your innocence can't kill desire (Zori)

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Sometimes I wonder how I got here, the border of a new district looming in front of me, and what this could mean. All my life I’ve spent out here in the woods, daring to dip in and out of these districts that appear when I need some necessity that I can’t find out among the bushes and brush. Like the company of others for more than a few days.[/i][/color] Most of my days though are colored green like the trees I make my home in. Mama wasn’t around anymore, neither way Pa, they’d realized how difficult I’d be come, It wasn’t my fault boys enjoyed the way I looked and acted. And for fear of me drawing even more unwanted attention they slipped off one night when I was busy with a boy we ran into who had a few extra blankets he was willing to trade[/color] for.

Finding a way into the Districts wasn’t as hard as what you’d expect, there were tricks I’d learned to pick up on the weaknesses in the fences, their clicks and whirs gave off obvious warnings of electricity and spots I couldn’t enter, but the soft gentle silence was where my body would slide between the wires and barbs. Occasionally I’d snag my skin, scars littered my back with pale white lines, but this time I was lucky and scampered through without incident.

Once inside the grey buildings towered over me in sterile exact replicas. This wasn’t a comfortable place, this wasn’t somewhere I could imagine living, it was bland and I was a brilliant flower who needed color and adventure…but there was food and shelter here and with the upcoming winter I’d need warm clothes. I was sure I looked dirty, but no more or less than some of the workers I passed and flittered a smile at. Ducking down an alley way and turning onto another street I stood staring up at what appeared to be an apartment building. Tiny equal compartments to pack away a life in and for a moment I wondered what it would be like…It would be hell[/i][/color]. Looking over I see a man, rounder and older than most I encounter in the woods, headed this way. Daring a smile I cock my head playfully and ask, ”They look comfy up there, do you know if there are any open ones?”








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[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

They say that there’s no such thing as organized chaos. The whole world revolves around the principle that we’re just an object hurtling through space, bound by gravity but not by much else. I am not one to put my faith in anything other than science, though over the years there have been cracks put into my beliefs. The here and there of moments that seem entirely inexplicable sand away at things being random for randomness sake. I suppose there could be a little reading into what I’ve seen just so that I can see something more. After all, we all want something to believe in, don’t we? Nowadays there’s the Capitol to believe in, but I shed that skin a long time ago. No—there’s got to be more to a world that seems scattered in sunset more than sunrise.

I practically jump at the sound of the buzzer in the lab. A full day has gone by testing the rats for experiment 24602, a measure of endorphin release[/color] , and in the eighteen hours I’ve spent in the lab little has been produced of valuable data. The clicking of the buzzer continues until I switch it off. I bring had across my forehead. The other two doctors busy themselves at the computers, and I let out a sigh. “I’m done for now,” I say with a laugh. One nods his head and the other blinks—the two of them rarely seem to acknowledge my existence more than this. I wonder if the two of them would nod their heads and blink if I were to keel over from exhaustion at this very moment. I collect my things and hang up my white near the door.

The October air greets me with a chill. The reaping will be soon. I can’t even stomach the command of the quell this year. I spent three restless nights imagining the children on their podiums with a buzzer counting down to their last moments. Plucked before their time.[/color] I won’t so much as watch our own reaping when the time comes. I don’t want to know the children that have been sent to their deaths. I draw my coat closer to myself as I circle around the street, heading towards my apartment. Tonight I’ll cook up a can of soup and listen to the radio about the news of the day. Maybe I’ll pop down to the bar at the edge of the street for a drink or two. With the weight of sleep on my shoulders it won’t be long before I’m tucked away in bed.

