her sister would not judge her harshly for her "crimes". "Annie, don't say that, my words were the words of someone who was ready to give up, to surrender. Now that I know we can make things right though, we can start over. I can help you get through this, we'll get through it together." After my words another silence fell around them, only the sounds of their heartbeats could be heard. The rapid beating of my heart showed how nervous I was, and I was sure that Annie could hear it to, sooner or later she would realize something was wrong. Better that I explain myself now while we were already doing so.

"Annie, I have to tell you something to, something...that's really hard to tell you. Please, don't think any less of me for what I tell you, you'll realize why I've been so on edge lately, why the money is so important to me." Taking in a slow breath I exhaled it and began to explain myself to her. My voice was shaky and afraid, but I continued, for what was going to be said had to be said. "Annie, I'm....I'm....a prostitute....I did it for us though, I sold myself out to keep us going. I love you and Gus so much and I couldn't bare to lose you. I'm willing to do anything to make sure that both of you stay alive....even if it means....losing myself along the way. I'm worried about what it means for me....how long I can keep going on before....something happens."

I couldn't continue any longer, my voice failed me, and I felt a fresh wave of tears slip slowly down my cheeks. Each tear seemed to be a piece of my heart finding a way to escape my body in the only way it knew how. For the second time tonight my heart was shattering, once when I saw Annie's arm and now that my secret was out. If I had thought my life was a wreck before and that someday when my secret was out it would get better...I was wrong. Now that my secret was out I wasn't sure where to go, I wanted to run and hide myself from the world, but I couldn't. No matter what I had to be there for my sister and brother...even if they hated me.

[Sedge]

She Does,She Says,She Hears,She Thinks


~Annabelle O'Sullivan

Hearing this, I might have thought that my heart would have found another way to break, another way to shatter and send me into tears, wanting to comfort my twin sister. Perhaps even cry with this realization that she had done so much for me, and seeing the true extent of my own betrayal. However, if anything, it was frozen solid, and the stiffness that was in my muscles melted to nothing. I forgot to inhale, simply staring at the ground, and saying nothing to her.

I could reason with why she did it, the extent that she was going through just to keep our heads above water. She sold herself out to brutal men so we could all have food in our bellies, to have enough to drink, and live long enough to make our way back to this half-made shelter that was all the home we had. But never once had she told us, or allowed us to help ease her burden, she just went on with it without our notice.

Grinding my teeth, I just shook my head before saying, "Alexis... why the hell would you do something like that?" The floodgates released in an outpour of emotion, "If one thing goes wrong with that... one thing... that's bad... But I screw up..."

I scratched at the site of the ugly dead veins on my arm, this stress already too much for me. My own sister! Something that could have been despair or rage was welling up in the pit of my belly, and I squeezed my hands into tight, frustrated fists. And then... the nerve to say that she could help me? There was nothing she could ever do to right things, nothing she could do to change things to the way they were before. To take away the one thing that got me by... the thing that made me feel better, almost important...

"You have a lot of nerve to say that... Saying that you could help me, with this!" As I squeezed my arm. My eyes darkened, looking at the ground, and then back into my sister's gray eyes. With cold conviction, I whispered, "And what makes you think I want to stop?"

Everything that I'd been holding, keeping held inside of me was being unleashed, as continued on, "What you see here, on my arm is only the surface, Lexi! There is no way you could ever help me, no way you can ever make me forget or undo all of these mistakes I've made. All I can do for myself is to stop myself from making another mistake, from doing this to you over and over and over..."

I hadn't even noticed the tears that began to roll down my cheeks, but I didn't bothered wiping them away. I wouldn't acknowledge them, allow them to exist in my concious. All that existed was between myself and my twin, and the barrier of choices that felt like it was expanding, and threatened to tear us apart.

[Anna Banana]

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day

You can't choose what stays and what fades away
And I'd do anything to make you stay

I could sense that things would never be the same between us from here on out. What I had feared from the beginning was coming to fruition, that neither of us would be able to deal with the secrets that had formed between us. I had been foolish to think that things would be better, and I would be foolish to think that they would ever go back to the way they were. Annie was now a prisoner of her own desires, she was to far gone for me to be of any help to her. She made it very clear that she didn't want my help, that it was a joke for me even to offer it. Had I not been right infront of her when she said what she did I wouldn't have believed it, the coldness of her voice and the look in her eyes...it broke my heart. Things would never be the same again, her words made this truth known to me.

"You have a lot of nerve to say that... Saying that you could help me, with this! And what makes you think I want to stop?"Those words, so few in number and yet they seemed to pierce my heart like no sword ever could or would. The way she clutched at her arm showing me the "scars" and marks of her captor...the morphling. It explained so much but left so many questions, I knew that there would be no answers to those questions though, and even if there was I knew Annie wouldn't be the answer them. I was at a loss mentally and physically, I couldn't deal with this right now, and yet never the less here I was...stuck in this situation...those cold eyes of my sister burning into my soul.

She didn't understand, either that or she chose not to understand why I had done what I did. That I realized the risks involved with doing what I was doing, but I was doing it for her...for Gus...for us. Perhaps though I hadn't thought about what may come of it, maybe it was me that didn't understand the consequences. Wouldn't this only cause my life to become that much more complicated...my lifestyle choice...could result...in...getting pregnant. What if all this time that I had thought I was doing a good thing all I was really doing was making life more difficult? Why did it take the bitter words of my sister to get me to see clearly? I wasn't helping my family...I was hurting them.

"I didn't realize what I was doing Annie, I thought I was doing the right thing. i didn't even think that I may be making things worse. We had no money and no one would hire us for any work...I did the only thing I could think of to keep us alive, the only way I could make money. What would you have done in my place? Would you be any better than I am? Since we lost our parent I feel like the responsibility of keeping us alive falls on my shoulders. I only do what I think is right...no matter what it may mean for me. You may be my twin but I've always felt older than you, like I have to take care of you."

Maybe I didn't mean what I said, but I couldn't shake that feeling that I did. Annie would never understand why I had done what I did, that it was for her and Gus, that it's never about me or what may happen to me. Who was she to judge me when we were both at fault, why did I feel like I was the only one who had done something wrong?