Keeping promises {Arya}

[Knuckles]

Sammy Gustav

She made me promise to take care of her family while she was gone, and that's a promise I plan on keeping. Watching her as she was being ripped away form her family without a chance in the world was horrible, but talking to her family who's remained behind will be even worse. I know who June is, but the older sister doesn't ring a bell. It's hard watching them every single day wondering what's going to happen to them now that May is being taken away. My heart races under my chest as I drag myself out of the justice building. The voices of people talking echo through my mind bouncing off my skull, yet it seems impossible knowing what could happen. May is fighting twenty-three others, and the possibility of her dying is huge.

I take a deep breath as the sun comes into sight. My eyes scan the area wondering what the possibility of finding her sister is. My brain turns behind my eyes taking in every individual that's still around. Sweat pours from my brow as my eyes catch one of the girls standing next to June. They look similar, and judging by the way they are acting, the older girl is the other sister. My heart hammers inside my chest bouncing off the wall forcing the muscles to tighten making it impossible to breathe. Never once in my entire life have I felt like this, yet every year I watch as people are dragged away from home as they are forced to fight in the games which usually ends up in death, but mentioning that to the family isn't worth it, especially now.

My foot drags along the ground as I move over towards them. My eyes stay fixed on the girl who appears to be related to them. It's not their fault her name was drawn, and she must stay strong for May. She needs them more than ever right now, and showing any emotion about being sad isn't the way to go. It's strange, though, standing here perfectly fine, yet worried at the same time because these girls have lost a sister. Eve giving them false hope about surviving the games wouldn't bring comfort because everyone know district nine isn't one to bring home many victors. Colgate as the first victor in my life time. Maybe May could be the second, but only time will tell. When I'm standing a few feet away from the girl, my eyes drop towards the ground fighting to control my emotions.

"Are you the older sister of May Rhodes?" My voice quiet as the words slide through my teeth hoping and praying she heard me. My heart sinks into my stomach as my insides twist around like a pretzel. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now, and I'm probably going to make it worse, but the promise I made to May is worth keeping no matter what happens. My weight shifts uneasy across my body as my eyes glance around the area. It's amazing how fast the square clears out after the reaping especially for those who are safe another year, and those who aren't torn apart by the names drawn before them. My tongue slides along the back of my teeth wondering if anyone will see me, or if this girl will turn me away like everyone else because usually that's what happens.

[arya]

APRIL RHODES EIGHTEEN - DISTRICT 9 A boy about Junes age suddenly appeared before me. At first, I thought he was just going to keep on walking. Nowadays, most people tended to stare. I had almost gotten used to being 'that poor girl' that got her sister snatched away to get butchered. The gossiping had been worst than ever, and basically everyone knew the story of my father betrayal towards my family by now. I couldn't go anywhere without the pity, and I hated it. I hated their compassionate smiles as much as I hated their sympathic comments. It was all too much. I love my sister above all, but sometimes I got the feeling of people trying to declare her dead even before her time was out. The boy with the brown, redtoned hair stopped before me. His brown eyes seemed to search for mine. I turned my gaze away, to avoid that sympathic smile. Oh how I hated it. He suddenly opened his mouth, and asked me if I was her older sister. I just stared at him. He didn't know? Me and May didn't look very much alike. While May had inherited our fathers looks, me and June took from our mother. I signed loudly to show my inpatience.  "Yes...?"  The sound of her name made my stomach turn. This was the day of the Bloodbath, but I just couldn't stand seeing it. If my sister.. if my sister.. di.. No I wouldn't even think about it. I just couldn't accept it. I turned my focus back to the boy, I didn't want to think about Mays destiny. Not right now. "Are you a friend of hers?" I asked, with a sudden curiousity in my voice. It was mostly elderly people that stopped in the streets to offer their compassion, the kids mostly nodded sadly and stared away. Most of us lost a friend, or at least someone friendly in the Games. Losing a sibling was an entirely different matter.  She's not dead yet April, she's not dead. I had to tell myself template by chelsey

[Knuckles]

Sammy Gustav

It's a horrible day knowing that so much can happen within the next few hours. Dread builds up inside me as I look around wondering what could happen. People are leaving, people are coming, but the Rhode family stands here, but it's obvious this girl isn't wanting to deal with me. I sigh softly prepared to walk away when the promise I made to May runs through my mind. I promised to talk to them, and to watch out for them while she was gone. I promised to tell May's older sister that it wasn't her fault she was reaped, but hopefully she knows that. Hopefully she'll understand, but being in their situation right now isn't one I'm familiar with. Knowing that the world could come crashing down upon them isn't one of the easiest things for anyone to deal with.

