gone to { g r a v e y a r d s } // Anatra, train!blitz

[Stare]

chapter ( the second )

Our escort is a complete airhead.

I don't know why I'm surprised. He never seemed particularly smart on stage. Still, his accent drives me mad, all harsh syllables and high pitched vowels. He's like a bird that never stops squawking. At one point, as I poke my food suspiciously with my fork (I've never known it to be so vibrantly colored or juicy looking), I consider covering my ears. His name is something just as obnoxious as he is, though I can't remember it off the top of my head. It started with a T, or a P, or something along those lines. Reminded me of a flower. He starts to talk about the Capitol, then, and how amazing it will be for us to experience such luxury. At that point, I've had enough. My fork clatters down onto my plan and I slam one hand down against the table, like I used to when Dad would go off on a drunken rant on the dinner table.

"Will you just shut up?" I narrow my eyes at him. "You sound like a bloody bird, for Ripred's sake. Actually," I change my mind and wave my hand, using the other to rub my temple, "get out. Just leave. I need some peace."

Whatever-his-name-is stares at me for a long moment, obviously shocked by my lack of manners, before throwing his head back and rising from the table. It takes a great deal of effort for me to not pull a face at the door closing behind him. I can feel the eyes of my fellow tribute on me as I finally begin to eat, having decided the food is safe. I remembered his name. Luke.

"Sorry," I mumble through my food after a moment, keeping me gaze lowered. "He was driving me nuts."

A bit of food spits out of my mouth and lands on Teddy, who I set down carefully near my plate. My eyes widen and I snatch him away, hurriedly brushing it off before it can leave a stain. Lucy would never forgive me. Afterward there is another beat of heavy silence, and my face heats up slightly. "He's not mine," I manage. "My little sister gave him to me."

[Anatra]

Gone to Graveyards Luke Davis - District Eight - Eighteen We are taken directly to the train. Silence pursues the other tribute and I until all attention is taken by Prethim, our escort. Everything about him begins to slowly irritate me. Everything. His forced confidence makes me itch. Like sheep, we are herded into the carriages. It is cold, but warm. Cold-looking because I've never seen something so plagued with food - likely all modified. It is warm, because I can feel how close we are to the heating. The smell takes my nose by surprised. Suddenly, the thought of having to go to the Games takes a second seat. At least we get to enjoy all of this. But it's not the truth, none of it. This is just one of the conveniences of the Capitol. It would be rude not to provide some light food amounts. Light is an understatement. Everything is practically covered in sugar, salt and pepper. Pepper, my stylist. What a stupid name. Who is called Pepper?. She isn't here, but among the ramblings of Prethim, that was the one thing I took out of the speech that didn't involve dying at the end. Or maybe it did include that, really. Boredom is a cause of death. "Will you just shut up?" She shocks me a little. I sit there, fork half inside the meat on my plate, a slight bit stunned. "Actually," I look over to her. It's all too clear that she has had enough. She has a fire. "get out. Just leave. I need some peace." Tell me about it. I need peace too. I haven't had a good opportunity to sit down and think through what is happening. I look back at my food, not wanting to seem too bothered. I'm not, really. I just can't stand the drama right now, probably something she felt too. Prethim should be in the Games, I'd be more likely to have a spear at him than a child. "Sorry," She mumbles. I can tell she is eating when she says it. As much as I don't want to, I can't help but be a little surprised. "He was driving me nuts." I want to reply, I feel I should. But I don't really have the words for it. "He's not mine," She tells me, and I look to what she has grabbed. I catch a glimpse of it whilst she cleans whatever was on it, as I didn't see. A teddy bear? "My little sister gave him to me." My heart gets a little warmer. I really wish I had a sister like that. She has brought up her sister, something that is difficult to respond to. I can't say what initially want to say; She must be proud of you. Because she won't be. She'll be terrified, and the less Savannah is reminded the better, I think. I stopped eating a little bit ago, I was full just from the smell. Upon my wrist is the bracelet my mother gave to me whilst I was waiting in the Justice Building. Hope, it says on it. I am hoping that this train will stop, and something will happen that makes us able to leave. "My mum gave me this bracelet." I drag it from my wrist, the string that it is made out of stretching around my hand and off. I place it on the table. "Last thoughts should be of home." I tell her this because I know I won't make it back alive. There's twenty four of us, only one lives.

