Freedom isn't free (jack)

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

I don't belong here! I open my mouth to speak but no words come out. I should be used to this by now, but it causes me to be full of sorrow. I didn't do anything wrong. I was just trying to help. Tears form in my eyes threatening to fall down my face at any minute. My hands tremble at my sides. I'm terrified. I have no idea what to expect. I have no idea what's going to happen to me. Let them kill me. It'll be a sweet release. I'm better off dead anyway. I slowly raise my trembling hands to my face to wipe away the tears. I don't want to cry here. I can't cry here. I don't know what will happen, but I can't cry.

I was never a bad person. I always did what I was told. I tried to make friends with everyone, but it all changed when they found out I couldn't talk. I was made fun of. I was ridiculed for something I couldn't control. I'm all alone now. I'm afraid. I don't have anyone to turn to. I'm stuck. I'm here without nobody to help me. Just stay calm and relax. This will be over with soon. You just have to relax. I've done nothing that deserves this. I made a stupid mistake, and now I'm going to pay for it. My heart pounds rapidly under my chest causing me to feel sick to my stomach. My insides twist as I look around. I want to go home. I hate myself. I hate this place. I hate the stupid Capitol.

Nothing compares to how I'm feeling right now. I stare at the white walls wondering how I got here. My head aches. My insides twist and turn as I look around trying to figure out where I am. This is not where I went to sleep at. I don't know what's going on, but this definitely isn't my home. I slowly place my feet on the floor forcing myself into a standing position. My body begs me not to move. I feel like I've slept on a rock. I walk around the white room looking at the walls. I try to remember how I got here. I force myself to think back to what happened. I don't belong here. My mind races as I remember parts of what happened.

The hatred I felt for my parents. The hatred I felt for my "friends." I remember it all. I remember what my father said to me. My mother trying to stand up for me. "He's mute. He can't talk to you!" She screamed at my father. I stormed out of the house trying to get away from everyone. I just wanted a place to be free. I want my freedom. I was tired of not having enough to eat. I was tired of my brothers and sisters getting more attention than me. I was done with it all. I wasn't going to return home. I can feel the soft grass of the meadow I laid down on. I never intended to go farther. I had only planned on relaxing. It all changed though. I spotted someone on the other side of the fence.

I shake my head. I should have ignored this person. I shouldn't have gone over to the fence. I wouldn't have tried to help her. Anger builds up inside me. My heart pounds rapidly inside my chest as I realize she possibly set me up. I should have just ignored her. I could be laying in the meadow still, but no. I had to help her. I fell right into the trap. I crossed the fence to help her. I left the safety of District 12. Apparently starving to death is safe. "Don't cross the fence." I should have listened to my mother. She knows everything. I should have listened and I wouldn't be here now. I would still be lying in the meadow staring at the clouds.

I pound my fist against the walls as more memories race into my mind. I remember running for my life as I'm being chased. I remember trying to climb a tree to hide out of site, but it was no good. The Capitol sees all. They watch everything. Big brother is watching. A chill runs up my spine. The rest is a blur. I don't really remember what all happened. I was caught. I wasn't fast enough to run. I'm stuck here. This definitely isn't my home where I wanted to wake up. I want this to be a bad dream, but I know now it's not. I walk over and lay down on one of the shelves. I guess they are supposed to be beds? I take a couple deep breaths as the door swings open causing my heart to skip a beat.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

I've barely been home for two days enjoying the time with my kids and getting back into my normal life when a knock came on the door. It was that kind of hard, driven knock, that lets you know right away that you'd better answer fast or you're in trouble.
There they were: The uniformed men, who can instill more fear in me and my family than any ferocious beast beyond the fence will ever manage.
I thought I'd never see them at my doorstep again but here they are.
I know I've done nothing wrong, yet my gutt drops all the way down to my knees. Peace keepers at your door can only mean trouble.

Without so much as an explanation they ask my name and tell me that I'm under arrest for trespassing.
"But I've had paper work, I mean official permission for the trip to district 11." I object loudly while my mother appears behind me in the door frame.

The peace keepers don't give a damn about my objections but tell me to turn around and put my hands behind my back. I know better than to object or try and run away, so I only tell my mother to take good care of my children and tell Faith. I offer her a smile although I feel like crying and cursing.

Soon I get walked down the dirt road passed all of our neighbors houses into town with my hands tied behind my back like a criminal. I catch the odd movement behind the curtains.

