Post reaping [Marisa]

[Tori]

Clarisse turned on the light as she entered Veronica's room. The glassof water in her hand was cold, and sending chills up her arm. "Sweetie, I brought you a drink."

Getting Veronica into her room had been an easy task. she had struggled at all. It was scary. It was like she wasn't even alive anymore. The Veronica that Clarisse had known 4 years earlier was not the girl that she had helped carry in. Serenity had checked on Veronica after they had finally managed to lay her on her bed, but she didn't know what to do.

After Serenity had checked on her, Clarisse had told her she could go because she need to be in this atmosphere. Serenity had enough to worry about. Clarisse had made sure Veronica was laying down, before turning the light off and leaving her room. The first place she headed to was Rocko's room. She hadn't been there in a month, and given the circumstances, she thought it was appopriate.

She knew she would never love him or know him like Veronica had, but she liked to think of Rocko as her own. Clarisse laid down on his bed, and started to cry. She was weeping for rocko, but for Veronica. Veronica who had been there for her. Veronica who had lost everything she had ever loved. Veronica. Poor thing.

An few minutes ago Clarisse had woken up and after a few deep breaths went to the kitchen. Now, she was back in Veronica's room. As she at down where Veronica lay, she noticed her eyes were open. Clarisse wondered if she had slept at all, or she had just laid there. She set the drink on the endtable next to Veronica's bed and pushed a piece of Veronica's hair from her face. Clarisse leaned down and kissed her forehead. Veronica felt like she had a slight fever.

Clarisse couldn't help herself. She hugged Veronica as best she goodin the position they were in. returning to her sitting position, she picked the glass back up and shook Veronica sweetly. "Honey, come on. Please drink this." She placed her hand back on Veronica's head. "Is there anything you need?"

[Marisa]

Veronica Hopkins:

I stayed in out of the perimeter for as long as I could. I was happy in the pond. I was happy in this world where everything was warm. Everything was beautiful. And everyone who loved me was there. My mother even made an appearance. Her face was blurred since I hadn't seen her in more than ten years, but my memory did it's best to make her arms as comforting as I remember. She could fix everything.

Suddenly, Jango picked me up from out of the pond. We were flying in the sky. The mockingjays sang a beautiful song. I had only seen a mockingjay once in my life, once at the pond with Trevor. It was his favorite animal because they always picked up the songs that he would sing.

Jango held me tightly and finally laid me down in a bed of flowers. "Sweetie, I brought you a drink," he said in another voice. I looked up at him confused and rubbed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my skin became cold.

I heard someone leave the room. Clarisse. The room was a completely different place then where I was just a minute ago. It was reality. It was the place that held nothing for me anymore. There was nothing here. Nothing. No one. I was alone.

I did have Clarisse and Serenity of course, but I don't think I could even stand being friends with them anymore. Everyone I let myself love, everyone I let in my life, dies. At first I thought my life was just shit, but it's too much to be a coincidence now.

I stared up at the ceiling. My body was numb. I couldn't move at all. I didn't want to move at all. My head throbbed with thoughts of Jango's fate. I could hope for the best. Jango is mentally stronger than both the 14 year-old Trevor and the emotional Rocko. But what would hope do? It would do nothing. No one would answer my prayers. No one would protect Jango. Life was unfair. Why would it suddenly change now?

I don't know how much time passed, but Clarisse came back into the room. She tried to get me to drink the water that was on the nightstand. My throat ached for the liquid to trickle down it, but my arms would not agree with its pleas.

"Is there anything you need?" I need Jango. I need help. I need peace. I need a hug. I need to cry. I need to scream. I need death to come to me as quickly as possible. "No," I croaked. I know she saw through my weak lie. I obviously needed something. I was burning up. I could feel the lack of blood in my face. I knew she heard my short, staggered breaths.

I felt my stomach churn and before I knew it, my breakfast was coming back up to my mouth. My body still wouldn't move and all I could do was turn my head so I didn't choke. I was pathetic. I was disgusting. And I was still alone. Someone put me out of this misery please.

