Final countdown-spinoff

[Jack Lexington]

To hear her complain about abdominal pain is really not something I'm able to cope with well.I try to put on a brave face for her but inwardly I'm shaking. No more thoughts go to the man that I just killed-self defense or not. he's not important. He or she inside there is. My eyes scan her belly as I move away for the medic to do his job.

It's like a flash back. We've been here before. Ky on a stretcher, me worried sick....or was it the other way round? It seems like it's happened too many times. Being a career makes you get used to doctors and hospitals but this is something else. Someone viciously trying to kill your loved ones doesn't get swallowed so easily.

in fact this time is much worse than any other because of the small baby she's carrying.
"You'll be alright." I tell her moving around to stroke her hair and hope with all I got that I'm right.

The hovercraft takes off and makes me feel unsteady. I've never been in one of those things and the sudden change of elevation makes my knees buckle. Of balance I look for something to hold on to. Above my head I find two handle on the ceiling and grab one.
"Sit down before you fall." One woman tells me and then pushes me towards a small emergency seat on the side.

I obey and sit down because it's close enough to Ky's head so I can talk to her. As I bend my hips I notice the stinging again but this time I look just to see some crimson on my blue jeans. A little puzzled I wonder whose it is. Maybe Jins'.
With the seatbelt holding me down I can't slip from the seat as the hvercraft takes an unpredicted turn to the right.

"We're 5 minutes out."

One of the medics gives Kyanite a warm smile.
"Only 5 minutes, you'll be fine, dear. Both of you." She taps on the monitor over Ky's head.
"Should we inform the father?"

For a moment I'm not sure what she means but then I reach my hand out to touch Kyanites shoulder to get her to look at me warning her with my eyes not to say anything.
"I'll do that." I tell the medic.

Not much is being said about the baby's condition but I'm getting more and more anxious that Jins has harmed the most precious thing I can possibly think of. If he wanted to get to me or Kyanite this would be the spot that would hurt the most and he might have been aware of that.
My hand starts shaking on her shoulder so I pull it back because I feel I'm having a hard time to controll my nerves or give her strength. At 17 there's so much this girl has already been through.
"She's going to be fine. You know that, right?" I try to reassure her.

[*]

The throbbing has considerablly started to wear off. The pain not as intense as it was back at the house. The further we get away from the excitement back at the house, the calmer I start to get, but only just. Though, there is some form of pinching that occurs just at irregular intravals that make me close my eyes and furow my brows for a minute or two then it's gone. The monitor on the screen shows two heartbeats. One that's incredibly fast and one that is mine, but still beating above one hundred. I'm anxious. I'm still scared. My fingertips still quiver when they aren't balled up into my palms. I don't want Matthew to see how upset this whole ordeal has made me, but if I were fine, I wouldn't be where I am right now.

At least, he is here with me this time. This time, he is my rock. He's my comfort that no one else can give me. As the hovercraft, moves the nurse makes him sit down, afraid he's going to fall and he is given the seat nearer to me. His hands touching my hair is soothing. It's enough that I reach up to take his hand in my own for a moment, and squeeze then let go.

"We're five minutes out."

The smile that the woman gives me is reassuring. She points to the monitor and tries to give me some reassurace with the monitors then asks about informing the father. I want to tell them that he's already with me, but I keep my mouth shut. A hand touches my shoulder and I look to Matthew as he explains that he'll do it. I give him a nod.

"Thank you... will you tell him, I'm sorry... I don't want to worry him." I speak in code. I know the reasoning why he didn't want me to tell them about the man with me is the father. Just like that, Matthew's hand is released from my shoulder, leaving a cold spot. I may have imagined it or though that it was my own nerves, but was he shaking? Is he just as scared as I am?

"She's going to be fine. You know that, right?" His voice comes across with a quake I can barely distinquish. I nod.

"He... or she. I don't know which... Sprout, will be fine... Sprout has to be fine." I mutter and look over Matthew. There's not much more I can for the next three minutes except try to look over my better half. I consider him to be better just because without him, I would still be that talkative chick with a passion to fight and feel I can take on the world.

"You may be able to find out the gender when you arrive. You said you were twenty weeks, right?" I give a nod. "Yeah, that's probably a good time to see. When they do their exam, you should ask."

The light at the end of the tunnel, it seems. I wasn't due for another visit for a couple of weeks. Maybe, Matthew and I will be able to find out? A small grin appears on my face as the hovercraft starts to land.

