let it out, not eat you away \\ kiahbby

[анзие (Anz)]

aɪl sɪŋ ˈev.ri sɒŋ aɪ rəʊt
district 7 | 17 | male | Kevin Zegers

[presto]

He's left the twins home today because he wanted to be here. Except Nick doesn't really know what he's doing here, besides being a creep in almost every sense of the word. (Nick doesn't think he's being as creepy as he was, he's done this a few times - more than a few times, at least once a week - for the past few years. He is kind of creeping though, hidden in the bush that has been his spot for a long time. THe green shrubbery has grown through the years, allowing him space to grow inside.)

Here is the little house at the edge of the woods where he first caught sight of, in his opinion, the most beautiful Otis Castillo. (If asked, Nick may even go so far as to say she's the princess to his prince; the fairytale romance is strong with him in his head.) Nick finds the Castillos interesting - and Otis even more so. Though he knows very little of them, he knows that she lives alone with her younger brother, and there was an issue in where she used to stay and now she no longer calls that place home. (Nick doesn't really know what the issue is, just that there was one.)

Nick wants to know though. He wants to speak with her (except he never does).

Every time he's here, Nick considers the possibility of crawling out whenever she's alone, crawling past what he imagines to be a boundary with mines and barbed wire and hovercrafts ready to bomb him dead into her space, her home. He considers what he might say - "Hi, I'm Nick. I really like you." - and her response - "What the hell are you doing here?" and shudders to think what he might do if she rejected him.

He's been in what he considers love with her for so long that he can't bring himself to imagine anything but a shy acceptance to his sweet request ("Will you go out with me?").

If only.

(A tremor starts in his hands and he clasps them together; leaves fall against his eyes and he flinches, and everything is becoming too loud, too harsh against his skin, and Nick knows what he needs but he's only been here for the better part of an hour and he didn't bring any with him; he hasn't got any drink, and he really wants to stay.)

He wonders what she'll do if he went out now.

She's with her brother, perhaps they'll chase him away; maybe the brother will be furious with him for 'spying' on his sister (he's not spying, he's observing secretly); maybe Otis will be shocked and disgusted at his behavior, maybe-

Maybe I should just go out there.

(His throat is dry, his mouth his dry, and no matter how many times he swallows and licks at his lips everything is dry and he lets out an involuntary sound of frustration and desperation and-)

-and freezes.

His breath is caught in his throat, and he's not sure if he's shaking or dying but the leaves are rustling around him and it's his fault, and she's right there, she's going to kill him-

(He takes breaths to calm himself, but they sound too panicked to his ears.)

[/presto]

ooc | we can go on with our plot btw <3 Nick will try and calm himself down when she starts threatening him xD

[k!ah]

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"Speech."
Thoughts

The sun was bright today, so bright that when I looked up into the clear blue sky my eyes were forced to crunch up in the corners as I concentrated on keeping them open. It hurt, the way the sun seemed to press eagerly up against the fragile lining of my delicate eyes. But despite the uncomfortable pain it felt good, it felt good to be able to bask in a light to bright, so warm. To be able to feel the suns ray caress the exposed skin of my thin arms and legs, to feel the warmth slide through me filling me with an undying warmth, a one that didn't only warm me on the outside, but also on the inside. I loved the sun. The sun was amazing- the total opposed of the moon, of darkness. I head darkness, I hated everything about it- I hated how it dampened our senses, how it was mysterious and, for me, associated with violent, brutal acts of violence. But the sun on the other had brought me light, it took away the darkness that hid inside of me, it was associated with warm fuzzy memories… but most of all: it was safe.

Lazily I bring a hand to shield my eyes, relieving them from the harsh- but welcoming-glare of he sun. A small smile plays on the edge of my lips as I walk further away from my house, and deeper into the suns hold. I stop once I am am fully in the sun, the sun washing over my entire body filling me with a warmth that made all my worries disappear. Slowly I allow myself to fall to the ground, my knees folding, my hands hitting the dirt. It was a rather ungraceful move- but I didn't care, all I cared about was the feeling on the sun on my skin, the feeling of what I believed to be heaven.