Clarisse rushed to get me sitting up. I was limp and I didn't help at all. She could feel how much I'd given up in the lack of energy in my body. Worry was displayed clearly across her face.

[Tori]

She watched, hurting, as Veronica replied with a no. Clarisse couldn't imagine what she was going through. Rocko was the only person she had lost her entire life. Sure, she was hurting over that, but it was nothing compared to Veronica. Spacing out was no longer an option. She knew that. HEr parents knew she would be over here, so they knew not to worry. Veronica stirring pulling her out of her thoughts of Rocko and her parents. And she realized she HAD spaced. Clarisse was upset with herself for it.

Veronica started to throw up, but she didn't even sit. Clarisse hastily grabbed hold of Veronica's shoulders and brought her to a sitting position, kepting her head tilted sideways so that she wouldn't throw up on herself. She waited until Veronica was done, to talk the edge of her shirt and clean Veronica's mouth off. Sighing, and still holding Veronica, she removed the glass of water from the desk and brought it to Veronica's mouth. She sat there until Veronica finally gave in and took some sips in.

After she was done, she returned the drink to the table. For a few minutes, she just sat there with Veronica leaning against her. Clarisse wrapped her hugs around her friend and just held her. She felt Veronica's short breaths, and almost thought she could feel the sense of dying Veronica felt. Before too long passed, she let Veronica go, and laid her back down, away from the puke. "I'll be right back," she whispered.

Clarisse walked into the living room. It was empty. She couldn't help but wonder where Veronica's father was today. He had been home since the reaping. She quickly shook the thought from her mind and went to the closet in the living room. After a moment, she found a sheet that would fit Veronica's bed and a blanket. Remembering how hot Veronica's head had been, she quickly switched it for a lighter one.

When she returned, Veronica had not moved. Clarisse put the things on the floor and returned to Veronica. "Please cooperate with me." Clarisse leaned down and heaved Veronica up from under her arms. After some difficulty, she managed to put her in the chari by her bed. Then Clarisse stripped down her bed and remade it. She replaced the pillows because nothing had reached them.

Clarisse walked to Veronica's closet and opened it, grabbing a shirt out at random. "I hope you don't mind. I've always actually like this shirt too." Clarisse smiled over at Veronica, trying hard to lighten the mood. She took off the shirt that she had used to clean Veronica, and changed into the other one. Then she went through the closet, grabbing a shirt and night pants for Veronica, since it would not be good for her to sleep in those clothes.

With great difficulty, she managed to get Veronica into the clean clothes and out of the old, dirty ones. "Come on." Clarisse heaved Veronica once more onto the bed, and proped her in a semi-sitting position. She stared at Veronica for a few, biting her lip. This was her Veronica, but this was most certainly not the friend she had know for so long. This thing in front of her, was barely a person anymore.

She sauntered over to the lightswitch, turning it off. Her return to the bed seemed to take forever. Each step heavy. Clarisse crawled onto the bed with Veronica, and placed her arm around her friend, pulling her close and resting her head on Veronica's. "Please," she whispered softly. "Please, Veronica. Talk. Cry. Sleep. Do something. Please. You're not dead, but you're not even moving! Please, sweetie." Clarisse was pleading not. "Please."

[Marisa]

I felt cold glass press against my lip. Water sloshed back and forth and Clarisse was not taking it away until I drank. My throat was sore, my mouth dry, my lips cracked; I wanted the water more than anything. Drink, I told myself. Drink the damn water, Veronica!

And I did, I think. I took a few sips, I think. The water was delicious. I wanted more. But I had strained myself enough already. Clarisse wrapped her arms around me after putting the glass of water back onto the table.

I wanted to cry. I needed to cry. I could feel my face tightening. I could feel the pressure in every part of my face. I needed to cry. I needed to nuzzle my head into Clarisse's chest and soak her shirt in tears. I needed her hands to stroke through my long hair as I cried. As I cried for Trevor. For Rocko. For Jango.

