CAP: Everything falls apart at the seams; Matthew/Kyanite

[*]

The moment the nurses had mentioned to me that Gala would need surgery, I freaked out. I hadn't menat to hurt her that much. I never meant for any of that to happen to her or to me. Our need for a second chance ended the moment that I let my career mindset take over and instead of fighting my friend, I had lost focus and let my training take over. The punch to her ribs had done the damage that I ultimately didn't think about. I knew Mason has broken her ribs, but the moment my curled up fist laid into her, I didnt think anything about it. I was blinded to Gala. I was doing what I was trained to do. Shunned by my father for losing. I had so many things going through my mind, that I had lost all of my reasons to hold back. I became a monster like Kayghna.

The only thing going through my mind though was the moment that Matthew barged in Gala's treatment room door before they sent her off. How he looked not at me, but at Gala only. Asked how she was. It was the first time he didn't offer anything to me, even though I had fought her as well. I had taken hits and received the bruises too. That's what hurt the most. He didn't care. Matthew was more worried about Gala and probably just as equally pissed at me to have put her in that position and I realized that my father was wrong. This training I did was suppose to be for the actual hunger games; not for something like the pregames. If, after today, they open again, I will not take part. I refuse to go through the pain and agony of matching myself up with another friend for glory. My life isn't on the line, so there is no more need to show my worth to everyone in the district. I train for myself. Not for the people of the district.

Somehow, while in my thoughts, I end up near the old barn that Matthew had taken me to. That one day where we became close. We became more than just opponents or friends. We decided to make it more than that and to create this bond. Now, as I reach the barn, I wonder if he'll be here. He told me he comes here when he's stressed or needs time to hisself. I can only hope he's here, because I need to talk to him. I need to explain what happened. I need him.

The moment my fingers touched the door, I pushed it open, allowing the soft creaking noise to echo around the room. My eyes searching immediately for any sign of him, but right before he comes into view, I voice my presence.

"Hello? Matthew... Matthew?" I take a few steps in, my eyes just a bit red from the conversation i had with Gala and then the walk over here as I began to fear for what might happen to the girl. Matt needed to know. I just hope he'll listen. "Matthew? It's me... Kyanite. I need to talk to you?"

[Jack Lexington]

It's time for my lunch break and I'm out the door and off to go pound my heavy bag in the old house that lays near the factory. I need it right now. I haven't trained for the past three days to give myself a break after my fight but most of all I'm so incredibly frustrated with what happened at Gala and Kyanites fight. For a good 10 minutes I'm punching the old leather of the bag to get my frustrations out when I hear somebody's voice.
"Huh?" I wipe the sweat from my forehead with my right arm and look over to the door.
"Matthew? It's me... Kyanite. I need to talk to you?" I hear here before I can see her, which makes me sigh and grit my teeth.
I drop my gloved hands to my side my face stern, almost angry. She's the last person I wanted to see right now. There's a reason I've not gone to the training center.
"What do you want?" I ask harshly and cock my head to the side.
I simply cannot understand why she had to beat Gala the way she did.
Rolling my shoulders I stare at her feet but eventually meet her gaze.

[*]

The moment I am inside of the old barn, a flood of memories wants to come to a head, but instead I get a sense of dread. Another second after my saying that I need to talk to him, he appears out of nowhere, his hands gloved and sweat beading on his forehead. What I also notice is the glare. His voice also matches the expression on his face which instantly puts me into a defensive mode. Him and I were not going to see eye to eye. I have a feeling that what I did in the fight, without meaning to, will ultimately come out right here and right now. His tone stings me, but I push past it. I place my good arm over the sling that holds my casted arm.

"I just needed to try to explain what happened out there. What I did..." I start off to say but I can see his chest heave a bit out of frustration. His shoulders rolling like he's about to come at me with the gloved hands. I'm not going to say that I don't deserve it, but I just want to try to make up for what happened. Why I lost focus.