It's hard to talk to her when she obviously doesn't want me to be around. I keep my gaze turned towards the ground not talking out of fear she'll just push me away like everyone else. My heart races under my chest as the words form at the tip of my tongue begging to fly into the air, but they need more thought before speaking because today is a horrible day, and some words could always make things worse than they already are. My hand runs along the side of my pants trying to wipe the sweat away, but it's impossible to hide the emotions flowing through me. No, I don't personally know May, but I know June, and I said goodbye to May because I know of May, and making promises to her was the least I could do.

"I don't really know May, but I know of her. I'm friends with June, and I went to talk to May..." My voice shakes as it trails off. The last thing she needs right now is to be reminded her sister is gone. My gaze stays focused on the ground as my weight shifts across my feet over and over. Talking has never been my strong point, and I'm always making things worse. I inhale sharply. "She wanted me to tell you, and June, that it wasn't your fault. That nothing could have changed what happened." It's hard talking about what she said, but I promised, and it's a promise I plan on keeping.

[arya]

APRIL RHODES EIGHTEEN - DISTRICT 9 As the boy spoke his matter, I just wanted to scream at him. I wanted to scream and tell him that he didn't know the slightest thing about what I could have done. I wanted to tell him that this was none of his concern, and that he should stay out of it. But I didn't, because I knew that May would be disappointed in me if I did. So did June, more than ever I had to be a role model for her. Screaming at children was not the proper way to act. I could barely handle keeping it in. It wasn’t his fault, I knew that, still I needed to release my anger somehow. “I should have volunteered. I know that. I just froze. I just didn’t, I’ll never forgive myself for that. I don’t expect you to understand but whatever you say can never change that. But thank you, for caring“ I told him, honestly. I knew they were all judging me. What a horrible sister I was. I was even older than her, I was her big sister. It was meant to be that way I was meant to protect her, to take care of my little sister still I had just frozen. How could I be so horrible? The anxiety was growing stronger for each moment. I was sitting in the square, watching my little sister playing the hunger games. It should have been me. It should have been me trying to escape that bloodbath. I had two years on her, not that much more body weight or strength, but anyways. If someone were to die, it should have been me. But it wasn’t, thanks to my own cowardly ways. I resented myself more than ever. I had thought I was in debt to my little sisters for not protecting them through our separate childhoods, but this was even worse. Even if May would find it in her heart to forgive me, I would never forgive myself. "I'm glad you are friends with June. She's going to need friends now, real friends that care about her" My voice was still stiff, polite but not warm and friendly as it usually was. I didn’t know why I felt the need to distance this boy from it all, but it was as if he was a metaphor, a spokesman of sorts from all the people with the compassionate looks. I didn’t want them to see me as weak, especially not immature since I’ve been planning my adoption of June for a while now. I needed her to stay with me, and I think she might need me as well. Since I had managed getting a job down at one of the fabrics, I just needed to save a few months to afford a little cabin. Since it was just me and June for now, we didn’t need too much space. If May. No, when May came how we would be able to stay there for a while, just so I could save enough money to buy a bigger home. “I’m glad she escaped the bloodbath. She’s strong you know” I told him. It had been just horrible watching it. They had chased her, those careers but she was fast. So strong and beautiful. I couldn’t help thinking of those other children. The boy who got killed instantly, Cadman. His death was brutal. Right through the eyes. It must have hurt so badly. The girl too, Eira. Her leg got severed. I couldn’t get the image of her trying to pull herself away from the other tributes as she got killed. What if it had been May? Did she have any siblings? Where they watching with a hurtful bump in their stomach as I did? I cared a lot less than I had imagined. She had survived. My little sister was still alive, and that was all that really mattered.   template by chelsey

[Knuckles]

Sammy Gustav

It's hard not to feel bad for her. It must be going through hell watching a family member go through the games. I'm glad I'm an only child, and that I haven't made any friends until recently when I became friends with June. Knowing how bad it must be for them right now kills me inside. It's hard standing here in front of this girl not knowing what she's feeling. Knowing that she's probably hating me for standing here talking to her telling her what May wanted me to tell her. It's a promise I made, and no matter what happens, a promise is something I try my hardest to keep.

