turning pages }} cato

[k!ah]

KADENLORE

My fingers curl around the neck of the bottle loosely. Gently I heave it towards my mouth where I press it to my lips, the cool glass surface almost refreshing. I smile before tipping some of the liquid of fire into my mouth where it burn away my sins, my worries. Some people didn't understand why I did this to myself, why I allowed my body to become intoxicated by the liquid that I took pleasure in consuming. Why did my sister always question my actions? did she not realise? Did she mot realise how perfect this whole situation was? By drinking this foul liquid I was eating away at my worries, I was clearing my mind… Wasn't I becoming a better person?

I pull the bottle away from my lips and place it back down on the wooden counter. I swing my body around so that I was no long facing the lonely bar tender but the busy bar. People, of all shapes and sizes were milling around in groups. I watched as an oh so desperate guy approach a lady, she gives him one look and he stops. He may have wanted her, but she definitely had not wanted him. As though she could sense someone staring her eyes turned to me. At fist she frown but after a moment she smiled, and her whole posture changed. Oh boy did she want me. I wink at her before I grab my bottle once again, remove myself from my stool and walk towards the exit.

Tonight I had come out for a reason, I had wanted to add another item to my collection… But to be honest, right now I wasn't feeling in the mood.

It only takes me a few seconds to be free from the confinements of the bar. Out side the air is cold, and it bites at my exposed skin making me want to hug my body tightly. As I said before I was planning to score tonight so I had worn nothing but the tight black dress that hugged my body closely. I curse silently before I chug the rest of my alcohol before tossing the empty bottle over my shoulder. The liquid leaves a fiery trail down my throat and into my stomach and despite the cold I manage to smile a little.

Unconsciously my hands tug at the bottom of my dress, trying to pull it down so that my body wouldn't freeze. but it wouldn't go any lower, given up I look down the street, which was almost empty apart from the few men which were hanging around, waiting for disadvantaged young girls who were drunk off their faces. (Like me, perhaps). Sighing I try to think of a solution to my problem, ut my mind didn't want to work, it kept buzz around distantly telling me that I should munch on some chocolate… Sighing I looked around desperately, but no answers came.

Maybe i should go back to the pub? Spend a little more time in the warmth, and maybe some more times with that pretty lady, or one of the many handsome men… But something deep inside my sloppy mind told me that tonight wasn't the night. Sighing once again I slowly fall to the ground so that my knees were pressed up against my chest.

I knew that I was in the middle of a street, but right now I couldn't really care less. I hugged my legs closely seeking warmth from chest. Lazily my eyes begin to scan the sky and the blinking stars.


Tonight really was a beautiful night.

[Cato]

"Dialogue"
"Hearing"
Thoughts
Narration

I haven't looked for new training gear in so long. My current stuff is getting wrecked. There hasn't been a real reason for me to look for new gear considering it in no way helps me become a better fighter, but now the stuff is so worn out that my hand has been forced. Maybe my stuff would last longer if my heart isn't so devoted to training. Sometimes I go too far and injure someone. Sadistic of me, but I enjoy besting someone in a spar. The raw power I know that's inside of me will be trained. Becoming a machine bred for war doesn't bother me. There is the glory to fight for. Next games will be my time. It always feels like each new reaping will be the day I'm reaped, but biding my time isn't so bad either. Keeping a low profile could help me in the long run.

Lately though I've been slacking in training. I don't know what it is, but something is digging its roots inside me distracting me. I always feel sick when wielding a sword. Not to mention the spars I keep losing. It might be cocky to say I'm a master swordsman, but I do consider myself one or close to it anyway. Even with a sword though losing seems to find a way to greet me. I hate losing so much that rematches have been common. Focus is my problem at least I hope it is. Losing the desire to train will end my life for sure. Its all I've known in my life. I'm really not good at anything else. Maybe visiting a bar in town will help clear my head. Most likely not, but I need something to help me through this rough night.

I've never been to a bar though. Visiting one now intimidates me a little bit, but what do I have to lose? I walk toward town looking for the nearest bar. One small drink and I'm out of the place. It would be embarrassing to pass out in the bar. More time is wasted before I spot exactly the place I want to go. I jog toward the entrance, but stop short when I notice such a stunning woman in a dress. I gaze probably too long at her, but reluctantly look away. Entering this place will get rid of my troubles for one day. I don't know if this is what I want to do just yet. I got nothing to lose right? Drinking will be my friend for the first time.