After a long trip we reach the place I dread the most. The detention center. With its high unbreakable grey walls and the massive Iron gate. No man or woman has ever managed to escape.
I'm not stranger to this building. A lot of men will never see the light of day again but I did. Will I be this lucky a second time around? I sure hope so since all this is just a big mistake.

After being processed in I get pushed into a small, dark cell. It looks and feels just like the one I've been in before. Small, cold, dark with only a little light coming from some air holes in the wall.

Frozen I stand there when the iron gate closes behind me and stare ahead into the darkness but a second later I whirl around, wrap both hands around the bars and yell. "Stop, wait, I need to talk to somebody. This is a mix up. Please, let me talk to the person in charge!"
There's no cracking in my voice, no desperation, not like last time, at least not yet.

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

I don't belong here! I try to talk again, but it only reminds me I can't talk. Fear runs through my entire body. My heart pounds fast under my chest. My breathing is fast. My hands tremble by my side still. I can't keep them calm. I can't keep myself from being afraid. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I want to be at home with my family. I don't want to be here. I want to go home where I actually belong. I want to be in the comfort of my parents house.

I don't want to be here! I want to go home! I wish I wouldn't have got in a fight with my parents. I would still be at home not worrying about anything. I fell for the trap. I should have known it wasn't what I expected it to be. This is the last time I'll ever try to help anyone. My hands curl up into fists as anger surges throughout my body. I try to control it. I try, but it is impossible. I'm angry at myself, at the girl, at my family.

This shelf, or bed, whichever it is, is cold. It does little to provide comfort. I'm not supposed to be comfortable. I stare at the door as the peacekeepers push another guy into the cell. I hate them! I'll be damned if they think I'm going to stay here forever. I let out a soft sigh very quietly. I look over at the metal sink. It's about like the sink I have at home except this one isn't welcoming.

"Stop, wait, I need to talk to somebody. This is a mix up. Please, let me talk to the person in charge!" The guy begs the peacekeepers. I wish he would just be quiet. I'm here and he's here. There's nothing that can be done. My heart drops to the floor. I'm stuck in a small cell with a guy that can talk. This will be just like home. I'm surrounded with people that can talk.

A chill runs up my spine as my mind starts racing. I remember all the times I was told I can't do anything. "Xylan is a screw up. He messes everything up. He's the least likely to do anything right. Oh how I would love to screw with them right now. I pound my fists against the walls again. Pain surges from my hand to my shoulder and into my spine. I don't care though. I'm used to pain. I'm used to living life in pain, and it'll all turn out alright.

I stand up and look at the other guy wondering if I can figure out a way to communicate with him. Maybe I can make noises with my hands. I don't have anything to write with. I can't communicate that way. Tears form in my eyes again threatening to fall down at any possible minute. I lower my hands to my side as I walk over to the farthest left corner away from the door. I allow one tear to fall down my cheek hoping it won't be my last.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

For a while I wait and holler but of course nothing happens. Just like last time nobody tells me what I've done wrong so I can only hope that I'm here for my recent trip to district 11.
It could get much worse but I won't allow myself to think that way.

Finally I turn around to look at the small cell with the shelf that serves as bed and the sink. only then do I notice that there is somebody else in here. The guy has been so quiet that I wasn't even aware of my company.
I squint at the darkness and ask. "Hello? I'm sorry. I didn't notice you."

Judging by his posture the young guy is scared shitless, which I can't blame him for. I'm pretty shaken up myself. My hands are sweaty and my heart is racing.

Taking a few steps towards him I see a few tears glistening in the bit of lights that's coming in.
Obviously he's overwhelmed by fear, which makes him less dangerous for me. He's probably just another victim of the system.

Slowly I sit down on the bed and groan. "How long have you been in this hole?"

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

I remember what it's like to be outside free from everything. I didn't have to worry about anything except getting in trouble by my parents. Now, I have more to worry about. I wasn't afraid of other because I could easily get back at them, but here I can't. I'm unable to do anything if I want to live. I can't do anything if I want to return to my family. My heart drops. I miss my family. I never thought it was possible but I miss them. I guess my freedom isn't free after all.

I face the corner of the wall wishing I was invisible. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be here. I don't belong here. I stare into the corner trying to block out the rest of the world. I try to think of something happy, something to make me smile. The one thing I love the most forces it's way to the front of my mind, getting back at those who do me wrong. Oh how I want to get revenge, but it's not going to happen.

