{head for the clouds} -Moss baby-

[Lulu]

.:.:.:.:.:.:.
head for the heart, does it break
words may fall, the body remains
and every map is blank
.:.:.:.:.:.:.

It was eleven at night. A tall, redheaded form in a loose-fitting pair of jeans and slippers stood beside a shelf in a toy store. She was pale and skinny save for her belly, which ballooned out beneath her loose black peacoat, a necessary garment for the brisk, windy night in early March. Her hair was pulled back in a messy bun, something she very, very rarely did, and there wasn't a trace of makeup on her freckled face. The toy store had actually closed an hour and a half before, but security had reluctantly made a special pardon when they'd noticed a disheveled, pregnant victor banging on the door with a frantic look in her eyes. Twenty minutes, they'd said. Twenty minutes, and then they'd kick her out. Topaz Ross or not.

When the media had found out, they'd gone crazy. She'd meant to keep the news to herself for a little longer, but it was a futile attempt; one little slip, one absentminded hand on her stomach during a mentor interview back in late summer a few weeks after Opal had returned victorious to District One, and rumors had spread like wildfire. She'd wanted to let them talk, but Kaiser had insisted that it would be better to make the truth known immediately because if not, the rumors would get worse—that the baby didn't belong to Maverick, and that's why she was so determined to keep it a secret. So she'd scheduled an impromptu interview to inform the world that their long-beloved victor was indeed pregnant, and the truth was out. It was all over the headlines—there'd been a recent victor baby boom, what with Lethe's Eden and Mace and Ara's Kieran a few years before, and then Klaus's adoptee, Daisy, and the baby Arbor had randomly found on his stoop just a few months previous. Naturally, the nation was going nuts.

She'd snuck out of the house that night; Maverick would never have let her leave if she'd mentioned it to him. What brought her here, she didn't know—she felt so out of place among the aisles and aisles of playthings meant for the privileged children of the district, toys and games she hadn't seen since she was young herself. How am I going to be a mother? How am I going to raise a child? Why is this happening to me? I can't even handle looking after myself. But her feet had taken her here, taken her to the one place she thought maybe, just maybe, she might feel some connection to the being growing inside of her. Except after staring blankly at the shelves, she realized just how alien it still was. Squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, she reached out and felt her fingers close around the soft fur of a small brown teddy bear. She grabbed it and clutched it tight to her chest, trying hard to make herself breathe normally again and fight off the tear that was threatening to spill onto her cheeks. For a moment she stood there, holding the bear and letting out shuddering breaths, until finally the security guard came and insisted she get her ass out of the store or he'd be fired. Slapping a couple of bills on the first register she saw, Topaz ran outside with the teddy bear still clenched in her grasp.

It had begun to rain, cold, wet drops that served as good camouflage for the tears that began to slowly trickle down the champion's face as she began the mile walk back to hers and Maverick's mansion in Victor's Village. She'd been stupid to go to the toy store—it had only made the impending horror even more real. For the past eight months, she'd been trying so hard to pretend it wasn't happening; at first, she'd even refused to see the doctor. She didn't want to know anything about this baby that would soon take over her life. But at Maverick's insistence—he was really so thrilled by this entire thing, which broke her heart—she'd gone to get the checkups, but insisted the doctors tell her nothing, show her nothing unless there was a dire emergency and something had gone horribly wrong. She didn't want to see any ultrasounds nor learn her baby's gender; just like the toy store, it made everything far too real. But now, reality was this close to slapping her in the face—her due date had been two days previous. Now it was all just a waiting game.

She'd endured a scolding from Maverick when she'd returned home, but he'd let her retreat beneath the covers of their bed without extended fuss, likely because he saw how awful she looked. All she needed right that moment was sleep; it was all too much to bear, and her mind was on overdrive. Any day now. Any day. Tope clutched the teddy bear as he put his arms around her swollen belly, and let him murmur words of comfort to her as she drifted to sleep. It was comforting, to be in his arms. Safe. Just the two of them, with nothing in between. No obligations. Things had changed so much already; why did they have to change even more?

"Maverick… Maverick!"

Topaz woke screaming her husband's name as a splitting pain sliced across her abdomen and for a scary couple of seconds, she could not form a breath. The pain was so much, so strong, that she immediately flashed back to the arena, feeling wolves and blades and fire tear at her skin, and wondered how she could have ever called that agony because this, this was so much worse. She curled up into a ball and let herself cry—twice in one night, potentially a new record—as Maverick called the people he needed to call that could get them into the hospital at three o'clock in the morning without fanfare, without a following of media. She tried to hang on as the stabs of pain racked through her, but finally it was all too much—Topaz Ross the strong, the brave, the victor, couldn't handle it anymore. She blacked out.