It don't take no time at all and we've been brought inside the hospital. The doctor in charge of my care looks straight to Matthew with a raised eyebrow. "You the father...?"

"No... he's just a friend." I pipe up so Matthew don't have to and risk any more confusion.

"Immediate family or legal guardians only at this point, miss. Do you have contacts for your family members?" I shake my head.

"My brother is Peacekeeper Ruze... he is also my legal guardian. He's on duty... he can't be here. Please, I don't want to be alone. Let him come?" I plead with the doctor.

[Jack Lexington]

Instead of telling me not to worry Ky keeps referring to me in third person. I get the idea that she doesn't want me to worry but I can't help it. To know that she's in the hovercraft because something might be wrong with the baby has me worried sick, which is probably palinly visible on my unshaved face. A little hair to hide behind isn't all that bad.

That's when I notice that there are two heart beats. A very fast one, almost twice as fast as the other one. Both are definetly faster than mine. Could it be? Was that the little one?
"Is that...?" I point to the monitor with sudden fascination but tone it down a bit to seems not so interested when this has to be one of the most exciting sounds I've ever heard. In awe I sit and listen with my hands in my lap, that are slowly stopping to shake. Over the sound of the engine it's hard to make out but it still sounds beautiul. The worry is replaced by a weird grin-slightly half sided because my face got slapped around too much by the pks.

"You may be able to find out the gender when you arrive. You said you were twenty weeks, right? Yeah, that's probably a good time to see. When they do their exam, you should ask."
I feel a smallflutter in my stomach, like it's doing summersaults. Those words almost make me forget why we're here as excitement takes over and makes my heart beat a little faster again.
I bite my lower lip as I look over at Kyanite.

Once we're inside the hospital I try to keep up with the medics carrying her into the ER area of the hospital. It's a military facility by the looks of it. Electric gadgets and high end furniture everywhere.
My own feet are foresaking me though. The adrenalin is mostly gone after the fight with Jins leaving me sore and tired.
That painful burning on my hip doesn't speed my up either so I come to the conclusion that the bt of blood on my pants must actually be from me. Maybe I've fallen on some of that broken glass.
I don't remember falling but then again I don't remember a whole lot of the fight. Mostly just the end.

Kyanite doesn't have to wait long but gets waved in right away but my way is blocked until she starts pleading with the man. I wish I could tell him who I really am. Instead I have to use an excuse. "Her brother put me in charge of her while he can't be here. He asked me to stay with her because she's still a minor."
Goodness, how awkward that sounds.

The doctor gives me the once over, then nods.
"Come on in then." He extends a hand to Kyanite first and then to me introducing himself as doctor Wray.

Then he asks Kyanite a few questions about the fight, whether she fell, whether she got punched and "Is that blood on your clothes yours?"

All the while I stand off to the side hoping that my presence is enough tocalm her down and reassure her that I'm here for her. I sure as hell am not calm by any means. My hands are constantly fiddling with the seam on the pocket of my pants. I just want to know that she's alright.

"Mind if I sit." I finally give in to exhaustion and grab a chair near her.
I wish I could hold her hand but that would look awkward I assume.

[*]

Routine questions. That's all they are. The same ones that the medic asked when they were assessing me in the hovercraft. I do answer them as they come. Mostly about the fight is what's still so fresh in my mind. Each part of my escape and rescue. The parts that I leave out are the ones that have me scared the most. The part of me trying to keep my savior alive. My head throbs a little as I shield myself from the light of the room when they add another light to the mixture. Doctor Wray talks to the nurse and asks her to get a dressing gown so that I can get the blood covered clothes off. With Matthew in the room, the nurse clearly gives him a once over and makes a motion for him to turn around. If only she knew that he and I have no secrets in this area.

"Let me help you dear." She tells me and in a matter of moments, the blood soaked clothes are removed and the gown covers me.

"What is your pain level, Miss Ruze?" Doctor Wray wants to know as he starts to touch my stomach, pushing gently on the sides. Only in one spot is it tender but he apologizes.

"It's not as bad as it was earlier." I tell him, and look to Matthew hoping it'll give him some form of relief. The nurse that's hanging out beside me, messing with an IV bag, looks to Matthew and her sight is set upon the blood on his hip.