"I never meant to hurt her like that. I never meant to lose focus. I just put myself into my training mindset. It's no different from what happened that one day out in the woods. You didn't get angry at me for that..." I find myself, for once, unable to speak so freely to him. If only he could feel the remorse that I have had bubbling within me since the moment I hit her, he might not be so angry. Though, I can't blame him. "Matthew... I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would... what happened out there."

[Jack Lexington]

So that's what she came here for: To tell me why she hit Gala the way she did. How did she even know I was mad at her because of it? I mean all I did was not talk to her after the fight. Can girls sense something like this.
I don't even want to look at her when she explains everything although I know I've been brutal in fights as well.
"I never meant to hurt her like that. I never meant to lose focus. I just put myself into my training mindset. It's no different from what happened that one day out in the woods. You didn't get angry at me for that..."
What a lame excuse. I return my focus on my heavy bag and start to punch it lightly with my right fist.
"Matthew... I'm sorry. If I could take it back I would... what happened out there."
That's when I hit it hard and turn towards her again. "But you can't."
My words come out loud and clear but now I become angry. My rage from the previous day returns.
I point toward the door in the general direction of the arena.
"You could have won this fight by points...easily. She's a head smaller than you for crying out loud. But no, what did you do? You punched her in the ribs when you knew they were broke already and on top of that you hit her so hard you broke her arm."
By now I'm actually growling at her in a very low threatening voice.
I start walking towards Kyanite because remembering how that little girl got beat down makes me want to punch Ky.
I hold back though and continue my rant.
"What the fuck, Kyanite? She's your friend!"

[*]

"But you can't"

He tells me what I already know. What I already have had in my head that wont' go away. The images and the feeling of each hit. He just has no clue what I am feeling and I don't think at this point he cares at all. How could he? He becomes enraged and his voice is anything but calm. He points toward the door and begins explaining so much that all I can do is listen. To accept whatever he gives me because all of it is true. I understand I could have won just by giving the small hits. The slaps on the hands and legs, but somewhere in the middle of the fight, I got lost in my training mindset.

"You don't think I know that? Do you think I meant to do that on purpose? Seriously, Matthew. I couldn't do that... not to her. I can say that it was an accident... I lost focus. I had so much going on in my head. I didn't realize that I had lost control. I didn't realize that I had let that happen until the last moment." If only he was as easy to convince as Gala was. She seemed to be understanding, if only a little, but was her excuses just a copout? Was she just trying to make me feel better about what I had done? It's all back to me again. I am the one to blame for all of this. Coming here to as for help. Coming here because I needed him had turned on me. Then of all things, he continues his fueled words against me.

"Yes. She's my friend. You don't think she is? I didn't take a beating from Mason for no one else but her. Both you and her are the only two that have ever done anything for me. Gala is the closest thing I have to a sister. And you... I thought you would understand." I bite back at him noticing how close he's getting to me with his gloved hands. The one thought going through my mind is wondering if he's going to let loose his anger on me or the bag. If I need to leave before anymore is said, but I stay. I'm not walking out just yet.

"It was never meant to happen this way, Matthew... I never wanted it to go this way." I shake my head. "You should have kept her out of the pregames.. You're her trainer. I knew this was going to happen. Remember me asking if she was ready... yet you go ahead an let her go through it. It was bound to happen... I"m just sorry that it was me." I take a step back, dropping my arm from the sling. I clinch my teeth. "You wanna hit me? Will that make this better? Is that what you're waiting for? Go on. Do it. I deserve it." I stand my ground.

[Jack Lexington]

Kyanite is nervous and upset I can tell but do I care? Nope. Not one little bit after what she did. never did I think she would. I've seen girls become mean bitches, scratching and clawing at each other but I never expected Kyanite to hurt Gala. All her yammering on about how she lost controll makes me even more angry. I have a short temper and I'm this close to snapping, I know. My breaths are getting shorter while beads of sweat run into my eyes.
I blink them away when she states "Yes. She's my friend. You don't think she is? I didn't take a beating from Mason for no one else but her. Both you and her are the only two that have ever done anything for me. Gala is the closest thing I have to a sister. And you... I thought you would understand."
"That's exactly why I don't understand why you could loose control. You are a trained killing machine, Kyanite. You can hit a tiny moving target from a kilometer away. You are precise and controlled. You can neven loose controll. There's no going through motions when it comes to a fight against you friend." I spell it out for her. Years of training should have made her more aware of what she's doing.

