I'm Sure I'll F*** Things Up Again // [D10 Tribs]

[Gamemaker Lauren Kinkade]

for what it's worth, I have a slow disease that sucked me dry... I always aim to please
but I nearly died

He was living a nightmare.

There was simply no other way to explain it. He had heard the tribute's names read, and for the first time, he had actually recognized both. His jaw unhinged the moment he head Regalia's hysterical wail. And with that he turned away from the stage. When it was finally time for him to march off, in the wake of the new Mayor, Mace lengthened his stride to catch up to the old cowboy, rather than face either of the lives he was sure to doom. He seized Mayor McFadden's arm, squeezed his elbow. A better man might have said, 'I know it's hard now but you get used to it,' or 'We really don't have any control of this.'

But that just wasn't Mace. Instead, he said, "Good of you to be here," which he meant with his whole heart, even though it came out sarcastically. Shakti had missed the last Reaping entirely. To have a Mayor there, another person other than the walking corpses, was a tremendous relief to Mace.

Now if he could just get the universe to cooperate and not hand him a girl who had patched him up in a rough spot or the secret boyfriend of his sister, which of course he, and everyone else in Ten with ears, already knew about. Mace sat inside the Mayor's home, his head in his hands, as had become his posture on reaping days. He didn't acknowledge either tribute as they entered, and barely heard Regalia's wailings until much, much later.

But he couldn't totally tune out the television in the Mayor's nearby office.

He'd made that mistake once before, during the 60th. The shock of seeing Julian had nearly given him heart failure, at nineteen. Nothing had been so bad as his own District since. There was no point in avoiding it. So he listened as the anchors chattered through his tributes goodbyes, and felt the names drift by him as clouds before a storm. He ticked them off, caught somewhere in the middle of the broadcast, and had almost forgotten about it when the doors creaked open, his tributes ready to be marched to their deaths.

And then he heard it.

The one goddamn name in all of Panem that could send him spinning.

Owen Rook.

"Well, fuck me." Mace said, dragging himself off of the wooden chair to size up his tributes. He hadn't been talking to them at all, but it was a better introduction than he would have managed otherwise. He jerked his head towards the side doors and started walking. It wasn't until he was almost at the train that he realized he was favoring the leg that Essence had sewn up years before. Mace shuddered, the chills creeping from his fingertips up his spine.

It wasn't until Mace had grunted and ushered them onto the train that he really heard what his sister had said. It had come at him in such a blur, blindsided by her rage and her grief. He could only remember what he had said.

Reggie.

Reggie...

REGALIA!

And she had stopped screaming, stood trembling and helpless before him. Her wide eyes had already begun to haunt him as he led Essence and Axel to the dining car.

"I'll be here. All the time. If you need me. Although I think you both know exactly how much help I am," he said as he sat down at the long dining table, glancing at them out of the corner of his eye. They deserved more than that. Regalia deserved more. He hadn't offered her any support because he had none. What was the point in hoping any more? It seemed he had spent all his luck on Julian and anyone associated with him was now condemned.

For the first time, though, he felt the vaguest tingling of responsibility. He knew these two people. He owed them at least an introduction. With a snort, Mace pulled out the chair next to him for Essence. "Essence helped me out once, after a bull tried to get the better of me," he explained, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips. "And I hear that Axel here has got it bad for my sister."

When Mace once again had the strength to life his gaze to Axel's, a full blown smile opened his face

banner credit: jurate
lyrics:placebo for what it's worth

[Danny]

Hydrogen in our veins
It cannot hold us up
My blood is boiling
The pressure in our bodies
That echoes up above it is exploding

Mace is your mentor, Essence. How ironic is that? Sure, he has changed a lot. He's not the injured boy you healed years back. But he's still the same person. He's not even Mace Emberstatt anymore. He's Mace Emberstatt, Victor of the 59th Hunger Games. And, in a sense, it's almost like Karma came down to District Ten that reaping day. You sort of saved Mace's life, and now it's Mace's job to do the same. Your District counterpart is this boy named Axel, who apparently Mace is familiar with as well. As you dwell on this fact, the reality of being a Victor makes its way into your mind like poison.

Being a Victor isn't fun. Being a tribute isn't fun. Living in District Ten isn't fun. Living in Panem isn't fun.

But it's sure as hell better than being dead.

But you're certain you're already dead, anyways. Sure, your heart is still beating like it's supposed to. The gears in your brain are still whirling like they're supposed to. But in a matter of days - and you can already see yourself being lowered into the ground - your heart, and your thoughts, will be as idle as your body. The world won't stop spinning, though. Misa won't stop being afraid of water, your parents won't stop raising cattle, your guitar strings won't stop from getting untuned, and that's not fair. If your life ends, shouldn't everybody else's?

