huff and puff {it does no good} | [rowan/gavin] blitz

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

gavin {♔} barker I had only just found Roawn in the crowd of people before the doors closed. It was just a split second, not nearly enough time. I could barely even tell it was her (was it?) so there was no chance that I had time to see her reaction. I stared at the heavy wooden doors as the peacekeepers pulled me away, hoping someone would open them enough that I could see her, or even better, see her burst through them, but they remained perfectly still until I was pulled around a corner and could no longer see them. The holding room was small, built with gray brick and matching gray marble floors. It was completely empty other than three chairs that sat in the center, each facing the door, and the window on the far wall. I walked over to it, only to find that the view consisted only of an extension of the Justice Building and a sky. As I stared, questions finally began to poor from my brain. Was this the right thing to do? Does this mean I am going to die? What if I die? What if I was wrong? What if my parents were right? But my thoughts were interrupted when the door opened. Entering was the boy I had volunteered for, his eyes already heavy with tears. After a brief conversation, the contents of which mostly consisted of apologies and appreciations, and then a surprising embrace, he was gone, and I was left alone. I didn't realize until after he was gone that my hands were shaking and I couldn't stand still. A small knot had lodged itself in my throat and my eyes began to sting, but I tried my best to push it all away. It's fine, you want this, this is a good thing, you are free, Gavin, finally free. The door opened again, and this time there was no stopping the tears. "Rowan?" I asked, twin streaks of salty water now dancing along my cheeks.

[✨ zozo.]

She should have known something was coming when she slept safe and soundly last night. Nothing good ever stays in her head for long before turning to ash in her sleep. Still, she had hope, of course. She always does. Strangers names floated through the District Square and her shoulders sagged with relief - safe and sound after all. Now to go back home and watch the poor souls on television and wander through the next year until another name is called, or worse-

"I volunteer!"

- a howl.

She does what she always does best.

She runs.

---

Her Gran will be fretting but she's already sprinted up the steps and torn through the halls past Peacekeepers and Capitolites, a blur of guessing directions and heavy breaths. In her dreams her friends and family are snatched away but not like this. They don't willingly go to their dooms, that's her job, she's the sacrifice to save their skin. She's not sure whether to be sad or angry or a little bit of both, but the door opens and she finds herself staring at a glassy-eyed boy whom she once frightened almost to death, and now it's her turn to feel shivers down her spine and to swallow her fear.

"Rowan?"

"You never fail to surprise me" she says, unable to hold herself back from throwing her arms around his shoulders and holding him tight. (There's a corpse in my arms, the thought sinking in her stomach.) Her only friend, off to die instead of her, far too soon for her liking. She pulls out a handkerchief and hands it to him with a sad smile, pale hands shaking underneath her stern shell. "Oh Gavin," she sighs, furious and bitter and understanding all at once. "Why, you idiot? Why?"

rowan combe

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

gavin {♔} barker Her arms wrapped around me and for just a second, I felt safe again. Miss Combe was making a habit of saving me, and I hated that I kept giving her reasons to. I was a plague, and anyone that messed with me would only get sick. But then I saw her eyes, so perfect and confused, and I only cared about coming back for her. My entire life I had searched for a reason to stay, and now that I had chosen to run away, my reason stood in front of her. "You never fail to surprise me." She said, and I would have smiled under different circumstances. Her voice. It brought back warmth in my ice cold chest, reminded me I was alive. "Oh Gavin, why, you idiot? Why?" I breathed in, (just breathe, in, out, in out) and looked at her through the wall of tears. Why? I couldn't stay in this cage anymore, I wanted to tell her, but now I wasn't so sure it was true, so I told her the other reason. "He has a family that needs him and I'm... well, I'm me." I offered her a half smile a tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She had always been so beautiful, even with weapons that would quickly find themselves slammed into my skull. She'd always been so oddly enchanting to me, like I was under a spell I didn't mind being under. I wished I had more time. (you do, Gavin, you have to) "It was only fair, right? Besides, no one here will miss me anyway." Lie. Even as it fell from his lips I knew, or at least hoped what I was saying wasn't true, as selfish as it was. Even if I wasn't ever coming back, I wanted one thing from her: To want me back.

