Is this such a good idea? ~Raseri~

[Anna Banana]

[atrb=background,http://i1246.photobucket.com/albums/gg608/meghanpawolfe/HollieBackground_zps1d9e17e4.png][atrb=border,0,true][atrb=cellSpacing,0,true][atrb=cellPadding,0,true][atrb=width,500,true][atrb=style,width:500px;] Hallie Croft. That first step is always the hardest Stirling and I had been together for what felt like a lifetime, it wasn't a bad thing though, it was like being reborn again. While I still wasn't the most confident girl in school I had achieved a level of confidence and happiness that I hadn't ever had before. Being with Stirling had changed me for the better, it had opened so many doors, and while some of the kids still teased me at school most of them didn't try and pull anything while she was with me. After the original incident that left one of the Careers with a broken nose and a bruised pride, people didn't try and mess with either of us too much. Of course while things in school were improving, and our personal relationship grew stronger...neither of us had met the other's parents. The question is who would make the offer first, it had taken Stirling enough just to admit she was dating me to the school, I couldn't imagine her extending the invitation first. Then there was my family, a terrible home of neglect and abuse, how could I bring her there and expect my family to accept her? Even though I knew Stirling was more than capable of taking care of herself I couldn't help but picture her being abused both physically and mentally in my home. They needed to know though, they needed to know that I had proven them wrong and found that special someone, despite what they had always told me. Would the risk pay off though, I had taken the risk that fist day by trying to get close to her and it had payed off...would this? My family wasn't exactly the greatest in the world, and they weren't that understanding either. Sure, my mom had tried to help me out in the past, but as I grew older our relationship deteriorated. It was like as I grew older and my personality grew more defined I was just...I wasn't what she wanted. It would be a lie to say it didn't hurt at first, but slowly I just separated myself from them. My family will always be my family, and I'll always want their acceptance, but I can't let it hurt me that they don't...because they won't. I had it easier than Stirling did though, at least my family knew that I had been searching for my princess. She has kept me a secret for the most part, just the school knowing seems to have taken a lot out of her. I could only imagine her parent's reaction when I walked through the door, hand in hand with their daughter. In truth even I don't think I'm ready for that, it would be easier if they had some idea of my existence but as of yet they didn't. Be that as it may though, we came down to the point where we had to make a decision, or rather I had to make a decision. It wasn't a decision to be made hastily, but I already felt like I knew the answer. I had to take Stirling to meet my parents, maybe then she would have the courage to tell her parents about me, and invite me over to her house. That's why when our final class for the day was over I would pull her aside and ask her if she wanted to do that. A cursory glance at the clock on the wall told me I didn't have much longer to wait before the bell rang, and that would be my chance to find her in the crowded halls of the school. As soon as the piercing sound of the bell reached my ears I jumped up from my seat and scrambled to throw all of my loose papers into the satchel that hung over my shoulder. A few of my former tormentors brushed past me without a word, which was a good sign, and as I ran out the classroom I gave a nod to my teacher. All the other students at the school were filling the halls, but I only had eyes for one person, Stirling, and I scanned the halls for he, waiting for that first glance, for the moment when I could run into her arms. lyrics

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[Raseri]

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”Stirling Persephone Raycroft, is there something you forgot to tell us?”

My mother had called three of my names, all in one sentence. Translation? I was in trouble, and there was no getting out of it.

It had been weeks since the fight, with no sign of my parents knowing a thing about it. I’d made sure to conceal the ugly purple bruise on my jaw with makeup, so life went on as if it weren’t even there. Day after day went by, and once the bruise had faded, I assumed that the whole thing would stay lost in some dark corner somewhere, never to come to the attention of my parents. But you know what they say about assuming.

The principal had told Mom about the fight, sentencing me to two weeks of lunch detention, two weeks of one less hour of free time with Hallie each day. That’s not bad, I’d thought, I could be suspended, and not able to see her in school at all. But then my father decided that for “keeping something that important from my parents for so long,” my punishment should be worse. For those two weeks I was to be given not only lunch detention, but an official, daily, no-weaseling-out-of-this-one, go-to-your-room, grounding. I guess it could be worse, though. They could have asked me why I’d been in a fight, but they hadn’t; they didn’t want to hear any of my “excuses,” which was a good thing considering I hadn’t taken the time to make up any good ones.

The truth is, I wasn’t ready for them to know the truth about Hallie, partially because I wasn’t yet completely sure what the truth was. Sure, I had feelings for her now, but were they the real deal, or were they just impulsive emotions brought on by raging hormones and a desperate search for a purpose in a world where I was still looking for a niche? Did I love Hallie, or was it a phase? And if I did love her, was it in that way? Or was it the same way a little girl falls in love with a puppy she finds lost on the street? I had questions and options, but no answers or conclusions; I didn’t want to jump to a decision too quickly, but I didn’t want to disappoint Hallie.

And I couldn’t tell my parents about the kiss, or the day we’d met, or anything. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let them down like that. They had this image in their heads of me growing up to be a beautiful brunette Career girl who marries a beautiful brunette Career boy and has beautiful brunette Career children. And who knows? I might still! But I’m not sure yet, and everything’s been happening so fast, and I just have so many emotions rushing through my veins, piling up in my heart, pressurizing in my brain, that I might just explode, and then everyone would have to clean up my guts and all the while they’d be saying, “Man, what a waste of potential.”

You’re rambling again, Stir. Breathe.

It took forever for my ‘grounded’ status to end, and the school day after—the first day I’d be allowed a curfew again, so I could see Hallie—seemed to last even longer. In my last class, my books were piled on the corner of my desk in perfect formation, set to be taken to my locker. My toes pressed eagerly into the concrete floor, prepared to spring like a starving mountain lion after a deer. I was ready to go.

The bell launched me out of my seat like cannon fire, and I ran out the door, pushing past my classmates in the hall, my eyes searching madly for a sign of Hallie. Surely she could hear my heartbeat from a mile away, ticking away the seconds like a time bomb. Out of nowhere and all at once, her eyes caught onto mine, and the hurrying students around us became faceless blurs and stick figures in the background. I stood up on my tiptoes and waved.

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table by the wonderful zoe<3