the voices in my [head] // rave

[k!ah]

s o n j a arcopello.

[/font][/center]

“Ruby, do you think that they are happy? Safe? Up there?” The question floats in the air for a moment, silence filling the gap between my voice and the voice of the girl who lay silently next to me. “Yes. Yes I think they are safe, safe and happy.” Her voice is gentle, just like always, a caress of a gentle hand across my cheek. I smile, my eyes sparkling as I think of my parents smiling faces, as I think of them wrapped in each other’s arms, out of harm’s way .Safe. Every night I wander the same thing. I wander if the people who brought me into this world were still happy, I wandered if they were proud of me, or ashamed of me and- and my ‘condition’. A sigh escapes my lips and I turn into my side, my eyes searching the pale face of the girl next to me. Sensing me watching her, she flipped over so that she could look me straight in the eye.

Her eyes, just like usual, were so warm and friendly, so welcoming. I smile. Some people think I am mad, think that I have lost my mind. You see, I was the only person who could see Ruby, sometimes I wandered how that was even possible, other times I just brush the thought away and tell people that they must be blind- cause she is here, right here, in front of me now. I tell them to look harder, to really look… They would just frown at me and call for a nurse, who would come to my side with a soothing gesture and pull me away to my ward. From there she would sit me don on my bed and tell me that Ruby was not real. That she was a part of my imagination. Nuts, right? How could Ruby not be real? Her touch was just like anyone else’s physical touch. I would tell the nurse that she is crazy and she would hand me my pills.

Pills. I hated them. Whenever I took them I was thrown into a hazy world. A world where colours were dampened and everyone seemed to talk in a robotic voice. But that was not why I hated them I hated them because they made Ruby go away. She never came to me while my world was dull and lifeless; she always seemed to avoid me at those times. And I couldn’t stand that! Ruby was my best friend, she was the one who has always been there for me, she has always been there to pick me up, to through me back into life again, if it wasn’t for her the voices would have gotten to me a long long time ago, and I would be dead. So when the nurses placed the little red pill in my hands, I didn’t swallow it, I tucked it under my tongue and waited for them to leave before throwing it into the crack beside my bed. Who needed pills anyway? Right? Screw them.

“That’s good. I miss them, you know. I heard them screaming… They were screaming out my name. Mine. They had begged me to help, but I couldn’t I couldn’t just walk into the flames and die to, right?” My voice breaks slightly when I say talk about my parents, a lump of fiery emotion forming in my throat. “Sonja, you did the right thing. By you walking into those flames- what would that have achieved? You would all be dead. But you’re not. Your alive and you live a life where you can be happy, where you make the choices. You are a string girl, okay, just remember that you are strong and you can beat anything- anything, okay? You’re strong.” I believed her. Every word that fell from her lips, I believed was true. She smile, and slowly she began to fade, leaving me staring into the empty space where she and just been lying.

I smile once again and swing my legs off the side of my bed. I was too worked up to sleep. Sighing I slid off the edge of my bed, my bare feet touching the cool tiles of the hospital floor without a sound. The coolness of the floor sent spikes of coldness up though my thin legs, my breath catches for a moment as I wait for my body to return to its original temperature. It only takes a moment, and during that moment I forget about my mother, I forget about my father and even Ruby. My mind was clear, clear of all things. There was no voices, no whispers of taunting words. I was by myself, all on my own. Surprisingly I felt a smile slip onto my lips as I wander out of my room and into the hallway.

As I enter the hallway I lose my balance, my toes knocking roughly into the corner of the wall. I cry out in pain, my little toe throbbing immensely. “Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh god, oh god does it hurt!” I screech to myself, my whole body doubling over as I clutched at my toes which burned in pain. “Stupid wall! Stupid, stupid wall.” My voice grows louder as I stare intently at the wall, hoping that it would understand the immense pain that it had caused me. I knew I was clumsy, gosh was I clumsy. But this? This by far was not my fault. It was the walls. People have told me that walls can’t move. But this, this is pure proof that walls have minds of their own.

[/justify]
[/blockquote][/blockquote]

[Deleted]

Rasmus Pevensy

Delicate in every way but one
God knows we like archaic kinds of fun
Chance is the only game I play with, baby
We let our battles choose us

del·i·cate - easily broken or damaged; fragile.

