{Nothing can be explained} [Python]

[kousei ♚]

S H A D O W

(Given the chance I would happily dance
on the grave of the one who shows no remorse
Lost on the way
no one to blame
no one to say
nothing to do with the way everything's changed)

It has been too long.

The thought hits me as I sit on this cold, hard bench, watching and thinking.

It has been too long since I put on a mask and made people dance like the puppets they all are. Too long since I performed, too long since I practised. What many people don't realise is that the art of manipulation is like any other art. It must be practised and perfected until it's satisfactory. Even I, who takes pride in my expertly crafted masks, must practise. One would think I'd lost the stomach for it. Quite the opposite, I may have gotten lazy but that doesn't mean I lost the stomach for it.

I don't know what made me come to this park bench in this specific park. Probably because this is the only park within miles from my home. Maybe I came to here to eagerly search for my next victim, for the next puppet in to add to my puppet box. It's like a game to me now, I don't let victims walk into me, I go out and look for them. That's how I get ahead. Yes, that's why I came here, the next puppet, the next person who'll dance for me. I've had enough of waiting around for things to happen, I'm tired of being lazy. My mind and body needs stimulation, something to keep their attention. The short term bursts I get are all well and good but the true buzz comes from the performance. The true buzz comes from wearing my masks, stringing people up, and watching them dance.

And I won't fucking get it.

Unfortunately, there's not as many people here as I would've liked. There's a few naive children being watched over by their parents and there's not even many of them. That probably has something to do with the cold bite of winter that hangs in the air all around me. I had shroud my neck with a black scarf and shroud my body with a dull, grey jacket. Even my hands had to be protected from the biting chill with dark blue gloves. Still, I would've thought someone would've come. It's not like it's snowing (then no one would've come for sure).

Guess I came to the wrong place.

Maybe everyone would be wrapped in their houses trying to warm themselves with whatever small fires they can kindle, not hanging around in the park like I foolishly believed they would be.

I let out a disappointed sigh which is clearly visible from the cold and I lurch from the bench and shove my hands in my pockets. "Stupid Shadow, very stupid indeed." I guess I got my hopes up, got my hopes up too high from my lack of performances lately. I've gotten stupid and almost desperate for another puppet to dance to my voice, for some naive fool to be tricked by my mask. Only met with disappointment. I don't want to go back to the clinic yet, I need another puppet in my life, I need someone to keep me occupied while day to day life happens. It's been too bloody long!

I grunt loudly and kick the ground.

"I'm done here." I whisper harshly to myself and stride away from the few stupid kids playing, they're of no use to me or my intentions. I don't even think about it, I keep going and going and I don't stop, I don't even look back. My pace speeds up until I'm basically jogging with my hands shoved in my pockets. I just keep going and going, my frustration grows as my breathing speeds up, I keep going until I'm sure away from the mockery and frustration. And then my stride slows and slowly comes to a halt when I'm tired of striding. I finally look up and I find that I'm only accompanied by the continuous bite of the frosty air.

Probably better that way.

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts

[Python]

C O R A S C A R R O W

Cora stripped off her gown and waited for the nurse to return with her winter wardrobe. She donned a plain white tee, a pair of jeans, shoes with an extra layer of wool on the inside, a blue sweater, and a homemade blue beanie that she had knitted in a class a few months ago. Within the white, barren walls of her bedroom – decorated only with the occasional poster or cheap painting, which were presents purchased for her during Ratmas and her birthday – she was pampered properly for her trip, perched on the edge of her creaky mattress as one of the nurses combed out her long chestnut hair. When she was finished, she set the brush aside, and Cora turned to her expectantly. ”Do I look okay?” she asked, teasing the soft ends of her follicles between two fingers. She had washed her hair extra hard for today’s special event.

The nurse regarded her with a bored expression. ”You look fine,” she drawled, ”Anything else?”

Cora pondered for a moment. Everything seemed to be in order. She couldn’t see her face, but she assumed that her hair framed it quite nicely. The nurses were all so pretty, so they knew how to make a plain girl’s face pretty enough for the outside world, right?

She could only rely on her faith.

A chill in the air prodded at her through her clothes as they passed through the front gate. Every month the facility performed a “behavior evaluation,” where each resident’s recorded conduct was reviewed by the head Doctors. If enough compliant and non-disruptive behavior had been displayed, a resident was allowed the opportunity to spend a day outside the grounds of the facility and explore the District as they pleased – with a nurse escort, of course. Cora had always liked the outdoors when it was safe and unthreatening. There was a fenced-in garden at the back of the building, and residents were allowed outside once a day if they didn’t give the nurses any trouble. But that had its limits. You could only look at the same flowers so many times until winter shriveled them all up. The paved pathways were now littered with fallen leaves instead, a telltale sign of the changing season.