She's not happy with me, and I want to leave, to walk away from her forever because it's the best thing that could happen. I don't want a fight to break out in front of everyone watching. It'll be best for everyone for me to just go home and sit with my mom and watch the games on the small tv we have at home. Talking to people has never been easy, and I don't know how I should feel right now. June is a friend. May is June's sister. This girl I'm talking to is May's sister. They are all related, and knowing what is happening, knowing that May could die in the games and return to the district dead isn't something that's up for conversation. It's horrible.

"She's strong, smart, and brave. I know I can't do much for you, or June, and nothing will ever change what has happened." Words. Just words. Words can build someone up, or they could break them down. I've never been strong enough to talk to someone. I've wanted to get better at talking to people, but it's far away. It seems I always make things worse by trying to make them better, and maybe it'll be best if I just stop talking and go away and pretend I never said anything. "I know you don't know me, and you probably don't want to know me, so I'll just be going.

I'll be that friend June needs. I promise."

I take a deep breath before turning away fixing my eyes on the screen watching the people fight for survival. The blood has been shed and five cannons echoed throughout the arena, but May is alive, and she doesn't look like she's took much damage. All I can hope for is that May makes them proud by fighting with everything she has. It's hard watching the games as people die, but thankfully both district nine tributes are still alive. Knowing how easy life can be taken away from someone isn't what one would call fair, but life isn't fair and we all know it.

[arya]

APRIL RHODES District 9 - Eighteen As the young red-haired boy grew insecure, at least his body language did, I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. In pressured situation, I tend to get rude, which is not one of the characteristics I would say I'm the most proud about. This was one of those moments. "I’m sorry I'm just freaking out, it has nothing to do with you. I'm sure you’re just the sweetest and I really appreciate you being around for June.. It's just, you know it's my little sister in there. I mean I read her bedtime stories, comforted her when she cried, we played hide and seek and she used to crawl into my bed when she had nightmares." I could feel the tears flooding my eyes, but they still wouldn't escape the screen no matter how hard I tried to drag them away. Ever since the reaping, I seemed to end up here, wherever I was heading. My intentions all faded away, more and more for each day. It was as if my entire life had just been put on hold. "You know, I just wish I could do anything for her, but I can't do anything at all. I just sit here all day, totally useless." My eyes still wouldn't leave the screen. Every time I saw May, my heart almost jumped up in my neck. I had found myself spending hours, even days in the square. Familiar faces, and even strangers had been stopping by to put a blanket over my shoulders or even give me a cup of something warm to drink. They all knew who I was by know, the May girls sister. Her torn up, broken wreck of a sister. Their generosity would have been heartwarming, if it wasn’t for the fact that I was incapable of feeling anything else than terror. My bones had started aching since long, the ground was had taken it's turns on. I leaned my chin against my knees as I signed loudly. "The worst thing is that it's never over. This hell is going to continue for days, maybe even weeks." Every year, 24 families had to suffer through this. Every damn year, the capitol tortured us, just for the fun of it. I had never seen the fun in it, but actually loosing someone to their terrible little play was an entirely different matter. Ignoring it wasn’t quite as easy. template by chelsey

[Knuckles]

Sammy Gustav

The way she talks makes me wonder what it's actually like to watch a family member go through the games. I'm grateful that I've never had anyone close go through it, but usually it's just me and nobody else because I'm that stupid gimp kid. I hate it more than anyone would ever know. Words fail me because it's obvious she's worried watching May go through the games. I, we all, are forced to watch every year as we stand at home praying that someone from district nine will make it home, but it rarely happens. People who are fed properly, people who are more fit, everyone from the higher districts because they aren't near starved to death anyway.

"May is strong. She's a fighter."

