Home, Sweet Home // Ems

[charade]

Kirk Marshall

It was grubbin time in the dining hall and once again, Kirk found himself at a loss about what to eat. Unlike in the train, where most of the food had been lavish and Capitolesque in nature, the spread in the dining hall for dinner was definitely catered to each of the twelve districts. There were dozens of fish dishes next to things he assumed must have come from the ocean of district four; little things that looked like rocks but smelled like food, fancy pastries that had to be the kind of dessert they had in district one, more fruits and vegetables from eleven than he could shake his hat at, and the list just went on. But eventually he found the section of edibles pulled from his home district.

Feeling a bit more comfortable, he piled his plate with steak fries, cornbread, barbecued ribs, and then grabbed two slices of sweet potato pie. According to one of the placards near the table, the white stuff that looked like butter wasn't butter, it was something called whipped cream. It was pretty simple fair compared to some of the other things he could see around, but it was from home, and that meant comfort. He walked along the length of the table for a minute or so, until he spotted Esme. After that, he made a beeline for where she was seated. 

"Ya know pardner, I wouldn't 'ave believed it, but the sweet patata pie they got here tastes just like its supposed to." Kirk grabbed a seat next to his district partner and offered her one of the plates with a genuine smile. "An they got this thing called whipped cream. "Now, I dunno why anyone would want to give cream a whuppin, but it sure tastes dee-licious!" As he dug into his own plate, Kirk kept a watchful eye on their surroundings. Even now, it paid to know what the other tributes were up to. They might all be laughing and having fun while they ate, but soon enough they'd be killing each other for sips of water and mouthfuls of food. After a few more bites, he turned to look at Esme with a look that was halfway between a question and concern. "Ya doin okay there little lady?"

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

[googlefont="Satisfy:400;"]

Esme Truus

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid;

I couldn't help but feel bad 'cause of all the food that they had here; it wouldn't take much to stuff myself until my stomach would pop, but all I can think 'bout was Ma and Pa sitting at home barely enough to survive, and even then they gave a lot of the food to me. This was beyond anything I imagined, though. Food from all over the place. Food I've never seen before. and all I wanted to do was cry. I don't feel like eating, so I just take my place at a table. Food has been taken away slowly, but the plates never grow small. It's like they are watching and the moment a piece of food is taken, they refill it. Doesn't seem like that should happen to me, but I guess they want us to eat.

A small smile formed on my face when Kirk sat down next to me. I'm used to being alone, especially when eating, but company every now and again was needed. He had food on his place, and a lot of it looked good. I couldn't make out what some of it was. He offered me a plate. At first I wanted to tell him no I can't take this, but that would be completely rude of me. So I took the plate. I stared at it for a while looking at all the food. He made a comment 'bout the cream getting a whupping, and I couldn't help but laugh. It was funny, and I didn't care what people said. Sure, this might not be the place to laugh, but laughing was okay at times. And this was one of them. The next question he asked made me feel like I was just kicked in the stomach by a horse or donkey.

No. I'm not okay. I'll never be okay. This entire thing ain't okay. I've been forced to grow up faster than I ever wanted to. I stand no chance of winning the games, and Kirk must know that. He must know that with the odds the way they are, I ain't gonna go back home alive, but I don't got the heart to say it. I was really like one of those pigs Pa led off to slaughter a few days just before reaping so we could have my favorite meal. It's a meal we have once a year after the reapings, and I didn't even get to eat it this year. And it makes me sad. I wanted to eat the meal Ma and Pa was making. Maybe they had the food here to make it, at least make something like it. But for now, I can't look at it. I wanted to lie to Kirk and tell him I'm fine, but I can't go 'bout lying to everyone now can I?

"Kirk, I'm scared."

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[charade]

Kirk Marshall

Kirk's heart jumped into his mouth, even though that was the answer he had been expecting. What hit him harder was her face. Kirk had always prided himself on being a detail man; it was one of the things that made metalworking so fun for him. But that skill didn't work in his favor when he looked at Esme's features. Not when he could see the blue in her eyes starting to mist over; not when he thought he could see her lower lip trembling, and certainly not when he could hear the tone in her voice. Chewing his food slowly, the better to have time to come up with a response, Kirk pondered what the right thing to say was. He was scared too, but telling her that would make things worse. It was an honest answer, but not the one she needed to hear.

He swallowed another morsel of cornbread and grabbed some water, downing nearly the whole thing in one go. He could ask her why she was scared, but that would be stupid. It wouldn't take a capitol scientist to figure out what was bothering her. And he wasn't about to lie to her either and come up with some cockamamie reason for why he wasn't scared when he definitely was. The previous night, he had gotten around to watching some of the previous games, games that he hadn't paid much attention to when they had been in progress. And what he saw did not sit well with him. For every Potato Earnest, there were two Iago Izar-Mclaines; Kirk had barely been able to watch all of Saffron's ordeal with all the young tributes, especially the parts with Iago. Desperate men do desperate things, that he knew, but some tributes went completely overboard.

And if the tributes weren't bad enough, there were monstrosities like the dragon and the giant scorpion. Horrible way to go, facing off against something like that. Almost as bad as getting set on fire and burning to death the way Claude Aeger had. For some reason, the remaining food on his plate didn't seem quite as appealing anymore. Pushing the mound of fries and meat away, he turned to Esme and went with the only honest answer he felt he could give her. "Well, most folk are scared a something.  Ain't no shame in being afraid." While he meant every word, some part of him wasn't sure which one of them he was trying to convince.