[✨ zozo.]

She won't be running from the wolves tonight. She probably won't sleep at all. For the next week she will be paralysed - stuck in time, frozen in a state of disbelief. Perhaps she hasn't woken up yet, but the way her head spins and her insides hurt and her lips stay pressed shut let her know that she isn't dreaming. She can move and breathe and run away at any moment, but she chooses to stay regardless. Tonight, she won't run at all.

Instead she'll sit, and stare, and think and pray and hope (hope is a fickle thing in a place like Panem but there's a goodness in her, something that longs to see the best when all that surrounds her is the worst) that her friend will come home again. Nobody's come home from Seven yet - nobody's come close. She can't remember their names, only their faces as they fall. She'll remember this name, however. And this face will stay with her until the day she dies.

"It was only fair, right? Besides, no one here will miss me anyway."

"I'd miss you," she admits with a frown. "I would. I will." For a day, or a week, or the rest of his short life and hers longer. (It's not fair, she thinks, swallowing down her words. You're wrong. It's not fair at all.)

But he chose this. She has to remind herself that this was not by force. He chose this fate and nothing in the world could stop him. Off he goes to die, head held high and unashamed. She's hardly ever angry but at this point she is - she's furious. At him, at his choices, at the world they live in. Were the monsters out to get him too? Were they so far into his head he couldn't chase them away? Eyebrows knot together and she steps away, not sure what she should believe. Was there nobody here who cared enough if he lived or die?

("He has a family that needs him and I'm... well, I'm me.")

"I could be your family, Gavin."

I would. I will.

rowan combe

[umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars]]

gavin {♔} barker "I'd miss you" She said, words hitching in her throat. "I would. I will." I stood in silence. She cared. Someone was standing in front of me in that moment, and she cared about me. The hope that she did was turned into a reality, and relief that I had one less thing to worry about vanished from my heart, the weight of it lifting from my shoulders. She cared. "I could be your family, Gavin." Family. The only family I ever had yet to even show up and tell me goodbye. The only family I had forgot I was there until they needed something, and Rowan wanted to be my new family. I wiped the tears that were rolling down my cheeks in careful trails away and forced myself to stop crying. (At least for that moment.) I stepped into her, our bodies so close they touched, and my hands gripped her arms, somehow pulling her closer and closer until I didn't have to use my eyes to know our lips were about to touch. She smelled so sweet, felt so good, that I couldn't resist not kissing her any longer. I needed her like an addict needed his fix, so I closed the space between us and my mind went blank. I didn't think about what had happened. I didn't think about what was to come. I only cared about Rowan Combe, about the girl in my hands, about the girl I would see again.

[✨ zozo.]

Stop crying, she thinks to him silently. Stop it. He didn't get to throw his life away and then cry about it - that wasn't fair. If you put yourself up to this you have to be as tough as you can or you're death in a body already. She's more furious than upset so there's no need for tears to spill from her eyes. And why would she? She's safe. And he's not. (She's never been this angry, not ever.)

Time is ticking down and she feels it everywhere. Behind the door, in the walls, in every crevice of this room - so much more than time has been lost here. Perhaps she'll wake to dreams of this room tonight, of running up the steps of the Justice Building and not making it in time. To find her hand on the doorknob and open it to fall into nothing but darkness. That would be easier to wake up from than this and she keeps pinching herself, waiting for her screams to bring her back to reality.

But they don't. Gavin does instead.

She's never been kissed before and she'd never really paid much thought to the idea - content with living in the home she grew up in with the forest as her friend instead. And maybe it was shock, or the fact that her best friend was going to die, or maybe she just wanted to grant him one last dying wish - but instead of waking up, she closes her eyes.

"Once again," she laughs, but she's anything but happy "you surprise me, Gavin Barker."

Her hands break free of his and she loops her necklace over her head, twirling the charm in front of her eyes. Her Grandmother had told her it was her mother's,  something to keep her safe from the monsters in her dreams. If it could keep him safe too perhaps she could sleep with the demons in her head, content with their existence in her head.

"This is very important to me," she whispers, her voice terribly sad between them. "So keep it safe and bring it back, okay?"

rowan combe