to catch an assassin; [kiah]
Jun 16, 2014 12:22:06 GMT -5
Post by ミSailor彡 on Jun 16, 2014 12:22:06 GMT -5
E M E R Y L A Y N E I find my usual spot. Right by a small lake towards the edge of the district. I'm not ashamed of much but this is the spot I come to indulge in my "guilty pleasure." Most people wouldn't say it's so bad, but due to the nature of my personality, I choose not to share this hobby of mine with anyone. My mother meditates. Full blown, lays out a mat in the yard and sits and hums to herself kind of meditate. Throughout my life, as my pent up anger started making more and more appearances in our home, mother would always suggest that I sit down and try to meditate. I'd always snort a laugh at her and criticize everything about it. How is that sitting and humming nonsense supposed to accomplish anything? It's ridiculous. It's idiotic. It's futile and accomplishes absolutely nothing. And I went a few years thinking this until the day I realized my anger was taking over. It defined my life. And I start to realize there's no real reason behind my anger. There was nothing to know about me other than my anger. And the thought had spiraled me into a pit of depression. What did I do to myself? I had alienated everything and everyone good in my life. I decided for the sake of my sanity, I'd at least try to take my mother's advice. I came to this very spot the day I decided to try it and it changed my life. It helped me manage my anger, helped me manage my thoughts. And from that point on, there was no looking back. Of course, my pride was something that I could never control, so I kept my meditating to myself. I was too embarrassed to admit to my mother that her advice actually helped me. This secret was one that would stay with me. I remember prospecting this area, staking out and making sure no one came through here. After a week, I had decided that this was a safe place to practice my new hobby. And it has been for the last three years. I laid my mat out, right by the water as I always do. I sit myself down, crossing my legs and resting my arms on my knees. I take a few slow, deep breaths. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I lose myself in the suns reflection on the water, shining light into my eyes. Clearing my head, I look for the small part of my mind that carries peace. There it is. I mentally reach out for it as I close my eyes. The sensation that takes over my body is like nothing else I've ever felt before. This is one of the few things that can make the notorious scowl disappear from my face. The muscles in my face start to relax and my shoulders fall into a slight slump. I've reached the point of almost nonexistence. I feel like a ghost, floating above the water, soaking in all the energy radiating from the plants and soil and trees. This is my place where I truly feel like a human being again. A real human being, not just a seething ball of senseless anger. I feel like Emery Layne, the blank canvas. Waiting to be painted into a decent person. I had to have been born a decent person, can I backtrack myself to that person again? Suddenly, I'm interrupted by an undeniable sense that someone is near. I've felt this before and it's always been an occasional rabbit or squirrel passing through. But I can never be too cautious. I open my eyes and quickly spin myself around and survey the open space behind me. I see nothing. No trace of life or movement. I call myself paranoid and turn back around but I can't shake the feeling enough to immerse myself fully back into my meditation. I sigh and decide this must be the end of my session today and lean back and just watch the water. I suppose this could be peaceful enough. But the creeping feeling in the back of my mind won't go away. I'm very rarely wrong about these things but eyes have never lied to me. I decide to test them anyway. Without even looking back behind me, just keeping my eyes fixated on the water, I try to clearly shout, "Is someone there?" I might just make an idiot out of myself, talking to no one. But I just need to be sure. template by chelsey |