[k!ah]

KADENLORE

Sometimes I wander why people like me were put on this earth- how did I contribute to the workings of this land? what purpose did I have expect from stealing from the people I claim for one night. I was a waste of space, nothing but an ornament in this huge world. Maybe I was just designed to die, to be taken away from this land- maybe it was a mistake, maybe some greater being had meant to put me in a different universe but had acidly dropped me in this one. Screw him. I think and pull my gaze away from the sky and back down the quiet streets.

I was a mess and I caused my sister to worry endlessly- what was the need for a person like me? there was none. I was just a pawn in this game of life, a sacrifice, a filler piece. The real people that we needed were the people who could mine the gems or the Doctors in district 6 or the miners of coal in district 12. Thats how the Capitol wanted, the people who were of use to them. So why keep slackers like me alive? I knew they could kill me as easily as swatting a buzzing fly- so why let me live?

Sighing I push the useless bought to the back of my foggy mind. Whenever I was in tis state and on my own I resulted to thinking about the ‘deep’ things. I needed people to talk to, people to distract me otherwise I would just spiral deeper and deeper into this hole that I was creating for myself. Maybe I should go home. Maybe I cud talk to Max and then everything will be ok and I will pas out on my bed and wake up with a raging head ache. The thought strikes me eagerly and I try to climb to my feet but I find the whole process of actually getting to my feet slightly difficult as the world around me seems to be a roller coaster- tilting one way they changing direction and tilting the next way.

Suddenly I feel the need to look up. I look up and my eyes catch the eye of a guy. He is staring at me. Thats it. Just staring. A frown slips onto my forehead as I watch the guys who is watching me. How long had he bee staring at me for? Getting slightly uncomfortable I drop my gaze and hope that he moves on- wait, maybe he is interested. Smiling to myself I look up to see that he is no longer in my line of sight. I scan the street. Nothing. I look behind me and I see him. He enters the building that I had just left.

I watch as his board fugue disappears before my view. If he had been interested that meant that maybe tonight hadn't been a waste, that meant I could pull myself out of this hole and let my hair loose and do what I came here to do.

bursting with new found energy I manage to climb to my feet. The world seems to spin around me for a moment as I try to steady myself and wait for the spinning to stop. It doesn't- but it does slow down. Shrugging I step off back in the direction that I had come, my steps steadier than I had thought that they would be.

I enter the bar and my eyes try to fish out the figure which had shown interest in me earlier. I see him, he sticks out easy. He is a handsome guys and I smile to myself. This one was definitely going to be worth my time. Hastily I whip up a plan of attack. I couldn't just walk up to the guy, I had to make it look like a coincidence or he might be scared off. Walking around to the bar once again I take a seat on a stool. The guys was still hanging around the door looking slightly uncomfortable. I make sure that there are a few empty stools on either side of myself- almost like an invitation- before I flick my gaze back over to where he stood, I catch his eye, give him a small smile, before looking away once again. Hopefully he takes the bait and I can reel him in with little effort.

[Cato]

"Dialogue"
"Hearing"
Thoughts
Narration

Even though I've made up my mind to drink tonight, I'm still very much afraid of what could go wrong. I haven't had a single drink in my life. A little frightening, but there's no turning back for me. I walk into the building. Right now I feel like a sheep near a pack of wolves. Some guy notices my vacant expression and laughs at me. I don't blame him. I'm out of place here, but nothing will convince me to leave here. I look for the nearest stool and plant myself on it. The bartender must know I'm new with the look he just gave me. He brings a drink for me to chug down. The first sip makes me want to hurl, but with each new sip the taste slowly gets better. Not too bad, but my stomach disagrees with me. I don't want to ask for water though. If I'm to come back here, I will need to appear strong.

I hand over a bit of money for the drink before getting up. I've had my drink and now to leave the place. That's when I notice the gorgeous woman I saw earlier. She looks right at me gives me a smile and turns around. There are a few empty stools next to her. Coincidence perhaps? It occurs to me that I should buy this lady a drink. With that, I walk toward her trying to crush the bundle of nerves. Now I'm next to this wonderful looking lady with my nerves not even remotely crushed. They've gotten worse with closer proximity to her. I look at her again to take in her beauty. I'm too speechless to say anything, so I order two drinks. I take a sip in a vain attempt to calm my nerves. "I... ordered... you..." The nerves are getting to me. I slide the drink toward her direction.

I'm quite embarrassed with myself right now. I don't know nothing about trying to win a lady over. In fact, I know I'm making a fool of myself in front of her. She must be silently laughing at my horrible attempt to get on her good side. Getting to know her will be very difficult for me. I look away from her in shame. Preventing myself from making a bigger fool in front of her will now be my goal. Of course if she speaks even a word to me that goal will fait. I debate whether or not to get out before the embarrassment gets too be to hard to deal with. I came here with the intention of having a drink and now find myself foolishly pursuing someone way out of my league.