"Sir, have you been looked at by our medics? You're bleeding." She goes over to him, and nods toward his hip, expecting him to react and to show her the wound that he's also incurred.

I turn my attention to the man as he brings this device out and tells me he's going to check on the fetus. Check to see if there is any underlying causes for the pain I was feeling. Could this be bad? Should I be worried? I want Matthew to be within arms distance of me, but he's not and he can't be. Not here. I feel like I'll have to suffer some bad news by myself even if he's in the same room.

"You'll need a few stitches, Sir. Do you want to follow me?" I hear in the background among their voices. I'm not sure what's goign on, but for him to need stitches is hardly any good.

"What happened? Matthew... are you okay?" I start turning my head as the doctor starts the procedure of using the machine and putting something cold on my stomach. A moment later, the sound of my baby can be heard. It sounds just like it did when Vy and I were at the hospital not more than a month and half ago. It might have been for the same reason that I am here. The men that I come into contact in my life just isn't healthy for me. However, the two that have hurt me the most is now no longer around... my father is in the DC while Jins...

I cringe. I don't even want to think of him at a time like this. I'm already torn between worrying that I've done something to harm my baby and await the news, while Matthew has been hurt as well. Why can't this all go away?

[Jack Lexington]

Thetension grows now that the doctor is in the room and something might come to the surface that neither of us can handle. What if there's something wrong with our baby. Sure I've heard the heartbeat but I'm sure there can be a million things going wrong during a fight.

I get very nervous and tense and don't want to leave my spot close Ky but the nurse tells me to take a step away and turn around so I get up and obe her orders so they can dress my girl friend in a clen gown. I can't really tell them that I've seen her naked a couple dozen times and I'm the one who got her pregnant in the first place so I endure the 'friend treatment' and stare at the opposite wall with my arms crossed in front of my chest.

For a very brief moment I think about Jins and what I did. It's more of a flash than a thought and then it's gone.

I turn back to listen to the doctor ask about pain levels. To my relief she tells them it's getting better. Maybe everything is alright. I hope with all my heart.

"Sir, have you been looked at by our medics? You're bleeding." The nurse approaches me and suddenly her focus is on me. I follow her gaze to the dark crimson spot near my left pocket and shrug. I can't be that bad because the blood hasn't even travelled down my leg.
"No, I'm okay."
She just stands there with her hands on her hip until I give in and undo my belt and my fly. After all I want to see whatever is going on with my girlfriend. This could be a very bad or a very great moment.
With my thumb I push down the rim of my underwear to expose a 5 inch gash below my left hip bone that one of the bulletts that graced me probably left there. It's not barely bleeding anymore, so I pull my boxers back up.

"You'll need a few stitches, Sir. Do you want to follow me?" The nurse tells me but I shake my head. "Later, I promised her brother to stay with her."
Over her shoulder I can see the doctor slowly move some device over her exposed round belly.
Did my heart just skip one or two beats? My fingers are twitching nervously as I try to push past the nurse but she places her hand on my chest and nods.
"Okay, get that fixed later but take those dirty boxers off the wound."
An older woman asking me to take my underwear off woudl almost be comical under different circumstances but right now I'm too nervouse to laugh.

A moment later she sprays some red liquid on it that makes me jump in circles and then tapes a bandage over it so I can pull up my pants again. While she's fiddling around on my hip I keep my eyes trained at Kyanite. She's got her eyes fixed on a monitor that only shows black and white images and then changes to some pulsating blue and red stains in the middle of the grey mix.
I can't really see it from here.
"What happened? Matthew... are you okay?"
"Yep." Are my nerves as audible to her as they are to me?

Strange sounds I've never heard before fill the room and while I'm still closing the buckle of my bet I step closer until I'm next to her shoulder placing my hand on her arm no matter what they think and closely watch the monitor. Is that our baby up there? What's what though?
"Is that the baby?" I ask the doctor who gives me no look but just nods.
"That'd the spine. Here is the head."
With a few clicks he marks spots on the monitor to measure 'it'.
"Normal growth. Heart rate looks good. No water anywhere."
He tells Kyanite matter of factly.
"The placenta looks good as well. No abruption."
He keeps moving the device while my heart seems to beat louder in my ears than the sounds I can hear. I'm so incredibly nervous I want to jump out of my skin.