They look comfy up there, do you know if there are any open ones?[/color] I look up from the pavement and in the direction of the voice. The girl speaking looks like she’s seen fifty miles of bad road. I wonder if she’s from a community home, but then surmise that she wouldn’t be asking about a place to live if she already had one. I shake my head and bring my hands together. “Actually, there pretty full up here,” I say with a grin. Even after the long hours I can’t help wanting to do something for this girl. “How’s your day been going? 'Cause you look like you could use a hot meal.” [/blockquote][/size][/color][/justify]

[zakattack]

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I watched him as he approached, he seemed tired, and ran my fingers through my long knotted blonde hair. The strands fell near the middle of my back; my hair was perfect, it was a security blanket, a shield from the world when I needed it. And now it was tusseled in waves as I smiled at the man, and just like that I knew I could reel him in. Men like him would die for a woman like me. [/i][/color]

”Too bad. It looks like a nice enough place…you live there?” I ask looking back up and mulling over his offer in my head. Adjusting the knap sack on my shoulder I give a shrug, I was starving but he didn’t know that. ”If you’re offering its not polite to say no…” I tiltered with a little giggle. My big blue eyes watched him as I stepped a bit closer, into the space that most people only let those they knew well in, as my teeth chatter in the waning sunlight. It was going to be cold tonight, the wind would whip between these buildings cutting through me like a knife, but I was determined to not let him know that…yet.[/color]

My tongue darted out over my chapped lips and a grinned as my eyes met his, ”So do you have anywhere in mind Mister…?” my voice trails off as I wait for him to spill his name. I’d call him whatever he said weather it was true or not. He could claim to be President Snow for all I cared as long as he offered me a place to sleep and the meal he was dangling in front of me. It had been so long since I’d had anything more than wild game roasted over a quick spit in the middle of the woods or some bark or berries. Hunger wasn’t new to me, hot real meals were.

Part of me felt so bad to tease him the way I was, the flip of the hair, the glint in my eyes. I just wanted him to like me, if he did then it was easier to get things from him without really[/i][/color] using him. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t get a fair deal out of this. I’d willingly press myself against him, purr words of seduction and admiration in his ear as he felt I was taking him out of his daily routine. Maybe it would be a mutual safety net through the winter, because those were always the worst in the woods.


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[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

“My name’s Allard. Nice to meet you…” I blink. The way she moves is like silk in the wind. Something to her makes the hair on the back of my neck stand. Most of the girls that come across my path want nothing to do with me, or are too burdened with their own problems to give me a lick of attention. Not to mention they’re mostly children.[/color] I let out a laugh at her suggestion to head into my apartment. It doesn’t help that I’m such a pushover, something that needs to change. My heart aches for kids like this, especially the ones that can’t help themselves. She looks roughed up from wherever she’s been—though I wonder if it’s just a grifter’s trick to rob me blind. You can never be too sure in a district with dark alleyways and gray skies.

Still, it doesn’t look like anyone’s followed her. The least I could do would be to offer her a hot meal and a shower. What could be the harm in that?[/color] And I could get to the bottom as to what her story is. It could be she’s lost someone, or needs real help. The world knows that children without family are as good as dead. She’ll wind up in the hands of someone that uses her, or worse, locks her away in one of the wielding shops to do their bidding. We don’t talk about the children that disappear from the streets, but I’ve heard too many times the stories of ones that off into the night and never come back. The dark pushes men to do strange things, especially when they have all the power and the children have none. I clear my throat and throw a hand behind my head.

“I don’t have much,” I say. “Just a bedroom, little living room, and kitchen. It gets the job done.” I let out another laugh. I bring my hands back down to my sides. “Tell you what, though. I don’t mind giving you a hot meal if you don’t mind telling me a little bit more about yourself? Starting with your name,” I say as I reach into my pocket. My keys jangle in my hands, and I quickly turn the lock at the door. I hold it open for her. “I’m about four flights up. The elevator doesn’t work anymore, but it’s not a bad walk. Then I’ll heat up a can, and we can chat about where you’re coming from…” I look back to her.

“Just as long as you’re not going to try anything…” I chew my bottom lip. Maybe I’m too nice.[/color] This doesn’t feel wrong, though. She needs someone, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked.[/color] I stand, waiting for her to make her way upstairs and into the apartment with me. If anything, it’ll be a fun adventure for the both of us. [/justify][/blockquote][/size]

[zakattack]

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It was almost too easy the way Allard[/i][/color] let me into his life. He opened the door without a second thought before I could even tell him my name. My eyes were wide when he mentioned an actual place to sleep without questioning more of me, just my name. ”Jordis,” the words were soft in the air as I stepped by him slowly, my eyes watching him as he kept stuttering out words like I wasn’t obvious with what I wanted. I wasn’t going to take anything he didn’t offer, that wasn’t right, but I would do the best I could to repay him for everything he did give me.

