Jillian Pastrani D12 Done

Jillian Pastrani D12 Done Jul 2, 2014 17:12:29 GMT -5

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Post by Sage on Jul 2, 2014 17:12:29 GMT -5

Jill Pastrani

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
and the days feel like years when I'm alone
and the bed where you lie, is made up on your side

Lightly tanned fingers caressed the small photograph on the shelf, dark blue eyes gazing at it with love and longing. The pain stabbing the heart was like nothing she'd ever felt before, the way it ripped at her insides and made tears almost constantly flow down her cheeks. The subject of the photograph, a best friend of hers, was dead, his body torn to bits in the arena. Memories of their time together fluttered behind her eyes, wishing she could go back in time and keep him from leaving. He'd saved her, saved her from herself, from becoming her own worst enemy and now, he was gone, stricken down by his own ally.

She set the photo back onto the small shelf and sat down on her bed, tears forming in her eyes, harsher than before because he'd promised he'd come back, told her that everything would be alright but instead, there he was, dying on the hot desert sand in that god damned arena because he'd been foolish and tried to take out his own ally. What the hell had he been thinking. Obviously, he was trying to get himself farther in the games, that girl had a water bottle, a backpack, and a knife. Those items would have gotten him further The words gave her next to no comfort as she ran her fingers through her stick straight dark hair. She recalled the feeling of his hands running through her hair, helping to tame the sometimes unruly locks.

Before he'd come into her life, she'd been nothing more than a thief. At the age of 7, her parents had died, leaving her to look after herself in one of the harshest districts to live in but she'd survived. She was hardy as most other children were not and was able to forage for food, quickly learning what was edible and what was not by using other people to test the plants for her. Call her cruel but she'd done what she had to to survive, just as he'd done before his ally struck him down. Just like you would have wanted me to. As she'd grown older and her body had demanded more than just rabbit food, she'd learned to steal from the shops without getting caught. She'd wait until the shopkeeper was asleep for the night, then she'd slip in and take what she needed, leaving most as it had been, This worked for about three years until she was caught one night. The shopkeeper, she remembered, had gotten up for something to drink in the night and had caught her red handed. He'd dragged her out of the shop and straight to the peace keepers who'd beaten her. She still had scars to prove it.

When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
do you see how much I need you right now

"Jillian, dear, can I get your help down here?" Miss Marys voice broke through her thoughts as she blinked, willing the tears away from her eyes. She couldn't let the other children see just how upset she was by his death. "Coming Miss Mary." She called, rising her slightly curved body from the tattered old bed that she slept on each night. Miss Marys home wasn't much for each child but it was a place to call her own and a roof over her head, it was better than the four years spent on the streets.

Heading downstairs, she could smell whatever it was that the Caretaker was making and it smelled delicious. If there was one perk about living under Miss Mary's care it was that her children never went hungry. She looked at Miss Mary for a few moments, only really realizing that this woman was her savior and perhaps, she could help Jill with the storm raging within her over Jixes death.

"Jillian, is everything alright, I know it's hard losing Jix but if you want to talk, I'm here for you" Seeming to sense Jill's sadness, Miss Mary spoke up, passing her some meager vegetables for her to cut up while she talked. "Miss Mary, I-I don't know anymore, since his death it's just-just been a downward sp-spiral. I just... I miss him so much" She surprised herself with the emotional outburst as tears began to well in her eyes and she put down the knife she'd been holding in her hand for the veggies. He was all she had, the one who understood her and the one who could tame her temper. The one who could make her feel like a human being and make her feel like she mattered, something she'd never been able to feel before.

"It's going to be alright, my dear." Miss Mary enveloped her into a hug and she wrapped her arms around her caretaker, the woman who had done so much for her since she was young. "I just don't know what to do." she cried, allowing it all to finally come tumbling out.

When you're gone
the pieces of my heart are missing you
when you're gone
the face I came to know is missing too

The weeks began to fade into one another as Jill began to realize something; something was growing within her, a tiny life was developing inside her, his child. She began feeling sick, morning sickness the district healer told her, and began having odd dreams about the child within her. She wasn't ready to be a mother and she could have sworn they'd used contraception but the healer never lied and Jill knew in the pit of her gut that she was going to have a baby.

Jix, you are going to be a dad She thought, lying back on her bed, her hands resting tenderly on her stomach. Her eyes gazed up at the ceiling, wondering what it would be like to bring a child into this world. Would they be a boy or a girl? Look more like her or more like Jix? Thoughts spun through her head as she closed her eyes and fell asleep, feeling more content than she had since Jixes death. She'd have a memory of him to keep with her that wasn't an old photograph that was beginning to show its age. She'd have a life that the two of them had created together and to be perfectly honest, that seemed like a gift from him in some way, as if he was saying I'm sorry I left you but I'll leave this for you to remember me by. A smile pulled up the corners of her lips as she slept.

When you're gone
the words I need to hear to always get me through the day
and make it okay
I miss you