While his hand gently lays on her abdomen when he moves it he suddenly stops.
"Ah, did you feel that?"
He then places his whole hand on her skin while I forget to breath. 'What? What?' I want to scream but hold back.
"I think our body is starting to train for the big day. That was a small contraction."
In my mind I try to place that word....contraction....doesn't that happen during the birth?
"Is she giving birth now?" I still haven't taken a breath and feel slightly strange.

[*]

I have no idea what's going on behind me. All I know is that the nurse is fidgeting with Matthew and wanting to make sure he gets his hip looked at later. She even tapes something over a wound that I can barely see as the doctor sets to motion getting the gel over my stomach and starting the machine until I see the form on the screen. It looks similar to what I saw the last time with Vy, but this time, it's much bigger. I can't help the small smile seeing the movements as the device goes over my stomach, leaving trails of a tingling sensation going through my skin. The longer he looks, with little 'Mmhmm' noises, it's making me feel even more scared. I just know that whatever happened with me and Jins back at the house and the moments after Brody was shot and toppled backward on me was going to be bad. Something happened and I'm not sure what. Then just like that, I feel Matthew's hand on my shoulder. Instant comfort as I barely reach my hand up and touch his hand then release him as the doctor starts going over things as he looks and of course Matthew's ever present curiosity.

"Is that the baby?"

"That'd be the spine. Here is the head. Normal growth. Heart rate looks good. No water anywhere." I keep hearing all these things about my little Sprout but it's not a comfort. I dont' understand what's going on. I don't understand why he's just going over certain things without just straight up telling me if something is wrong. I bite back the need to let my emotions run away with me again. I'm trying hard not to cry. I'm really trying hard not to let this get to me and I don't want to be rude.

I just have to wait.

"The placenta looks good as well. No abruption." He says. Instantly, that sends a flood of relief because that word I understood. So, does that mean my baby is okay? Everything that just happened didn't effect my baby's health?

Then something else starts to occur. He touches my stomach and about the same time, I feel something throb. The same type of throbbing I felt earlier, only it isn't as bad. I'm not sure why, but it's still uncomfortable enough that I close my eyes and just take a deep breath.

"Yeah. I felt that."

"I think your body is starting to train for the big day. That was a small contraction." Is that all? Is that... all? Contractions? I can't be ready to have this baby now and it's voiced by Matthew as well. He voices the concern that is written on my face.

"Is she giving birth now?"

"I'm no where near my due date..." I stutter out but the doctor only smiles at me and puts the machine device down on the clip to hold it.

"Calm down. It's perfectly normal. Like I said, it's just your body starting to get ready for the real thing. Meaning, it's just false labor pains. It's just your body training your muscles for labor. Nothing more. Seems like your baby is doing well. You've done well, mom." He pats me on my hand and nods at me. "do you have any questions for me?"

INstinctively, I look at Matthew before asking, because I know we're dying to know what the gender is going to be. With that small scare out of the way, I can honestly say that my heart is finally done beating against my chest. "Can you see the baby's gender? I was told, I might be far enough along that you can tell me?"

He nods and gives me another grin. "Don't want to wait, do you? Well, we can see if the baby will give us a show and tell." He tells me and picks the device up again, and once again, puts a bit of the cold gel on my stomach. I shudder as he starts the machine again, and once again, the sound of his or her heartbeat comes alive to our ears. I wish I could enjoy this with Matthew more than just a potential 'friend' or 'authority figure' assigned to watch over me.

"155 heartrate... there's the baby's hand is right there. One second..." He says and starts staying in one spot. On the screen, it looks nothing like I'm used to seeing. It barely looks like the shape of a baby. Then with one more 'Mhm', he points to the screen. "That area... looks like... it's going to be a girl. Congratulations, Mommy."

A jolt of fear.

A girl? How can it be a girl? I know for a fact that Matthew is dead set on a boy. At least, he keeps claiming it to be a boy. Now that it's a girl, will he even want to be around? Will he be angry at me? At her? The little girl... my little girl - no - our little girl. She greets us on the screen and for a few more moments, I stare in disbelief that this may or may not be a good thing. I don't dare look at Matthew. I don't want to see the disppointment on his face. Instead, I let the happiness show on my face to think that I'll be able to hold a little girl in my arms. That I'll be able to coddle her and keep her safe. I'll get to tell her stories and protect her. Tell her how brave her dad is.