”I don’t mind walking Mister Allard, but I’m curious what you’d want to know about me.” my voice was coy as I started up the stairs my hips swaying the way any sixteen year old full of sensuality and life. My short dress probably not hiding much in the way of modest as I climbed ahead of him. Looking back over my shoulder I can’t help but watch the nervousness on his face as his teeth gnaw at his lip. It was sweet, almost alluring, the way his even white teeth nipped at his full lower lip, it wasn’t teasing in or playful the way I was with my motions, but earnest and real, and again I wondered just what he’d actually want. Maybe a man like him didn’t know what to do with a woman…there is no way a man of his age hadn’t experienced the things I knew how to do was there? Smiling again I headed up the stairs.

I was going to try something, but not what he probably assumed. I wasn’t a thief, I paid my way the only way a worthless wanderer like myself could. And no one had ever complained.[/color] From the looks of Allard, there was no way he’d start now. ”Now what could a girl like me try. You’d overtake me easy, plus I’m just not that mean.” my feet kept climbing upward till I reached the fourth floor and leaned back against the wall smoothing out my dress and cocking my head again, ”Besides, if I tell you about me, you’ve gotta let me know somethings about you too maybe you’re some strange serial killer trying to lure me in as easy prey. ” My words are teasing and my hand gives him a playful shove feeling the muscle hiding under the sleeves of his jacket. Sure, it’s not bulging huge like some of the arms I’ve felt around me, but there’s an odd rush of safety as my arm breaks the barrier and connects with him. ”So, whats for dinner?” I laugh as a blush creeps into my cheeks.

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[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

“Jordis…” I blink. There are a lot of strange names that float around the district, but I can’t place where this one would have come from. People name their children all sorts of odds and ends these days. A name like Allard came from before the dark days, when there were kings and men smoking from pipes on soft leather chairs. Now there were Jordis and Bears and who knew what else lurking. The departure from the norm was exciting, in a way that coming too close to the sun could be. I liked the way it rolled off my tongue when I said it, though I kept myself from smiling too much. She seemed like the type that would leap into my arms if I told her she had a pretty name. “Don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before. Not that I keep track of all the ones that I do hear.”

We rumble up the stairs as she goes on about me needing to know about her. I wave my arms. “I can promise that I’m not a serial killer—though I guess promising isn’t so good as showing.” I look up at the ceiling and then back to her. “I’ve got a degree in neuroscience and typically my patients are little rats, rabbits, and mice. Though from time to time I take in people who ask for extra help, for counseling and all that.” I grin. It’s the least that I can do. Considering that I have no one to look after, it’s not like I’m going without. “You’ve got nothing to worry about from me, and even if you did, one scream and my neighbors would probably have the peacekeepers on us in a second.”

We reach the front door, but not before she’s shoved me. I let out a laugh and turn again. “You know, it’s not so polite to ask what you’re having before I’ve told you,” though this comes out with less scorn than teasing. “I was planning on making some stew, if that suits you.” I turn back to unlock the door, and let the heavy wooden thing swing open to reveal my apartment. A small kitchenette with all the minor trimmings, a sofa with a wooden table, a television set, a bookshelf, and a hall that leads into a bedroom and bath. All and all simple. All in all a home.[/color] “Think this might be enough to rest a bit?”[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[zakattack]

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My name lingers on his lips and I watch him mull it over. Allard is hiding something in his thoughts as he pauses for a moment before following me up the stairs, I almost can swear I feel his eyes on me, but I’m not daring enough to glance back just yet. I want him to want me more.[/i][/color] I can tell he’s a little flustered by the serial killer comment the way he starts to ramble about how he isn’t and what he does with his job. The more he talks the more I realize I must be in District 6. They were the ones with the doctors and the smart people who just didn’t know how to stop being the Capitol’s pets, and the way he kept talking sealed the fact he didn’t suspect I wasn’t from here as well.

