The past haunts us still (April and June)

[Deleted]

May woke with a start. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. Oh how she wished the older girl from her dream was next to her or Bryce. It had been years since Bryce had died and it had only been a short time she had had him too. The sixteen  year old female hid the tears that were welling up inside of her and threatening to fall. Threatening to betray her true messed up feelings. The lost little girl inside. The one who didn't understand love and didn't understand what it meant to be safe. She hadn't been able to protect anyone and yet that was all she wanted to do. She took a deep breath once again and slowly sat up looking to the empty bed next to her. If Bryce were here he'd be saying something to cheer her up. If the older girl from her dream was here she'd likely be saying something comforting. Still the only image in the sixteen year old's eyes was blood. Rivers and puddles of blood. She shook her head and went though her ritual of calming down. Her name was called moments later and she snapped out of it. She got up and got dressed in a pair of jeans and a light blue shirt. She walked out of her room and towards the kitchen working on getting her hair to tame enough to go into a ponytail. 

May entered the kitchen with a fake smile on her face and walked over to kiss the woman who was making toast. Bread in their house was not often there so when it was it left pretty fast. May took the toast and sat down at the table. As she passed to her seat she gave a kiss to the man that was sitting drinking water at the end of the table. She said nothing but put on the face that everything was alright. They would never know the true pain. She would fake what emotions they wanted her to have. She should have been excited as it was almost time to go to school but she didn't know how to feel excited. She just didn't feel at all anymore. She got up after eating and said the usual pleasantries and left the house to take the walk to the school. As she approached closer and she looked around. Ever since she had started she had been looking for her sisters and apparently she was having no luck in finding them. She headed into the school and slowly started to walk down the halls towards her classroom. 

The school was full of children running down the halls or playing tag with their friends. May ignored what they were doing and just searched faces as she slowly walked so as not to get in the way of anyone playing. Most just left her alone. They were never to sure what to do with her. After all she seemed strange and they hadn't seen her before like all the others had seen eachother for years. That's what happened when  you were homeschooled most of your life. She wasn't even sure how that was possible and why she couldn't have gone with Bryce to school. Still she had obeyed because obeying allowed her to pretend. Pretend that there wasn't a deep dark secret she didn't understand hovering over her. 

[arya]

April Rhodes
As every morning at sunrise, I sat in my window staring out in nowhere. I always loved the cold breezes and the feeling of a new beginning it always promised me. The new beginning never came, and I still dwell the same things as I did those nights on the orphanage, over and over. They thought we would forget about each other and move on. They might have forgotten, but I never will. As my legs were hanging down, and I could feel how the windowstill started to cut into my legs. I didn't mind it, honestly I barely even noticed the pain anymore. My gaze got stuck on a little bird, desperately trying to build a nest on one of the branches close to our house. As fast as I noticed the bird it flew away, leaving me just like everything else in my life. I have been told countless times that it's time to move on, that I have to get over my passed. Maybe I do, but somethings you simply can't deal with. It hurts too much. 

I already know what a disappointment I am to everybody, especially my adoptive parents. They wanted to adopt someone younger than me, I was 9 year at the time. When they heard about my horrible passed, they just couldn't help but feeling sorry for me. I guess their nurturing insticts kicked in, because suddenly they wanted the 9 year old girl with the shattered soul. I was in pieces, just like I am today. I barely spoke at all, and I still sneak around the house as if it's haunted. And to me it is, to me everything is. My entire life is haunted with the old memories that I couldn't possibly forget. Even if I would be separated from the rest of the world, forbidden to ever speak to anyone that had ever had a finger in my passed, I would never forget. 

I didn't care about eating breakfast, to me, socializing with my family was just a waste of time. I'm not a big fan of eating in the mornings anyways. Ever since the girls, my beloved sisters had started in my school my life had purpose again. I knew that somehow, we were going to be together once more. I couldn't stop a little smile escaping my lips. I pulled on a green dress that was carelessly thrown on my bed. It fitted me perfectely, and it was one of the few things I got to keep from my mother. I had been waiting for years until it fitted. I wasn't sure if my sisters actually got to inherit everything, or if that was considered to be as damaging to them as me. I brushed through my long blonde hair, exactly the same color as our mothers. I looked quite like her actually, and so did my youngest sister, June. May on the other hand reminded me more of our father. The first time I saw her in school, after all those years I almost choked. She didn't see me, since I was seaching for her in from a window. I could never forget either one of their faces, even if it would have been a hundred years. I'm not sure if they remember me, and I don't want to remind them if they forgotten. To be completely honest, I rather suffer my entire life than see them suffer. 