And then she starts pushing the blame on me going on and on about how I should have kept Gala from fighting.
A sour smile spreads on my face while I look away because I can't stand the way she rubs me right now. One more word and I will smack her.
"Don't you dare putting the blame for your mistake on me. I tried to talk her out of it but it was YOU who punched her. So don't fucking turn things around."
There's a dangerous sparkle in my eye right now. The one my opponents get to see before I punch their lights out. It seems like Ky can tell because she seems scared yet she dares me to punch her."You wanna hit me? Will that make this better? Is that what you're waiting for? Go on. Do it. I deserve it."
As soon as she says it I know I cannot do it. Not here and now. The only place would be the arena.
"I do want to hit you." My lips have become one thin line when I stare at her.
"I'd like to pay you back for what you did to her. If we get matched I promise I will hold back just as much as you did."
I know my words will sting her because not too long ago we made love to each other in the hay in the corner.
After glaring at her for a long moment I step away and pull off my gloves with my teeth. Looks like training time is over.

[*]

Just for the simple fact that what he is saying is true, I have to admit it. He lets me know that I am a trained killing machine. That I am precise and controlled. What I still don't understand to this moment, is that I did lose control. I did and it happened to be in a dangerous fight with my friend in front of everyone. Friends for me don't come around very often and usually they never lasted for one reason or another, especially guy friends. So, from this moment, I begin to wonder if what me and Matthew started between each other was falling apart. What we had was breaking away because of the pregames. The glory that would come with it. Was all of this worth it now? Ky, just walk away. Just leave him alone. It was never meant to be. It was never meant to happen. Not you and him. Not you and Gala. One small screw up and this is what happens when you make friends. Something always goes wrong. Dad was right... maybe my time spent with them was the reason I lost control? Lost that focus. Now, I guess... that is over. Matthew clearly doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. And poor Gala... Over before it really got started.

Matthew keeps on going though. Always something to bounce what I say back. I take my medicine with a few small breaths. I watch that fire dancing in his eyes the more he comes after me with the venom. Then I provoke him to see if he'll actually do it. If he will hit me. I've known him to hit some random girl in the nose before, and if he can do that to some stranger, I beg him to do it to me, because for once, he would hit someone who was asking for it. Literally. However, he refuses to do it. Insists upon paying me back in the pregames if we are matched and as much as I want to agree, I think this fight between us should stay the way he wanted our relationship, private.

"Will you? Is that a promise? Cause, you sure held back in what I thought was a relationship. Why make our fight public, when you can't make our relationship public?" I give him a death glare and watch as he takes his gloves off. What's he going to do now? Without the gloves, is he going to shove me out of his place? Make a statement? I shake my head. My eyebrows furrow in pain as I take a few steps back. I can't handle much more of this. Of the one guy who I thought was worth everything to me. I turn to the door. My fingers grip onto the knob.

"Despite what you just said, I hope I don't have to meet you in the pregames. I don't want you to have to get your hands dirty. Might as well let someone else do that for you. Would hate for you to feel joy in stabbing someone you used to...." I state and with a sudden pain in my chest, I disappear out of the door.

[Jack Lexington]

I know The brunette would like me to punch her. That would make her feel like her own doing wasn't so wrong but I won't give her that satisfaction. For once I'm able to not chanel my emtions into my fists but remain controlled because it's what I'm demanding from her. If she knew how many times I've lost my own composure and acted upon impuls. I'm the last person to demand such a thing. Yet I do because we're talking about friends here, who are rare. I know a lot of guys at the training center. I have a few good friends, too but these two are the first girls. Jusdging by what Ky told me she has even less thanks to Jins.