I couldn't cry. I couldn't move. I was useless. Clarisse had to lay me back down. Move, I screamed at myself. Do something! I looked down at my hand. Move, I told it. Get me some more water. My hand didn't even twitch.

When Clarisse had returned, nothing had changed. I hadn't moved. I hadn't talked. Hell, I had barely breathed. Clarisse looked disappointed. The look in her eyes killed whatever was left of me. "Please cooperate with me," I'm trying, I replied in my head.

Clarisse attempted to lighten the mood. I attempted to smile. My lips pressed together lighty, that's all I could allow myself to do. I couldn't look at Clarisse's face anymore. The disappointment, the worry, the frustration, it was too much. I closed my eyes and tried my hardest to reenter my paradise with Jango.

Nothing came back to me. When I closed my eyes, I lost the images of those who I had loved. I lost the images of the pond, the trees, and Jango. Where they went, I'll never know. Instead they were replaced with me. How I felt like I looked. Pale, useless, limp. I imagine I was quite the sight to see.

When I opened my eyes again, Clarisse was lying next to me. Her arms were around me and she was pleading that I do something. I know how hard this must have been for her. I could only imagine what it was like if Clarisse were like this. If one of the only people left that I could depend on were somehow the living dead.

Do something, Veronica. Please, give her hope. This time it was Rocko's voice telling me. Well, what my mind remembered of Rocko's voice. I took a deep breath and when I exhaled, the tears came with.

I started to sob. This wasn't the way I usually let myself cry. Usually I try to keep it in. To keep myself from feeling weak. I'll let two tears slip, but that's it. I try to make myself seem strong, when we all know I'm not.

But this time, I sobbed. I bawled. I let everything I had out. And it felt so good. Every bone in my body felt relieved. Clarisse held me and rubbed my back as the sobs sent waves through my body. Mucus filled my nosrils and I couldn't breath at all. I sat up; Clarisse came with me. I was still sobbing. I coughed and took short quick breaths from my mouth, but I was still crying.

I don't know how long we sat like this, but when I finished crying, I felt great. I could breath again. I could move. And I knew that the only thing I could do now was wait.

[Tori]

Something finally must have gotten through to Veronica. A pained sobbed escaped her lips, and Clarisse's attention refocused on her. That had been all it took to get her going. Several more sobs followed, along with tears. Clarisse couldn't help herself, she let out a smile chuckle as she pulled Veronica closer. "Oh honey." That was all she said though.

The following hour Clarisse spent in silence. Veronica cried, and Clarisse held her. She didn't mind. Her friend was moving now at least. She was letting her emotions finally break through and that was good. Finally. Veronica tried to sit up more, and Clarisse reajusted, not wanting to let go of her hurting frriend. No doubt Serenity would be home now, and worrying. Clarisse made a mental note to try to back her something later as she would be going through a lot with her father.

Veronica's crying soon subsided, and they broke about. Clarisse looked at her- Veronica's- now tear and mucus stained shirt. She giggled and spoke softly. "I think we might need to change again." Veronica's shirt didn't look much better than her own. And Veronica herself looked like a trainwreck. She pushed hair out of her friends face and stood up off the bed, grabbing the glass of water and passing it to Veronica,

"I'm going to go make something to eat, okay? Or try to at least. Why don't you go take a shower and meet me in there later? Oh, and I'll be borrowing another one of your shirts." She smiled and took the glass from veronica's hands to replace it on the nighttable. Then she grabbed a random shirt from Veronica's loset, and took off the other one as she strolled into the kitchen. She put on the new shirt, and began to peruse the contents of the cabinets.

Hopefully, Veronica would take her suggestion to shower. And she wouldn't do anything funny while in there. Clarisse found some eggs and bacon and decided to attempt to make that. After turning on the stove and cracking the egg into a bowl, she they poured it into the pan. Because that's how you did it, right? Apparently not... It took her another try to figure out you crack it into the actual pan, but she got the method from there. Her first egg was slightly done. And her second was under cooked. But the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth turned out well enough.