"Hello? I'm sorry. I didn't notice you." I nearly jump out of my skin. I knew he was there, but I never expected him to talk to me. Nobody ever wants to talk to me. I turn and face him. He expects me to speak to him, but that is impossible. I can't speak. I want to speak but I can't. More tears roll down my face as I shrug my shoulders. It doesn't matter because I go unnoticed most of the time.

I walk over to the metal shelf and stare at it wondering how I can possible sleep on this. It's cold and hard. This is nothing like my bed back home. My second night without my brothers sharing my bed. My heart pounds rapidly under my chest causing me to feel choked. My hands start trembling at my side again as I look through the dark room. My whole body trembles in fear. I tried to help someone and ended up here.

"How long have you been in this hole?" He asks. I look at him then stare at my hands trying to figure out how to answer. I wish I could talk to answer him. I wish I could talk. I'm so lonely and lost. I'm so afraid and nobody can help me. I'm not sure exactly how much time has passed since I've been trapped in this cell. The seconds turn into minutes, the minutes turn into hours, and the hours turn into days.

I shrug my shoulders as well as shake my head unsure of how to answer the question hoping he understands. He has no idea what it's like to be trapped inside my own body. I look down at the floor trying to remain calm. It's hard to remain calm in a situation like this. I'm so far away from home without my parents to keep me safe. I'm trapped in this place with only my mind to understand me. I want to die. I hope they kill me.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

As if this place wasn't bad enough the guy in here with me shrugs me off like I was some fly. He obviously doesn't want to talk to me because he's too shaken up. I can see him start crying again and can't help but sigh. "Oh my."
He's the kind of guy they can break so easily. He's basically already done before they lay a hand on him. Who knows, maybe they already did.
His hands start trembling. For some reason this pathetic looking kid makes me want to scream and at the same time I feel sorry for him.
"C'mon, man. pull yourself together."
I try to give him some edge, which he clearly doesn't have.
Then I notice the helpless gestures and looks that i can barely make out in the half-dark.
"What? Are you not going to talk to me? Have they forbidden you to talk to me?"
I confused and most of all upset, angry...because they took me from my family with no right whatsoever.

So I return to the bars to see whether I can see or hear a guard.
"I want to talk to someone!" I holler again as if anybody here would care.

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

Out of everything that I could be doing I'm stuck here in this dreaded place where I don't belong. I sit down on the shelf and stare at the wall angrily. I want to be outside. I miss seeing the sun. I miss starving back home. I miss laying on my back in the meadow and running my hands through the soft grass. I miss it all. I don't know how long I've been here, but it's enough to last me a life time. I don't want to be here, and I'll never come back. I don't want to be trapped in this underground prison anymore. I don't know what's going to happen to me, but I'm under the control of the stupid peacekeepers. I hate them. I hate everything about them. I want to kill them all and send them all to hell. I slam my fist into the wall again sending shock wave of pain through my arm and into my spine. My whole body tingles. I don't belong here!

I lay down on the shelf and imagine I'm in the meadow on the soft green grass. I run my fingers along the bed allowing myself to imagine it's the grass. I can feel the rough edge of the grass. If only this was real, it would be so much better. Everything is dark. It's hard to see. I have to squint to look through the room. I look a the guy that is in here trying to figure out more information about him. I need a pencil and paper. I don't have any though. I'm stuck without being able to communicate. I close my eyes trying to pretend I'm back home in the comfort of my own bed, but it's no use. I'm laying on a hard, cold metal shelf. This will never compare to the bed I share with my older brothers. I grab the side of my pants to keep my hands from trembling anymore. I will myself to stop crying and it almost works. The tears stop falling down my face as I start to relax.

"Oh my." He stares at me making me extremely uncomfortable. I want to talk to him to tell him I can't talk to him. I wish there was a way to communicate with him, but I know that there's nothing I can do. I hate this damn curse of not being able to talk. Why was I the one chosen to bare this curse? I just want to be like everyone else. I want to be able to communicate. Anger wells up inside my chest forcing adrenaline to surge through my veins. My heart pounds rapidly inside my chest. I can feel the throb in the sides of my head as the sound echoes in my brain. Damn it! This is bullshit! I sit up on the bed with my feet touching the ground as my body protests against me. I slowly start to pace the small cell. Come on brain think of a way to communicate.

