a place to call {home} // clover

[k!ah]

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{ a g e :: 1 4 }
{ g e n d e r :: f e m a l e }
{ d i s t r i c t :: 7 }

Mud slipped between my toes, squeezing into any crease in my small petite feet. I smile, digging my feet deeper into the soggy earth. For years I have called this forest my home. For years I have lived here, taking what I need, killing those who deserve to live no longer. I was a hunter, and watch out, because you could be my prey. I take another moment to indulge in the feeling of the cool mud against my soft skin of my feet, another moment to live though my thoughts before pushing my thoughts away, before dragging my feet out of the clutches of the mud and onto the soft bark of a nearby fallen tree. My hands close around another trees thin truck, helping me keep balance on the thin beam.

I take a look around me. My eyes search the trees, search the trees that have sheltered me from the weather, sheltered me from things that might hurt me. In a way they were my guardians, the things that look over me when I sleep, and the things that protect me when I cannot protect myself. I smile up at the trees, as the gentle kiss of the wind touches my delicate skin. I embrace the wind, letting it wrap around my body, letting it slide though my hair and become one with me. I take in a deep breath, breathing it in. And then smile, my mouth slipping into a relaxed curve. Out here I could be myself. Out here I could do what I want, be who I wanted to be. Out here I was free, in some senses.

Slowly- and carefully- I place one foot in front of the other, moving swiftly along the fallen long until I reached the end. At the end, I take a light jump, landing on the ground softly. I made no sound. As silent as a panther. But instead of landing in the muddy earth, I landed on the soft spongy grass that signified the edge of the forest. Grass spread out in front of me, almost like a never ending sheet of green, and I could barely contain the butterflies of excitement that fluttered around inside my stomach. Everything seemed so perfect tonight. Everything just seemed to be falling into place, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, just one after the other. Once again the smile on my lips grow, until is split my whole face in half. Everything was just right, just as they should be.

Now I am running, running through the cool air, my feet slipping slightly on the dew soaked grass, but I don’t care, not really. I just want to feel the air against my skin, I just want to feel the burn in my legs, in my arms and lungs as I raced towards- what? Where was I running too? You don’t have to know, just keep running, running through air, just let the breeze take you away, away to a place where everyone you loved would meet you with a smiling face, where your mother would look at you- her eyes bright, alive.

Then I am not running. I am standing still, my heart aching, a lump forming in my throat. Mother. I wish I could see her. I wish I could see her smiling face- or just her face… I wish she were here… But she wasn’t and no matter how hard or for how long I wished for her to some home to me, she wasn’t. She was gone, gone forever. And I was here. Here to stay for as long as I still breathed. Sometimes I just wished that I had someone, someone alive, someone to hold me and comfort me, to love me and just be there for me… but I was truly alone… there was no one here for me. Not mum, or Dad even. I was on my own.

Hastily I wipe away the tears that had formed in my eyes, my hands shaking as my breaths came out in gasps. My heart raced, and my mind flew around in circles. Circles that I wanted to escape from. Taking another deep breath I put all my strength into running again, into pumping my small legs, making them burn, making them take away the pain of my aching heart. I didn’t want to think about them now; I didn’t want to be reminded about how lonely I was. A moment ago life had seemed so perfect, but now? But now it didn’t seem so perfect, the pieces which I had just fitted together were now shattering into small pieces and scattering themselves all around me- like rain.

Running, I try to forget about my family, and I try to remember the peace that had filled my body only a few moments earlier-but now, that peace seemed so far away.

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Template credits to Zoe <3

[florentine, d4b ❁]

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blood dries up, like rain, like rain[/font]

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