"She's coming to, isn't she? I see her eyelids flickering."

She awoke in a hospital bed, doctors and nurses above her and a worried-looking Maverick clutching her hand. She prayed that the baby was out already, but another slicing pain proved that this was not the case. "Get me drugs," she croaked at her husband, despite the fact that there were plenty of medical professionals around to whom she could have directed her command. She assumed they listened, though, because within a few minutes the pain had ebbed some. "How long was I out?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "Only about an hour," one of the doctors responded. "But you're lucky. This will be short. Any minute now."

Topaz tried not to listen to the doctors, as certifiably the worst experience of her life ensued. She was nearly pledging abstinence by the time the doctor announced that her baby was crowning, and suddenly there was a shrieking so loud it nearly split her eardrums. There were a few minutes of relief, but rather than watch the doctors clean off the squirming bundle that she had just brought into the world she turned her head and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to catch her breath. "A girl," the doctor announced, but before she could process the fact that she now had a daughter there was another wave of pain and Tope's eyes widened in horror as she realized what was happening. No. No, it couldn't be. It wasn't possible. Why didn't you tell me—" she growled accusingly at an obstetrician she vaguely recognized when it was all over and there was another squirming bundle in a different doctor's arms. He looked at her guiltily, and she stared daggers. "There were two?"

.:.:.:.:.:.:.
when my words head for the cracks
will you have my back
we were good children darling let it out
.:.:.:.:.:.:.

[/color]

[/size][/center] [/justify]

[Baby Wessex d9b [earthling]]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 1d1d1d; border: 1d1d1d solid 0px; width: 450px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 30px 0px 30px 0px;] life is bigger it's bigger than you and you are not me the lengths that i will go to The past nine months had been a whirlwind, a tornado and a festival all rolled into one. If he hadn't been manic before, there was nothing quite like the promise of a little one's arrival to induce mania. Most days he spent in the glow of happiness, beaming as brightly as Topaz, whistling at work and happily tuning out advice from his coworkers. As it turned out, everyone had an opinion about babies, from pregnancy through adulthood. The sheer mountain of unsolicited counseling he'd gotten could have buried him. He wondered sometimes if the same thing happened to Topaz. But then two things stopped him from asking: First, the fact that she was a victor afforded her some privacy. He couldn't imagine anyone stupid enough to question Topaz's ability to parent, not after volunteering for Sapphire and mentoring her when the reaping fates had finally decided it was time. Second, because Topaz had inexplicably grown more distant from him as the pregnancy progressed. It almost seemed like he was intruding most days when she sat across from her at dinner. Pregnancy brain, the doctors had reassured him. The hormones took a perfectly normal girl and twisted her into someone unimaginable, sometimes. It had taken Maverick awhile to accept that as an explanation, but the moment Topaz spurned any information about the baby, even the gender, he knew it wasn't his fault.But it was still his responsibility. The anger that accompanied that revelation, the powerlessness, drove him into a frenzy. On the one hand, he became the best future-father. He pampered Topaz at every opportunity, ordering masseuses to come to the mansion, and the latest maternity fashions shipped from the Capitol. On the other, he snuck back to the doctor's office, and demanded to know everything Topaz didn't want to. Keeping the secret had been a burden. Ironically, the stress of it was far worse at work than it was at home. Topaz didn't want to know. Every single one of his coworkers in the media center did. Not just the gender and the health, but exact details about the development and Topaz's blood test results. He kept all of it hidden, relying on Topaz's charm during interviews to carry them through. But it was not easy. And Maverick was not a patient person. "Topaz?

[/b]" He came around slowly, the webs of sleep holding him down. There had been nothing to precipitate those screams, no early contractions, no pre-term labor, or any of the other myriad of troubles the doctors had warned him about, quietly, given her unique condition. He forced himself up, pushing against the wet linens. And then they were off, the household staff helping Maverick get his wife to the hospital, when she'd absented herself from the ordeal. "Wake up, wake up, wake up," he whispered, begged and hissed. He allowed himself to think about the future, about how it was possible to give birth even while unconscious, even while dying. And there was no one more qualified in Panem to help than their OB.

