Let's Escape Together {Kiah}

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 03000C; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 30px 30px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone

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Will the pain ever go away? The tears have long stopped flowing down my face. My eyes have been stained red almost a permanent color. What if Jabber wasn't reaped? What if someone outside the family volunteered for him? What if all those people didn't team up on him? Would he still be alive today? Was it his time to go? Was his number called? I ask myself the same questions over and over knowing the answers won't change because I don't know the answers. I'll never be able to answer the what if's. "Storm, you can't focus on the what if's. It'll only drive you mad. Look at the positive side of things not the negative." Ma tells me this, but I don't see the point of looking at the positive because I don't know how to live life without Jabber. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of seeing some of the others crying. I know nothing will take the pain away, but I do know we all need to comfort each other. Comfort is best in numbers. I don't need their comfort because I have my own comfort. I have my own way of escaping. I have books that allow me to escape. Is it enough to escape?

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling begging my mind to turn off so I can go to sleep. I beg my mind to stop racing because I'm tired. I'm wearing down because I can't sleep. The death of Jabber still lays fresh on my mind. I roll over in bed and pick up the book that lays in the floor in the same position I left it when I threw it against the wall. The page still fixed on the fairies mourning the loss of a fellow fairy. I can feel the pain building inside my chest again. I'm sure what to do. I can feel my heart breaking again. Hasn't it broke enough over the last few days? Is it too much to ask to just forget about the pain? I close the book and kick it away from my bed. I don't to look at it. I don't want to read it. I haven't read a single book since Jabber died, and I won't read a book now. I can't read a book because they all remind me of him. Everything I do reminds me of Jabber. The empty chair at the dinner table doesn't feel right. It'll never feel right because he was taken away from us too early. I sigh as I pick the book up and head out of my room and out the front door.

It's a cool night out. The sun has slipped behind the clouds saying goodnight as the moon says hello. The moon shines bright in the sky lighting everything around me. The porch is cold to touch, but I take a seat in my favorite spot beside the door. I hold a book in my hands trying to fight through the pain to read it. I can't read it anymore. I don't want to read it because Jabber might show up in the pages. A fairy, a vampire, or a werewolf might take form of Jabber, and I don't want to see him. I don't want to relive the pain of him dying. It haunts me enough as it is. It's been a long day. Everyday seems to be getting longer. The nights seem to be get shorter. Every night is spent with me fighting to go to sleep. My restless mind races bringing the images that I don't want to see. I can't get them out of my head. All I can see is Jabber broken on the ground in front of the cornucopia. His broken body haunts me when I'm sleeping, and I need to get away. I need an escape, but I don't know how to escape. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of waiting for a sign that will never come.

Just take it one breath at a time until you can take it one day at a time. I remember hearing this somewhere, but it doesn't help me at all. Time heals all wounds. I don't agree with this either. I learn to live with the pain because it never goes away. The pain of losing someone close to me will never heal, but I can learn to live with it. Just say goodbye. It'll make everything easier. Saying goodbye isn't an option because I feel it wouldn't be what Jabber would want. I can't say goodbye to him. I don't want to say goodbye to him. I don't want to let go of him because he's gone forever. He'll never come back. He's with the fairies, but I don't even think the fairies exist anymore. The books are fictional. They aren't real meaning everything I know isn't real. He's in a better place watching over you. Jabber is in a better place away from Panem. He's gone away from the Capitol that loves hates us. I don't know if he's watching over me. He hasn't given me a sign. He's just gone. He's dead never coming back. He lies broken under the ground.

I sigh as I place the book down on the porch beside me. I lay my head down on my knees. I can't cry anymore. I don't think my tear ducts work anymore because no more tears fall down my face. All the crying I've spent isn't worth the pain anymore. There has to be an escape, but I don't know how to reach it. Going to the world of the fairies is too painful by myself. The book that I enjoy reading just brings too much pain. It brings back the hatred of the Capitol. It shows me how much they actually hate us. They don't love us like they said. They don't even care about us because they watch us die. They send us into the arena to die a death that is brought too early, but they say they love us. I'm sitting here at their mercy because they could kill me at any moment. They showed me that when Jabber died. He didn't deserve to die. Nobody in the arena deserves to die except those that killed my brother. I slam the book close before I stare into the sky again. "Jabber if you are out there show me a sign. I don't care what it is, but I need a sign." I whisper under my breath.

