The cold clutches of remembrance(Sarella)

[Anna Banana]

How long had it been since Panama had attempted to run away with the aid of a young girl. To long to even remember her name, all he could remember was her face and that night the Peacekeepers followed them into the woods around District 4. They were going to find her family members, her sisters if he was remembering correctly. Suddenly everything changed though, and not for the better. While they traveled they had been separated from eachother, just as the Peacekeepers wanted. He could hear her all around him, her voice her cries for help, they all reverberated around him, but he couldn't find her. The sound of a gun firing was the last he heard before he was knocked unconcious by another group of Peacekeepers. He had no idea if she was still alive out there, or if they had brought her back to the district as they had done to him. All he knew was that it was another thing to cause him restless nights of sleep, wondering what he could have done to protect her.

Laying in bed his eyes stared blankly at the ceiling of his shack. They were bloodshot and tears seemed to want to force their way down his cheeks. What was it about this dream that was causing him so much pain, there seemed to be so many emotions that wanted to spill forth from him right now. Sitting up he squeezed his eyes shut to force back the hot stinging tears that were still threatening to spill out. For a few seconds he gathered himself together and got out of bed. Maybe all he needed was to sit by the water, let it's calming sounds lull him into that place of peace that he so desperately needed.

Throwing on some clothes he walked out into the cool night air and breathed in deeply the salty air. Immediately he felt calmer and more at peace, but there was still that lingering sense of self hate in his mind. Slowly his feet led him to the edge of the water where he just stared out across the ocean. It wasn't unlike the scene that had marked the beginning of the friendship of that girl, they had met at the end of the day after his shift was over. It was easy to talk to her, and that was when they planned their escape.

"I'll help you find them, I'll help you find them all, I'll always be there for you, and you won't ever have to be afraid while I'm around. I failed you though, I let you down, now I have no idea if you're even still alive. I couldn't protect you....I failed you.

[Sarella]

Every cell in her body told her not to get up. Alice Marien had not felt like doing anything since that boy and her were caught. She had not seen him after the peacekeepers had caught her. There was no fight on her side, she could not risk it. Though she was replanted in her district she could not escape the punishment. It stood out in memory like the people in her dreams. If her siblings were okay she would move on. The screams though, her father. That boy that refused to leave her dreams. That thick stick coming down on her head, right before the...

Mechanically she crawls out of her box, swallowing the last of her bread. Memories like that were avoided by water. Just a little dip by her toe could erase the tales. Her arm protests the movement, warning her of the danger swimming introduced after that last memory. She would have to make do with a dip. Approaching the sea, she pauses for a moment, remembering the afternoon she had escaped the district. The night, that terrifying owl. Her bare feet accept the sand as a friend, however few she had now. Her attempt at blending in failed after she returned, now she didn't seem to be in at all.

A familiar voice speaks nearby, and Alice cannot help but listen. The beginning reminded her so much of that boy... whatever his name was. Catching sight of his face, she steps closer almost unbelieving, ignoring the ache of her legs. "You..." she mumbles, almost adoringly. "You!" Her frown turns into a smile. It was him, no doubt.

[Anna Banana]

Slowly a feeling of peace began to settle over him, the water was working its magic on his mind, creating that safe world where he could be safe from his nightmares. However, nightmares tend to become reality if thougts linger on them to long, and his nightmares were about to become reality. A faint voice behind him startled his thoughts, a voice that haunted his every waking hour, the voice of that girl that he had failed to protect. It was a miracle the voice didn't send him into a state of shock right than and there, it sounded so close, almost like it was real. How could it be real though, he hadn't seen her since that day, it had to be his mind playing tricks on him. Against his better judgement though he slowly turned around, and his eyes fell upon the visage of the girl. Was she a ghost created by his mind or was she real.

Rising off of the ground he slowly took a pace towards her and than another till he stood infront of her. An expression of guilt was written all over his face, and tentatively he reached out and took her hand. It was real, she was real, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it, all this time she had been alive. He took hold of her other hand, pulled her into him and wrapped his arms around her. Guilt and relief flooded through him and he was afraid to let her go lest he lose her again. This time he wouldn't fail her, he wouldn't let her go, he would be there for her just as he had told her he would be before. "I can't believe you're alive, all this time I thought you were dead. I heard a gunshot and I thought they had killed you. It's haunted me since that day, the feeling that I let you down, that I wasn't there like I promised I would be.