Taking a quick peak over my shoulder I see Cyrus. He looks so small, so small and vulnerable, even though he is probably bigger than me. MY smile falters for a moment as I think about all the things that he had been through, all the things that he had endured… he was so young yet so far from being innocent… and I that hurt me. It hurt me to think that there was something out there that I couldn’t- that I hadn't been able to- protect him from. I wanted to protect him, protect him more than anyone else in the world… after all he was all I had left, my only family, only friend…

Sometimes I wandered what it would be like to have friends, to have people who I could talk to, to have people to share my worries and hardships… But then I remember that by trusting people, that by letting people enter my heart was only making me more vulnerable. They could hurt me- hurt me again and leave me broken and lost which only my brother to turn too… and I didn't want that, I didn't ant to have to worry him. He didn't need that, he had already been through his fair share in his short life. He didn't need to worry himself over me. I was the one, I was the one who will be protecting him.

I remember not too long ago how he had called out to me in his sleep. I remember the psi and desperation that had been etched into his voice- and it broke my heart, tore me in two… But it also made me realise just how much he depended on me to keep him safe. After all he had called out for me. And despite the reasoning behind it I had felt happy, happy that he felt that he could ask me for help when he was in such a vulnerable state.

Thats when I remember that I am still staring at him. With and awkward smile I turn away my face a little flushed. It must have been weird right? well if he had seen me. How long had I been staring at him; lost in thought? Shrugging I push the thought into the back of my mind, my body once again focused on the gentle touch of the sun. It was such a peaceful day, not a cloud in the clear blue sound, nothing to he heard bar from the oft rustling of the creatures in the woods-

wait, what was that? Frowning I climb to my feet, my eyes scanning the tree line. I swear I had herd something, something that didn't fit in with the peace around me, like a grunt. I am on my feet now, walking closer to the tree line, my whole body tense, alert, hoping to the gods that it was only an animal and him. Not that man who caused nightmares for both me and Cyrus. Ultimately I had promised Cyrus that we would be safe here, safe from him.

“Whose there?” I ask quietly, careful not to let Cyrus hear- making him stress out was the last thing I wanted to do. “Oi whoever is there just go away, we don't want you hear.” Nothing.

“what do you want from me?” I asked finally, my voice laced with desperation.

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Otis Castillo

Don't take freedom for granted.

template by Anzie

[анзие (Anz)]

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i'll sing every song i wrote

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Any plan that involved him hopefully passing as some kind of strange-sounding wild animal goes flying almost gleefully out the window (because of course he's going to get stuck here just when the love of his life has the ears of a fox, recognizing that he is, of course, not a stray animal but a person actually watching her). Stupid, Nick thinks of himself, shaking his head. The leaves rustle through his hair and damn if this isn't the very issue that got him caught in the first place - his idiocy. Stop moving. Don't breathe.

“Who's there?" he hears Otis say, and then, in a rougher tone, "Oi, whoever is there just go away, we don't want you here. ...What do you want from me?” And her voice is so plaintively desperate that he yearns to hold her close and make her feel better with his arms safe around her waist; he'll be her safety net if she ever needs it, and maybe she'll be the anchor that holds him to the ground when his feet threaten to slip under him with a desperate need for alcohol.

So, so very stupid, Nikolai thinks to himself. With a soft groan, he tips his head back to glare up at the leaves innocuously brushing against his skin before wading his way out of greenery onto the grounds surrounding Otis's home.

Not that I should know it, though. He's beginning to feel so very sorry for himself, and he looks glumly up at Otis from under his lashes, and this is really not how he expected all this to go. (Okay, so maybe he expected a lot of fireworks and smiling people and Otis leaping gracefully into his arms but jeez, he's just a sad little romantic.) "Hi," he mumbles. Way to sound like someone who isn't about to kill themselves, 'lai. Shaking his head briefly, he forces a smile. "I'm Nikolai Beckett. Um, I was..." Don't sound like a creeper, whatever you do. "Um..."

And he really can't think of an excuse, because there's no excuse and god he's such an idiot to think that she'll just welcome him with open arms like he's meant to be there with her.

"I'm sorry."

if it'll make you want to stay

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Nikolai William Beckett

watch the stars come out, then the sun as they fade away