It's not much because there's still a lot of people alive in the games and any second her life could be ended. It's horrible watching people kill one another. It's wrong in so many ways, but they don't see it that way. It's a fight for survival until one individual climbs out of the arena alive while the other twenty-three died. It's horrible, and sick, but nothing will change it. I used to believe the games were important, but they aren't. I hate them, and I hate the Capitol for doing what they are doing. They allow to happen. They want us to die, and nothing will ever change it. It's horrible, but I want to cry, I want to scream because the fighting just keeps going on and on.

"She's smart. She's brave."

I try speaking encouraging words because it looks like May has a chance to win. She's doing fantastic right now compared to a lot. Cannons have sounded and every time one sounds my eyes dart towards the screen hoping with everything inside of me that she's still alive and fighting, and she is. She's fighting well, and I just hope she keeps it up. Not for me, but for her sister's because they need her. All I want is for her to be strong and go as far as she can, maybe even win, but who am I kidding? What's the odds of getting to victors in back to back years? It's not something I'll bring up, though.

"And you don't have to be sorry. You have a right to yell, to be worried. I'm sorry for disturbing you."

[arya]

APRIL RHODES District 9 - Eighteen "I know I know" I signed to that Sammy, who I found myself suddenly expecting to listen and even understand my problems. He was compassionate, he was such a sweet kid. "It's just.. Oh so hard to watch her in there" I tried explaining. As I realized that my emotions would never be well expressed in words, I leaved it out. They just had to stay there inside me and boil for themselves. It was best that way, not only for the ones around me but also for me.  "You're not disturbing me. I'm sorry I come off as so rude. I just really can't focus on being nice at the moment. All I ever do with my spare time is trying to comfort June. She needs someone to be strong for her. She need me to do that for her,  someone who is family. You're a good kid you know" I reached out my hand and messed his hair up, as I always did with June. "Soon, we'll have our own house, me and her, until May comes home. Promise you'll come visit?" Despite how rude I may come of as, I really wanted him to be Junes friend. If everything went as I hoped, my little sister could use a friend, everyone could once in a while. If everything went the opposite direction - we would both need every single piece of support we could possible find. Even that thought made my stomach pinch and I decided not to think about it any longer.  As much as I would try not to think of it, it would never happen. That thought of 'what if' would never leave my mind, not until the second I was holding her in my arms. Not even then. In five years to come, I would have to stand in the square with my world just seconds from crashing. Even if May came home safe, she would be protected from the reaping, but June wouldn't. June would have to wait five more years to be unreapable. Not until my 14 yearold sister was 19.. Oh that was a long time. After watching my sister get snatched from my arms, I didn't know if I could even witness it happen to anyone, no matter if I knew the kid. And June, oh poor little innocent June. May was so strong, so independent but June wasn't like that. She was a baby, searching for the care and love she never gotten. This hell would never end for me. Never.  template by chelsey

[Knuckles]

Sammy Gustav

Listening to her talk is hard. I want to run away from the world because it would be the best option right now, but here I am standing next to a girl who's younger sister is in the games. The sister of my friend, June. It's horrible not knowing what to say because nothing will make her feel any better. Nothing will change what's happening. Nothing in the world will make this better, not even the return of May. She'll be different no matter what. If she wins, she'll be different because of all the people who had to die for her to win. The only other alternative is dying... which is something I don't want to think about, or even bring up to April or June. It's just asking for trouble.

I remember talking to May in the Justice building. I slipped away when nobody was looking because I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to know that there's someone here for her family. I know that it meant the world to her, but watching her slip away in the games is something nobody should watch. Every year this happens, and it makes me sick. I hate it, but nothing I do will ever change the fact of what's happening. The Capitol is corrupt; I was stupid to think they loved us because they don't. They want us to die. April runs her hand through my hair, and at first I want to run away, but I realize it's probably her big sister instinct kicking in, and I don't want to fight it.

She asks me to come visit, and she talks like May will be coming home. It's the only way of life right now. It's the only hope she has to hold onto. A small smile spreads across my face but it's really hard smiling. I take a deep breath before turning back towards the screen. I don't know how she's done it, but some how May is still alive. She's fighting back against all these people who want her dead, but she seems to be doing well. I turn my gaze back towards April. "Yeah. I don't except anyone to be nice right now. You have every right to be mad, angry. I'll come and visit. Keep June company. I'm very sorry this has happened... I know it's not much... but I am truly sorry."