If I Die Young[[Kendall]](goodbye thread)

[Aurum]

No one volunteered for Bae. She didn't think they would. They have families they care about. She wouldn't want to tear families apart. Other than her's of course, but what could she do. Peacekeepers marched her into the building, up a flight of stairs and into a bright white room. It had a single window that looked out over the pastures. Bae realized with a jolt that the Peacekeepers would never allow for her to say goodbye to her horses. Soot and Silhouette would be waiting for her to take them out for their afternoon ride and training. No one but Roan would come see her. She didn't know if she would be able to handle it, seeing his face during the Reaping was bad enough, and now she had to say goodbye.

Bae sunk down onto a white plastic chair and buried her face in her hands. The Peacekeepers had left her room, but she could see the shadows of their feet under the door. A white ceiling fan hummed quietly, simply pushing the hot air around the room. Bae stood and looked out the window. She pulled her necklace out from under her dress and looked at the key. She would be able to bring thing from home. Bae desperately wanted to bring the key, but Roan would need it to open up the trunk to put away his Reaping outfit.

She pulled the thin, white, worn twigs out of her hair letting her braid fall onto her back with a quiet thump. She unwound the hair with her fingers, leaving it in flowing waves. Bae's mother loved doing her hair. Since she died, Bae put it up in a plain twisted bun. She had contemplated cutting it short so she would have no more of the heart wrenching memories that came with brushing her hair, but she couldn't cut the only thing that reminded her of her mother.

There was a loud knock on the door that pulled her from the memories and old sadness, but it was simply replaced with new ones. The image of Roan falling to the ground in grief still burned in her mind. When the door opened, she found her little brother weeping openly in her arms. She held him close, petting his hair, silent tears streaming sown her own cheeks. They didn't need to talk not yet.

But they only had a little time before he had to go. Just 5 minutes to say goodbye wasn't enough. But if Bae was honest with herself, she would know that there would never be enough time, even if she had all of it. She pulled back and lifted her necklace over her head and placed it in his palm, closing his fingers around it.

"Don't ever forget how much we love you. Mom, Dad, and me. Promise me you won't go and do something crazy, when I'm in there, and don't buy tesserae, no matter how much you need it. You can drop out of school and get a job. And remember everything I do is to try and get back to you. I'm not saying it's going to happen, 'cause it probably won't. I don't think they'll put horses in there just for me." She smiled sadly down at his tearful face. New tears flowed down the channels made by their predecessors. "Hey, don't cry. If I see Mom and Dad I'll tell them you said hi." She held him close. Both bodies shook as they wept together.

When they parted, it was Roan who mad the first move. He dug into his pockets and pulled out a small necklace with small rectangle charm. He handed it to her and she realized it was a locket. Inside was a picture of her family on the day Roan was born. "Mom gave the picture to me for my 10th birthday. It took all year to get enough money to buy the locket. I was going to give it to you for your 18th birthday, but I guess now would be better." Roan spoke for the first time and his words came out choked. "I have the big picture at home. I figured you could take it into the Arena with you. That's why it took me so long to get here. I ran home to get it."

Bae had him put it on her and then the Peacekeeper opened the door and said they're time was up. She smiled encouragingly as he began to protest. "Go, I'll be okay. Find Jordan. He'll get you set up with a job." She sank to the floor as the door closed and cried against the bright white walls. Roan would be all alone now. She hoped he would be okay.

[kendall]

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[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 1f1f1e; border: 5E767E solid 5px; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 43px 43px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] TRAVISbenjamin

[/i]WINSTON[/color][/font][/center]

I'm booking myself a one way flight
I gotta see the color in your eyes
I'm telling myself I'm gonna be alright
Without you baby is a waste of time

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It really occurred to me I haven't has much luck in the past years or so. Everything seemed to not go the way I wanted it to. I feel like fate just doesn't want me to be happy. And I accepted that a very long time ago. But maybe I am looking in the wrong places for happiness. I was looking too hard. Happiness was right in front of me but I was too busy looking around for it to notice. Happiness was a hard thing to get but once you have it, you want it forever. Some people haven't experienced it and I was afraid Bae never would. She was going to die, leaving her brother with nothing left but an empty farm house and horses that reminded him of his family.

