flying -- pogue

[Dreams]

she's the girl that
no one ever knows
and i say 'hi'
but she's too shy to say 'hello'

Father always says that if you believe you can, you're already halfway there to accomplishing.

I want to fly. I believe I can fly.

Sunset dyes the sky deep russets, brilliant oranges, and soft pinks. One of the only beautiful things I get to experience in Eleven. It turns my hair an auburn and my face red. My lips are pressed together in much wanted silence, my footsteps quiet and light. I hug my arms tightly together as a breeze dances through the air, ruffling stray strands of hair in its wake. The sweater that adorns my body presses to my skin, swayed by the occasional gusts of wind. Exhaustion makes every sound I hear muted and faraway. Nights I have stayed up, simply thinking. I can't remember what I have been thinking about. Stupid, pointless thoughts. I feel as if the wind could knock me down. And if it did, I would just sleep outside. Everything is so soothing, quiet, peaceful. My arms are held out like wings. Like I can fly.

I'm pretty sure I fall in and out of a daze as I stride along in a directionless journey. I'm not sure where I'm going or when I'll get there or why I'm going there. But there is a will in my mind telling me to go. Just go. And I listen to it as I walk, as if under a spell. My eyes take things in, but I don't want to focus on them. If I wanted to, I could. But I just don't want to. I see trees, but I don't see trees, and the ground but not the ground. I see everything at once, yet I see nothing at all. I am lost in my own mind. Perhaps for forever. I would be okay with that. To escape this world and go into another. To fly away.

Light stabs into my eyes, and that's what sparks me awake. I find myself facing the sunset, who knows where. I look around, seeing and understanding. Lost. I twist the yellow bracelet around my wrist, my fingers finding each stray string and tucking it under the band. At least I don't feel tired anymore. My hands shade my face from the sun. A snap makes me head spin around. My sight has gone from processing to just intaking information, and if someone was here, I probably couldn't find them anyway. Where has my mind gone? Away. Just away. I blink my eyes, and everything is clear. But no one's here. Either I'm going crazy, or whoever or whatever is gone. I'm stupid. I don't want to say 'hello' or 'who's there', because I don't want to talk or even know who is there. They could be dangerous. My eyes sweep across the landscape another time and I finally see a small flick of shadow. But it's gone now.