for what it's worth | {bryony/ventus}

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

ventus blanchard.

[presto]

am i better off dead?
am i better off a quitter?
they say i'm better off now
----
district seven
eighteen
falling apart

[/presto]

As I watched the boy ascend the stairs and take the hand of the female tribute, I struggled to hold back the tears. He had saved me. He had kept me from imminent death, and in turn, kept my family from it as well. The knot in my chest was growing so large it felt as if it were about to burst through the skin. People crowded around me, most of them as shocked as I was, a few placing their hands on my back. I imagined to them it was as if they had just witnessed a near death experience first hand. I was moments away from being captured by the Capitol, thrown into an arena and forced to fight for a life that, in the end was only going to be taken from me by some career from one of the upper districts.

But I was saved.

They began ushering the tributes into the Justice Building, and I knew I had to speak to the boy. I had to. I had to find out why. Why him? Why for me? I raced for the side of the building, where there was a small set of stairs guarded by three peacekeepers. "Come to say your goodbyes?" One asked, with a sick sense of humor in his tone. "Yes." He nodded to the other two, and they both walked so that they were standing on either side of me, then they walked along side me as we entered.

Even though the halls were empty, there was an ominous feeling, like invisible eyes were all trained on me, watching, waiting to see the tears that kept stinging my eyes finally fall down my cheeks. "The boy or the girl?" the peacekeeper on my right asked. "Boy." Hero, I almost said.

They stopped in front of a large wooden door, then both faced me. "This is it. You have three minutes starting... now." Then they pushed the door open and I raced inside. The boy stood leaned against the opposite wall, staring out of the window. He turned to see me, and almost seemed shocked I was actually standing in front of him. Seeing his face, seeing the boy that kept my family from so much suffering again was what finally pushed the tears out. "You... saved me. But why?" A small, sheepish smile, almost like a child's, spread across his lips. "I've just... seen you with your family before. It's obvious, those little kids need you. I couldn't let them take you away. You have a family, and that is something worth fighting for. Since I don't really have one of my own, well..."

I stormed forward, wrapping my arms around him in a tight embrace. "Thank you, and I am so, so sorry that now it's you in this situation." He only shrugged. "Just promise me you'll love your family, okay? Don't let it fall apart." I nodded, trying hard to see him through a wall of tears, and then the peacekeepers were back, dragging me out of the room. "You are brave!" I promised. "You can... you can do this!" And then the door slammed shut.

"Not to burst your bubble or anything, kid, but that's what they always say."

---

Once back outside, I saw that the crowd was already dispersing, already going on with their lives, probably gossiping about how stupid the boy was, or how brave, like it was fictional, like they hadn't even witnessed it. I caught sight of Bryony in about the center, his eyes clouded with tears, and I hustled over to him. I knew he wouldn't want to make a scene, I knew he wouldn't let anything out. His walls were too strong. So I didn't speak, I only gave him a quick hug, and then started walking away from the place, away from what could have been my last day as a free person, and the feeling of dread was over-whelming.

I was safe.

I was safe.

Gavin Barker wasn't.

- - -

table: tristen

[pthalorarity]

I'm in misery
where you can seem
as old as your omens

I can’t breathe. The wind was stolen from my lungs by that Capitol witch on the stage as she called out a name I had never expected to hear.

“Ventus Blanchard”

The name rings in my brain as I turn to look at him a few rows behind me with the rest of the boys his age. I can see the shock in his face but nothing is registering as my brain desperately scrambles to remember how to find oxygen. I start to tremble but before the tears even have time to well in my eyes someone else is stepping forward. I’m not entirely sure what is going on as the world around me begins to spin, but the tightness around my heart eases a bit. I suck in a deep breath as a boy with dark curly hair takes the stage.

I can feel the strange looks from those around me as I choke on air, but I am too lost to pay them any mind. In a mere two seconds, I had almost just lost him…

Lost in my thoughts, I hardly notice how the crowd has thinned and that my brother is before me embracing me in a hug. This was his final year to be Reaped. He was safe, and I had nearly forgotten. I gave him a slight hug in return before mumbling something about seeing him at home. I had to wait for Ventus. I had to see him before I could truly believe that he too was safe.