[Stare]

chapter ( the second )

"Yeah, well," I shrug as I begin to cut into my meat, perhaps a bit more viciously than necessary, "last thoughts should be at home, in my opinion. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway."

I begin to hear a rattling noise and frown before realizing that it's my fork. My hands are shaking. I swallow and set it down before clasping my fingers together, forcing myself to keep it together. I didn't fall apart in the Justice Building when my family gathered around me, trying so hard to be strong and failing quite miserably. Only Lucy was strangely silent, handing me Teddy. I still hear her voice in my head.

"Promise you'll bring him back."

I didn't. I couldn't. But I took him anyway, tucking him under my arm with every intention of having him returned to her one way or another. Teddy was her comfort blanket. He went with her practically everywhere. She said that he made her brave. Picturing her, dark curls and wide eyes, makes my chest ache. I'd always told her she'd grow up to be beautiful. Now I'm never going to see my prediction come true.

The awkward silence that follows is broken only by my shaky intake of breath. "I'm sorry," I say after a moment. "I'm just, um... I'm sorry."

I've stepped onto a minefield, it seems. I don't want to break down. Not here, not now. I've always been strong for the people I love, so why on Earth can't I do it in front of a boy I barely know? Frowning down at my plate, I stumble to find something else to talk about. Family is too painful, but so is the future. What does a person say in a situation like this? What kind of weapons do you think we'll be killing each other with? Golly, I sure hope the weather is nice during the Bloodbath. "So, um, what did you do back home?" I manage after a moment. "I never really saw you around. Did you work in the factories?"

Even this hurts to talk about, but it's better than the silence that would otherwise prevail.

[Anatra]

Gone to Graveyards Luke Davis - District Eight - Eighteen "last thoughts should be at home, in my opinion. That's what I'm hoping for, anyway." It hurts me to know that this will be the attitude I'll need I want to be home again. I will need to be arrogant, I will need to be fearless. I can't do that, not without going half insane by the end. It wouldn't be worth winning. The sun glares at us whilst we eat our meals. Rude. I would forgive it if it stopped shining in my eyes, though. I can't help but notice how conflicted Savannah looks. I worry for her, even though I really shouldn't care. I can't understand what she feels right now. We seem different. I am the only child, with no responsibilities besides the ones I set out for myself. She, on the other hand, seems like she's had her shoulders weighed upon by the needs of many. I couldn't do it, though I wish I could try. "I'm sorry," I feel the need to tell her not to be so silly. She doesn't need to apologize for being herself, or being emotional. The whole process is supposed to break us, why can't we flip the coin and make it make us bolder? "I'm just, um... I'm sorry." "Don't be." I follow. "I don't know how you're feeling, but if it's anything more than what I am it is more than I could be able to handle." My way with words sounds difficult to even my ears. I only just understand what I just said. I think it was a compliment, or something along the lines of 'you're right to be sad'. Maybe that isn't a compliment. Am I bragging? No, I'm rambling in my head. "So, um, what did you do back home?" The silence is broken. This kind of question frustrates me because I have really generic answers. "I never really saw you around. Did you work in the factories?" She got it in one. One less thing for me to list - oh wait, it's the only thing to list. "Yeah. I worked in the bigger factory that's further out. Because I'm eighteen, I'm able to teach the younger ones. It's... Not actually a privilege though. I know what it was like to have to be taught to work in those machines. I assume you've heard the stories about when things go wrong." "What'd you do then?" I raise a brow, interested. If she hasn't seen me around, maybe she worked elsewhere.

[Stare]

chapter ( the second )

My lips, miraculously, twitch up into a smile. What do you do? Well, that's always an interesting one to answer, isn't it?