When I got back to the district I was punished, so harshly, but I was given the chance to make ammends I guess. I've worked on board a ship and done a few more odd jobs to keep myself afloat. But what happened to you, why didn't you try and find me when you were brought back? Or did they make sure we wouldn't find eachother again to make sure that we didn't plan another escape? He didn't want to let her go, afraid that she was nothing more than a mirage created by his mind. It wouldn't be the first time that something like that happened to him, he was haunted by many memories now. The one that hurt the most though was losing her, failing her, abandoning her. He hoped that in her heart she would forgive him, but in reality neither of them had much reason to dare to hope.

[Sarella]

Alice looks at her hands a moment, the sea not doing it's usual magic in fighting her memories. "It was to scare me, but they caught me and took me back here. They beat me, and when they found out my family wasn't here they almost put me in the community home, but when I woke up I was in my crate again... I don't quite remember how I got there." Occasionally it had crossed her mind she had been dreaming, but the arm and the bruises proved her far too wrong. But she had found the boy again!

"For a few days I stayed home. I was too scared and injured... never got any jobs after that. I can't swim anymore, can't carry or pull anything heavy." Alice didn't want to admit the thievery, a nearby peacekeeper might overhear. It was only occasional, anyways, when she couldn't convince a soft hearted fisherman to give her something. Her good arm comes up, finally returning the embrace the best she could. Even it was weak, but seemed to be holding onto him like she would die if she didn't.

[Anna Banana]

Her story did nothing but make him feel worse. The weight of responsibility lay heavily acros his back, he knew that this was all his fault. She was no longer even able to properly work as a result of what had happened. Because of what had happened she was no better than a begger, and his heart seemed to drop just at the thought of it. Her arm came up around him returning the embrace as best as she could, and he felt a glimmer of hope that there was still a chance to be forgiven, another chance to make things right. She needed a home, a place to get better, he didn't really even have that anymore though, just a simple shack. If he offered to share his home what would she think, would she be greatful or get the wrong idea? At one point while they were on the run it seeemed like they may actually be a couple so maybe it wouldn't be so bad. He'd give her the bed and sleep on the floor.

He took a few steps towards the shore line and sat down pulling the girl down next to him. Searching his memory desperately to find her name he finally remembered it....Alice. Taking her slight frame in his arms he pulled her into his lap and held onto her as if his life depended on it. It seemed so unfair for him to still be able to work and be in fair health while she had been beaten, abused, and left to die. Not anymore though, he would stay with her, they were together again and he would never let any harm come to her again. Rocking back and forth he gently took her hand and put it at the edge of the water and let the tide run over it. Before they had run away the water had always been a comfort to the both of them. It would clear away all the stress and pain, they would be able to start again. Leaning his head against hers he whispered to her as if his voice might shatter her fragile frame.

"Alice, I want you to come live with me in my home. It's not much, just a shack really, but it has a bed and it keeps you warm in the winter and cool in the summer. I can't bear to let you go again, my heart broke when I lost you. I will be your family now, I will take care of you and make sure nothing ever happens to you again. We can be together, just like we planned it before, accept this time I won't let you go, we really will be together forever."

[Sarella]

The water was chilly, but felt nice to Alice. He begins to talk, and she begins to feel bad she does not remember his name as he had her's. She listens carefully, even as she watches the minnows darting around her fingers. The offer was large, and sweet, and Alice again got the feeling the water wasn't really as cold as it felt. She'd met someone who was very kind, and willing to help her, and she could never hold anything against someone like that. He had not meant to leave her, of course. Just like she hadn't meant to fall on him that first afternoon... and interrupted his thoughts... and gotten them into it all. She should have payed better attention.

"I would love to live with you," she says, looking back up at him. She wonders if he ever thought about her falling on him. She banishes the thought, and enjoys the warmth of having someone to stay with. No more crate, no more splinters, no more nights alone. That is, if she was going to be lucky. She rummages through her memory for a while, trying to remember his name. It had first reminded her of Panem, but had an extra syllable, and a letter change. Panama.

[Anna Banana]

The answer wasn't immediate from her, but that was alright, she deserved to have time to think about it. It also gave him the time to remember that first day that they had met. He was sitting in the water moping about his life and she fell into his life, she literally fell into his life. They had talked to eachother and they both came to realize that they had alot in common. That was when they planned on leaving the district to find her family. At first it was a success, they made it out and thought they were in the safety of the forest, but the Peacekeepers had followed them. Everything went wrong from there, they had no time to rest, and they were chased as far as the edge of the woods. He was caught and he was sure that Alice had been killed. Until now he had lived his life in regret...but he was offered another chance.