I left my house, successfully avoiding every single one of my family members. I always saw that as quite a victory, escaping the small talk. Before, I had always hated school even more than I hated being home, but now it had all change. Seeing them every day made me feel comfortable, like I could reassure myself that they were okey. When I was younger, I had it all figured out. What I was going to tell them if I saw them again, that I was going to hug them and tell them that I loved them. It had all changed by now. I didn't even know how to express it. I was worried for them, especially June. Most likely, May remembered what happen to us. Maybe not in detail, but June could barely have any memories from that night. I'd like to talk to them, but I don't know how. What would I tell them if they don't remember? That I'm the sister that got ripped away, that their father is a murderer and their mother his brutal victim? I entered the school, and carefully collected the books from my locker. As I was walking down the corridor, I searched for them. If I saw them, I'd keep my gaze at them for a while, trying to read if there were any memory hiding behind those eyes. I'd turn away after that, to not remind them in case they oppressed it.

[Arrows]

June Rhodes

---

    I awaken with a scream as I shoot up in my bed, I am drenched in sweat and am shaking uncontrollably. Still shaking I pull my knees against my chest putting myself in an upright fetal position. My heart is pounding as loud as a herd of stampeding animals and my breathing is quick and short. The door to my bedroom flies open and I scream again, however, I stop halfway through the scream when I see its just Rose. She hurries over to me and hugs me tightly, "It happened again didn't it June?" she asks me in a very hushed and soothing voice. I am officially crying now as tears cascade from my eyes then between my sobs I reply to her. "Yes and it was even more vivid this time." I begin to cry harder as I bury my head into Rose's shoulder. Rose gently runs her hands through my hair and says softly, "It's okay June its just a dream you are safe here with me." I know she is just trying to calm me down but it isn't just a dream I know its not. I know the same "dream" doesn't just keep happening over and over again.

    Eventually Rose releases me then tells me to get ready for school. Once she leaves my room I sigh heavily, I don't want to go to the public school. I would much rather stay here and continued being home schooled but my parents won't let me and I don't understand why. They both know how I get around crowds, I doubt I will survive my first day without one of my attacks. With a moan I pull myself out of bed and get changed into one of my very few pairs of clothes. The shirt is a nice crimson v-neck and for my legs typical blue jeans. I then hastily make my way to the bathroom to brush my hair since my mother won't let me leave unless I look some what presentable. I take extra time brushing my hair today partially because I want to look good, and partially because I would rather not hurry to my destination.

    I walk into the kitchen to see my mom setting a bowl of what I think is oatmeal on the table for me. My nose wrinkles at the smell, we eat oatmeal almost every meal these days so I guess my taste buds are sick of it. However, I quickly smiles and thank my mom as I sit down and eat it. I only get through half the bowl when Rose rushes in and states to me that its time to go. My heart sinks and I sigh as I walk over to the front door. Rose hands me her old backpack and then we set off towards the school. I find myself walking very slowly regretting every step closer I take to the school. Rose finally snaps at me to pick up my pace or we will be late and I do as I'm told.

    When we reach the school I am instantly overwhelmed by the sheer amount of children there are here. My heart beat begins to quicken as we walk inside the school. I basically latch myself to Rose as we walk through the halls together. I see people point and laugh at me but I don't understand why haven't they ever been scarred before too? Rose finally pulls he off her and says she has to go. I try to protest but its useless and I watch as she vanishes into the sea of children within the school.

    I wait by the door Rose left me by figuring it is my class and keep my eyes trained hard on the floor. Without warning someone bumps into me sending me hurtling to the floor. When I look back up a see a large crowd of kids all staring at me and snickering amongst themselves. My eyes grow wide in fear as my heart threatens to burst out of my chest at any moment. I feel my breath stop and my muscles tense very tightly and I know what happens next. I try to stop myself but I have no more control, part of me is mad at my parents since I told them this would happen. Next thing I know my eyes are pinched tightly shut and my forehead is pressed hard against the floor. I hear my scream echoing off the walls but I know I have no way to stop them, I am completely out of control, completely alone.

[Deleted]

May was sure her sisters were here. She had not seen any of them because she seemed to be not looking in the right places at the right time. She wasn't even sure either of them would want to see her. After all she was their father in girl form. Least as far as looks went. It wasn't like she didn't know what the man had looked like once. She had managed years ago to sneak a small picture of him and their mother with her. The only reminder she had of their faces. And her mothers all she saw when she looked was blood. Her father all she saw was a sinister look but still she held onto that photo. Bryce had found it once and questioned her about having it. It took him a week to get back into her good graces again. As a matter of fact that was the last week she'd seen Bryce alive before the reaping took him.

She shook her head and then the light in her eyes vanished and became dark. There was no pretending to be kind or too timid. No there was trouble and she felt it like a knife to her heart. She heard the screaming and raced down the hall. There was no mistaking that sound. She knew who it was in her heart of hearts and she had to get there as quickly as possible. By the time she got there she saw a few kids crowded around a body on the floor. Her eyes flashed a deadly flash as she pushed the other kids away from the smaller younger looking one on the ground. Those kids flew back afraid of the sixteen year old that stood shorter than them but they knew better. They just seemed to know it was not a good idea to keep in the same place.