I sit there staring at the sky looking at the stars wondering if Jabber could possible be one of them. "I hate you. I hate everything about you. You said you love us, but you don't. You break families apart allowing the children to die. How is that love? You hate us. You really hate us." I try to mutter under my breath. The hatred I have towards the Capitol grows more each and every second. I sigh again as I pick the book up trying to calm myself down. Maybe the escape into the fictional world would be nice, but I'm afraid to go alone. I'm afraid I'll meet Jabber, and I don't know what I'll do. I don't know what to say to him. I can't say anything to him. Sorry wouldn't even cut it. I look at the fairies in the book wishing I was one of them. "Who would escape with me?" I ask myself out loud without meaning to. "I don't think anyone would want to escape with a broken person like me." I whisper almost silently. I can hear footsteps coming towards me. I can't tell which direction they are coming from. I lay the book down and sigh silently as I lower my head onto my knees.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC:Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3
Lyrics: My Immortal by Evanescence
Sorry Idek what Storm's doing anymore. [/size][/color][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center][/blockquote][/justify]

[k!ah]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=style, background-color:#f4f4f4; width:400px; padding:8px; border: 8px solid #9b6464;] Lost and scared... Losing what he most desires... ...TURNS HIS LIFE AROUND.... Red Jay Rage. Rage is what I felt. Rage flew through my veins. I hated him. I hated the way he stormed off, just leaving me on my own. I hated how he couldn’t stand his ground. He couldn’t fight for himself. He had just ran off, leaving me in a fuming mess. But that was not the only thing that cursed through my veins. Pain. Pain filled me too. It hurt so much when he left and slammed the door in my face. It hurt to hear his fading footsteps- or his frustrated grunts. I didn’t mean to upset him, I really didn’t… but I had wanted him to understand, to understand that I wanted to be treated like any other individual. But the words had fallen from his lips and it had felt like every word was coated in fire, whipping across my body. Maybe it wasn’t his fault, but mine. I had misunderstood him, it was me who created this huge problem. Sighing, I pull my body away from the comforting material of the couch. The couch was one of the only places where I felt safe, happy, comfortable. But today I felt none of that. It had been a week, a week since our fall out, and in that week I had not only lost someone who wanted to share something with me- but also a family member. Jabber. Jabber had been stolen from our family by the capitol. He had been thrown into an arena where he was killed in a matter of moments by other children his age. I knew I couldn’t really blame the children who had taken his life- they were doing it for survival- and I, being blind, know what it feels like to feel vulnerable, to have that burning desire to do anything that may help you survive a few more days. But that didn’t mean I didn’t miss him. I barely knew him, but still, he had been a family member, and when he left my family had fallen apart. Our family had broken into tiny pieces, pieces that almost seem impossible to put back together. I felt as though, when he felt, that he took a part of everyone with him, and now those parts were gone, gone forever. I often thought of how he must of felt those few moments before he feel into darkness, forever. I wonder if he thought of me, or if I was nothing but a shadow in his thoughts. I know we were never close, but there was still a mutual respect between the two of us, and when he left I had cried for the whole night, silently into my pillow. Then he was gone. Gone forever and I had run out of tears. I didn’t cry anymore. I just sat on my bed, thinking about him- trying to remember the features of his face. Was it chiselled? Or round? Were his eyes blue? Green? Hazel? I didn’t know. I know a long time ago I would have never doubted myself… But now, now doubt is always on the edge of my mind. My feet make no sound as I creep up the stair of our home, heading towards my room where I could hide from the eyes of the family. As I climbed the steps I paused, hear the soft muffled sound of sobbing coming from the room nearby. I take a moment to listen to the noise, trying to distinguish who the sound comes from. It takes me a moment. Storm. The sobs that filled my ears were the sobs of Storm, the boy who I could barely face, the boy who I had tried to connect with, the boy who was my brother. I didn’t want to go in there. It hurt to hear him crying, but I didn’t- I couldn’t- get myself involved. For all I knew he didn’t want to see me, he didn’t want to look into my sightless eyes and be reminded that I was a boy who couldn’t be treated as his normal average brother- and never will be. Sighing I pull the door open and take a step into the room. Immediately I am hit with the unfamiliarity of the room, and I freeze. I hadn’t been in this room for years, I had no idea where to step. I had no idea if things were lying on the floor, beggin me to trip over them, I had no idea about anything. Shifting my weight from foot to foot I try to keep my gaze level. “Storm? Storm are you in here?” I ask hesitantly. I knew he was in here, but I didn’t want to say that. I had to be gentle. We had not long ago had a fight, and then lost a brother. I had to gentle, gentleness was the key.

