The Adventures Of Ewe And I // Andorra + Ewe [TC]

[L△LIA]

[bg=EBEAEB][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,400,true][atrb=style,width: 400px; background-image: url(http://i41.tinypic.com/2e1r491.png); background-repeat: no-repeat; padding-left:40px; padding-right:40px; padding-top:40px; border-left:1px solid #000000; border-right:1px solid #000000; border-top:1px solid #000000; -moz-border-radius-topright: 25px; border-radius-topright: 25px; -moz-border-radius-topleft: 25px; border-radius-topleft: 25px;opacity: 1;] ( C H A P T E R O N E ) The windows here are so weird. I pressed my face right up to the glass and I couldn't see outside — it was more like a television1 than a piece of glass meant to keep me from falling eight stories down the side of the building and going splat on the ground. I liked it until I couldn't get it to go back to something I knew. Then I just felt lost. Here, all the people dress funny and don't talk like anyone I've ever met and even my new bedroom is too strange to understand. I knew I couldn't have my old house back, but at least I thought I could have my good friend The Moon watching over me as I slept. So I decided to go find him.2

[/sup]If you're going to put that many buttons in front of me, then it's not like I'm not going to push them. At first it was really funny watching the city turn into a desert and an ice kingdom that looked like I was suddenly inside a snow globe and then there were waterfalls and I think at one point I was under the ocean but I don't really know. How do you figure out where you are if you've never been there before? There were what I think were fish though — oh my god they looked so funny with their brightbright colors and lamps on their heads and one of them looked like it swallowed a balloon and might explode at any second... I tried to copy it⁵ and wound up screaming a little (in a good way), but our escort got kind of mad at me for it even though I didn't mean to.<sup>6

2</sup>Also, I really didn't want to be there when someone realized I broke the window channel changer thingy. It was Linus, I swear.⁷

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Sneaking out isn't the right way to put it... there was just an adventure that required my attention. That was how I ended up on the roof. Well, that, a cat hat,³ and my tippy toes. When I found my way up there, it was like landing a rocketship back into District Eight. Suddenly I was on the roof of the library again and no one was around to tell me to quit staring at the moon or to go to bed or to stop smashing my fishfaces. When I breathed in — one, two, two and a half — I knew exactly where I was and what I was doing. I wasn't lost at all, even if my face looked like it was maybe an underwater creature from an ocean I've never seen. PUFF UP. Ready for the countdown, I squeezed my eyes shut and went: Three. Two. One... SMASH. That giant whale of a breath went whooshing out and when I opened my eyes, I found out that this time I was scream-laughing into the face of someone who might not tell me to stop.⁴

[/sup]You might ask me why a hat shaped like cat ears was necessary. Well, what I really want to know is why you think it wouldn't be?<sup>8

4</sup>By the way, I'm not sure if you know this, but a good synonym for stop is halt.

⁵To make a really good fish face, you have to take a breath so big you might never need another one! If you're not sure if you're doing it right, just count as you inhale: One, two, two and a half, two and three quarters, two and something that is a little bit more than three quarters let's say like eighty-two percent or something, andddd three.

After that you have to clamp your lips together so tightly that it might hurt a little, but that's okay it just means you're really good at this game. Then: exhale! But not really! Since your mouth is shut all that air should push into your cheeks until you look hilarious, I promise,⁷ and hopefully someone is there to laugh with you or at least maybe you have a mirror so you can be your own best friend, but otherwise imaginary friends are good too. Don't laugh or you'll ruin the best part.

Now hold your hands up on either side of your face and start the countdown: THREE. TWO. ONE. FACESMASH. No really, smash your face. Trust me. All the air will burst out and everything will be explosions but nothing will hurt and then you'll laugh and scream and cry, but all in the best way possible, until some fun-hating meanie like my escort comes in and tells you to stop... then do it again anyway, for me.

⁶Okay, maybe I meant to just a little bit.

⁷Cross my heart and hope to die.

⁸Look at me!
Look at me!
Look at me NOW!
It is fun to have fun,
But you have to know how.<sup>9

9</sup>See Appendix One: A

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( A P P E N D I X O N E )

A. Seuss, Dr. The Cat in the Hat. New York, New York: Random House, 1957.

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