It was than that he heard her voice, a faint whisper telling him that she would love to live with him. No longer would he be alone, no longer would he be haunted by dreams of the past, it was a chance to make ammends for his mistakes. Though he couldn't help but wonder if the Peacekeepers would be watching them, making sure that they didn't stir up any trouble. What did it matter though, they had been reunited and nothing would separate them again. He was stronger than he used to be, the work he did made sure of that, and he would make sure that his strength would keep Alice safe.

"I think we should head to our home now Alice, I can tend to those bruises and cuts, and give you a good meal. We can continue where we left off, and maybe get an undisturbed sleep. I'm just so happy to have you back, I can't believe you were alive all this time. I'm almost afraid to believe it, but holding onto you now I know it to be true and I don't want to let go."

He brought one of his hands up and brushed away the hairs on her forehead. Looking down into her face he couldn't help but smile. No longer did his life have to be a story of remorse and sadness, a new chapter was starting, one that he would make sure had a happy ending.

[Sarella]

Alice does a quick look over herself. She didn't think she looked that bad, she liked to imagine it was better than she made herself think. But in the light of the moment, she recognizes the intensity. Her body melts as he speaks, and she lets it sink in what a wonderful person she was lucky enough to be in the presense of. As Amodar brushes away her hair, she smiles back at him. In a very pleasant way, the motion reminded her of her father, who used to have her sit upon his lap, and he would tell her the most amazing stories of adventurers and princesses. He would put his hand to her forehead, then move to the side her scraggly thin red hairs and plant a light kiss on her cheek. Then she would giggle and request one more story before bed.

"I love you, and I always will. Forever isn't too long for me," Alice begins to rebuild herself, preparing to get up. No one would see it, not even in her expression, but she was warming up the engine.


(((Uh...I sat for a while... sorry the post is so tiny!!!)))

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[Anna Banana]

It was just like before, like everything that had happened before no longer mattered. Just that smile on her face was enough to bring happiness back to his heart. Before now nightmares would plague him of that day, but no more, now he would dream of this day, the day he was reunited with her. Than he heard something he didn't expect to hear, something that he recalled had been mentioned in passing during their time together before. She said she loved him and that forever wasn't to long for her. In all his short life he had never heard something more beautiful than that. The fact that someone cared about him that much, and actually said it, it was almost to good to be true. To forget what had happened that day would be an insult to the memories they had, but they could move on and make a better future for themselves. A future where they were together, where they could pick up the pieces of their lives and rebuild a future for themselves.

"I love you to Alice, I never realized how much I did until I saw you again tonight. All the nightmares I would had were about losing you, reliving that day over and over again. Than I saw you tonight, and I realized that I lived that moment over and over again because I had loved you."

His words faded into the night and he just looked out across the water. The sound of the waves, Alice's head against his chest, it was all the perfect setting. Nothing would ruin things this time, they would be together forever. He took hold of her hand and helped her stand up, and he put his arm around her shoulder. For a few seconds longer he just stood at the edge of the water holding her close to him, letting it sink in that they were reunited. Once he was sure it wasn't a dream he led her away from the water towards his little home. It wasn't much but it would be a roof over their heads at the least. Reaching for the door he pulled it open and swept his arm out before him letting her enter. "Welcome to our castle my queen, what's mine is yours to share in."Stepping inside after her he picked up the blanket that he had thrown on the floor and made an attempt to straighten up the mess that was his home. Fishing gear lay strewn across the floor and a pile of clothes was thrown across a bureau. It was a small building, nothing fancy at all, with one bed and two rooms, a bedroom and kitchen. Although it wasn't much he was ready to share it all with Alice.

"Feel free to eat what you want Alice, and maybe patch up any cuts or bruises or anything. When your feeling better maybe we could talk about what we missed in eachothers lives while we were separated."

[Sarella]

Alice runs a hand over a chair back, smiling to herself. To her, the place was not small, or messy. To her it really was a castle, and she was in the presence of the greatest king to rule the seas. Her body was weak but her mind was strong with love, numbing her for the moment to look at Panama and admire him. She makes a satisfied sigh, and looks around again.

"There are the days when dictators reign,
Filling the slaves with fear.
But every hurricane has an eye,
When the lowly may rise to the throne.

If everyone fell the first time came pain
Our loyal kings would come ne'er.
So try, my love, as I place you so high,
To melt the cruel hearts of stone."