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this lovely template was made by Arro from Caution 2.0[/td][/tr][/table][/center]

[Knuckles]

[atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=style, background-color: 03000C; width: 500px; height: 181px; padding: 0 0 0 0px; border-radius: 0px 0px 30px 30px;][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true] I'm so tired of being here Suppressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone

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I find myself wondering what it would be like if this past week never happened. I find myself wondering what it would be like if this was all a nightmare I was still dreaming. It feels like a nightmare. It feels unreal. Time has gone so slow it's almost stood still. Every passing minute feels like an hour. Every hour feels like a day. Every day feels like a lifetime. A lifetime of events has happened, and I wish I could undo them. I wish there was a way to wake up from this nightmare that I'm living, but it's not a nightmare. Every night I go to sleep closing my eyes praying that Jabber would appear in my dreams. Every night I pray for the pain to go away, but it only causes it to be worse. Every night I dream of the dead, broken Jabber. I relive his last moments every night when I close my eyes, but I force myself to sleep praying for the pain to go away. It hurts so much, and I'll never understand it. I'll never understand why he had to go. I'll never understand the escape I was waiting for.

Why does it hurt so much? The pain I felt when Jabber died seems unreal. It's still with me everyday. I'll never forget the day the escort called his name breaking my family. Breaking part of me. Something inside of me died that day. Something that I once held close to me died. Every second of everyday hurts. Every breath I breathe is forcing me to live the pain I want to run away from. I want to run away from the pain. I want to run away to live with the fairies. Maybe it would allow me to see Jabber again. I can't see Jabber again. He's gone forever. I need to be strong for the rest of the family, but I'm not one to be strong. I don't have what it takes to be strong. When Jabber died, he took part of me with him. He took the part that kept me sane. He took the part that enjoyed escaping from the world I live in. The world we live in. No, the pain will never go away. I'll always be living with it. I'll just learn to deal with it.

I pick up the book again trying to find the strength I need to read because I want to escape from this world. I want to go to another place. Even if it's not real. I need to find a place where the pain isn't as bad. A place where I can be happy and forget about the recent events. In the past week not only have I lost Jabber, I ruined what little relationship I had with Red. I ruined it the moment I said the words that slipped past my lips; the moment I slammed the door shut behind me. All he wanted was for me to read him a story, the story to escape from this world, and I ruined it. I look down at the book I'm holding and I can feel the anger surging inside me. Anger at myself, anger at the Capitol for taking my brother away from me, and anger at the people that attacked him. It's a fight for survival. They killed him, and they deserve to be crushed. I don't care if it's for survival.

I open the book up to the page with the fairies. The happy fairies. The fairies that are smiling. No pain can be seen within them. I was once like them. I had no pain. I didn't understand pain. I never had to live with pain. I want to be a fairy. I want to be the happy fairy with no fear in the world. Nothing to worry about because everything is perfect. Perfect is an understatement. I can feel the tears running down my face again as I sob loudly. I sob like Jabber did in the justice building when he was saying bye. "I can't promise I'll win. You know that." His last words to me echos through my brain. I slam my fists on the ground slamming the book shut. I can't be happy like the fairies. I don't know how anymore. I raise a shaking hand and wipe the tears away trying to calm myself down so I can go sit in the living room. Curiosity has me wondering who will win the games. It can't be one that attacked Jabber. They don't deserve to win because they killed him. I'm about to move when a voice breaks the silence.

“Storm? Storm are you in here?” Red. He must have heard me sobbing. I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to anyone. I'll just make things worse. I'll just make things worse. Last time I talked to Red, I ran away like a coward unable to fight. I didn't want to fight. I don't want to bring more pain to anyone in this family. I take a deep breath trying to keep myself calm hoping he will go away. Hoping he will just leave me alone, but I can sense him standing there looking for me. I raise my head to face him. I stare into his sightless eyes trying to figure out what to say. I can't say anything to make things better. Nothing I can do will take the pain away that is running high in the house. Nothing will bring Jabber back. No words can be spoken to undo what has happened. I sigh as I look away.

"Red?" It's more of a question when I say his name. I know who it is. I know Red is the one standing here, but it still flies off my tongue like a question. "I'm in here." I keep my voice calm trying to hide the pain that I'm feeling. Trying to hide the sorrow that's living inside me. Maybe he'll go away if I pretend nothing is wrong. Maybe we can escape together? I look up at him again trying to figure out the best way to approach him. I want to say I'm sorry for everything. I want to apologize for everything I've done wrong to him, but it's not going to do any good. He doesn't want my pity, but maybe he'll allow me to escape with him. Maybe I can read that story to him to escape to the happy place with the fairies.

Narration 4C4361
Thoughts A091AE
Hearing 80779B
Speech A3A3D0
Other DECDD1

OOC:Credit for this lovely header goes to Shrimp <3
Lyrics: My Immortal by Evanescence[/size][/color][/td][/tr][/td][/tr][/table][/center][/blockquote][/justify]