”I don’t think you’d make me scream, besides those peacekeepers are scary looking. I wouldn’t want them in my…our business.” because then my cover really would be blown. They’d probably shoot me in the square to prove a point and poor Allard would be punished as well. There was no need to worry about that though, they’d never find me and they’d never find out.

Allard played along with my teasing as he quipped right back how I was being rude, and maybe I was, but the deep hollows of hunger were pulling at me and I honestly didn’t care what I’d be sharing with him. Anything was better than nothing at this point. ”Stew sounds amazing...” My tongue darted out and I could feel my mouth practically watering, until I stepped in the apartment. Sure it was small, but there was real furnature, a soft looking couch, and even books (though I didn’t know how to read) and all sorts of artifacts of his life scattered about. I let my hand reach out and squeeze his briefly, ”Allard. Its more than enough, its fantastic...” I laughed with a wide smiled. , ”Do you want help with dinner?”

I knew there was no way that I’d be able to actually mess with any of the crazy things that filled his kitchen, but it was polite to offer.[/color]

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[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

I stare back at Jordis while she goes about explaining how she didn’t want to cause trouble. Mentioning the peacekeepers, I pause. My whole life has gone as a law abiding citizen. I would think the worst that I’ve ever done is walk about after curfew, and that was fifteen minutes after I was supposed to be home (and I’d run the whole way[/color]). If she were in trouble with the law, it would be on my head later down the road. Of course, my law abiding days had been more a matter of laziness and convenience. After all, I don’t think I come across as the most suspect criminal in district Six. And what crimes would the capitol charge me with at this point? Opening a clinic for depressed youth without their consent? I stare back at Jordis and nod my head. Nothing to worry about while she was with me, for the most part.[/color]

“You don’t have to help,” I say and point to the couch. “Why don’t you make yourself comfortable. It’ll take me a few minutes to put some of it together, but we can get to know each other that way.” I amble toward the cutting board, and retrieve a few onions and potatoes for our stew. I start to slice them to pieces. “You’re not from around this part of the district, right?” I wonder if she minds telling me, though she’s warm enough I doubt I’ll have a problem. “You don’t sound like it anyway. I hope you don’t mind me saying, but a lot of us around here grew up with an accent, yah know? I do my best to hide it but it just never seems to fade. Don’t try hard enough, I guess.”

I make a face as I finish cutting up an onion. I move to put some beef stock into a pot and a few bones from earlier in the week’s roast. As the fire lights on the stove I let out a sigh. “You’re getting to see me do something I don’t do for everyone, you know?” I let out a laugh as I start to drop the veggies in the broth. “This is just about the one recipe I have that won’t make you think I’m a lousy cook. Or at least, I think you’ll be able to lie enough that you won’t let me know the truth either way.” I turn around at this and give a smile. It’s so nice to finally have someone else to talk to, I almost forget myself.[/color] “You getting comfortable?”[/justify][/blockquote][/size]

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I couldn’t help but silently pray that he wasn’t going to make me do any of the hard work. I could make a spit and stew up some rabbit without a problem, however the little metal pot and do-hickies he’s using would make things far too complicated. Instead I lean against the doorframe and watch him get to work. Allard is precise about his movements, knowing exactly what he wants to make and how to go about it. Me, I’d be far too scatterbrained and flitting around the kitchen to get the meal started so fast. My eyes followed him from point a to point b as he started chopping onions and motioned towards the couch for me to sit.

Looking down over my dirty legs and not so clean hands I hesitated. How could I mess up his apartment more than what it was… Running my hands back towards my hair and through the knots I blushed again. ”I’m comfortable here…I mean if you don’t mind watching…” I said softly before thinking better of it. ”Actually…if I’m not too forward would you mind if I cleaned up before dinner? I promise I won’t mess with anything and only use a little bit of soap. I just don’t think you’d want to look at me like this as we’re eating.” There weren’t showers in the wild, only streams and rivers, and it’d be so cold that lately it was just dipping one of my old shirts in the stream and scrubbing down the bare flesh that was visible as fast as possible.

