I'm ~broken~ inside(Keeni reaction)

[Deleted]

[bg=684E32][atrb=width,430px,true;][atrb=border,0,true;][atrb=cellspacing,0,true;][atrb=cellpadding,0,true;][atrb=style, border-top-right-radius: 100px; border-bottom-left-radius:100px; background-image: url('http://i1299.photobucket.com/albums/ag78/Shinieeeee/JoshuaHead_zpsa888d763.png'); background-position: center top; background-repeat: no-repeat; padding: 35px 40px; border-top: 1px solid #000000; border-left: 1px solid #000000; border-right: 1px solid #000000; border-bottom: 1px solid #000000;] joshua raynard keeni i was waiting for the day you'd come around i was chasing, and nothing was all i found from the moment you came into my life, you showed me what's right and it feels like tonight i can't believe i'm broken inside The moment Gypsy and Pyrian's name were called out from the reaping, I knew they would survive. I knew they would come back home with big smiles, especially Gypsy with her devilish smirk, and well Pyrian with his hand signs. I wanted to believe that my God would protect them, that he would keep them from dying from another's hands. But what I should have prayed was for them to never turn on each other, for them to always stay side by side even in the darkest of moments. Just how they always almost burn the house down. I miss seeing Pyrian burn flowers and Gypsy right next to him doing the same, or seeing gypsy talking to Pyrian and his silent replies. I used to think Gypsy was nuts for talking to someone who couldn't hear the sound of your voice, but as I got older I realized that it wasn't crazy, it was normal and most importantly it was love. Gypsy could have left him alone and lonely, but no. She sat next to him and accompanied him in his path of mischief. I used to think it was evil for zosa to do that to Pyrian but then I realized it was a punishment for our mother's sins --- but I couldn't help but think why would it be right to punish her kids when he could punish mom. But I snapped out of that thought because father taught me that it was blasphemy to even blame zosa for bad things. But from what I could see from the television, mom's punishment isn't over. Now she gets to see both of her kids die in the games, and much worse from each other's hands. I couldn't believe what I'm seeing. Gypsy attacking Pyrian. What happened? What happened to siblings should stand up for each other Gypsy what happened? I could feel my fingers twitching. My heart is pounding very wildly and I bet Persia could feel it because she's sitting next to me. the temperature of the room started to drop when we see Gypsy stabbed Pyrian in the hand with her knife boot. Maybe it's a trick, yes it is, Gypsy would never hurt her poor brother. Gypsy loves him and zosa would never let them kill each other. Maybe they're trying to trick the others. please please let that be the case please zosa My eyes are shut tight in a deep prayer --- I need to show him I'm sincere, I need to show him that I need them both back home. Now my fist are in a tight ball, nails piercing my delicate white palms. Please, please, please let them both come home safely, but my prayers fall into deaf ears, or a whisked by the air far from zosa's ears --- is there even someone hearing this, no, doubt is bad. Again I try to concentrate to feel his presence around me --- because father said he's all around us we just don't know --- shutting my eyes. My arms start shaking from the pressure. Please please please zosa hear me, and as if by some miracle I hear some one screech, "Stop it! STOP IT! He's your brother, you can't just." Finally I open my eyes and see that it's River she's trying to stop Gypsy. Thank you zosa. For a few seconds I thought everything is fine. That all of what I have seen was nothing more but a mere imagination , but then I see Pyrian. An open wound on his hand and then I see the elastic girl from two attack Pyrian with her fire breath. "No!" I try to scream out but the words fall from my lips as I see a ring of fire circle my brother. I know Pyrian and fire has always been good friends but not today. The fire licks him, and I see it has left its marks on him, but I know Pyrian is strong. He's been fighting all his life[i/]. Again I feel my heart thump faster as I see pain cross his face. My brother who's always been causing mischief here and there is now in pain. I know he deserves it but I prayed for zosa to spare him, but as Gypsy's knife falls into his back I turn away from the screen. Hot tears drip down my cheeks, I know Pyrian deserves this but I can't help but feel betrayed by the god that I have entrusted my life with --- but no, no doubt yet, please stay away from me! --- Again I close my eyes praying for a miracle to happen and suddenly it does. I turn back at the television, eyes puffy and full of tears. I see River amputate Gypsy's right hand, and this makes Gypsy attack River instead of Pyrian --- I knew zosa wouldn't let me down. Then I look at her broken on the floor signing something to Pyrian "I love you" I've seen them doing that many times when we were younger. This time I couldn't help it. I broke down, I don't care if they make fun of me. That's my brother and sister dying in front of the whole panem. My sobs come out strong and loud. My chest heaves up and down until I stop feeling air entering my lungs. MY whole body was trembling looking at both of them on the floor dying together. Then I take out the knife in my pocket --- maybe there's one way to save the, blood offering. "Zosa! Please if you hear me, please save them. Both of them," I say in the middle of my sobs. I could do it. I raise my right arm up and start chanting a sacrificial song. "Respice, quaesumus, Domine Famulam tuam Evita In infirmitate" Then I hear Pyrian's cannon and then Gypsy's. I raise the knife next to my bare arm and slowly cut it side ways. The sharp steel of the knife separated my skin no problem, but I'm feeling sick. I haven't done this large a cut, but this act of self inflicted pain is for Gypsy and Pyrian. And I can't give up on them, and I hope Zosa hasn't. I hope, but something inside of me says that he has and that there never was a Zosa it was all in my head, and I began to believe it. That would explain my brother and sister dying when I asked for them to live. But no, I have to believe. I need to have faith because what are we with out our faith right? i'll come back when you call me no need to say goodbye just because everything's changing, doesn't mean it's never been this way before All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war ((OCC~Calling all Keenis if you want to reply, reply because it's Pyrian and Gypsy man. Let's all show our love to them <33))