I smoothed out my neatly combed hair as I walked into the Justice building. My eyes were glued on the floor, watching my feet as I got closer to the few people lining up to say goodbye to the unlucky people who got reaped this year. The newly waxed floor showed the reflection of the ceiling and my own face. I was running over things to say in my head. She would wonder why I was even coming. I was trying to figure out why I was too. Maybe I felt bad. Or maybe I wanted to say goodbye to the one friend I almost had ever since my sister died. I don't think she even knew about my sister.

The peacekeepers looked at me with emotionless eyes. Their deep voices asked me questions like my name, age and pointless things like that. My shaky voice answered them softly. Their hands scribbled words onto a paper and after they finished they nodded to me. "You have 3 minutes." Three minutes was such a short time to say goodbye to someone. Because goodbye meant forever. I would never see her ever again.

I walked in and tried to smile at her as I sat down in the chair next to me. "Hi Bae." I tell her. I combed my fingers through my hair. I didn't know what to say so my cheeks flushed a rose color. I have never been in this room before, and I hoped I would never have to be in here again. I sighed and looked up from my lap. "I don't really know why I am here. I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my friend... I don't have any... ever since my sister died they all just disappeared... I don't know..." I say, my voice shaking. "I am so sorry."

My eyes trailed to her big blue ones that were storming with sadness. I could tell she wanted to cry. "I know we don't really know each other that much but since you brother doesn't..." I pause before I spoke again. "... have anyone. I could take him in. My parents don't mind. We have two spare bedroom because of Lyla and Grandfather's death. I don't have to... I thought it was the least I could do."

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[Aurum]

Bae had gotten up and was looking out the window when it occurred to her. If she didn't win, Roan would be all alone in the world. Sure, Jordan would help him find a job, but he would have no family, no one to love. He was to young to fall in love. He would probably get depressed and no one would want to be near a dejected boy. "Oh, Roan, I'm so, so sorry"Bae whispered to the empty room. Tears threatened to fall again, but she wouldn't let them. She needed to be strong, so she could win and come back to Roan. If she own, she could give him a better life. The rest of District 10, too. Even though no one volunteered, they still deserved a better life.

Her mind drifted to her horses. Soot and Silhouette were her own. Silhouette had belonged to her parents to help round up the cattle and the mare had given birth to Soot about a month before her parent's death. She didn't know what was going to happen to them. Roan was terrible with horses. He would probably sell them at the Market. Even the thought wrenched her heart strings. She couldn't bear the thought of them going to another family. Not everyone knew how to handle a horse, and if the horse didn't do as they said, the horse was usually whipped. It pained her to think about. If anyone was going to get them, she hoped Roan would sell them to Travis. He knew horses like she did. He understood them... and her.

Distantly, she heard footsteps and hushed voices outside of her door. Was someone else coming to see her? Who would? No one else really knew her, or cared at least. Maybe Jordan had come to support her. He was nice enough, but they weren't really close. She was just a debt he had to pay to her deceased parents. It was by his recommendation that her parents had hired the knew stable hand that had left the gate open, inadvertently causing their death. She didn't really want to talk to him, but it would be better than being alone in this bright white room with no color. Seriously, even the flower in the vase was pure white. It's stem wasn't even green. She was the only color in the whole room. It was driving her crazy.

When the door opened, she was really surprised to find Travis walk in, looking sheepish as always. He was really sweet. Even though they hadn't really known each other well for a while, he came anyways. In his silence, she could see the blush creeping up his face, until he was a nice rosy color. She really preferred it to the white around her. "Hi Bae" She smiled sadly up at him. "I don't really know why I am here. I just wanted to tell you thanks for being my friend... I don't have any... ever since my sister died they all just disappeared... I don't know..." His voice was shaking and she longed to reach out and hold his hand, but knew if she did, she would never want to let go. "I am so sorry."

His eyes looked deep into her's. Travis was the only one that could see under her mask. He knew exactly what she was feeling, when she felt it. Having that actually helped, though. He let her be herself without being guarded. Bae was so thankful for that. "I know we don't really know each other that much but since you brother doesn't..." He paused seeming to choose his words carefully. "... have anyone. I could take him in. My parents don't mind. We have two spare bedroom because of Lyla and Grandfather's death. I don't have to... I thought it was the least I could do."