"C'mon, man. pull yourself together." I don't know why, but this is like a double edge sword piercing into my heart. Pull myself together? It might be for the best, but how can he be saying that? I walk over to him hoping I can get close enough for him to see me. I need to let him know I'm not trying to ignore him, that I just can't talk. I remember the signal I used to the girl I was helping. She understood it. Maybe he can understand it. I don't know how it will work, but I have to try. I need to try for myself. Will he be one to make fun of me like most of the other people? Will he understand and be willing to help me? "What? Are you not going to talk to me? Have they forbidden you to talk to me?"

My thoughts are interrupted as anger surges ferociously through me. If it was possible to spit fire, I would right now. I would blow fire on every last one of these fools for doing this to me. I would make them pay. I walk closer to him. I place one hand to my mouth then shake my head no trying to say I can't talk. I'm unable to talk. My mind begs for him to understand me. I have feel a small glimmer of hope raise in my chest as he looks at me. Please understand me. Please, please. I need you to understand me. Anger continues to surge through my body. I bring my hands to my head and pound my fist against my head as he turns and looks at the small door.

"I want to talk to someone!" Talk to me. I'm right here. I might not be able to communicate, but I'm right here. I can at least try to talk. It's no good. It's no good at all. I walk over to the shelf and lay down on it. I bring my hands behind my head like I would do every time I watched the clouds only this time I stare at the ceiling that surrounds me. It's just like the walls, colorless and hopeless. I take slow deep breaths trying to make myself feel like I'm in the meadow and not here. You can take away my freedom for now, but you can't take away who I am. I will not allow this stupid place to change me. I'll leave the same way I came in, without the handcuffs of course. My mind stops racing as I stare off into nothing.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

My attempts to get anybodys attention are in vain, just like last time I was here so I resort to pacing the floor for a good five minutes.

Slowly the adrenalin is wearing off and I relax a little and get used to the idea that this might not be a mistake. Maybe they want me here. After all me and my family have given the capitol quite a run for their money. Maybe this time I won't be set free after a week or two.

I try to brush that thought off and get my mind off it by walking over to the other guy and trying to talk to him.
"I'm Jack."
I offer him my hand.
Of course I noticed the way he was struggling and shaking his head instead of answering. Before I was too preoccupied with myself to put two and two together but now I do.
It reminds me too much of Devroux to go unnoticed.
"Are you an avox?" I wonder. The walls here have ears so I don't let him know that a close friend of mine is an avox, who ran away.
"Can't talk? Just nod or shake your head."

[Knuckles]

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I hold my hand. It aches from slamming it into the wall. It hurts, but its not new to me. I remember when I slammed my fist into the window shattering the glass. This is what got me into this mess. My anger needs to be controlled better. I remember the sounds of my father and my mother fighting. The screams were loud. "He's mute! He can't talk to you!" I don't know why, but that hurts worse every time I think of it. My stomach drops to the floor leaving the rest of my body where it stands. I'm just a stupid mute. That's all I'll ever be.

I pace the floor trying to calm my restless mind. I don't want to be here, but I know there's nothing I can do about it. I can't give up all hope though because one day I might walk out of here. I can't allow myself to lose all hope. I want to cry; however, there's no use to crying anymore. I don't want this guy to see my crying anymore than he already has. Put on a brave face and don't give into anything. I look at the metal bed I'm supposed to sleep on. I don't know how this is going to work out, but I have to try. I can't stay awake forever. I have to sleep sometime even if it's not in my own bed. I pace the floor from one corner to the other trying to relax my mind allowing all the anger to leave. I need to be calm so I can think properly. I stop in the middle of the floor looking around at the room carefully.

I look over at the other guy who is pacing the floor too. I don't think this place is large enough for the both of us. I'm used to this. My room back home is smaller than this, but it's always more welcoming. I miss my home already. I miss being able to write to my mother to talk to her. She always understood me. She knows that I struggle a lot, but I can't see her right now. I can't do anything right now. I'm stuck, trapped under the control of the Capitol.

"I'm Jack." Nice to meet you Jack. I'm Xylan. I nod at him to let him know I acknowledge I heard him. I wish I could tell you my name, but there's not a way here for me to talk to you. The next thing is unexpected. He holds his hand up towards me. I grab his hand and give it a firm shake as I look at him straight in the face. I wish my eyes could tell him I'm mute and unable to talk. I wish I could pass the information through my eyes into his brain without having to communicate. If only that was possible, it would be a good way to communicate. It's not possible though. I quickly turn my stare away from him to the floor. I don't want to make him uncomfortable by staring at him.