"Will you? Is that a promise? Cause, you sure held back in what I thought was a relationship. Why make our fight public, when you can't make our relationship public?" She comes in for a low blow to make me snap.
I don't appreciate what she saying. 'What relationship?' lingers on my lips but I don't say it.
"It's a promise." I spit at her because I know in the arena I would hit her. How hard is to be determined.

I can see the emotions flash over her face just like mine are probably easy to read on mine. Just that hers are much more insecure, regretful and helpless.
"Despite what you just said, I hope I don't have to meet you in the pregames. I don't want you to have to get your hands dirty. Might as well let someone else do that for you. Would hate for you to feel joy in stabbing someone you used to...."
More low blows. I simply ignore them because she's pissed. Only the last part actually gets to me, the part she hasn't said out loud as I watch her leave.
I don't want her to go, I want to settle this but at the same time I can't. It's better if she leaves now since this is too heated.
Is this it though? Are we through? Will this argument destroy our still young relationship? Do I even want a relatiosnship with her? As she stated...I never wanted it to be public.
My only answer is to slip the gloves back on and start pounding the heavy bag as hard as I can. I can take all those punches meant for her right now. It helps me to let out my anger and calm down and clear my head.

[*]

The door behind me closes quickly as I make sure it latches before I let go of the wood. For some reason, I feel as though I have to get away before he comes to the door to chase after me. One more word from him to make it seem right, but I don't want to listen and for the briefest of moments, I stand still and feel the liquid start to pool around the bottom of my eyes. I bite into my cheek hard, take a few deep breaths before I take to the road quickly before Matthew has a chance to come after me. I'm still expecting to hear him behind me. I just can't imagine why I thought he'd listen to me after seeing him charge into Gala's room then leave in a huff. I signed up for his attitude though when all of this began. I just never expected it to happen this soon.

The further away I get from the old barn, the more my eyes begin to flood with tears until they get so full that they start rolling down my cheeks. I swipe at them furiously to take away the pain that came with them. The words and accusations that Matthew threw at me. All the blame that he constantly threw back at me. I said some things that would hurt him as well and I begin to wonder if he'll take back the view he has on women due to me. If I am becoming like all those girls he runs into. Again, more tears comes to meet with my cheeks before they roll down and collect at the bottom of my chin before falling to the ground, only to be soaked up for the dead grass. I shake my head and stop the moment I am out of eyesight of the old barn and lean against one of the trees and sit down, putting my head into my hands.

"I never meant to hurt anyone. I was only doing what my training had prepared me for, but the training never prepared me for this." I voice out and throw my head back against the tree and close my eyes. No one ever plans to hurt someone they know. Friends? Not only do the games tear apart relationships, so does the pregames as I'm finding out right now. The unnecessary fights that turns friend against friend. Boyfriend against girlfriend. The moment those two words go through my head, I begin to realize, that what we had up until this point, just might be gone, and the fingers point to me for being the cause. "I'm sorry to have hurt you, Matthew." I voice out as though it would do some good, but the tree behind me speaks not a word.

[Jack Lexington]

That night I sit at the dinner table with my father but no word is spoken. I guess he can sense that I'm not in the mood. Admittedly I have no experience with realtionships, if what binds me and Ky can even be called that. So I'm at an absolute loss when it comes to what I should do. Some people would tell me to try and make up but I just go by my gutts and my gutts are angry.
That night I lay awake in my bed for a while thinking about the little girl in the hospital, who hopefully will be okay because all fingers will point to me aside from the winner of the match. on top of that I like her. I don't want her to hurt.
When it comes to Kyanite I simply tell myself that I couldn't care less if our 'thing' is over. After all chicks are hard to understand and even harder to be with.

That feeling lasts about two days when I realize I miss her presence and hugs and kisses. I also would like to talk to her. So I seal the deal for myself. I've told her what I think about her actions, I've yelled at her even. Gala will be fine and she's forgiven her so why not me as well.