The kids around those kids disappeared slowly and May calmed herself trying not to completely snap. She hated bullying but this was something different. As she looked at the small frame on the floor her heart stopped. It stopped like it had when she heard the scream. The hair and the face so vivid from her dreams. The striking resemblance to a picture she had. She started to shake not knowing what to do. What were these feelings coming through. She couldn't understand. She knelt down to the younger and gently stroked her arms a few times. "June...June wake up please. Oh god please wake up." She said it muffled almost in a terrified voice.

Suddenly that day came flooding into her vision. She closed her eyes trying to will it to go away but it wouldn't. "APRIL!" She was screaming even before she knew what she was doing. A feeling of terror washing through her. The only feeling she knew since the day she was five. Terror utter and complete terror. The only person who could calm it would be her eldest sister. If by chance she was anywhere around. She couldn't calm herself down. Nothing Bryce had told her helped. If this had been someone else anyone else she'd be okay. But it wasn't she again was too late to protect anyone from anything. She shuddered and continued to try to coax June awake.

[arya]

As I walk down the corridor, with my books tightly hugged to my chest I see people standing, staring at something. I can't help it to be a little intrigued to see what seems so interesting. Curious as I am, I walk towards the crowds. I could have sworn I heard somebody scream my name, but i couldn't understand who that would be. I slip in between two of the teens, I think they're both in my class but I'm not sure. I never pay to much attention to my classmates, since I honestly don't care about them. As I reach the front of the crowd, I can see her. It's her. It's June. I am absolutely sure. The moment gets so surrealistic when I see them together at onces. My sisters, screaming after me. At first, I just watched them as if I was trapped in a dream, before reality catches me. I push away a boy standing in the way. He screams something at me as I throw myself down on the floor next to he. "June! June! Are you okey? Please don't please don't" I stare at her, trying to shake life into her again. "Please don't" I repeat once more.

I couldn't understand what was happening, and it was freaking me out. She was my sister, even though she didn't know it. I loved her like my sister. While I had her head in my lap, I could see the similarities between us. She looks alot like me, a younger me with lighter hair. Maybe not exactly, but you could tell that we are siblings. At least by ny opinion. She's beautiful, she really is. After checking her breath, I put my finger on her neck as I was taught to do at the orphanage. You had to find the pulse. Oh, there it was. "I think she passed out. She's going to be okey" She told May, happily smiling. She couldn't help it but to shiver. "I can't belive you remember me" She said, silently. "I don't think June does, May, and I really don't think she should find out. Not this way at least" she had to make sure. She didn't want to lie but there was no other way to spare her the shock for a moment.

"Could somebody get some help? What the hell are you standing there staring for?" She shouted out to the little crowd that had gathered around them. I suddenly realize that I'm not only holding a girl who probably don't know who I am in my lap, I'm also calling her by a name I wouldn't possible know. At the top of it, I'm more or less praying for her well being. I can see the crowd surronding us staring. For them, all these girls named after months are just a coincidence. For them, this doesn't mean anything. For me, this changed everything.

[Arrows]

    I feel completely powerless as the screams rack my body and vaporize my energy. My head is getting heavy and I feel the darkness closing in on me. I beg it to go away but its no use I know within seconds I will be unconscious. Sure enough my body suffers a massive tremor and the lights go out. I know this state all too well, on the border between reality and insanity. Its impossible to tell how long I have been out but slowly I regain my control and consciousness. The first thing to return is my hearing, what I hear is a girl saying my name and someone screams for a girl named April. I don't what it is about that name but it feels very familiar more than just the name of a month. When my eyes finally reveal themselves and open everything is blurred and contorted. Slowly but surely though it balances out and my heart freezes at what I see.

    The girls from my dream are here and I am lying in one of their laps. Fear spreads through my body and I try to say something but all that escapes my mouth is a gurgled sound. This can't be happening these girls can't be real, they can't know my name, how would they? My breathing picks up swiftly as my eyes dart back and forth between the two girls, who I have no doubt came to my aid. But why would they? Why would they choose to put themselves at risk to help me a little weak girl above all. I mean they aren't even related to me, or at least not that I know. However, one thing is making my mind race, its that girl April's appearance. She looks like an older version of me but most of all she look shockingly similar to the dead woman in my nightmares.

    Once I feel the strength of my muscles return I hastily crawl several feet away from the girls. My heart is racing while my head is pounding ferociously. I take a deep breath trying to slow my breathing down as I say sternly to the two girls, "Who are you two! How do you know my name when I don't know you!" My gaze then locks on April and before I can seal my lips something completely odd escapes them. "How you look like her! Like the woman in my dreams, how?" Before I can stop myself tears begin to flow from eyes. "It doesn't make sense!" I yell I bury my face into my palms. At the sound of voices behind me I lift my head and look at the crowd surrounding us. "What do you all want! This is all your fault anyway! Leave me alone!" I scream at the kids and sure enough most of them disappear which makes me feel slightly better.

