RP practice (daniel)

[Tori]

((Okay, so here is my post, once you reply, I'll tell you how to fix yours up a little, okay?))

Derek:

Well, that was a drag. I wandered slowly out of the trainging area. I had just failed at everything. I wasn't sure why I even bothered togo there anymore. It's not like I was going to be picked for the games, so why did I practice anyways? I suppose it's because it gives me something to do in this boring city. What else a I supposed to do? Write? I love write, but I'm to proud to admit it. Not even my closest friends know that little detail.

Today, I missed the target at all four stations. I learned I can't throw a spear to save my life. If you handed my a spear and said throw it into the target three feet away, I'd probably hit the girl two feet to the left. I can't handle knives either. Apparently, to have to throw it so it turns a certain way. I mean, what's with that. I already knew I was horrible with a bow and arrow, I just hoped my I would improve. And of course there's axes. I don't even want to think about how much of a fool I made myself look there. I could barely throw the axe four feet!

As I walk, I make up sort of a game kicking rocks. Left kick. Right kick. Left kick. I stop suddenly when I see a pair of feet. There's a blond haired boy sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Good thing I stopped, or I would have hit him. He finally looks up and notices me and gives me a what are you looking at kind of look. "Can I help you?" he says. I'm a little taken aback by this and stutter to find the right thing to say. "I.. um.. sorry. I almost ran into you." is all that comes out of my mouth.

[dannoirl]

I.. um...sorry i almost ran into you"i let out a laugh.i stood up and asked him his name. he replied derek."well derek im off to the training centre" i said. "you want to come along" i ask

[Tori]

((It's okay for your first post Only suggestions would be maybe say why you laughed or perhaps what you thought when you first say me))

The boy laughs and stands up. He asks my name. "Derek." I say a little unsure. "Well, Derek, I'm going to the training center. Would you like to come along?" he asks. Oh, man. I just left there, and now this kid wants me to go back? I sigh a little but pull out another on of my famous lies. "Sure, I'd love too, it's my favourite place in the world." I smile, pull my hand through my hair, and hope on my face it doesn't show that I'm lying.

He smiles and jogs ahead a little, turning it into a brisk walk. I follow behind and say,"So, what's your name?" He tells me and I nod. I can't help but wonder what he's good at in the training center. I only hope he doesn't want me to train with him, because then I'm a goner for sure.

((mine's a little short too 0.o))

[dannoirl]

when we arrived at the training centre derek looked really nervous. "whats up" i ask. "OH NOTHING HE REPLIED.lets go in then" i said."oh no" i tought i heard him mumble. "what?"i ask . "uh nothing he replied "i walked in and went to the axe throwin station and said"you any good at this?" i asked. "ye im great" he replied. he picked up an axe and walked to the range.

[Tori]

((My advice for your last post would be to becareful when using quotation marks. Simply becausethey can be mixed up easily. So when using them make sure you space in the correct spot, and capitolize where it's needed so it's easy to tell where they begin and end[

When we arrived at the training center I started to get nervous. What if I look like a loser in front of this guy? Dan seems to notice something and asks me what's wrong. "Oh nothing," I smile and pull my hand through my hair. "Oh no." I mumble under my breath as I realize he's headed for the axes. I think he heard me because he quickly asks,"What?"

I laugh nervously, "Oh..uh.. nothing." I pull my hand through my hair once more and then shove it in my pocket. He examines a few axes and turns to look at me. "You any good at this?" he questions as if waiting to see my talent. I feel my hand pull my hair back once more as I execute another lie,"Me? Yeah, I'm great." I grab a random ax and carry to thelane next to his.

As I hold it, I realize I've picked on that seems to be alittle lighter then the others. Thank god. I pick it up and take aim, but don't let go. I swing it around a few times getting used to it's weight. Dan is looking at my strange, and I wonder if I'm doing something wrong, or I just look like an idiot. He laughs as I step back into the lane, and then he throws his ax.

[dannoirl]

My ax spun around a few times but i still managed to get a decent hit on the target near the centre.I turned around to grab another ax and saw derek holdin his ax by his side."You want to go to a different station ?" i asked him. His face looked releived and he let out a big sigh. "Where to"? he asked. "mmmm..."i mused. " I tink well go to archery that okay with you? " i asked. "Ye shure" he said. "well go right after you throw one of your axes" i said. his face went red as i said that."ok " he mumbled unhappily. by now i was beginning to wonder how good he really was.

[Tori]

((Great!! You doing awesome. Another suggestion to make things flow more smoothly if you wanted, would be to add more details. Like what your character is thinking and such so it's not all dialogue. Or maybe what your character does while he's saying this stuff. You added some of that in your last post. Good job so far ))

A few inches from the center. Much better then I can handle. I take a deep breath and try to focus on the target. "You want to go to a different station?" Dan asks me. I breath easier, and try not so show how relieved I am. "Where to?" I ask, a bit happier now. He thinks and minute and asks me if archery is okay. Good mood gone. Yet another thing I suck at. "Sure!" I smile so big my eyes close. I pull my hand through my hair right as he says,"We'll go right after you throw one of your axes.

I feel myself go red and I try to turn away. "Ok." I mutter unhappily. I feel his eyes upon me as I try to concentrate. Come one, you can do this. I have to be better than him. I close my eyes and try to invision the target and me hitting. I can't see it at all. So instead, I don't even open my eyes. I just throw. I hear a snort and open my eyes. My axe has made it a total of... maybe seven feet away, and it's in the ground, not the target. I arm my throwing arm and pretend to massage it. "I hurt my arm the other day, looks like it still hasn't healed." I laugh and head toward the archery table. Another lie, I think as I my hand sinks itself in my hair.