Bae looked at him in disbelief. Would he really do that for her? How had he known that she hated leaving Roan alone without anyone? She searched his eyes for something, anything, that would show he was kidding, or lying, just to hurt her, like everyone did, but she found nothing but sincerity. She launched her self out of her chair and wrapped herself around him. The tears she was holding back finally broke through and she found herself weeping on his shoulder. "Thank you, thank you so much." She prayed silently he wouldn't pull away from her tight embrace. She needed the support for now. Suddenly, her horses came to mind. She pulled back and looked up at him. "My horses. Would you mind... could you... please look after them too. I couldn't bare them going to anyone else. I know you know how to handle them." Please.

[kendall]

check you inbox

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[/i]WINSTON[/color][/font][/center]

I'm booking myself a one way flight
I gotta see the color in your eyes
I'm telling myself I'm gonna be alright
Without you baby is a waste of time

[/size][/center]

The moment that Bae's name was called at the reaping, I was having a party. Not a celebration party like all the other family's. No, I was having a pity party. I was upset that life took away the only friend I managed to make after my sister died. But I had to be done with that self absorbed sadness. I needed to focus on the people that were more affected by this then I. I had to focus on Bae's brother, Roan and Bae herself. I was here to support Bae not break down.

The room around me made a shiver run down my spine. It was all white. Spotless and clean. It was almost inhuman. The sickly rose smell and the slight dust that traveled through the air was the last place you wanted to be before you left your home. Bae and I were the only colorful figures in the room. It was as though the room was trying to tell us something. That we need to focus on each other not our surroundings.

I am her my point of focus, looking at her. I was trying to memorise every detail of her so I would never forget her. If I ever missed the one friend I had I could go back in my mind and remember how she looked. It was the only way I could hold on to her. But here, right now, I couldn't even get myself to hug her for the fear I would never let go. Once I started about her brother she gave me a look as though she was asking me if I was serious. But she knew I wasn't joking. I would never joke about anything like that. It was too serious of matter. I looked into her eyes to make sure she knew I wasn't joking before I looked at my shoes.

But as I looked down for one moment, Bar wrapped herself in my arms so tightly I was going to turn purple. I was hesitant for a moment not sure if I should embrace her back but after a while I hugged her back. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on her shoulder. Bae pulled away and I silently begged her not too. But she mentioned something that we were both passionate about. Her horses. A rare smile crept on my face. "Of course I will... I was actually going to no matter what." I playful smile fell on my lips and I turned away in shyness as I blushed. Her love for the animal made me like her in the first place. Her tenderness was something to be jealous of.

I look are and and grab her hands for a moment. "Don't change Bae. Because all they will try to do is change. Don't be another piece of them. Stay the Bae I know..." I swallow hard before I speak again. "... and love." My cheeks turned a brilliant shade of red. I spent the whole time trying to make out last conversation perfect, while I really just needed to let it go. Because it would be perfect no matter what.

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[Aurum]

The sterile room around her seemed less foreign with her best friend beside her. He smiled at her and agreed to take care of her horses. Bae let out a sigh and the stiffness and worry she had been holding in her shoulders fell away. Now the two things she was worried most about would be taken care of by the person she trusted most. She just hoped he would be okay. She knew he had lost his sister when he was younger and hoped losing her wouldn't be as hard on him.

When the escort had called her name at the Reaping, Bae had thought only two lives would be changed, Her's and Roan's. Now she realized that Roan wasn't the only one losing someone. Travis was as well. He was losing her and Bae could see it was tearing him apart. It was killing her to. She didn't want lose anyone else that she loved, but, being in the Games, she would lose everyone close to her. Unless. Unless she won. She pulled herself together. Now, she needed to win. Not just to live, not even for Roan, but for Travis. Travis, who understood her like no one but the horses. Travis, who made her stomach flip when he got too close. Travis, who, if she admitted it, she loved. She wouldn't let someone else out of her life because of one obstacle. She would win this, if it would mean she wouldn't lose anyone else. She would show everyone she's more than she seemed.

As her face hardened with resolve, Travis' next words nearly brought new tears to her eyes. Stay the girl he knew, and... loved. The words brought shivers throughout her body. He felt the same way she did. She looked deep into his eyes trying to decipher his thoughts through only his eyes. She knew he spoke the truth just in the way he said it. His eyes told her that her leaving was breaking him slowly. Bae wanted to give him something to remember her by. Then it came to her.