I hear that when things like this happen to a person, it's supposed to sober them up. They suddenly feel ashamed for however they "wasted" their life. It seems to be having the opposite effect on me. Instead of feeling self-conscious, I'm emboldened. Ripred knows I'm scared, too, but beneath that a part of me rises to greet the challenge of living my last days. All bets are off now. I'm going to be dead in a few days anyway, right? Might as well stop dragging my feet and make the best of what I have left."Steal, mostly," I reply, having gained enough confidence to pick up my fork and dig in. "There were a few older shopkeepers near my house, so it wasn't too hard. Sometimes I'd pickpocket, if times got hard enough, but I preferred the shops. That way I could always take exactly what we needed." My eyes flicker toward Teddy and I suddenly feel the need to confess. "Not him, though. I bought him honestly, with hard earned money." I laugh a little, shaking my head. "The things we do for little kids, huh?"

I know what he meant about the factory horror stories. I've always cringed away from the stories of young children losing fingers and toes within the monotone walls and forbid my sisters from ever going anyone near one. I suppose there's no one stopping them now, though. I pale and look at him with a suddenly urgency. "Is the story true about the little girl? The one who had half her hair ripped out?" I heard she nearly bled to death and was never the same afterward.

Suddenly all I can see is Lucy's curls and I'm shaking again, but I hold his gaze, because I have to know.

I have to know what I left behind.

[Anatra]

Gone to Graveyards Luke Davis - District Eight - Eighteen Stealing wasn't a rarity in Eight, so when she tells me she had to, I wasn't surprised. I accept the fact she had to, as well. If it was just to gain better things that she wanted, I'd perhaps despise her. But I don't. That gets me thinking. Should I even talk to her any more? I will have to either kill, be killed by, or watch this girl die. It is an indescribable difficulty to simply sit next to somebody like that. "The things we do for little kids, huh?" She's right. I put my name in the tesserae to help out an orphan this year, no wonder I got reaped. That orphan wasn't just a random act of kindness though. They had injured themselves in the factories and I felt horrible for it as I was her tutor at the time. She didn't go hungry that month I don't think. "Yeah, I can relate to that." I don't tell her, though. She probably doesn't need to be bored with the story. "Is the story true about the little girl? The one who had half her hair ripped out?" Oh. Apparently she does. "Yeah." I say it bluntly, quickly and prepare myself to begin adapting on it. "I was her tutor, she hadn't tied up her hair like I told her to - I should'nt have left for the five seconds it took for the machine to... You know." I pause briefly. "I think I'm paying the price more though. I put my name in so she could recover decently, with food at least. Now she's barely got anybody. She's an orphan, too." A sudden burst of anger fills me, though I conceal it. It is anger for the Capitol, and the conditions that would be unspeakable in their little District.

[Stare]

chapter ( the second )

"I'm sorry," I tell him, surprised at the honesty in my own voice. It seems that I actually have something in common with my district partner, a boy who was willing to sacrifice and payed the price for it. There are worse reasons to suffer, though. I used to think that all those stories about people who smiled as they died for some kind of greater good were worthless fairy tales meant to keep some kind of hope and inspiration among a society that had long since lost its right to such things, but now I think I'm beginning to understand. It isn't truly happiness, but the thought that yes, there is a minuscule amount of comfort in knowing that I, the dirty little thief who punched her own father on a daily basis, will die because I wanted to properly feed my family.

I feel the sudden urge to show him how similar we are. I want to fight the feeling, because I know that I can't be making friends with these people. I can't be making friends at all, or else put them through the pain of watching me die. But I'm selfish, longing to soldier through this experience with someone else who understands, and one hand reaches back to pull my hair away from my face. I tilt my head to reveal a dark bruise along my jawbone, one that my stylists will surely throw a fit over. "I know what it's like to take the hit for a little kid."

After a beat of silence I begin to dig into my food again. It's delicious, but I know that every luxury offered to me from this point forward is a siren's song - beautiful, but truly only paving my path toward death. I frown at this thought and glance up at him. "Could you do me a favor?" I hesitate a moment before continuing. "If you win and I don't... just keep my sisters out of the factories, okay? I spent my entire life keeping them out of those places. I don't want that going to waste now."