Bacon was a different story. There was no learning how to cook it. In the end, along with several new burns on her hands and arms, she had four eggs and several pieces of burnt bacon. Clarisse quickly assigned them to plates and set them on the table. "This is why I don't cook. Shit, the stove." She ran back over to turn of the stove and clean up her waste of food.

As she was walking back over to the table she heard footsteps. "I swear I'll restock your egg supply since I like used them all." Hopefully she was indded talking to Veronica. And a clean, moving, talking, some-what okay Veronica.

[Marisa]

When Clarisse pulled away, the thick layer of mucus on her shirt stared me in the face. I was still pretty pathetic. At least I felt a little better now. My whole body felt relieved. I felt like someone just took a very heavy cloak off of me.

My mind was still in a melancholy state about the reaping. And I hope that Clarisse doesn't expect me to become bubbly and happy after that tearfest that I just had. Just because I feel better, doesn't mean I feel up to par.

Actually, it's been almost three years since I last felt "up to par." I tell my mind to shut it because memories of Trevor, Rocko, and Jango are going to put me in a comotose mood again.

Clarisse talks to me, but I haven't heard anything that she's said yet. She hands me the glass of water and smiles and, although I'm not too thirsty anymore, I drink. She says something about a shower and all I can think about is how nice that would be.

When Clarisse leaves I try to get my body to get off of the bed so that I can shower. My body is stiff though, my muscles need some coaxing. First, I move my legs off the edge of the bed. They feel like two heavy logs. I swing one leg and I wince at the pain.

After a good five minutes, I finally am up and moving. My legs still have a hard time bending, but I stumble to the bathroom. The bathroom lights burn my eyes when I turn them on. The flourescent bulbs are too bright and it shocks them since I was just in a dark room a few seconds ago.

I start to take of my clothes and I startle myself when I look in the mirror. I look like a ghost, practically transparent. I'm my ribs are showing through my skin. I look like a skeleton. The reaping only happening this morning, I couldn't have made this change in a few hours. How long have I looked like this?

Everything on me is dull. My skin, although pale, has a greyish tint to it. My hair looks washed out. I look like an old rag. A skinny old rag. And my weight, where did it go? I mean, I've never been fat, but I look disgusting. I look malnourished.

I try to think back this past year. I never really stopped to look at myself in the mirror, I kind of just went through the phases of life. When I was out with Jango, that was the only time I truly lived. But didn't I eat? Didn't I still go out in the sun?

I study myself for a little longer and then step into the shower. I turn the shower to scolding hot and it feels heavenly on my skin. My skin becomes raw and red from the heat, but I can take it. I haven't had a hot shower in a while. Dad tells me not to because it runs up the bills. But today, I don't care.

I take my good old time in the shower. I let the water cover every inch of my skin. I wash my body slowly, making sure to wash away all of this shit that is happening.

I know I can't hide in the steam anymore and I get out of the shower. My skin hurts and drying off hurts more. But it feels good, the pain feels good. I put a towel around my hair and make my way back to my room.

I find something comfortable in my closet. It's one of Rocko's old shirts. It actually still smells like him. Tears come back to my eyes but I stop them. You had you're time to cry, I tell myself.

I make my way to the kitchen and I smell burnt bacon. My nose wrinkles and I hope that the kitchen isn't on fire. When I get to the kitchen, I see that it's a complete mess. Egg shells are everywhere, the garbage can is heaping with burnt bacon and runny eggs, and Clarisse looks frazzled and frustrated.

I can't help but laugh. The feeling is amazing. And I don't want to stop. I can't stop. Laughing. This is good. When is the last time I've laughed? Clarisse probably thinks I'm crazy, but I don't care.

Because I'm in a different place as I laugh. I'm in a happy place. And I know as soon as I stop laughing, I'll be upset yet again. I know that this meal will have to be followed by the watching of the Hunger Games. The watching of yet another killed boy of mine.

But now, now it's time to laugh.