Bitter sweet dreams }} Yegor x Victor

[k!ah]

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We didn't live with the rest of the district, our house just off the main streets at the edge of the towering fence which caged us in. I hated the fence, I hard the way i stood tall and proud, looking down on us mere civilians. The fence was our master and we were its servants. We were not much more than the animals of District 10, caged away harvest each year. We were nothing buy crops to them, things that could be used for their benefit - whether it be in health, or academics, or security… even entertainment. But who were they, you ask, they are the Capitol, the people who own the world, who own us. They were our superiors, the people who take away one boy and one girl from each district each year to have them fight to the death. It is disgusting, so so disgusting and painful. Painful for not only the people who are related to the sacrifices but also for the people who are made to watch, watch as a child falls by the hand of another child. To watch as the youth of my home is killed mercilessly by the youth of another district.

My fingers close around a link in the fence, in the barrier between me and my freedom. usually the fence was alive with the flow of electricity, waiting for a victim to just graze its buzzing surface. But today it was quiet, as dead as the cold stone of my bedroom floor. What would happy to me if I broke through this fence? If I could feel the grass on the oner side? Would I be happy? Would my life be worth living? What about my family, what would happen to them? Could I take them with me? my mind flies back to my family, to my mother- my beautiful mother, and yet she hurt, she hurts all the time. What about Victor? would be be able to cope on the other side of this fence? eau we might be living in poverty, only scrapping enough to eat, but we would be free. Free from the hold of the capitol- but wait, would we be free? really free? Or would we be running dogs, always ducking under the next bush, always chasing our tails trying to escape the capitol?

Could one ever be free in this world?

Of course they could.

The answer was simple. One could be free, free from this district from the capitol from this world… Death. Death was the answer. If I were to die today, here and now, I would no longer be a caged animal, or a running dog, no- nothing would be holding me dow, not life not anything- but where would I be then? what happens, what happens after you close your eyes for the last time, what happens when your heart takes that last lonely beat? Are you greeted by the people you love? or are you swallowed by a darkness? a darkness that seems to go on and on forever? I didn't know, and I would never know, not really.

Sighing I press my forehead against the fence and close my eyes for a few moments. The silence of my home fills me and it puts me at ease. I loved silence, I loved how peaceful it was, how it could allow my mind to wander, to explore endless possibilities. I liked how I could just stand in silence and listen to the nature around me as it continued on with its normal life. The birds singing, the crickets moaning and the wind howling, everything about it made me feel as though I was in my own world, away from this one. I was in a world where I could have dreams, ambitions. A world where I was safe, I was free, I was happy.

A world which new I could never have.

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Yegor Ivashkov

The survivor.

template by Anzie

[Cato]

Victor Ivashkov

"Dialogue"
"Hearing"
Thoughts
Narration

Not a day goes by where the mourning for Mikhail truly stops. I always think about what I could have done differently. Seeing him being led to his death so long ago hurts me. Like a knife buried deep in my skin, I feel the guilt inside of me getting worse every day. Sometimes I imagine him standing in front of me only to disappear when I try to call out to him. His death still shakes me to this very day. Hearing his name being called for death and doing nothing still haunts my dreams every night when I happen to sleep. No one knows what its like to dream about their dead brother. I feel like his death is all on me. Someday I hope to have the chance to apologize for my cowardice. Fresh tears begin to flow down my cheeks. It's all my fault he died. Mikhail didn't even get a goodbye from me.

Suddenly my face smashes right into a fence. Mourning yet again for Mikhail made me lose concentration on where I was heading. I feel some blood trickle down my chin. Nothing too serious though. What I really need is to find a way to be at peace with myself. Going on like this will only hinder my actions in life. I don't know what to do though. The guilt its like it's slowly eating me alive. I find usually find myself deep down with every little thing I do thinking would Mikhail hate me? I'd be at peace with myself if I had gotten the chance to meet him at least once. Fear kept me hidden during the allotted time for goodbyes. When I made up my mind to say goodbye to him it was too late. Mikhail left without knowing that I loved him a lot.

I strike the fence to relieve some tension. "It's all my fault..." Speaking the words barely alleviates the growing guilt. Wherever he is now could he hear me? I feel the need to apologize with words no matter how futile the attempt is. I look up in the sky imagining his face looking down on me. "I'm sorry Mik for never saying goodbye. Every day I mourn you." There's nothing else for me to say without the risk of me breaking down. I contemplated suicide at one point, but I know Mikhail wouldn't want that. I'd try and win the games in his memory, but I don't want to enter the games as me only to come out as some barbaric human being. The best I can do will be here in the district. Not much else I can do really.