    However, my stomach is still knotted as I look at the two girls from my dreams. I take in every inch of their bodies, there is no doubt these are the girls from my dreams. Suddenly a name appears into my hazy mind and I point to the other girl beside April. "Your... Your.. Name is May isn't it." My hands tighten as I await to see what the other girls do. This is all happening to suddenly parts of my life are about to be revealed to me. Its the moment I have been waiting for but I can't help but wondering if I am ready to know.

[Deleted]

May shudders trying to catch breath which is heavy. All she wants to do is either curl up in the arms of her elder sister or Bryce. She dear not call out Bryce's name though. For some his death no matter how long ago is a bitter taste in their mouth. They would all rather forget. Forget the ones that got taken away from the district to die at the hands of the cruel capitol people. All for something that happened way to many year ago. It was cruel all of this and all of that. Still May tried to control herself. She tried to remember what Bryce had told her about taking herself out of her panic and rage stricken moments. What do if something really bad happened. What do if she met her sisters again. This was not anywhere near how she had imagined it. She could still dream. Still wish and pray but she wasn't sure what the use in those things were. Bryce told her that dreaming meant that you were still alive. She certainly hoped at that time that that was true. Just not the nightmares.

The words passed out reach her ears and she starts to be able to calm herself down. Passing out means one can wake up again. May remembered doing that once before she was taught how to make it all go away. She looked up at April at the voice that said those words. By now April was holding June's head in her lap. They looked so much alike. She felt so different from the two of them. However, upon closer inspection one could tell she was their sibling. May's breaths began to go back to being even, as she tried desprately to recall at the ways to calm herself down. She had to keep her head about her. She had to protect April and June. It didn't matter that April was older. She'd found her sisters again and no one was going to be able to take them away from her again.Okay that was a far fetched idea she was sixteen but still all she wanted was to be wrapped up in the arms she knew so well. The arms she knew from dreams and fractured memories.

April was yelling at the others to do something. There was apparently a crowd of people around them again. May finally looked up to focus in on the people around them. None of them were moving and then June was. She looked back down at the younger girl a soft smile. One no one had seen on her face before started to form. Foreign it seemed on her features. It brightened up her eyes and her face a bit. Then June is moving away from her and April so quickly that it catches her off guard. May takes a deep breath and looks at April and then back to June. June wouldn't remember them how could she. She was three years old. I was a mericle that May even remembered the slight things that she remembered. She couldn't expect June to know anything. Her heart sank and she faught back tears. Her eyes became cloudy but she pushed them back. May didn't cry. She hadn't since all the stuff had happened. She never cried it wasn't part of who she was. These feeling were confusing her and it took all she had to keep her calm.

June pointed at her and May's eyes went wide when she was called by name. The two other girls looked so much like the lady covered in blood in her memories. So much so that she was starting to see it on them. She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself down a bit more. She needed to see them for them. Not like their dead mother. Not like just the puddle of blood she could recall. Not even her mother's face appeared in her dreams most of the time not even in the picture that she held so dear to her. But these two...She knew that her sisters were the spitting image of her. She had to be hurting them somehow. She looked so much different so much like him. Like the man who had betrayed them all. It took her moments to give a nod to her little sister.

"That's right my name is May." She turned to look at April and all her resolve was slowly starting to vanish. She had to stay strong she had to be a rock. She had to protect them despite herself. She was a mess a mess of things she didn't understand. The feelings the numbness was going away. She wanted to cry every fiber of her was screaming it. She just didn't let it happen. She couldn't let it happen. The internal struggle seemed to just translate into her shaking.

[arya]

April Rhodes
”Don’t be scared June, we’re not going to hurt you” I couldn’t help but feeling somewhat of an triumph. It was weird and incredible selfish of me, but a part of me knew we won. They could never separate us, not at heart. June may not remember us, but she knows, somewhere in there she knows. I’m as sure as I can be. I stepped towards her. “June this is not a dream but there is a reason you been having these dreams. I’m going to tell you about it, but you have to calm down and breath first. Not here, what I’m about to tell you is going to be very shocking for you” I told her, in a deep calm voice. I still remember when she had bad dreams as a child, before she could even walk properly she would come stumbling to my bed on her chubby little baby legs. She would crawl into my bed and I always sung for her, to calm her down. Sometimes May came to, and we all curled up in a big pile. I’d never forget those nights, and the orphanage could never take them away from me. 