"There we go. Everything looks good, Miss Ruze. I'll give you a few minutes to relax while I get a nurse to get some bloodwork on you, okay?" He asks, and he quaintly steps out of the room. The room falls silent.

[Jack Lexington]

As he moves the device and the grey and white picture changes on the screen the doctor rambles off the stats. "That'd be the spine. Here is the head. Normal growth. Heart rate looks good. No water anywhere."
To me it feels like Christmas and my birthday when I was a little kid. I'm in complete awe. There's the head of my kid!
I virtually have to keep my jaw from dropping while I step even closer to get a good look at the screen. Is that really a head, so big compared to the spine? Then I see the flicker of the small heart. Instantly my own does the same. I'm still worried but too overwhelmed by what I see.
Completely speechless I listen to him and Ky talk about contractions.
That's when I get scared again. Contractions? Now! That means the baby would be way too early. Could it even survive now?
"What?" I visibly pale and earn another look from the doctor, whom might be figuring out that I'm not just a momentary guardian.
I feel slightly shaking from one second to the next and look around for my chair.

"Calm down. It's perfectly normal. Like I said, it's just your body starting to get ready for the real thing. Meaning, it's just false labor pains. It's just your body training your muscles for labor. Nothing more. Seems like your baby is doing well. You've done well, mom."

She's fine, the baby's fine and all the tension just drops from me. So does the floor underneath my feet it seems. My nerves are clearly getting the better of me. It seems that I can fight a murderer but not look at my growing child on a screen.

With a few unsteady steps I walk back to the chair near her head and slump down. The nurse gives me a concerned look asking whether I'm alright. I might not be the first father they've seen drop, so she's careful.
I just nod and swallow hard when Ky seems very bubbly all of a sudden.

Kyanite looks over to me before she asks. "Can you see the baby's gender? I was told, I might be far enough along that you can tell me?"
If they haven't figured out who the father is by now, they'remost likely stupid.

From there on out it's all a blurr as I try to see what the man in white is indicating on the screen. I can't hear a word he's saying, nor Kyanites. My head suddenly feels hot and like cotton.
I heave in a deep breath that I wasn't aware I was holding before I stop staring at the screen.

"it's going to be a girl. it's going to be a girl. it's going to be a girl. " Those words echo in my head as a flush of cold and hot washes over me. Not that I haven't half expected it but now it's true. It's going to be a girl. Lucky me.
"Can we return it? Is there a refund?" Why on earth a stupid joke is the only thing that makes it past my lips I don't know.
All I know is that a girl it is and that's it. It's fine. Our baby is a girl. Fuck me. How do I deserve another girl in my life? Is this the punishment for being such an ass to girls all my life? Or for breaking that chicks nose in front of the store two years ago?

And while I still dwell in self pity I also know it will be okay. She's mine, that little one, she will be cool.

"A girl...wow."
I see Kyanites hazel eyes scanning me with worry so I offer her a smile. It's a brief one but it's there. I'm still feeling very strange, maybe due to the fight but more likely due to these news.

The doctor just gives me and odd look before he leaves.

You could hear a pin drop and I can tell that Ky is holding her breath. She's worried because she doesn't know whether I'd accept a girl or like her. I don't even know that but my gutt says yes.
"Can we buy her a little ....." I make a gesture between my legs completely forgetting that I was trying to hide I was the father.

Then I take her hand and kiss it with slightly pale lips.
"A girl....lucky me."

[*]

That fear is mulitplied into trillions of words. All of them surrounding me but they keep shouting the same thing at me that Matthew let slip just as the gender was revealed. 'Can we return it? Is there a refund?'. If the doctor didn't realize that Matthew was something more than just a friend at the 'we' part, he might as well lose his certification for his job. As it is, the fears running through my mind is justified by those remarks. I'm not sure if he was joking or being serious, but after everything that happened tonight, he's going to diss our child just because of the gender? Because Sprout is deemed a girl?

A girl!

For heaven's sake, she's healthy. She's going to be alright, and he's only commenting on wanting a do over? The silence in the room is broken by Matthew's first words. They not only hurt but they go right along with the words he said when the doctor was in.

"Can we buy her little..." I see the motioning and I feel everthing but joy. His reactions to finding out was suppose to be better than this, but now I regret even telling him that I was expecting his child. I knew I should have kept it to myself. Let him do his own thing and finish in that peacekeeper academy. It would be easier... it would be, right?