"Are you an avox?" What the hell is an Avox? I think to myself. I must not be an avox because I would know what one is. I shake my head no hoping he understands. I hope he can see me. I don't know what else to do so I look around the room carefully. Everything is how it was when I was first thrown in here. I rub a hand on my head as my heart pounds rapidly under my chest causing me to feel anxious again. What if he doesn't understand me? What if I'm stuck here with a guy who doesn't understand me? Will it be in silence forever? I hang my head with the thoughts. I'm not good at this.

"Can't talk?" He asks me. I look at him with a small hint of hope. He understands! He understands that I can't talk! "Just nod or shake your head." I look at him and nod my head saying I can't talk. I'm unable to talk, but I want to talk. I've never been able to talk in my entire life. I'll never be able to talk. I don't see how anyone would want to be around me. I just wish it was all over. I wish I didn't have to bare this curse. I'm alone now.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

Why on earth he can't talk and not be an avox is beyond my grasp but it doesn't matter. I doubt he'd be playing games with me in a situation like this.
The kid barely dares to look at me. Maybe I need to make it clear to him that I'm not the thread. The ones out there are.
"You've not been here very long, have you? I've been here before. It's hell but we'll get through it!"
My eyes try to find his but he doesn't look at me, so I try a different approach.

"I have a friend like you. I'm not trying to intrude into your personal space but ..what's your name?"
I hold out my flat hand with my palm up and explain. "Write it in my hand slowly letter by letter. I'll understand."
Patiently I stand and wait for him to accept my proposition and encourage him.
"Gp ahead and try."
For some reason this weird kid is probably my best shot to keep my sanity. In here we have to get along and at least he can't get on my nerves or insult me. Plus he looks so damn scared that he wakens my fatherly instincts.

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

How long have I been here? All the time seems to drag into nothingness. I've lost the sense of time when I was first thrown into here. I don't have no way of knowing without forcing myself to think back to when I was arrested. The time seems to be dragging by very slowly. Many hours have gone by being lost in the abyss of hopelessness. My stomach dances inside me making me nauseous. It seems like I've been here for a lifetime trapped in this darkness. A darkness that surrounds me from the outside in.

I want to run away back home where everything is good. I never thought my home would be perfect. Starving to death is far from being perfect, but in my mind now, it is. I had freedom to walk around the district as I please. I had the freedom to watch the public whippings. I was terrified by them. I never wanted to step out of line. I always wanted to be the well behaved person that nobody noticed. I wanted to lurk in the shadows keeping to myself. I never realized how great my life was, but now, it's been taken away in the blink of an eye. If I ever get out of here, I'll never take for granted how grateful I am to be free. It may not be much freedom, but it is enough to keep my mind focused on cooperating as much as I possibly can to get out of here as soon as possible.

I stop pacing because I'm afraid to move. I'm afraid if I keep moving I will draw too much attention to myself. I've never been one to like attention. I want to be the shadow that goes unnoticed. Drawing attention to myself only causes more harassment to be brought on myself. I can only hope that this guy, Jack I think is what he said his name was, isn't going to be one of those who make fun of me. It would make this sentence a long one. I don't think I could tolerate it. I don't know how long I will be here, but I want to go home unchanged. I want to be the same person I was when I came in, not a scared coward that cries all the time.

"You've not been here very long, have you?" He asks. I shake my head no. I haven't been here very long, but I'm not sure how long it's been.
I've been here before. It's hell but we'll get through it!" That explains how he can be calm in a situation like this. I look at him with a bit more confidence I had when I first saw him. If he's made it through this before, maybe it can be done again. A small smile appears on my face for the first time in several days.

I return my gaze to the floor as my hands tremble by my side. I grip my pants to keep my hands calm. "I have a friend like you." There is another mute person in the world? I would like to meet this person. "I'm not trying to intrude into your personal space but ..what's your name?" I'm mute. How am I supposed to tell you my name? I want to laugh, but now isn't the time plus the sound I make when trying to laugh isn't pleasant, so I resist the urge. He walks up to my and holds out his hand. I scratch my head confused.