“I’m April, when you were a little baby we..” I ran out of words. I completely panicked, as I was trying to find the right words, my eyes went straight to lock up with Mays. We were in this together and I couldn’t believe how much I’ve missed them. “.. We knew you” I finished off, shortly. It wasn’t a lie, not the entire truth. I knew she had to know. There was no chance she was going to let us slip out of this one, not if she was as stubborn as before. “I need you to come with me, both of you” I told them, still in my calm and adult voice. “And the woman you been seeing in her dreams, I look like her. Well, I look like her because she’s my mother” I explained. It felt like a bomb had been dropped, and in a few seconds it was about to explode. Maybe it would all come crushing to her, or she would be as clueless as she was right now. I wouldn’t blame her, she couldn’t have remembered it. Maybe some short events. Maybe small parts of the story, but they couldn’t make sense in her head. It was impossible. The story they had left behind them wasn’t some everyday story. It wasn’t something that just happened, no it was a terrible act of pure evil. It was a traumatic, horrifying story that was never meant to be experienced.

I turned to May, she was so beautiful. The perfect combination of our parents, but yet so much alike our father. I couldn’t keep myself from grabbing her hand with tears burning in my eyes. “I can’t believe it. I never stopped looking for you. I missed you, I missed you so much. You have grown so much! You’re an adult now, it’s incredible. You’re so beautiful. You look just like him.” I was talking to both of them, but I couldn’t let June know that. It was to much at once. Somewhere in my mind, I just knew that May remembered it. She hadn’t oppressed it, maybe parts but not the whole picture. A part of me was afraid she was going to be mad, she had all right to be. She should have hated me. I was the oldest, I was supposed to take responsibility. Instead, I managed getting us separated. It didn’t matter if I had spent my whole life looking, not even if I would spend one more life looking because I was too late. I knew it, somehow I could just see it. She was so big, so adult. She didn’t need a bigger sister to take care of her, she was so strong. “I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am” I had to tell her, but the words weren’t enough.

May was so vulnerable, so young and so pure. The words that I would have to tell her would break her, crush her innocence into little pieces. Just like it had done to me. She would never be able to forget it, but maybe she had a chance of moving on. She would understand her passed, to close the chapter of an old book. If she wanted to, she could distance herself from it all. She could leave us behind and never look our way again, but at least she would know. Otherwise, her passed would always hunt her. She would never be able to leave those dreams, never live a normal life. I owed this to her for not protecting her. I owed it to her for not being there when she grew up, for not comforting her every time she felt scared and lonely. I owed it to them both to finally be the older sister that they needed, to be their comfort and support. If the best thing I could do was be brutally honest, I would take the risk of them hating me for the rest of my life.

[Arrows]

    The world feels likes its spinning all around me but I know that its just my head that's really reeling. The crowd of kids maybe gone now but I still feel as though thousands of small peering eyes are watching my every move. I can't explain why but it also feels as if my hairs are standing on end. I know these are all common symptoms of fear but that's the thing, I don't think I am afraid. Something about these girls makes me want to feel safe but my mind is screaming at me that they are strangers. However, even that doesn't seem right either for something about them besides the fact they are from my nightmares is that I feel I truly do know them.

    The older girl, April, tells me and May that we should all go somewhere else to talk, that what she has to say is far to important to be said here on the school floor. Now my brain is screaming at me to run that they are trying to lure me away from safety and are trying to kill me. I pinch my eyes shut very tightly as I fight with the two minds within me, my instincts and my heart. My head pounds as if two stampedes of elephants are clashing head on within my very own conscience. Finally I feel as though I know what to do, and that is to defy my instincts and to take a risk. These are the girls from my night mares I know they are and I know that they hold what I have been wanting for years now. They have the keys to unlocking my past and for all I know they could also have to keys to my future. And there is no way I will be able to find out about either my past or future by not taking this risk.

    I take a deep breath then slowly reopen my eyes to look at the two girls before me. I look calmly at April then say softly "Okay then lets go somewhere, I don't like it here anyway." I stand up shakily so I don't fall over like the first time after an attack. I thought I was fine but when I stood up right away I feel straight back down as it felt as if gravity was attacking solely me. I lightly brush off some dirt on my jeans from the floor then ask, "Where shall we go?"

[Deleted]

May couldn't keep herself from shaking. No matter how hard she tried and then the voices came. First it was the voice or her father telling her that everything happened for a reason. Saying it just like she remembered him telling her that many years ago. Then came the cooing soft voice of her mother, of their mother. Always barely just a whisper trying to coax her to calm down. Then came Bryce telling her everything was going to be alright. She had wanted this she would be okay. The voices threatened to shatter the only calm that she had left. She had to focus on June and on April she couldn't let them see her in the mess that she was. She didn't care that April was older. She had always wanted to protect them both but she had been so young. She had been unable to fight the seperation because even at that time she wan't talking. She couldn't she had still been in shock. If they had let them stay together. They wold have seen. They would have healed. No they had spererated them and caused them to be haunted by the past.