There's a slight burn in my throat as I refuse to speak to him. There was too much that happened today for me to just let this go. Matthew shot someone to protect me. Killed the man that has done nothing but make me wish for solitude and death. Now, it seems as though he don't want any of it.

"A girl... lucky me."

"What would you have said if it was a boy? Would you be happier then?" The bite in my tone would be best described as though I'd eaten something sour. Quickly, I bring a hand up to my face to rid myself of the tears forming. "How could you Matthew? Saying those things in front of the doctor? In front of me? It's OUR child... I can't believe you."

I just want to get out of this room. I want to be able to be the one to leave the room and leave him standing there with nothing but a confused look on his face. "If I had known you would reject her the minute you found out... I thought you had changed..." I bite my lower lip. "Get out, Matthew... please. Just leave us alone."

I place my hand on my stomach, rubbing softly to soothe the child inside as if the words would hurt her as well to hear what he had said. I close my eyes, waiting to hear the door shut. I just want to be left alone right now. I want to enjoy this moment that I can't...

[Jack Lexington]

The moment those words leave my mouth I don't have bad intentions. It's my way of trying to wrap my mind around the fact that me, out of all people, will soon be very closely connected to not only one but two girls. The first one has turned out to be the greatest blessing of my life. The second will probably be the same but for now I have a hard time adjusting to the idea. For years my father has told me that girls are evil, no good. My mother left, my sister picked up her belongings and closed me out of her life. It's hard to now let two girls into my life again.

So I crack a joke or two.

When I see Ky's face I can tell that she doesn't know I'm joking. Her face has become stern, her expression that was happy only seconds ago, sour.

"What would you have said if it was a boy? Would you be happier then?" Not many times has her tone been this harsh and snappy to me, especially not lately.
She's really dissapointed.
But she's right. I would have been happier, a tiny bit but still.
"I am happy." I try to convey.

My girl friend doesn't want any of this. "How could you Matthew? Saying those things in front of the doctor? In front of me? It's OUR child... I can't believe you."
Even though she's right I don't like being scolded by her. She sounds like she's my teacher or something.
So I cross my arms in front of my chest.
"Maybe you should know by now who I am." I tell her a little snappy as well.

There are tears glistening in her eyes when she wraps her arms around herself and I suddenly feel a hug distance forming between us even though neither of us is moving.

"If I had known you would reject her the minute you found out... I thought you had changed..."

Gosh, those words hurt. They feel like a slap in the face. How can she misunderstand me this much and think that way of me.
My face must reveal how disappointed I am by her verbal slap.

"It was a joke. Thanks a lot, Ky. You know me really well. 'tought you had changed...'" I huff and grit my teeth.

Did I not just defend her against the guy who's been mistreating her for years? Did I not quit my career for her and the baby? Take a whipping on top of that? And a bad joke makes her tell me that I haven't changed? It's like a damn kick in the gutts.
My face becomes hard but I can't push back the hurt I'm feeling.

The day was overwhelming in every possible sense and here we are fighting.

She tops it all up by telling me to leave. She's actually kicking me out. "Get out, Matthew... please. Just leave us alone."

I just stare at her in disbelieve but she doesn't take it back nor does she look at me.
I'm at a loss of words hoping she'll take it back but nothing happens.
For a moment I'm torn between asking her to reconsider and my hurt pride. Unfortunately I am who I am so I let my anger and dissapointment get the upper hand.

"After all I've done for both of you, you're kicking me out because of a bad joke. I can't believe YOU!"

My last words are much louder than necessary but I feel absolutely helpless. I canonly see her flinch but I'm already on my way to the door, forcefully tearing it open and stomping away from her room as quickly as I can.

On my way I almost run into the nurse that was helping us before and when she asks me.
"If you want that wound on your hip looked at, there's a doctor on staff, last door on the right."
I completely ignore her worried that I might yell at her in Ky's place.
She looks after me and is about to tell me how rude I am but then turns to Kyanites door and goes inside.
"What got into him?" She asks unknowingly.

On my way down the hall I have no idea where I'm going, whether I'm going far, whether to punch the wall or start crying (which I won't do) or what just happened?

