Dear diary [Standalone]

[Sage]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,border-radius: 360px 360px 360px 360px;][bg=000000] Fawn Jay Thinks "Says" Does

It hurts me to see you this way
I can't sleep, I'm lying awake
Wondering what you're battling tonight
You've bought into all of the lies
And you've buried your fears inside
Haunted by a past you can't erase

Dear Diary,

I don't know what to do anymore. First Jabber was ripped away from our family, now Storm too? It's just not fair. Storm was the shoulder I cried on when Jabber died, he was the one who always told me stories, and I loved him so much. He's my little brother, I should protect him, but I can't, I can't help him here at home in district nine. He's out there, in that god damned arena, fighting for his life while all I can do is sit back and watch. I hate seeing him like this, this terrified child he has become.

I watched him yesterday help to kill the girl from district seven. She was close to death but even so, as she died, she screamed at my brother that she hoped he died and rotted in hell. I can't say that I blame her, it sounded like she'd been stabbed in the back by him. I thought to myself Storm, why would you do something like that? She's the same age as your twin for crying out loud.

The day he was reaped, after I left the justice building, I went home and cried for four hours straight, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair that we lose yet another one out of the nest. Storms barely even old enough to leave the next, let alone fly away from it on his own, god, I wish his name hadn't been chosen. I feel like I'm slowly spiraling downwards, I've been having nightmares lately, most of them have involved Storm dying or killing people. I'm scared shitless for him. I don't want my little brother to die, just like I didn't want Jabber to die.

I found mama crying last night, it scared me a little bit because I've only heard her cry once and that was for Jabber, I can't imagine the kind of pain she's going through, to lose a child must be the hardest thing in a woman's life. I am never having children, I don't want to risk them being reaped ever. I also never plan on falling in love again, love is dangerous, especially when others know how to manipulate it and hurt you with it, I've had enough hurt for a lifetime.

Today, on the tv, I watched a little girl of twelve years old get burned alive. It was the most gruesome thing I think I've ever seen, apart from a few other tributes that have been burned alive. She was from district eight. That witch from one did it to her. I hope she pays for what she did and I hope the boy from eleven pays dearly for torturing that poor boy from five. He cut out his tongue! I don't know if I'll be able to watch much more of these games, they've been giving me nightmares which is why I'm up at like 11:00 at night writing to you, I had a nightmare earlier. I don't really want to talk about it though. Anyways, I think that's enough for tonight.

Love always

Fawn

Fawn closed her diary and tucked it away under the mattress, tears spilling down her face. She curled under her blankets burying her face in her pillow before closing her eyes and trying to fall back asleep.

Please, come home
Please, come home
The door is open wide
You don't have to fix your life for me
I die a little every time that you leave
So come home

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[Sage]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,border-radius: 360px 360px 360px 360px;][bg=000000] Fawn Jay Thinks "Says" Does

It hurts me to see you this way
I can't sleep, I'm lying awake
Wondering what you're battling tonight
You've bought into all of the lies
And you've buried your fears inside
Haunted by a past you can't erase

Dear Diary,
It's day three of the games and he's still alive. He's done far better than Jabber did, maybe he'll actually come home although he's changed so much on that television. I no longer hardly recognize him as the quiet little brother who told Red stories or was there for Mist when she needed him. Now, I see a boy forced to grow up and act like an adult. I don't like this boy he's become, the one who thinks he's a fairy and who's not afraid to attack innocent people.

It's funny kind of, that girl from twelve severed his entire arm at the shoulder, just like Jabber. He's starting to look more like Jabber and I'm scared that he's going to be killed soon. I worry about him at night and last night was no exception. I spent half the night awake, wondering if he was going to come home or whether he'd come back to us in a padded coffin, his skin cold and his eyes vacant of the fire I see in them now. I remember when Jabber came home, laid out in a padded coffin, his body flawless because the scientists in the Capitol can make it look like nothing ever happened to them, like they're simply sleeping. For a few moments, I almost thought he was asleep but in my heart I know he's now long gone, his body six feet under ground dead, the heart that had beat and the boy who'd made my heart race is gone.

Storm was duct taped to the beanstalk by that bitch Beatrice. Why is he even allied with her, she's just a manipulating, backstabbing bitch who's probably going to be the one to kill him. Why are you being such an idiot Storm? Why can't you see what she's doing to you? She's just waiting for the moment when she can slit your throat in your sleep. Oh ripred, listen to me. This isn't me, this isn't the person I am. I'm supposed to be sweet and caring and non-judgemental, what happened to that girl. Well I'll tell you what happened, she died with Jabber, when the Capitol ripped away the one she loved and sent him to his death. Now, in her place is me, i'm weary of the world and I don't trust easily. At least Jabbers out of the hell Opal is now going through. I sometimes think it's better that he died so early so that he didn't have to go through what most of the other tributes had to go through.

I don't have much else to talk about tonight, I just hope that tomorrow night, I won't see Storms name in the sky of the arena because I don't know if I'd be able to handle it. I'll go try to fall asleep but I doubt I'll be able to.

Love always
Fawn

Please, come home
Please, come home
The door is open wide
You don't have to fix your life for me
I die a little every time that you leave
So come home

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