May took a deep breath and let it out. She willed the voices to go away except for Bryce's. He had told her, had promised her he'd be here for this and it just seemed wrong for her to shut out his voice because of that promise. A promise that this was the only way he could keep it. She held back the tears there were still too many people around them. April started to talk in almost the exact same soothing voice that their mother used to use. In the same voice that April always seemed to have when she and June woke up from a nightmare. It was rare but May remembered all of them curling up on April's bed at least once. All May could do at that moment was listen. She wasn't sure what to say to help April at the moment. Not when her insides were a jumbled mess and she wasn't feeling numb. She didn't know what she was feeling but she knew she was feeling.

She'd been numb for so long. April looked up to May and all May could say was "we knew you June." The words came out a bit rushed and April said them again. May still kept her eyes locked on April's. That was until April turned and the crowd around them seemed to be dispursing to let them through. They needed to get somewhere else before the bomb shell completely dropped. Then April said it. Said the lady in the dreams she knew she and June were having was their mother. The blood came swimming back into her eyes and May had to stop. The typically strong willed, even as a small child, couldn't move from the spot. She bit her lower lip and willed herself to only hear Bryce's voice. It took her a couple of seconds or so to start moving again and focus back on the converstation at hand. April was talking to her directly. Saying she looked so much like their father. "I'm sorry." May said and her voice faltered as if there were tears in it.

May hadn't even realized the fact that April had taken her hand. When she did and she saw the tears in her big sister's eyes. May wrapped her arms around the older girl and hugged. For the first time in eleven years May Rhodes cried. The tears just wouldn't stop coming. She didn't cry much as a kid but she had stopped completely the day her world had fallen apart. Now that she had pieces of her life back she had the feelings back. She didn't have to pretend she didn't have to fake it. She was overjoyed and sad all at the same time. She didn't let go of April until April was saying she was sorry. "You don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault. You did nothing wrong." She said it while catching her breath and trying to dry her eyes so that no one else would see. She wanted to hug June tightly too but that would just make things worse. She hoped June would be okay with all of this.

Soon enough June was telling them that she was fine with going somewhere else to talk. All May could do was watch as June fell over but finally got up and brushed herself off. She looked to April to lead the way. She wasn't sure where they were going to go but as long as they were away from the prying eyes of people she would be okay. She had chocked down the tears that had come before. One could tell that something wasn't right though. That there were more thoughts in her head then she choose to let out. She was breaking slowly inside and all the pain from years pasts threatened to shatter her into pieces. She would have to cope. She would be alright.

[arya]

Suddenly, a unexpected calmness surrounded my mind like a thick layer. It all felt so abstract, like a dream she dreamt a million times before. As May hugged me and told me not to be sorry, a huge weight seemed to be lifted from my shoulders. Even if I knew she shouldn't have, she had forgiven me. I would forever be in great debt to her. I felt absent somehow, as if I was in a far away dimension. In more than ten years, i've been seeking for, i've been waiting for this exact moment. Now, it suddenly felt as if it was broken. The fantasy of the perfect reunion never happened. One thing, one thing had the orphanage been right about. That it hurt. It did hurt. It cut like a knife into me, straight through my flesh and deep into my bones. The scars that had never really heeled, were now wide open. There was no way to deny it, seeing them didn't only stirr up my earily memories but also the wounds that I fought so hard to ignore.

I know it wasn't the whole truth. There were something hiding behind it. A pure feeling of sensation, the feeling of hurting once again. I think why the pain was so bittersweet was because it was the only way I could have my closureö. I knew that I wouldn't be able to move on, not without being sure that my sister had survived, that they weren't to bruised. I knew now that the only way for the wounds to really heel was to rip them wide open, to let them bleed once again. This time we could bleed together. We could be devastated and lost, but we would find peace together. I was confident about this.

May bursted into my arms, and I just held her. I held her for all the times I hadn't been there. For all the times I've been missing out. The rage bubbling inside me was undescribable. I couldn't even express how I felt about it. How I felt about them, the orphanage. In Panem, most of the people spend their time hating the capitol. I had to much hate in my heart for that capitol hate to even fit. They did one thing for me, and that was bringing my father as far away as they possible could. He is in the captiol, and he's a avox. That is all I know, and I prefer to keep it that way. I would never forgive him, not in a thousand lifetimes. I can still see her, her skinny face with the marked cheeklines. Her eyes wide open as she lay on her stomach by the side of the bed. She had tried to run, but he had caugt her with a dussin knifecuts in the back. I think he might have hit her head to, because I remember her blonde hair being striped with blood. How would I ever forget?