[*]

He will never understand my pain. He'll never understand how much I fought to be nearer to him. What I did and what attitudes I suffered through for him. I won't let my daughter feel those pains. I stuck through this because I loved him before he even knew it. This tiny little baby will be depending on him to show her love and it took him forever to admit it just to me. She won't be able to do nothing but give love and how long till he even accepts her or shows her affection? Days? Months? Years? Would he ever accept a baby girl? With those jokes, as he claims, I feel like he's already rejecting her. It hurts to hear him bring up those words... no matter how innocent they were suppose to be. They cut deep into me.

I can't look at him. I can't even breath at this moment because I'm trying to keep from expelling the tears wanting to form. If I look at him, I fear what I may see. I'm scared to see that look on his face of disappointment. I know his history with girls. I know how much he detests them. The only ones he ever has been close to was me and Gala. Both of us has proven to him that we're worth it to be around. Sprout can't prove anything of worth to him to be around.

This changes everything.

"After all I've done for both of you, you're kicking me out because of a bad joke. I can't believe YOU!" The stinging words bite into my heart. He's even more angry then I imagine that he would be, but right now, I just need peace. I can't handle anymore stress then to think that he won't be wanting another girl in his life, despite making her himself.

I cringe and feel my head spin under my closed eyes. I let my head hit the back of the bed and feel a dull sensation of pain. That's when I remember the moments with Jins. They flash ever so presently in my mind when he pulled me back and shoved my head against the ground. His hands entangled in my hair to keep me under him while he wanted to kill me.

Hot tears sting my eyes as the door slams closed and I let the tears and the gasps escape my mouth as I keep my grip near my stomach. "I"m sorry Sprout. I'm so sorry..." I can't help but keep apologizing to the little girl that's never met either of us, but has heard us fight. I don't want her to experience what I did with my parents. I only turn my head into the pillow and feel the tears fall.

"What's got into him?" A voice breaks the silence in the room and I don't dare look up. The woman though comes to my side and places a hand on my shoulder and tries to coax me to look at her. "Are you in pain? Something wrong?"

I shake my head and only keep my silence all the while she starts to measure my stats again. Her gentle hands move over my arm, readjusting the cuff and starting to soothe me with her voice as she voices her congratulations on the baby girl. All the while, I finally settle into nothing but quiet sobs and then slow breaths as she commands that I need to calm down for the baby's sake.

"Mind telling me what happened? The man that was in here - did he do something? Do you know him?" She asks, trying to find out why she walked into the room with me in tears and him storming out of the room.

"How can you love someone so much yet hurt them at the same time?" I blurt out without thinking. The nurse, on the other hand, only gives off this little 'uhmm' noise as she finally understands. "I didn't want to hurt him, but I can't control what is given. He doesn't want a girl..."

"Seems to me that he only needs time to adjust. You're still quite young. I don't know what happened, but give him time. He'll come around. He'll also have to get used to someone whose very hormonal right now and with what you just went through, I think it's normal to get a little over-emotional."

"You won't say anything, will you? No one... knows." I try to tell her and she gives me a smile.

"My lips are sealed dear. Besides, what happens in here can only be discussed with your parent or legal guardian." Then it just strikes me. He was suppose to be here in place of my brother. He was suppose to be my support and everything else and he just left the room. He just left me alone.

[Jack Lexington]

Each step that takes me away from her-them feels wrong. I don't want to go, not in the slightest but Kyanite told me to leave. After all the other stuff she threw at me: She thinks I'd only be happy with a boy, that I rejected our baby because she's a girl and that I haven't changed. I'm not sure which is worst out of them all.
My heart being cut out wouldn't feel much worse I think. Because that's what I gave her and in her overwhelmed pregnant daze she takes it and stomps it into the ground.

To hell with her...I haven't changed. That's ridiculous. I've changed much more than I wanted. If only I could still hate or disregard her and tell her to take care of the baby herself. Not caring about her or any other girl is so much easier than this emotional involvement that makes oyu high as a kite and then drags you through the dirt like nothing else. I wish I had listened to my father but now it's too late. She's got me, both of them do and there's not a damn thing i can do about. If only she knew.

At the end of the hallway I stop and turn around to look back at her door, run both hands through my hair in desperation, turn towards the wall and put my head against it, just to turn again and walk away. I can't let her do this to me. It was just a joke, an immature reaction to something unplanned. But her words ran somuch deeper. They cut right into me. I really can't believe her. Did she mean that?

I walk and walk until I come to the end of the long hallway where the elevators are located. If I don't want to punch some innocent bystander in the face I'd better get away or at least find something different to do: Brody.