nightmares become reality || dreams

[kendall]

JAIME SMITH 

I had come to a conclusion a very long time ago that tenderness wasn’t a practiced action when it comes to my rebel of a big sister. But, if you call drinking and fighting tenderness then you found the girl. Ever since I was little Charlie always played a little rough and sometimes ended up hurting someone, it was usually me. I couldn’t help it though, I was little then. I can take pain more then I could then but I lack what Charlie doesn’t, toughness.

Though, I shouldn’t be complaining. Charlie is trying her very hardest to be a mother figure and I wasn’t going to hesitate and tell her not too. I think its good practice. Most of the time I think the Charlie would be a great mother, ignoring what she says about herself. She just needs a little more practice. And because I am a man of my word, I will let her practice so if she is an actual mother she won’t hurt then. I would rather have her experiment the motherhood thing on me then a tiny child. I am 15, I can handle it.

Sometimes, I had a hard time taking it in. I found myself coming outside in the night and sit my the big oak tree and just think about everything that happens. I used to only escape sometimes but I find myself coming out more and more. I don't have many friends like my older sister. She seems too perfect to be true. I am a messed up kid who doesn't have a mother and a criminal of a father. But once I think about it, my whole family is in my situation as well. We all just handle it differently. Kicking a rock with my boot I feel myself become tired. Hearing a crackling in the woods I stand up. "Who's there?" I ask. Maybe it's Evangeline.

table by Zoe

[Dreams]

I T ' S T O O C O L D O U T S I D E F O R A N G E L S T O F L Y

[presto]

E V A N G E L I N E ▲ R O E No no no no no no no no no no They're after me, they're going to kill me, they killed Skye, they killed my future. They killed every living part of me that could ever be happy, and the wounds they create makes my eyes bleed tears and my lungs bleed sobs. I'm running from my killers. even though I'm already dead. I'm already dead I'm already dead I'm already dead. My footsteps carry me across the floor or tile or ground or whatever my dream decides, and I wonder why I have to fall asleep every night, and die all over again. Falling falling falling falling falling A burst of icy air embraces my body, and the nightmare doesn't reveal to me whether it's water or if I'm in a dark oblivion. I can see lights that make my heart hammer in my chest and I hear enraged voices and tauntings and I start to look around for some sanctuary when I realize there is none. I run out into the darkness, hoping I can hide away and never be found. But they always find me. They always find and are about to kill me. But I always wake up before I see the light drained fully from my own eyes. I'm gasping on the ground, my breaths intaking both oxygen and dirt. The thin wardrobe clings to my skin, and it's doing nothing at all to warm me up. I shiver and sit up, rocking back and forth with my knees drawn up to my face with submission. My crying is silent and blends with the breeze and I have no clue where I am. I'm not where I usually wake up, on the hospital floor. I'm outside, trees like a prison closing around me. I sniff, and then stand up. As soon as I take a step, a twig breaks under my weight and I tense. Please please please please let no one be out here. "Who's there?" It's a voice, soft and strange, and I'm not sure where it came from. I try to slow my breathing, but it's loud and uneven. I look around, my eyes yet to adjust to the milky darkness of midnight. The wind brushes my hair away from my face with gentle fingers, soothingly, but I cannot calm down. I start to back up, hoping that I'm walking away from the stranger rather than towards him. My back runs into a sturdy tree but I don't dare move or breath or think in case I made a sound. It's massive and I'll probably trip on the roots if I start running around it. Wait. I can hear his breath. I can hear it I can hear it I can hear it. And I don't know why, but I speak. "Please... please don't hurt me." My voice is ragged, traveling through my closed throat. SUCH A LATE REPLY I'M SO SORRY! I kept on forgetting to reply D: Does the long post make up for it?[/presto]

▲ T E M P L A T E B Y C H E L S E Y ▲

[kendall]

JAIME SMITH 

Perfect.

My father was so obsessed with the fact perfection wasn't possible. He wanted to prove to everyone that it was possible. I know it's not because basing your family on perfection would go no where. Everyone had flaws. I couldn't hurt a souls and being mean felt like the hardest thing to to. I was the nurturer. The moment I was born I swear my father hooked me up to some machine that made me become the mother. Maybe he did. My father was a sick man and I never want to see his face again.

The day he was dragged away to the detention center was so clear it was like just yesterday. I remember him frail gas the peacekeepers searched his house and found dead bodies. Charlie was sitting there laughing at him while I peered down the stairs with all my other siblings behind me. His voice and the quickness to try to get us in jail too was heart tearing. Since Charlie was old enough to care for us, we could go on with our daily life. But our life wasn't the same.

And I find myself thinking about it every day. Of course at three o'clock in the morning but whatever.

I hear Evangeline's small voice shivering as she runs into a tree. Her face glows in the moonlight, showing her freckles. Her nimble body shivering from the cold of the night and the fright running through her veins. She's only sleeping. Running over to her I pant and grab her shoulders gentley, trying not to startle her. "Shhh, Evvie it's just me. It's Jaime," I hold onto her arm invade she looses her balance ot just to hold her close. "You are safe. I promise. You are dreaming, sleepwalking." Leading her to the large oak tree I guide her back to the tree. Wrapping my arm around her I just breath heavy. I wasn't sure if she was awake or not.

I was wishing she was asleep so I could hold her closer. If she was awake it would not be like that.

table by Zoe