I lead my sister down out of the school, through a little forrest grove and out by a field close to one of the big factories. A bench had been placed there long time ago. I go there sometimes to gather my mind, to escape school. Sometimes, other kids hang out around her, but not very often. I grabbed my long blonde hair, and threw it over to the other side. I usually did this when I felt pressured, and curled up on the bench. "Okay, this will do. June, this is going to be.. surprising. I want you to be prepared. If we tell you anything you don't want to now, don't be afraid to interrupt." I nodded and smiled friendly against my sister, as I was wondering if she really wanted to hear this. All I wanted to do was actually hold her closely, comb through her hair with my finger tips and tell her not to worry. That she didn't have to know, that it was to dark for her innocent mind. I knew that wasn't true, and that was why I signed loudly. "I want you to tell me all you know from the first five years of your life. What you know from your family, how they were, you're earilest memories, if you remember me or May, it could be anything, just the smallest memory"

[Arrows]

    I ask no questions as April leads both May and I away from the school in which we should be in class right now. However, the further we get from the school the safer and happier I feel even if I am with complete strangers. However, they aren't strangers and I know that for sure. Not just my mind but my heart feels as though I have some sort of deep connection with them both and I am on my way now to find out just what that is. My heart begins to race not from nerves but from anticipation of the thought that I will finally know my past. I will finally be able to learn what my dream means and maybe this whole intervention will make the dream stop once and for all.

    My curiosity begins to grow larger as April leads me to a part of the district I have never been before. Yet then again I hardly ever leave my house so there are plenty of places I have never been. However, this is still very exciting of course even if its just because I don't get around much. When April finally stops it is at an old bench surrounded by a small forest grove that seems to hide the nearby factory. I let out a long sigh at the beauty of the place and I walk over to a nearby tree which I then softly slide my hand across. This little area is so different from the rest of the industrialized and polluted district.

    As I turn back to April and May I say softly, "It's beautiful here, so different from the rest of district nine." I walk over to the bench then carefully test its strength before sitting down on it. My heart is almost ready to leap out of my chest as I wait for April to reveal my past to me. Finally I can't wait any longer so I pipe up to them, "Okay I'm ready to know." My eyes lock on April's as I wait like a little puppy wanting a treat. My whole body quivers as I wait for the answer I have been wanting so long and am finally getting it from two girls I never thought existed.

[Deleted]

May wished that Bryce could have been with here in the flesh. It wasn't because she didn't trust the females around her or anything like that. It was because when April had not been there Bryce had and he had taught her things that she cherished. He had promised her that he'd be here to share in the joy of her finally knowing what happened. Of finally being able to be whole be a whole person ones more. He had said that he loved her the way she was but that he wanted to love her for everything that she had been as well. He was seeing this all happen she hoped from the same place that her mother was watching them down from. She hoped by any measure of small hope that they were making their mother proud and that Bryce was enjoying meeting her sisters in whatever way he could from where ever he was now.

May would forgive April for anything and everything. It wasn't her fault that she couldn't be there to calm her or June down after a nightmare. She was grateful at least that she had someone who could teach her how to do so. One that didn't mind that she couldn't exactly love them back the way that they loved her. She needed her sisters to be able to learn to love in that way. She needed her sisters to feel. If she had not found April or June ever she would have been a numb shell. She would not have ever felt anything but the utter terror she knew so well. She would have just gone on faking everything else. Right now the mix of emotions and the feelings were threatening to overwhelm her. She didn't like what happened when she became overwhelmed so she was trying hard to keep herself in one piece. April's arms had felt warm and safe and though she never wanted to end the hug it had to so April could show them out.

Once outside May instantly felt more at peace. Outside was a place she liked being she could calm herself there more easily because there were not always people looking. School was just too crowded with other people. As April led them to a bench in a little forest grove not to far away May felt like everything was falling into place. They were safe together at last. It didn't matter what was going to be said not to May anyways. May was worried about how June would take things and May had always been the protective one even as a small child. She couldn't do anything about what was about to be said though. She watched June test the bench and sit down. It really was beautiful out here. Sure there was a factory not very far away but this section was so peaceful you hardly realized that you were still in district nine. This place was just how nine had been so many years ago. Or at least that's how May thought about it. All she'd ever known was the factories and the pollution.

May looked at April as soon as June said that she wanted to know. May stood looking around them making sure no one was coming up at them so that April could do the talking. May had never exactly been good at the talking thing.

[arya]

In my head, I tried it out a couple of times. Saying it. It would be the first time I ever really said it, I suddenly realized. My past was something I kept to myself, since I am a very secretive person. I feel like if I share to much, I expose my weaknesses. I wouldn't do that to anyone I didn't trust, and I didn't trust anyone but them, my sister. Even if we haven't seen eachother in more then ten years, I just knew that they wouldn't want to hurt me. They shared my past, as much as it pained me. I couldn't come up with any nice way to put it. There was no possible way to let this down easily.

"Well. As I am sure you know of, you are adopted." That she already must know, but starting out easily may be the best way. I gave May a insecure gaze, I didn't know how to say it. I just didn't. I almost choked on my own words. "Well.. " I had to try again, but the rest of the sentence got stuck in my throat. As I was feeling rather uncomfortable, I started moving around. Switching positions to sit in and fingering on my hands. "You come from a dark past my dear June.. This is not easy for you to hear, neither is it easy for me to say." She explained herself. Come on now April, you're almost a grown woman and you still can't speak of your past, grow up, I had to tell myself. "June. We are your sisters. We grew up together, you were three years old when it happened, thats why you don't remember. We do, and it was terrifying, it was horrifying and evil, pure evil thats what happened to us" I still couldn't force myself to say it.