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

[googlefont="Satisfy:400;"]

Esme Truus

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid;

He was right. Everyone was afraid of something, but what 'bout this? Were all the tributes as scared as I am? I don't know, and I'll probably never know 'cause in a few days everyone would be forced into survival mode. Like a bunch of wild animals. All they know how to do was fight or die. This ain't nothing like I planned it, but every life has a purpose. Some of these purposes weren't as well planned out as others. No teenager shouldn't have to go through what we're getting ready to go through, but it happened every single year. Nothing changed, and nothing would ever change 'cause it was how things worked here.

Hearing his answer didn't really help me any, though. Some part of me wanted to hear that he was scared too, but in a way, that's what he said. Everyone was scared of something. Meaning he was scared of something. Was he scared of this? Was he scared of dying? It was flat out impossible for me not to be scared of this. I still can't figure it out. I can't figure out how my name was called out of everyone in the reaping, but here I am standing, well sitting, in the dining hall at the Capitol. For the first time in my life I got the chance to see something outside the district, and it was truly amazing, but it didn't make anything better.

"What happens when someone dies?" It probably ain't the best question to ask, but it's one I wanted to know the answer to since it seemed like my death was lurking just around the corner. Did he know the answer? I didn't know, and part of me wanted to know the answer so bad. Maybe knowing the answer would give some comfort. "Do we become those stars that are above our head at night? Like the ones Saffron showed us in that train car?" A small part of me felt like I was a whole lot younger than what I truly am. Becoming a star don't seem that bad 'cause I'd still be able to see Ma and Pa, but it would definitely be different 'cause I ain't with them.

"Or are we just dead?"

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[charade]

Kirk Marshall

district ten male

i'm gonna hold my head up high before I'm dead in the dirt

If his heart had jumped into his mouth before, it sprouted wings and flew out of his head when Esme asked her questions. She didn't seem satisfied with his answer. Which he had half expected. Dancing around the issue worked for some people, but Esme seemed a mite more perceptive than most. Obviously, she was taking this a lot harder than he had even guessed at. Maybe they all were. The other tributes eating in the dining hall had their own problems, of that Kirk was sure. But he didn't know how many of them were had qualms about killing each other. From the games he had seen, more often than not, tributes would kill their district partner without reason. Leon Krigal was one of the exceptions, not trying to kill Siren until there was no one else left to fight.

Kirk ruminated for awhile before sighing deeply and forcing himself to look Esme right in the eyes. Did people become stars when they died? Kirk didn't think so. But he thought he had a general idea of what happened. Panem was a cruel place and because of that, some people refused to believe in a better afterlife. For others, certain beliefs were what made the struggle easier. Kirk had always found himself in the latter category. The stories his grandfather had told him as a child still stayed with him. Sure, there were still chapels and whatnot in district ten, but what they taught about ripred wasn't anything like what his grandfather had said about the almighty and about the places that people went when they had shed the mortal coil.


"Ah don't think that we'll be the stars, but we'll sure be up there with 'em, looking down and watching the world go on in a place where time itself has no meaning." Kirk smiled and kept going with his explanation. It wasn't a popular belief, but he knew more people liked the idea than they were willing to admit."My grandad always said that when we die, we go to this city near the stars where the streets are made of gold, and rivers made outta milk and honey. There ain't no sickness, ain't no pain. No death, no suffering, heck there ain't even any darkness. Just a wunnerful light that you'll be surrounded by forevah and evah. Sounds like a mighty fine place to me."

[d9 kristof parks {ems}]

[googlefont="Satisfy:400;"]

Esme Truus

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid;

It wasn't really important to know, but I wanted to know 'cause I'm gonna die soon, and I ain't 'bout to sit here and not know nothing 'bout what happens. Out of every single pig that I helped Pa slaughter, it was comforting to know they rested somewhere other than our bellies, and this food that's in front of me right now ain't looking too good after all. Normally, I'd chow down without any problem, but the thoughts of the death is constantly on my mind. Part of me wonders why I asked the question I asked Kirk, but the other part of me ain't gonna worry. I'm definitely scared, but I can't just let that get to me, yet I feel like it already has.

The place he talks 'bout makes me smile from ear to ear. I won't be a star, but I'll be close to a star. I'll be next to them, and I can still look down from the sky watching over Ma and Pa and the rest of my family, my cow, everyone. The thought of no pain, no suffering, no sorrow, no nothing not even dark makes the place sound so much worth it. Rivers made of good stuff, streets made of gold. Never seen anything gold before. I've saw the color of gold, but I can't even imagine what a street of gold would look like. Maybe if I close my eyes, I can see it. I wanna go there and maybe find all those pigs I helped slaughter. Walk around without any worry in the world. Yeah. That sounds great. Was this where all the dead tributes have gone? Would I meet those who suffered the same fate as me? The only other option wasn't really an option. I can't kill anyone 'cause I ain't a murderer.

"I wanna go there. It just sounds so much better than anything I ever saw here. I can't wait to get there." A large smile spread wide across my face as I turned my gaze towards Kirk. I don't got no idea what he told Mace or even Saffron, but I got something important to tell him. I take a deep breath trying to word the sentence correctly in my mind before speaking 'cause I ain't wanting to make a fool of myself now. A single tear slides down my cheek, and I can feel my heart hammering heavily inside my chest. "Kirk, I..." And the words stop flowing. It didn't surprise me any at all 'cause I've never been good at talking, but I gotta try. "I don't know how much time I got left. Nobody does. But I wanna thank you for everything, and no matter what happens, you've showed me something I've never had before."

Mace and Saffron have too. Saffron by showing the stars in the sky, and Mace? Well, he was there all the time. And all the others who have gone on before. Nothing to worry 'bout. Nothing to fear.

"Even in the darkness a light shines through. I don't got nothing to fear 'cause for the first time in my life, I'm finally living, and I can't thank you enough."

I have hope.

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