[k!ah]

KADENLORE

My fingers ring circles on the bar top in front of me as I wait for my target to be seated. It doesn't take long for him to have taken the seat beside me, his deep voice ordering two drink before he turns to be saying that he ordered me something. He pushes the drink towards me and I turn to hi, my face a mask of innocence. I smile at him before reaching for the drink that he had brought me. I allow my eyes to study the guy from closer up. He was a rather handsome guy. He was broad and muscular and everything about him seemed to scream “I am the man of all men,” but there was something about the way he sat there nervously and stumbled over his words that reduces his imitation to below a frog. I smile, a smile that breaks my whole face, one that could stop any man in his path. I was a bright smile, people often told me that my smile was my best feature, it was one that seemed genuine and warm. “Thanks,” I say as I take a sip of the fiery drink. The small sip doesn't burn so much as it slides down my throat as it would have if it was my first one. Right now it just felt like a warm beverage, warming me up from the inside.

The guys nervousness almost makes me laugh out loud. When you look at a guy like him- one who seems tough and rough you don't expect him to be like a shy puppy, one who just ants to hide and run away. At last he tried to make an effort, right? I just needed to cox him out of his shell a little. Resting my right arm on the bar top I manoeuvre my body around so that it was facing the guy. I kick my legs around slightly and tilt my head to the side, almost in question. What was this guys story. But when it became obvious that his tongue was too tied to say anything else I allow a few words to slips from the guard of my cherry red lips.

“I’m Stacy,” I lie ever so sweetly. I knew that if I told the guy my real name that it somehow might bit me in the ass for futures sake. I didn’t know hat will happen later on tonight, so its best to lie- for my safety. “I haven't really seen you around here before… you don't come here often, do you?” My yes are wide with curiosity- not fake curiosity, but real. I wanted to know this guy, I wanted t know the story behind his bad guy looks, but fearful acts. Maybe he is just like this around beautiful girls? Was it that I intimidated him?

I take another sip of my drink, then place it back down- but I change my mind a few minutes later and take a large drink of the drink, almost emptying a third of the glass. “You don't have to be shy, you know, I am not going to bite,” I flash a wink onto the end of my sentence in hopes to loosen him up a bit. But what if I got a totally different reaction? Usually guys would melt in front of me- and that wasn't because of my good looks alone, it was because of how much skin I was showing, or the confident way I geld myself. No girl had to be stunningly beautiful to get a guys attention, they just had to be confident, and as soon as you showed a guy that you loved yourself they are bound to start doing the same.

I take a long drink again, this time placing the glass down empty instead of full.

[Cato]

"Dialogue"
"Hearing"
Thoughts
Narration

"Thanks." The woman doesn't sound disgusted or angry with me. I'm somewhat surprised my pathetic attempts to flirt with her hadn't sent her off running. It's somewhat refreshing to know this night hasn't turned out to be a disaster like I thought it might have. I'm starting to feel not coming here before was a huge mistake. If meeting this woman is what might happen coming here, I should have visited in the past. Nothing I can except vow to myself to come here more regularly. I smile to myself before draining the last of my drink. The taste is getting easier to stomach. What's more embarrassing happens to be this is my second drink in my life. The mystery drink still tastes horrible, but not downright disgusting like it had been. My stomach grumbles a bit as if to tell me it needs something to wash away the drink. I don't trust what might be here at the bar though to eat.

"I’m Stacy, I haven't really seen you around here before… you don't come here often, do you?" She's still here. I didn't expect her to remain within 10 feet of me. Either she hasn't noticed my weak attempts at flirting or has witnessed much worse attempts. Of course, I haven't been here often to know if she's a regular or not. "Why no mi'lady I don't. This would be my first visit to this.... interesting place." That much is true. I once considered going to a bar before, but that was when I lost the opportunity to volunteer in the games. Coming here now isn't so bad. I've been so devoted to training that the pleasant things in life have eluded me. All I know how to do is swing a sword, throw a spear, and fight. There isn't much else to me. Talking in public must come easy to some people, but to me it's such a hard thing.

I look Stacy right in the eyes. I'm shy, embarrassed, and an idiot, but I want her to know I'm not afraid anymore of messing up. "You don't have to be shy, you know, I am not going to bite." She gives me a wink as she speaks. My nerves aren't threatening to explode anymore. Stacy's words have loosened me up a bit. Not completely, but enough that I may enjoy myself. I take her hand in mine hoping I'm not about to get myself slapped in the face for the action. "Anything I can do for you mi'lady." I smile at her. No longer am I afraid. Not much I can lose. I don't know what about Stacy drives me to talk to her, but she's wonderful. So calm and relaxed. I could learn a few things from her. Physically I have no equal. When it comes to being social, I am just a baby.