"Write it in my hand slowly letter by letter. I'll understand." At first, I don't move. I stand there staring at the floor. "Go ahead and try." He did tell me his name. The least I can do is try to tell him mine. I walk up to him. My heart races ferociously under my chest threatening to send me tumbling at any possible minute. I've wrote my name many times so this should be easy. I raise my hand and start writing slowly in his hand. X Y L A N My hand moves slowly trying to emphasis each letter making sure it's known. I only hope it was able to be made out.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

I can tell that the young man is very weary of me. He has no reason to trust me, nor is he in a place that helps a friendly conversation so I don't blame him. Doybtfully he tries writing the letters into my hand using his index finger and I spell them out one by one. "X Y L A N...Xylan? I've never heard that name before."
It's clear now that he can't speak but he claims to be no avox, which I find bewildering.
Holding out my hand I let im know. "Whatever you want to say to me, write it into my hand, okay?"

"How long have you been here and why?" I guess I'm being very bold but what do I care about formalities. They can all kiss my ass. I don't belong here and just like last time I won't let them break me although I must admit that last stay her left a deep scar that I will most likely bare for good. The screaming, the darkness, never knowing what's going to happen, whether you'd get whipped or shot. It's tough on the mind.
"I'm not even sure why I'm here. I think it's a mistake because I didn't do a damn thing."
Getting a little more desperate I run my hand over my face and start pacing the floor.

[Knuckles]

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My mind is telling me to run away, but my heart is telling me to stay here. He can be trusted. I've never been good at trusting people, and I know I won't allow myself to get too trusting of him. I don't want it to be shattered like the rest of the times. I'll be damned if I allow myself to get to close to this guy. I won't have my heart shattered again. I'm used to being ignored by several people. I'm used to people breaking the trust after they learn I can't talk. I'm not going to allow myself to feel the hurt if it happens again. He can tell me all the good things he wants, but I won't stop being weary.

I want to run away to get out of here and away from this guy, but it's probably impossible. I will be stuck in this place until I die, or the peacekeepers decide to let me go. I might as well get used to the idea of being here. The idea haunts me causing me to miss home more than ever. I've never missed home, but I do now. I miss it more than ever. I miss my brothers, my sisters, and my parents. I would do anything to be around my father yelling at me demanding me for an answer, but that seems like it's going to be impossible to do. I move my hand out of the guys hand and look at him. It takes me a moment before I realized he had actually been spelling my name.

"Xylan? I've never heard that name before." I nod my head yes when he asks if that's my name. I let out a slow deep breath knowing it's not a name most would know. I don't know where my parents came up with the name, but I don't care. The name fits perfectly. "Whatever you want to say to me, write it into my hand, okay?" I nod my head again. That sounds good enough. I like that idea if it allows me a way to communicate with him. It's better than sitting here in silence for however long I'm stuck here. I wish I wasn't here, but at least I'm not alone, and he understands I can't talk even if it doesn't make sense.

"How long have you been here and why?" How long have I been here? It can't be more than a couple days, but I'm unsure. All the time seems to blend together being trapped in an underground prison. I've lost track of the time, but I'm pretty sure I haven't been here more than three days, and two days at the least. I raise my hand to write in the guy's hand again. I have been here, I stop writing for a moment trying to think. No more than 3 days, but 2 at the least. I lift my hand away giving him time to comprehend what I've just wrote as I wait to explain why I'm here.

I was arrested for trespassing in the Capitol woods when all I was doing was trying to help a person I thought was in need. I was arrested for trying to help a person that needed my help; at least, that's what I thought. I just fell for a trap. I can feel the anger rising inside my chest. I was so stupid to fall for the trap. It might not have been a trap though. She might have really needed help. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest still. I need to calm myself down before I stroke out. It's not worth being angry anymore. I can't afford to drive myself insane. "I'm not even sure why I'm here. I think it's a mistake because I didn't do a damn thing."

I wish I could say comforting words to him, but I can't do that, and I'm not going to write comforting words in his hand. I wipe the emotion off my face trying to force myself to relax. I watch this guy start pacing the floor, and I can feel the uneasiness rising in my chest. Butterflies dance around in my stomach causing me to feel sick, but I can't be sick now. I walk over to the metal shelf and sit down on it. I scoot all the way back so my back is touching the wall behind me. My feet dangle unable to touch the floor, but it doesn't bother me. I'm actually quite comfortable. This is far from being in my own bed right now, but I think it will be fine. I will get out of here one day. I'll make sure of that, but until that day, I will hold on to the hope of family.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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[Jack Lexington]

The minutes go by, hours go by and nothing is spoken between us. We have both gone to follow our own thoughts laying on that very uncomfortable bunk.
For days I've been out on that cattle drive to district 11 thinking that the only thing that could happen to me was some wild creature attacking us. In the end it was actually I guy trying to rob us who has left me with a nice shiner and a couple more bruises. Was it him I was here for? Because I let that scrawny kid go and didn't report him? He was starving for crying out loud. How could I not have any mercy? I really wish I knew why the reunion with my kids only lasted a few hours.