The song was first for her sister, soon after they ran away the first time. But now the meaning had changed for Alice, striking a chord in her song she had not played before.

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[Anna Banana]

I watched Alice with a smile on my face as she wandered around my small home. Her eyes fell over everything in the house, and her hands ran over the back of a chair, it was like watching a child explore their new home. Each time her gaze swept over me I smiled even wider, and had a strange feeling settle over me. Outside I had told her that I loved her, but the feeling I had was of so much more, a feeling even greater than love. Something was stirring in my heart, the feeling that if I was ever separated from Alice a part of me might die. We were connected now, like an invisible line had been drawn from my heart to hers. I watched for a few minutes more while she explored the house a little bit more, and I walked over to her. I gently wrapped my arms around her and held her close to my heart, her body was so thin I could feel her heart beat against my chest. I loved feeling it, it reminded me she was still alive, and not a dream come to life.

I could feel her, smell her, hear her, she was real and he loved her so much. Without even really thinking about what I was doing I leaned into her and kissed her cheek, it didn't last long and my lips barely brushed agianst her cheek, but it was a kiss none the less. I'm not sure what came over me and drove me to do it, usually I was a little more capable of keeping my emotions in check. Perhaps it had something to do with that feeling that I have for her, that feeling more than love, let's just hope that I didn't just ruin things with her though. Deciding I had better leave her for the moment I walked into the kitchen and grabbed some food for her to eat, and walked back into the room that acted as my bedroom, diningroom and livingroom.

I dropped all the food onto a table next to the door and directed Alice to a chair infront of it. "Eat up my love, eat everything you want to, the district has deprived you of everything you need to survive, and I'll make sure you get everything you need to survive. My heart would break if I were to ever lose you again, that pain that I felt that day, when I thought I had lost you...I don't want to feel it again." I felt a blush rise to my cheeks and I looked away from her and proceeded to collect some blankets and cushions for my bed on the floor. Though I couldn't help but turn around to look at her every now and again just to see her face, to satisfy my heart. Her eyes and her smile were enough to give me life where once I had none.

[Sarella]

[Warning: Another terrible post >.<]

Alice sits in a chair, wary to what was about to go on. Looking at the food in front of her, she tries not to let her mouth drop. Looking between Panama and the food, she raises her eyebrows. Then, slowly, she gains a smile and takes another sigh of satisfaction. Turning back towards the food, she begins to eat, slowly, unsure if it was just going to whirl out of a dream and leave her cold and hungry yet again. When she finishes, she feels strange at the thought of eating everything on the table at one time. A little embarrassed, too. Rubbing her arms she turns in the seat towards Panama.

"That, was great. I keep thinking the dream will end, so I keep testing myself. It's all real, and I really am with you. Sometimes I thought I hadn't really met you in the first place, but now I know otherwise." Standing up, she walks closer to him and into his body, so familiar, yet it was changed so much. On her toes she manages a kiss on his cheek. Forever was simply not long enough.

[Anna Banana]

It was almost like a dream to be standing here with Alice, a dream that I would be more than content to continue to live in. No doubt that the Peacekeepers would be interested in knowing where she was though, if they had worked so hard to make sure she was miserable before they would continue to do so. I wouldn't let them though, I wasn't that same weak Panama that they once knew. They had forced me to become a lean fighting machine, and if they dared to ever try and hurt Alice I have the strength to fight them now. Did I have the heart to do it though, while I was different in size I was still the same old Panama, a soft spoken, soft hearted boy.

I heard her faint voice, her sweet voice, just the sound of it was enough to make my heart soar. She told me how she wondered if this wasn't a dream, a cruel deam, but a dream none the less. Something told me that for both of us this would all be a dream, I still had not fully grasped that she was really here...the love of my life had returned to me. This all resembled the dreams I had once had, having her in my home, so close to me. Than the dream reached a point that even I hadn't thought would occur, her soft lips brushed against my cheek, and I felt myself melt. Gently I took her hand in mine and pulled her into me, I let my lips find hers but only for a moment, only to let myself know if my feelings were true or not. As my heart came alive as my lips fell into hers, I knew that my feelings were true.

"Alice, I'm glad you're back in my life because you complete me. I will be with you forever, and I hope that you will be with me forever...Alice...I wanted to ask before...would you be my girlfriend? I didn't get to ask you before, I was afraid of what you might say. I didn't realize until you weren't here how much I loved you and longed to have you with me."