[/blockquote][/size]

[/font][/td][/tr][/table]

[/center]

[semper]

bear Keeni

Anger. All I feel is anger and shock. Mostly directed at Gypsy. Who in the right mind would attack their own brother when he’s all you have left? There’s this saying that in the end, family is all you’ll have, so it just baffles me as to why Gypsy thought attacking Pyrian would be a good idea. Did she inhale too much smoke? Did they slip hallucinogens into the arena’s air?

There’s this unspoken Keeni code where we stick up for one another. My family is known for oddities and “strange” habits, and since the rest of the populace ostracizes us we’re supposed to stick together. We have to defend one another; we have to make people too scared to spit at the Keeni name, we have to make sure no one bullies any of us. Did all that just go over Gypsy’s head? Does she think she’s above all of us, her siblings?

A flicker of anger rushes through me and I stab my knife into the wood of the table. The surface of it is splintered from all my previous jabs and I doubt anyone will ever bother to sand it down to a smooth table again. The anger flares and I yank the blade out, slamming it down again so that the tip is buried deep enough to where the weapon stands by itself as I remove my hand.

I know I’m angry, but I can’t tell what else is going on in this turmoil of emotion. I’ve only ever experienced true sadness twice in my life – that gut-wrenching feeling that leaves a painful ache in my chest – and I hate it. Is that what I’m feeling now? Will there soon be that pang in my chest? I shut my eyes tightly, taking my hand and rubbing it across my face. All the stress of the games is suddenly catching up to me, much to my dismay.

A familiar sting in my eyes alerts me to what soon may come but I quickly swallow hard, fighting it back. I will not cry, not here, not now. When I’m alone, maybe, but not here because Joshua is also here.

I don’t know what’s gotten into Joshua; he’s grieving, and that’s alright, but he’s acting weird. I glance over at him and see that he’s got a knife. Normally I wouldn’t care since knives and other weapons are normal for my family, but he’s using it on himself. I see him draw the tip of the blade across his arm and red beads of blood blossoming – cutting himself? At a time like this?

”Joshua,” I snap, ”what the hell are you doing?” I want to get up and yank the knife out of his grip but I don’t, remaining in my seat and narrowing my eyes onto him. One thing that I’ve learned is that everyone grieves differently, so maybe this is his way of mourning. But slicing his own arms? No, I’m not about to lose another sibling.

[/size][/color][/blockquote]