Maverick held Topaz's hand delicately as they wheeled her into the room. She came about with a flutter of eyelashes, and Maverick felt his heart in his throat. He could not tell if it was with relief or fear that he greeted her conscious gaze. "Drugs, yes, anything you want," Maverick said, patting her hand with his other then waving at the nurses. And then all of them seemed to disappear as Topaz sucked air, her body convulsing. Maverick coached her through breathing as long as he could stand. But for the first time in his life he wanted to be looking at something other than his wife's face. He wanted to see the face of his child.

He squeezed her hand, and turned to the doctor. A slap on the back, and the baby cried, lungs full of life. A shiver ran down Maverick's spine, and he was not surprised to find his vision wavering with tears. "She's perfect," he whispered, not even noticing as he let Topaz go. He lifted the scissors, ready to free their daughter, his progeny from his wife, when she spoke.

"[/color]Love, you didn't want to know,[/b]" Maverick said, as gently as he might speak to a child, to his child. "As long as there weren't a complications, there didn't seem to be a reason to tell you. And you're doing so well, just so well." He smiled at her, hoped it was reassuring instead of blissful, incandescent. And then he turned and loosed the girl from her mother. The nurses took her away to be cleaned, and Maverick looked to the doctors. "It won't be long now, right? Can you even imagine, Topaz? Two babies. Two of us out in the world." He looked at her then, caught her gaze as he lowered himself to his knees and clutched her hand between his own. Two to start, he said to himself. The mania threatened again. At the edge of his smile, something sharp lurked. "And now you know, and we can celebrate with the entire country. Everyone is going to know their names."

[/size][/justify][/blockquote][/center][/td][/tr][/td][/size][/center][/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]

[Lulu]

.:.:.:.:.:.:.
i hold my breath, don't like to move
when the night comes who will you be
.:.:.:.:.:.:.

A chorus of two crying voices filled the air, and Topaz squeezed her eyes shut and tried to make her brain work well enough again to be able to process the overload of information that was hitting her all at once. She had two babies. Two daughters. Twins. Both at once, and no one had thought to give her a heads up. And Maverick had known. Her own husband had known that she was carrying twins and had kept it a secret. Part of her wanted to be upset, to yell at him, but she couldn't find the energy nor the words. "I just… I wasn't ready for this." she whispered, but forced herself to take a deep breath and pull herself together. Ready or not, here they are. With a shuddering gasp she sat up straighter and surveyed the scene. The first born was already in the arms of a doctor, being cleaned off; Maverick had cut her umbilical cord. But the younger was still connected to Topaz, and the nurse holding her was looking at the victor expectantly. "Would you like to cut your daughter's cord?" she asked, holding out a pair of medical scissors. It took her a moment, but finally she nodded. "Yes." With one small clip, her baby was detached from her. She felt a strange, unfamiliar sense of emptiness.

Tope sat back to rest for a moment, utterly exhausted from the ordeal of delivering not one, but two babies. It had all happened so fast; she hadn't even felt any contractions before waking in the middle of the night drenched in sweat, water broken. The doctors could call a quick labor a blessing all they wanted, but that didn't change the fact that if it had been longer, she would've had more time to come to terms with impending motherhood. Her bloodshot eyes scanned the room and fell on her daughters as the nurses finished cleaning them off. Their skin was pink and they were so tiny, tinier than Topaz thought a human ever could be. How was she supposed to take care of something so small and fragile? She would break them, for certain.

But as she stared at the tiny pink, crying bundles, a peculiar part of her yearned to hold them, to feel them in her arms, to see who they were at last after months of wondering. "Can… can I see them?" she croaked tentatively, worried that the doctors would refuse on account of her clearly troubled mental state. But everyone in the room looked visibly relieved at her request. In answer, two nurses came over with the babies and handed one to Maverick and one to her. Topaz took her newborn daughter in her arms and stared at her incredulously; she had tiny pink fingers and toes that opened and closed as if in wonder, testing out this new world around her. The beginnings of a shock of red hair were poking through her scalp; Tope couldn't help the corners of her mouth twitching a bit. The baby's cries slowed and halted with one hiccup, and for the first time she was able to get a good look at her eyes. They were blue, just a few shades paler than Sapphire's eyes. Sapphire. She should've been there. It hurt.

But Topaz pushed away longing for her little sister in favor of getting a closer look at her other daughter, when Maverick held her out closer to her mother. She didn't look all that similar to her sister; clearly they were fraternal twins. But her short, downy hair was very like Maverick's, and her eyes, a grey-green, matched his perfectly. "She looks just like you, Mav." Tope cringed at the tone of her own voice; it was far too observational, not affectionate enough for a new mother. But she couldn't find the willpower to change it. It was effort she simply didn't have to give right now.