Slowly, cautiously, she reached up inching closer and closer to him. She searched his eyes when she was barely centimeters away from his tanned face before letting them flutter close and she gently brushing his lips with hers. The kiss was sweet and innocent, yet full of the longing she held within her heart. She tried to say everything she couldn't voice with that single kiss. Hopefully, he would understand. She pulled back and watched him, wondering how he would react. Did he love her as much as she thought? she prayed he did.

[kendall]

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[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 1f1f1e; border: 5E767E solid 5px; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 43px 43px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] TRAVISbenjamin

[/i]WINSTON[/color][/font][/center]

I'm booking myself a one way flight
I gotta see the color in your eyes
I'm telling myself I'm gonna be alright
Without you baby is a waste of time

[/size][/center]

I felt a smile arrive on my face as she sighed in relief. It made me feel like I was doing something right. She was going through so much before the reaping and the Games was just another hardship for her to deal with. My job was to make her feel better, more relieved. Once I saw that relief in her face, I knew I had done what I needed too. When my three minutes were up, I could go feel sorry for myself but now it was about making Bae's last moments with me, in District 10 as memorable as possible. I knew it was is a selfish way to think, but I wanted her to win. Not just for her brother's happiness and wellbeing, but for my happiness as well. In this situation, it was hard not to put yourself first. I was trying. I was doing my best.

Fear. It was inching it's way into my heart quicker by the minute. The more I stood in Bae's prescense the more I feared of loosing her. Once she wrapped her arms around me, I knew I was never going to want to let go. I don't want to let go. My arms ache to be around her body once more. Because I knew that if she was in my arms she would be safe. I could protect her. But in the Games, I couldn't protect her. And that was the worst feeling. Not being able to protect the person you love. Fear was taking over, I couldn't stop it. Because once you accepted being in love with a doomed soul, there was no way out of being fearful. It just overwheled you.

There were moments of scilence we couldn't spare. Our short time with each other was ticking down slowly. Bae leaned in slower, not saying a word to what I just said. Her slow beathing became hearable as she was just inches away from my lips. Her soft lips brushed mine gently, as though she was trying to say something that I couldn't say outloud. It was a sweet innocent kiss which shot some sort of spark through my body. She lingered close to my lips again before she pulled away hesitantly waiting to see how I would react. I really wasn't sure how to react. I stood their for a moment, shocked. My mind went blank, which was unsual because usually it was racing around with thoughts and questions. All I could think about was what just happened. A kiss. A kiss happened. And I think it changed my life.

My thoughts became to collect again in my head, my kind began to race. I liked it better when my thoughts were gone. I felt more safe when all I was thinking about was Bae. And the only thing I could think of was to kiss her again. My limbs were no longer paralized. I gently but quickly cupped her chin in my hands and pressed my lips against hers. I tried to remember how it feeled to kiss her. This time it wasn't a gentle innocent kiss, this time it was passionate. This kiss was something I couldn't put into words because all I can remember is her soft lips pressed against mine for eternity. And once I kissed Bae like that, I knew I could never love anyone ever again. Because once I love someone truely they leave me. And I can't afford that anymore. It was too much on my heart.

But eternity ended when there was a creak from the door. The peacekeepers strict voice said my time was up. I felt a single tear fall from my eye. I had stayed strong long enough. I looked into her eyes one last time before the peacekeepers can in to drag me away from her. I grabbed her hand before it fell out of my reach. "Thank you for being the only girl I could love." That was the last time I saw her before I was shoved out the door with a big slam. And they told me to get lost. I rushed out of the justice building, afraid people would see my tears being shed. Tears were for the weak, or maybe they ment I was strong enough to let go but still truely cared. I greated the hot sunshine before I turned around to see the window that contained Bae. I wondered if she saw the tears I was fighting back the whole time. I layed my eyes on that window knowing it was the last time I would be close to Bae. But never as close as the kiss.

I was afraid to love someone. I was afraid of becoming close to anyone. I thought it was better to be close to no one then to be close to anyone. So if they left I wouldn't feel anything. I felt like loving was a mistake once my sister died. Because my heart which was once filled with love was filled with guilt. But I was wrong. I should have loved because the only way that guilt could be healed was through love. The only way was her love. And I realized that before it was too late.

I was too late.

Who cares if you're all I think about,
I've searched the world and I know now,
It ain't right if you ain't lost your mind
Yeah, I don't want easy, I want crazy
You with me baby? Let's be crazy

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