My teeth went to work nervously or coyly depending on how you look at it, on my lower lip as I waited for him to answer. I just prayed that he’d understand that I didn’t want to take anything from him. I just wanted to feel a little bit of humanity again. My eyes pleaded and teased as as I heard his quip about the accent, and I took a step closer, ”Wanna know the truth.” my feet brought me to his side and I pushed up to my tip toes, ”I'm not from anywhere around here...you know the wall...I'm from out there...” my voice was a whisper as I let the words tease his ear.

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[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

I listen as she feigns interest in what I’m doing. How long had it been since I’d had anyone in my apartment? I’d been the kind that used to have little dinner parties—the ones where me and my ex-girlfriend would sit around a table sipping wine and growing tired of the same old jokes the both of us told. Our guests were always changing, and always her friends. People that would flit in and out of our lives, the same that saw me on the street and failed to utter a single word. I don’t think I could recall a single name, nor would I expect them to remember mine.[/color] I let out a hiss as I press my hand too close to the hot end of the handle. She says something about wanting to wash up and I give a nod. There’s plenty of soap and an extra towel—there’s always an extra towel.

“Don’t worry about it. You can fix yourself up while I finish up here. Then the two of us can just sit down and have a good meal together. No worries.” I say with a grin. Why I’m being so nice to a girl I’ve met on the street would have been inconceivable to most but I, thinking she looked more than a little lost couldn’t help but offer more and more. “There’s supplies in the cabinet in there, help yourself to them. If you need anything else, I might have some old shirts that could fit you.” I turn back to the stew and give a few more stirs. It won’t be the best in the world, but it is starting to smell like something palatable. I give a taste and wave my spoon next to my face. Still needed something.[/color]

It’s then that she says something that sends the hair up on the back of my neck: she’s from outside the wall. I try not to drop my spoon into the stew, but it’s too late. I turn around to her slowly and let out a sigh. It had been nagging my mind, that she hadn’t mentioned her parents or what part of the district she was coming from. I’d known about some of the shadier areas when I was younger. Just a few years ago there had been a whole group of kids—eleven, twelve maybe? Living in the same house together. Think one of them was a drug addict, and maybe another a whore. It still boggles my mind that they could go on living in such a terrible part of town. The things they must have seen. But I turn my attention back to Jordis.[/color] Was I willing to put what she said behind me, even if—and there probably were—people watching? Still, there was no harm in keeping her for just the night. Especially when she had nowhere to go.

“It’s okay,” I say slowly. “You don’t have to worry about me. And you don’t have to worry about getting caught here.” It was mostly true. I was probably so boring they didn’t have any interest in tracking what I did. “You can stay with me, at least tonight. You look like you need it, anyway. And I’m not going to throw you out. If that’s all right with you?”[/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[zakattack]

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Part of me expected him to grab me by the scruff of my neck and toss me right down the stairs; harboring a wanderer was a punishable crime. Yet Allard didn’t. Sure my revelation startled him enough to drop a spoon in the soup…but who could blame him[/i][/color]? Instead he seemed to just take it in stride as if me being a wild gypsy girl was less than a stretch of me being a homeless urchin. And I knew I’d have to show him just how much I appreciated him for not judging me. Smiling from ear to ear I wrap my arms around him and squeeze, our bodies close together and nothing but the threadbare dress between us. ”You’re amazing Allard!” I whispered into his chest before letting go and blushing. ”I swear I won’t cause you any problems, its been so long since I’ve had a real roof or real food…but you’re being serious about a shower? You don’t mind it at all?” I prayed that he wouldn't take back all of his offers because even more than food I wanted that shower. That moment to scrub all the dirt from my hair and comb it out smooth and soft, maybe he'd even help, was worth more than hot meal.

With his permission I made my way down to the little bath room and squealed with delight. A real shower![/color] My eyes took in the little room with the soaps and other things stacked neatly where they should be and real soft looking towels…no icy water shirts tonight! Sitting down on the commode I dropped my knapsack on the floor and tugged off my boots before peeling off my dress and underclothes. Making sure to leave the door open a crack, in case Allard wanted to make sure I wasn’t raiding his things I reached in and turned the water on. A steady stream poured from the shower head and I wiggled the knobs a bit out of sheer joy of having real running water.