I was not delicate I wasn't, in fact, I refused to be. Nobody in my red and blue striped arsenal was, so how could I lead them and be less than them? Their tiny little arms could barely bend in more than one way, while mine could bend and fold in who knows how many ways? Eight, actually. That was only seven more than the miniscule troopers that rooted war against the pink and green men on the other side of the wall. The chances of us losing was incredible low, we held higher ground and more men than they could even dream of. Our count was well into the one-hundreds, while their's barely reached past twenty at that. War couldn't begin quite yet, the leaders had to meet first and discuss the matters. "If you promise to keep you and your grimy squids out of our pudding supplies, we can drop this ridiculous war" Squids were the other nation's army, except not really. Our side just favoured calling them squids, because they looked like the squids Saturday and I used to colour.

Squid's negotiator forced me to leave, but told Saturday he could stay and listen to their debate in order to inform me afterwards. Apparently pudding supplies are a rather secret objective, but joke on them, I was already eating some of the pudding by the time I left. Wednesday wouldn't be proud, but this is war, People change in war. Not everybody would be pleased with the outcome, but I was currently. More me with pudding is a happier me. Besides, no leader can be proficient while going through a pudding with drawl. "Can I come back yet" I announced when my pudding seemed to evaporate to the bottom, and I didn't quite like life in poverty. "Not quite yet, Razz." Saturday responded, with a flip of a page. Saturday? Taking notes? Clever... I'm not quite sure if taking notes in war was allowed, but it was war playing fair didn't exist. If we wanted control over the remaining pudding supplies, we would need to play dirty.

Playing dirty made sense almost, war came before etiquette. My hand reached around the waist of my leading soldier, Buregarrd, which caused him to squeal like a pig. The other team's army feared me less than the nurses, and Buregarrd breaking when I needed him most could be crucial. Calming him down quickly, I shove him into the pockets of my stripped white and blue pajamas that made me look a little like a candy cane in my eyes. Silently I swipe Rosan and force her into my shirt pocket as well with Buregarrd before overlooking the rest of my troops. Keallan could help too, but Buregarrd & Rosan are more important Instead of grabbing Keallan though, I wrap my hands against the freezing, golden doorknob in my otherwise albino room and enter the halls. Leaving the door cracked open, I watch Saturday for one last second before completely closing the door. Nice, take all the notes you can.

Both of my pairs of shoes were left in my chest back in my room, but they weren't needed anyways. Marching barefoot through the halls seemed more of a leading thing to do. Instead, I just sit in the hallway I only needed privacy. My conversation with Rosan and Buregarrd had to be hidden from the rest of the troopers, the other side only held twenty some, but you could never be too careful. One tiny drop from the shelf could end any of the soldiers I was leading and that was to be accounted for. Shiny, tiny nails on my hands cling against Buregarrd's hat before being pulled out of the stuffed pocket. Rosen's arm was clanged across his own in order to avoid being separated, Obviously they had their own plans Both of them start chatting ideas and strategies at the same time, mumbling each idea into the others forming only incoherent speech.

As soon as another door opens, I shush them and stuff the both of them back into the whole of my stripped, shirt pocket. Still remaining cross-legged, my eyes watch the intruder of my meeting. A small smile was already plastered onto her face as she marched merrily into a nearby wall. She heard their plans, what if she tells the squids. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Oh god, oh god does it hurt!" Her voice boomed in the hallway, echoing throughout all the different halls and, undoubtedly, right into the nurse's office. "Stupid wall, Stupid, stupid wall." Words spilled out of her mouth against the wall, Had the wall just moved out of her way, that would be the nice thing to do. She had heard my plans though, she could be a squid! Should I be concerned or happy? Maybe the wall was on my team and knew she was a squid. Maybe if I smile and pretend not to see her, she'll forget about my plans and leave? A squid busting into my meeting was the last thing I needed.

We gladiate but I guess we're really fighting ourselves
Roughing up our minds so we're ready when the kill time comes
Wide awake in bed, words in my brain.
"Secretly you love this, do you even wanna go free?"
Let me in the ring, I'll show you what that big word means