And this train won't stop doing what it does best: sending kids to their death. You can barely here the engines turn on, and as the train sets forth, the windows become a blur of first gray, old buildings, and then morphs into a green and brown foliage. In front of the couch you're situated on lay biscuits and butter, but you're not hungry. You pull your knees up to your chest and stroke the slave bracelet with your right index finger, following the path of the four chains extending from your wrist. The blue triangle is planted right in the midst of your hand and you can feel the stickiness between the two. But you swore to Misa, the second she gave it to you,

"I'm not taking it off."

"I shouldn't have let go of your hand, I should've volunteered for you. Oh, Essence, I'm so sorry."

"So am I."

Your hand slides across your forehead to get the piece of hanging hair out of your eyes, but the strand of orange simply falls back into place.

"Fuck me," Mace says whilst approaching his two trainees and you start contemplating giving up your virginity to him when you realize a few things. 1) He's in a relationship with Julian Bryze, or so you heard. 2) He didn't mean fuck in that context. And 3) If you're about to die, you don't want to have sex with someone you barely know.

"I'll be here. All the time. If you need me. Although I think you both know exactly how much help I am," Mace offers, with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He couldn't even send his brother back home, so you're not expecting for him to get a near-stranger back to Ten. You nod and look down at your crossed feet. You need him, though, but not because you need help in the Games. It's because you need someone to get you to the Games, to make you mentally stronger. And you need to see someone who was greatly influenced by the Games, Essence, and you have to make sure to never turn out like them.

"Essence helped me out once, after a bull tried to get the better of me," Mace admits after taking a seat and a table. Your face lights up in remembrance, and a small smile flickers across your face as you realize Mace will not be able to help you out. "And I hear that Axel here has got it bad for my sister." Finally, Mace smiles, giving you the okay and you giggle a bit.

It's a small world, Essence, and it's all there for the taking. You just got to figure out how to take it.

"Pleased to see you again, Mace," you admit, although there's an obvious hint of sarcasm in your tone. "And, uh, Axel, it's a shame I'm only meeting you now."

[Love the irony of this situation <3]
[Graphic Credit goes to the wonderful South <3]


And our particles they're burning up
Because they yearn for each other
Although we stick together
It seems that we are estranging one another
Feel it on me love

[Tom Hiddelston...jk it's kale.]

Does, Says, Thinks

It was the inevitable time to leave the one person he cared about behind. He was hoping it was not the end. It couldn't be the end for him, he had to let someone have a happy life. There was to much sadness in the world to continue and let sadness happen. He wanted to make a vow to himself that the thing he came out of the district he would try to come back on. It was a crazy vow, but it was something he knew he had to do to himself, and for Reggie.
He felt the train move and moved to the same cart as his mentor and district partner. He saw the mentor sitting down at the dining table. He knew Mace didn't probably like this as much as he did but it was something a victor had to do, deal with the kids who could most certainly go to their certain doom. But this was not what he wanted to think about, it was time to stop dealing with self pitty that he heard from mace.

I'll be here. All the time. If you need me. Although I think you both know exactly how much help I am,"

Axel wanted to hit him so hard. He didn't want to be given up on so early. He had something to come back to, or did he? He knew things changed, but mace knew Reggie more then he did. Axel shook the idea out of his head. It was not a good idea for him to think of the bad, only the good. He heard Mace speak of Essence helping him out.

It confused Axel a little that a normal citizen helped out a victor who had anything at his disposal. But at the same time the next comment confused Axel way to much. And I hear that Axel here has got it bad for my sister." His mind raced, how long did Mace know. Did Reggie tell him anything. He never actually got to meet Mace, all he knew was Reggie lived in the vicor village. But meeting is different then knowing. Axel looked to essence and gave a nod before saying a statement to her.

Glad to meet you essence. I wish it was on better terms, but this is the stuff we get. We have no control of stuff we do a lot of the time. Hopefully we don't lose our minds. Some of us need to come back more normal then before. Axel smiled at his statement and looked at Mace. He could see there was a smile on his lips. Not a useless expression that was usually there. But Axel didn't think it would be there for much longer after the shit storm he was going to give.

Axel took a deep breath before yelling at mace.

Ok, I guess you found out I liked your sister. I do not know if you condone it, I honestly do not care. But right now you are the difference between one of us coming back. I do not know about Essence, but I have Reggie to come back to. I want to be able to hold her in my arms again. You may have given up on us already like a someone who see's nothing in life anymore. But if you opened your damn eyes for once, you would see I am willing to give my all for your sister. All I know is do give me this ecuse of I am not much help, how about you stop eating the bull crap fatty foods and finally do something for the tributes. If yo do not, well then I hope to got Reggie hates you for knowing you never even attempted to try and save someone she cared for hopefully.

Axel took a deep breath, hoping to let things sink in. He didn't want to let all his anger out at one time. But at the same time, he hoped it would actually knock some sense into the mentor hey had. That was all he needed, was someone to knock some fucking sense into him.

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