Within a few moments there was a cloud of steam filling the room and a took a deep breath before stepping onto the warm tiles heated by the water. They were soothing like hot stones in the heat of summer, but once the water hit my skin I let out a shriek. ”Allard!” the water was boiling hot leaving stinging red marks on my pale flesh! ”Allard! Help!!” I called out as I pressed myself against the back of the shower not wanting to get his floor wet but not daring to move near the scalding water again. Of course I was showing my ignorant side, unable to use modern knobs and dials, but the thrill of being able to actually bathe in a real shower was over riding my sense and I waited for him to come in and help.




[/justify][/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/color]

[Deleted]

{Make me sanguine}
{Help me genuinely}
{Kill the doubt that strangles my self worth}
{Paint the picture that I swore I heard}
{Spiritless and mean}

[/color]

You’re amazing Allard![/color] The words come out her mouth and I can’t help but smile. I often think the world would be a lot better place to live in, if we could live a little more for each other. A pipe dream considering none of us have that much left to give. It’s just when I see someone like Jordis smile, I can’t help getting happy. That sounds entirely corny and forgive me for saying so, but I’m not entirely sorry. It’s more than I’ve gotten from the little mice I run tests on in the lab, and a heck of a lot more of the men and women that float in and out of my life. Funny how a little compliment can light up a whole room. I turn back to the stew and begin stirring the bubbling concoction. Maybe if I could find a home for her, with one of those groups that take children in off the street, she could have a proper life here in district six. She couldn’t want to keep traveling on the road, could she?

Allard![/color] Again I drop my spoon, and as my body jerks, my glasses nearly tumble from my face. I turn down the burner before rushing toward the bathroom. I open my mouth to ask what’s the matter, but she’s already shouting again. Help![/color] I curse myself for thinking she would know how to use my shower—the thing is ancient and often is too cold, sending cuts of freezing water on my skin, or fiery hot, boiling off the remnants of dirt. It has to be toward the center for it to work halfway decently, though I’m more accustomed to the lukewarm shower than anything. I hold a moment before turning the knob and rushing into the steam filled room. I blink, my glasses suddenly fogging as I make my way toward her thrashing form.

“Woah, woah, don’t worry, it’s okay, it’s okay,” I catch a glimpse of her naked body and part of me thinks I should cover my eyes. I was invading her space but—she’d called my name, hadn’t she? I turn back to rescuing her and with a hand on the nozzle begin searching for the right frequency. I stand back, water still streaking down and steam hovering around the two of us. I take off my glasses, now useless in the fog, and let out a cough. I try averting my eyes and turning back to the door, though it’s too late, having seen everything. “If it’s still too hot I can fix it, I think it’ll be fine… you’re not hurt, are you? I’m really sorry for not showing you how this works, I didn’t think…” I chew my bottom lip. I hadn’t thought about what it meant to be a wanderer, or who she was, at all.[/blockquote][/size][/justify]

[zakattack]

I can't help it as I shriek again waiting for Allard to make it in. The water boils around me and I can feel the sting of the scaled flesh across my back and hind end. Before this I had never really had a shower in this type of environment and now it was obvious. I felt so stupid as he bust in the door looking at me pressed up against the back tiles like a slow child. I am not stupid.I just don't know how it works! I watched him fumble around with the water hardly looking at me as he stumbled some sort of explanation of why I couldn't get the temperature correct and I stared at him.

There was no hiding myslef and the prickling buring sensation told me that I was going to have some small welts across my back. As Allard wiped his glasses in our steam filled adventure I thrust my hand out into the adjusted water and found it to still be a bit warm but manageable. "Its better." I said softly still staring at him trying to avoid looking at me. Was he too shy to enjoy the view?

Stepping a bit closer I let the water stream down my body before wincing in pain as the liquid ran over the marks on my back. Turning my backside to Allard I looked over my shoulder. "Is it bad.it hurts when I stand under the water..." I pout as my lower lip juts out. Of course I would ruin the shower with my lack of knowledge. "I just really wanted to wash my hair." My eyes look up to try to meet his and I wonder if he has seen a girl like me before.