[k!ah]

KADENLORE

How many drinks had I had tonight? 3? 4? or was it more? It had to me more. You don't feel the way I do after just a couple drinks. Around me the world seemed to move. It danced left and the right, all this time my mind desperate to catch up but always just a few steps behind. The guys face in front of me was no longer just one face, just had the beginning shadow of another. I smile at him, I don't know if it is to help myself more than it is to help him. The guy seemed much more comfortable now, the beds of sweat on his forehead slowly disappearing only leaving it slick with the evidence that sweat had been there. Something inside me makes me want to touch it, to touch the firm creases between his eyes, just to see how they feel- but just when I am about to move my hand the guy catches it in his

It takes me a moment for my gaze to fully focus on the guy, but when it does there was no longer a fuzzy shadow surrounding him- he was clear, almost as though I was looking though a lens on a camera. "Anything I can do for you mi’lady." he smiles and for a moment his words confuse me- what had I old the guy earlier? Not to bite his tongue? Yes, yes that was it. I devour his smile with my own, my mind ticking over about how I us sully don't get this drunk. I need to stay alert, I needed to be cautious, a girl always had to be cautious. Usually I would only have a few drinks and then I would pull out my acting skills and I would flail around in a fake drunken state.

But tonight was different. Tonight my head was actually fuzzy from my drinks. I had taken it too far- and I knew that I would no longer be able to get war I wanted from the man. It was to dangerous, too dangerous for myself… But, I thin coyly to myself stealing a glance a the man who held my cold hands in his warm ones, That didn't mean I couldn't have a little fun with my catch. At the least I could string him along for a while, get him thinking that he could take on the world. I almost smile to myself as I pull my mind out of the gutters. There was only one thing that I had to remember tonight and that was not to get carried away, I was far too gone to complete the task I had in mind, but that didn't mean I had to go home.

“Sorry, I don't think I caught your name.” I laugh lightly, placing my free hand on top of our clasped hands. “What was it?” My voice was coming close to being slurred, but with a lot of practice I manage to hide it, keeping my voice clear and steady. Many years of practice will pay off tonight, I think my smile growing so that it reached deep within my dark eyes.

[Cato]

"Dialogue"
"Hearing"
Thoughts
Narration

"Sorry, I don't think I caught your name. What was it?" Only fair she knows my name seeing as I now know hers. I can feel some vomit making its way up my throat, but I disgustingly swallow it back down. I've embarrassed myself enough in front of her. Throwing up would ruin whatever I have going. "Mason." I'm still on the verge of throwing up. Getting my name out turned out to be a struggle. Now is the time for me to leave this place. I'd rather not after meeting Stacy, but this sick feeling won't go away. If I stay any longer it won't turn out good. Nothing will keep me from vomiting if I continue to inhale these fumes. As much as I hate leaving, I know now is the time do it. If Stacy doesn't like it, I can always try to make it up some other time. Of course if all goes wrong with her back to training I go. It really is all I feel comfortable with.

"I'm sorry mi'lady, but now is the time for me to leave." Each word brings me closer to vomiting. I must look sick by now. Quite embarrassing if I say so myself. Weapons I can handle, but apparently alcohol isn't my thing. If this is what will happen with alcohol well I just don't want to taste it anymore. Coming here turned out to be a mistake for the most part. Obviously meeting Stacy is worth it, but not to be shit faced drunk. I nod goodbye before getting up. I stumble forward a bit before regaining my balance. What a fool I'd be if my face meet the floor. I need to get out of here before anything else happens. I keep stumbling toward the exit before the light breeze hits my face. So refreshing to inhale something nice.

After a few moments of hesitation, I walk out of the bar. The way I left may have been rude, but I just couldn't handle being there any longer. I'm fooling myself if I think socializing will do me any good. Being at the training center is where my destiny lies. I'll never fit in with others even other careers. I'm more of an outcast if anything. My awkwardness today only provides more proof of where I stand. It would be best if I disappear from the district other then when I need to. I'm not comfortable outside the center. It just isn't me to be social. Now when it comes to weapons that's where I'm most at home. I can just imagine myself holding a sword right now. Slashing dummies until they fall apart. Throwing spears is another thing I'm imagining right now. Ah sweet bliss. This is what I love. Training.