She deserved to know. She did, so I had to grow up and tell her. It hurt me, her whole innocence. How crushed she would be, I thought. Maybe she didn't care. Maybe she wouldn't even waste a thought about it. I didn't believe that myself, but she had a new family now. Maybe even new sister, a new mother and a father that wasn't a murderer and an avox. That is better for her, and suddenly I felt ashamed of myself. How could I be this selfish? I wanted her to know because I wanted her back in my life. She didn't need to know. She would actually profit from not knowing, still I was crushing her, just for me. I wanted my sisters, but it wasn't my decision to make. "June.. Our.. Our.. F-f-father" I had a hard time even saying it. The rage was bubbling inside me. I wanted to throw something, break something, hit somebody, hurt them badly. I wanted to hurt him, hurt him badly just like he hurt mother and me. Like he hurt my sister. I wanted to destroy him, like he destroyed me. I wanted to tear him apart, pschologically. Torture him, like he had tortured us.

"You see a dead woman lying on the floor, with her back stabbed open and blood in her blonde hair. She had blue eyes and they were so friendly, so warm and beautiful. That woman loved you once, more than anything. I wish you could remember her, because she adored you. You were just a little baby, barely out of diapers when it happened. She was your mother, and ours too." I had to grab her hand, I just couldnt help myself. I grabbed Mays to, and stroke it slowly with my finger. "He killed her" I had to force it out, almost like a hiss. "He slaughtered her" I wanted the tears to come, to come pouring down my face. I wanted her to see how much it pained me, but they never came. Instead, I found myself in a new state of grief. After 11 years, I finally let go of my guilt, of the pain I was feeling. In that moment, I entered the next state of grief - anger.

"Thats when they separated us. That lady in the blue dress, she teared us apart. I still remembered how we sat in our window, holding eachothers hands. I fell silent when they told me, and you were so young. I was as young, but I was meant to be your rolemodel. So you both mimicked me. You fell silent as well, and we didn't speak. We didn't speak for days, weeks, months before they took you away. They brought you to new families, and I was left in the window. I thought about you every day. I still do. They wouldn't let me see you, not even a minute. No, they had to take you as far away as possible. This is the first time we meet ever since." I hugged her hand in mine, and felt a sudden need to tell her that her past didn't have to hunt her. She could leave now if she wanted. She could, I would never blame her.

"I'm sorry you had to hear this June, and if you want to you can shut it all out. Just leave it here and don't think about it ever again. I'm so sorry if you didn't want to hear this. I want you to know that.." I fell silent. I had to think of it for a moment. "That our mother loved you dearly. And we do to. I know that seems scary because you didn't know us but.." My voice cracked again. I could feel the tears now, they were burning. "I still remember how you used to crawl up in my bed after having a nightmare. I used to sing for you, and you called me 'Appi' because you couldn't pronounce my name properly.. I truely am sorry June"

[Arrows]

    At first as April began to tell me the story of my past it was hard to follow and highly confusing. However, once her voice fell off ending the story the waves the the past crash against me. My eyes are wider than ever before as vivid pictures of a past I never knew existed flash through my mind. I remember the days of the orphanage, I remember the day of our separation, I even remember the day of my mother's murder. As the slide show ends I find myself staring wide eyed at April as silence fills the voids around us. I begin to tremble from head to toe and my mouth gapes open but nothing emerges from it. Then all the waves that have been bombarding me finally sink me to the ocean floor of reality.

    I wail and lurch forward onto the ground and sob as tears fall like waterfalls from my tear ducts. I cry for everything that has happened even though I know it can't change it. I honestly shouldn't be crying since I have finally gotten what I have always wanted, the key to my past. However, now that my past is wide open to me I find myself urging it to close again but that is something I know can never happen. My chest heaves as the air is forced out of me by every heart devastating cry that escapes my thin pink lips.

    I am sure I must look horribly weak to my sisters but I don't care I have just had hell thrown onto me. I would like to see how others handle this sort of thing! I know April and May must be worried sick about me right now and want to comfort me but I don't want them to I want to let myself get through this alone. So I yell loudly so they can hear me, "Don't try to comfort me let me be for now!" Then my cries build back up as years upon years of no real tears truly pour out of my soul and into the dirt beneath me.

    After awhile my voice grows raspy and my eye's rivers dry away and I am left lying there. So with a loud sigh I pull myself up and off the ground to look at my sisters. I try to find the words to say but there aren't any I can think of for this situation. Since this is a situation that doesn't happen just everyday to everyone that can be easily fixed. Finally my eyes find April's then its as if the words find me and not the other way around. "I forgive, both of you, I know there is nothing you could have done. And thank you for telling me." Then with that the silence once again fills the voids between us.