"What about… what about names?" she asked, part of her wishing for the first time that she'd planned better and actually come up with something before this day. Now there were two tiny girls in their parents' arms, waiting to be given names she hadn't even imagined yet. Determined to actually do something right for once—she'd fucked up the first part of motherhood already, before it had even legitimately started—she wracked her weak brain for ideas. Sapphire. No. She couldn't name her tiny daughter after her sister. It would bring back memories far too painful for her to bear anymore. These names had to be new; they couldn't relate to anything from her past. With these babies, Topaz needed to start fresh. "Did you want them to start with M? Like the rest of your family?" She had treated Maverick poorly enough already; the least she could do was give him this liberty. He was so excited to be a father, so excited to be a father to her babies, that she felt she owed him this. "I really want you to pick, Mav."

.:.:.:.:.:.:.
even the dead cannot be astoundingly alive
i am i am, i am i am a goddamn believer
.:.:.:.:.:.:.

[/color]

[/size][/center] [/justify]

[Baby Wessex d9b [earthling]]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 1d1d1d; border: 1d1d1d solid 0px; width: 450px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 30px 0px 30px 0px;] life is bigger it's bigger than you and you are not me the lengths that i will go to Maverick hovered, one hand broken and smashed by Topaz, the other waving at the nurses, the doctor, to help, make it less painful, make it faster. And after all the chaos and pain pain in his hand, it was over. The second cry sounded sweeter than the first, proof that he had two children. For a long time he had doubted it, even when presented with a sonogram image, which was subsequently destroyed. It's hard to tell the genders, with twins, especially with the mother being so... Distant. That's the word he had preferred. Not uncooperative, and the only tech who had dared to call Topaz crazy had been promptly fired. But still, the doctor assured him that there were two babies, probably both girls, although that thumb did look a lot like a penis at the third trimester appointment. And so even knowing, he had wondered. Would he had two girls? A boy and a girl? Would Topaz carry both to term, not knowing that she ought to rest with such a delicate pregnancy? He ground his molars into dust at night, and went through several housekeepers after exposing them to his temper. But still he persevered, and this, this was his reward. He watched, awed into silence as Topaz cut the other umbilical cord. They were both free, free at last from the clutches of his wife. Free to be his own. He felt it then, even while smiling into his wife's beautiful face. A fracturing. He no longer loved her above all others, with the power of a steam engine. His love had been split in three, and the newness of the twin-love threatened to eclipse the wife-love entirely. There was an ache in his heart, where before there had been fire. His smile faltered, his gaze slipped. And then a nurse placed the first baby in his arms, and forgot everything but how much he loved her perfect little nose, her ten tiny fingers and toes. "They're both so beautiful," he whispered in exchange, holding his higher and peering down at hers. He chuckled. "I guess there's only so much combining that nature can do with us. It just got it right the first time, with you." Maverick bent and stole a quick kiss from Topaz, but it felt forced, even from his end. On the totem pole of things he had worried about with this pregnancy, the names had ranked very near the bottom. There had been enough medical concerns, enough mental stress to distract him. The few times he had time to consider names, in the middle of the dark of night, they had floated by him, abstract. He was not foolish enough to bring it up with Topaz. How could he be expected to prompt her for only one name, knowing they would need two? But it mattered, oh how it mattered, that they got it right. In the morning, the names would be announced to all of Panem. They would be splashed across magazine, gossiped about on the talk shows, perhaps even given a blessing from the President. Maverick felt the pressure in every tissue and bone of his body. "I thought about it, but only a little," he admitted, shifting the darker-haired twin to his other arm. She yawned, just a little 'o', and snuggled right in. Maverick grinned, lost in her miniature movements. The M of her. "I really like that idea. Of course my parents already wasted Midnight on my sister." He shook his head, curls bouncing over his scalp. "There are two names I thought of, just this week. I think they're right. But you'll have to tell me." He lifted his gaze to hers. The space between his chair and her bed seemed like an ocean, and yet Maverick still needed her to make the final decision. He took a deep breath. Without thinking about it - because it seemed to him that the names had already attached themselves - he lifted the girl in his arms. "Media." He said, and felt the glow in his stomach, in his heart, like he had the first time he had seen Topaz on the television. He let out a breath, like the end of a laugh, relieved that it sounded perfect. And then he nodded to the mini-Topaz in the bed. "And March."

[/size][/justify][/blockquote][/center][/td][/tr][/td][/size][/center][/center][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table]