My guess is that the peace keepers weren't informed that Brian and I had official papers that allowed us the trip.

It doesn't make being whisked away from my family any better, even if I know that they'll get by without me.
I wish I could have spend time with Faith and told her how I actually feel about her, like I had planned. Now I don't even know whether she'll ever find out.

Sighing in desperation I close my eyes. It's almost pitch black in the cell now so staying awake makes no sense. Then I fall into an uneasy sleep accompanied but the odd scream, groan and crying somewhere down the hall.

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 000000; border: FFFFFF solid 2px; width: 480px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 50px 50px 50px 50px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] Xylan Hertz

I look around the small cell trying to compare it to home. At home, the rooms were small like this, but they were more welcoming. The bed I shared with my brothers isn't big, but it's bigger than this stupid shelf I'm stuck on now. This cell can never compare to what my home is like, and thinking about home causes tears to form in my eyes again. I shouldn't have thought of home, but it seems to be the only thing that's keeping me partly sane right now. I miss my home more than anything right now. I was taken away from my parents in the blink of an eye, and they probably don't even miss me. I wish I could go home now. I want out of this place. I don't belong here.

I start rocking myself back and forth trying to remind myself of my mother did when I was younger. She would rock me back and forth to help me fall asleep on the many sleepless nights I had. This doesn't compare anything to what my mother rocking me is like. I close my eyes, and allow myself to go back in time. I can see myself sitting on my mother's lap. Tears are falling down my face as she rocks me to sleep. She's singing a soft lullaby to me trying to get myself to calm down. This goes on for almost half an hour before I finally gave into the sleep. If only my mother was rocking me now, my world would be perfect. She would protect me from what lies ahead.

I open my eyes and blink away the tears. I've somehow managed to calm myself down. My heart is slowing under my chest as the anger stops surging through my veins. I allow a small smile to form on my face. It's like my mother is here with me. I can feel the warmth on my skin like she's actually been rocking me. I lean back against the wall and stare at the blank wall across the cell. It's amazing what the mind can do in such a stressful situation. I allow the darkness that's surrounding me to fill my body. I allow myself to pretend I'm sneaking around the district after dark not wanting to get caught. I'm trapped all alone with nobody that cares.

Seconds have turned into minutes, minutes have turned into hours, and hours have turned into days. I've lost all track of time being stuck here. I don't know where time has gone. I feel like I've been trapped here for a lifetime. I will never know how long it's truly been unless I finally get set free. I can't see outside to see if it's day or night. I would be able to know how much time has past if I was able to see outside. It could be morning now, or it could be night and I would never know. I wish upon a star to bring myself away from this place. Come set me free. Please come help me. I'm trapped and afraid all alone in this unforgiving place.

I look over at the wall across from me. Jack has fell asleep on the rugged shelf. I doubt it's a good sleep, but some sleep is better than none. I slowly bring my feet to the ground. Chills run through me. I slowly bring myself to a standing position as my legs protest. I want to stay sitting forever, but I'm bored out of my mind. I wish I could go outside and run through the wind. I wish I could be outside chasing my sisters smiling as they laugh. I miss it all now. It was all taken from me when I crossed the fence. I'll be good now if you let me out. I promise I won't break the law anymore. I will be a good kid. I'll go to school like I'm supposed to, and I'll study hard. Just please let me out.

I start pacing the cell with my mind racing. I promise I'll never do anything wrong again. I won't hurt anyone anymore. I'll be good. I'll be a good kid like you want me to be. I'll do everything I'm told. I won't be mean to anyone. I won't even go near the fence again. Please just let me out. I shake my head. I don't want to think like this, but I'm unable to think any other way. I just want out of here. I want to go home. I want to go back to where I belong. I walk back over to the bed and sit down on it. I lie down on my back and stare at the ceiling. I need to relax and think straight. I'll get out of this eventually. It can't last forever. I roll over on my side and face the wall. I close my eyes and block out the rest of the world.

Narration 818BB0
Thoughts FFE7B2
Hearing 9081B2
Other 7298A1

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