It feels like an eternity rushes by as the same thought pierces my brain over and over again. It could have been him… Every moment of the last few months flashes before me because I now know that I have taken them for granted.

At last he emerges from the justice building, and I want to run to him, to hold him, to feel every inch of his skin right there. I need to know that he is still real, but my chest is still too tight. It’s not until I feel his arms around me that the tension in my body slackens and I quietly allow him to steer me away from what little remains of the crowd.

Once we’re far enough away I try to speak, but the tightness in my chest only allows for the stifled sound of half a sob. I press a hand to my cheek to find that the tears had finally spilled over and there was nothing I could do to stop it. My shoulders tremble as I begin to truly cry. I try to be still, I try to hide it, but I know it’s in vain.

“I thought…” I whisper, “I thought I had lost you.”

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

ventus blanchard.

[presto]

am i better off dead?
am i better off a quitter?
they say i'm better off now
----
district seven
eighteen
falling apart

[/presto]

Just as soon as we were no longer a part of the crowd pouring out of the Square, Bryony let his tears fall. There was no easing into the sobs, they all came at once, like a hurricane, his chest suddenly heaving, his hands clenching, and his face straining to hide it from me. "I thought... I thought I had lost you." He said between gasps, and I stopped him in my tracks. "Hey," I stood in front of him. "I'm right here, okay? I'm not... going anywhere." But I was supposed to. I wasn't supposed to be standing here in front of him. I was supposed to be boarding a train that would send me to the gates of hell, with the small sliver of hope that I would return with the blood of others staining my own hands.

Yet there I stood, so close to him I could hear his heart beating, feel his breath on my neck. "I'm never gonna leave you..." Then I leaned into him, our lips only inches apart. So close, that not kissing him was not an option, so I beckoned him closer, closer, closer, my hands sliding up his neck and pulling him into me.

And then we were one.

- - -

table: tristen

[pthalorarity]

I'm in misery
where you can seem
as old as your omens

My breath trembles as he pulls me closer. I silently plead for my tears to stop, but they won’t and my cheeks have become too blotchy to know if I’m blushing. As he stands in front of me making promises I’m too afraid to believe, I avert my eyes. I’m too swept away in my emotions that I hardly notice him leaning in until the softness of his lips brushes against my own. There is electricity in every atom between the two of us as his fingerprints ingrain themselves upon my neck, claiming me as his own.

I place my hands against his chest and allow him to pull me closer and tighter into his kiss. I am lost in the scent of the woods that is a permanent cologne in his pores. Except… I am not lost, I am safe. That is what this feeling is. It’s the feeling I’ve been frightened of from the moment we first truly met. I’m afraid to feel safe. I’m afraid to take off my armor that I’ve worn for so long. Today is different though, because no matter how hard I try, I know I can’t put it back on yet. I can’t reclaim my shields until I know without a doubt he is safe. Even now in his arms, I am certain that any moment a Peacekeeper will be here to pull him away and take him to the Capitol. No one comes though, and I kiss him again… and again… and one more time for good measure because I can and because he is alive.

At last I pull away but remain in his arms to hold me. I try to wipe my tears away but they have yet to stop flowing. I’ve never cried this much before, not even from my worst nightmares. I guess until today, I had yet to experience the worst of them and it could have easily been a reality.

I want to tell Ventus that he means something to me, that I don’t ever want him to leave. The words are too much for me though; it is still far too frightening to be that vulnerable.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” I manage at last, my voice barely above a whisper. I let my face fall into his chest as I wrap my arms around him in one more embrace. I’m too afraid to say more right now, but my entire body aches with a need to be close to him and I cannot pull away. I can hear the heart beat in his chest and feel the rise and fall of each breath. I vaguely remember the notion of this burning feeling of connection in a story my grandmother told me long ago of when she met my grandfather. I quickly shake it from my mind as I hold him tighter and thank every star in the sky that he is alive.