The same nurse accompanied her on her monthly trips because Cora always picked the same location to visit. It was a park with lots of grass, trees, sidewalks, and a playground, far away from the confines of the alleys she once feared and dreaded. She wanted to be as far away from those dark spaces as she could. They reminded her too much of the dirty crimes and the dirtier money, and the welts and bruises that decorated her like she was a portrait melting in the rain. She always chose a spot in the grass and picked at the blades with her fingers, watching the wealthier residents walk their dogs and take their children to the swing sets to play.

She fingered her sweater pockets and crinkled the paper money inside. Residents were allowed a single purchase during the monthly trip, and she could see an ice cream stand parked on the opposite end of the field. Desserts at the facility were so rare that most considered the sultry taste of meat to be sweeter than anything they’ve ever savored. Her mouth watered on sight, and without informing the nurse (as she should’ve) she rushed to the stand and stood in line behind the children and parents. She ordered a vanilla cone and awkwardly carried the change in her opposite hand. When she returned to the bench to offer her nurse the money to buy her own cone, she found it deserted. Puzzled, she spun in circles and searched for the uniform that glowed whiter than snow. All she saw were the vibrant shirts of the running children.

She didn’t want to panic – she wanted to cherish the flavor of this ice cream instead. So, she circled the edges of the park at a sluggish pace, keeping her blue eyes peeled for that unmistakable uniform. That was when she spotted a boy walking in the opposite direction, and a thought occurred to her. Once he was within reach, she gently tapped his shoulder and asked, ”Excuse me, have you seen a woman wearing a white uniform? She’s my nurse, and I lost her.”

template by chelsey

[kousei ♚]

S H A D O W

(Given the chance I would happily dance
on the grave of the one who shows no remorse
Lost on the way
no one to blame
no one to say
nothing to do with the way everything's changed)

I take two deep breaths, trying to calm my frustration and send it to the back of my mind. I stick my hands deep in my pocket and close my eyes, breathing in and out constantly and deeply. I try not to get too irrationally angry in public, it ruins the mask and shatters the illusion. But sometimes, just like right then the frustration can get too much. Breathe in and breathe out, slowly. Sometimes that helps, calms the body, takes my focus off the source of frustration and just onto my breathing.

It's a good thing my anger wasn't noticeable. It wouldn't look good, me suddenly getting angry for no apparent reason; makes me look like a crazy person or someone with anger issues. And when one's a master manipulator like me appearances matter a lot. Every little detail is important to me, especially when it comes to wearing my masks. And showing my real emotions, my real strong feelings is a huge deal. Ruins the mask, leaves me with no one to leech off of.

I take three final breaths, just to take my mind off the very thought of frustration.

I'm sure I'm calmer and I take a few steps forwards before I feel a repeated light tap on my shoulder. I instinctively spin around to find the source of the feeling and to my surprise I find another person! I have to look down at her because I'm so much taller than her. Th-there's someone here... That's annoying, it's annoying because I didn't notice that someone was here. I was too caught up in my own childish sulking to notice that the thing I was lacking was literally a glance away.

But it doesn't matter, what matters now is that she's come up to me. She's approached the trap herself. That's a positive from this, I guess, considering there's no awkwardness of going up to a random stranger and trying to start a conversation, that's always the most difficult and I want this to be as smooth and easy as possible.

And it's such a sweet relief that's she's even here in the first place, it's as if someone out there has noticed what I need, what I'm so frustrated about, and sent her here. More specifically sent her to me. But I've never believed in ripred or destiny; there's only luck or coincidence, what really makes things happen is how we react. ”Excuse me, have you seen a woman wearing a white uniform? She’s my nurse, and I lost her.” She says to me.

That sentence alone intrigues me and thousands of questions fill my head and circle my brain.

Who are you? What's your name? Why do you need a nurse? Are you crazy or something? However, I hold myself back from asking any of those question, from years of practice I've found that if I ask too many questions too quickly I come on a bit too forward, and if I come on a bit too forward then that instantly turns them away. And then that's another opportunity wasted, another puppet that escapes from it's strings. Instead I suppress my excited grin and carve a casual friendly smile onto my face, I banish my questions to the back of my mind and say something less ... direct. "No, sorry, but I can help you look for her, I'm not doing anything anyway." I say, still casually smiling.

It's time to make sinister good things happen.

"Y'know, it just seems like you need some help."

Be ready to fall into my trap you unfortunate soul.

"My name's Shadow by the way," I add after a brief pause.

I'll string her up and she'll dance.

It takes time but it happens and when it does she won't escape...

I'll make sure of that.

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts

[Python]

C O R A S C A R R O W

Her face fell for just a microsecond. She didn’t want to waste her breath on a hopeless goose hunt. This stranger hadn’t seen a woman wearing white, and who else would? People were absent-minded in the park. They flocked to this field for harmony and relaxation, they wouldn’t be paying attention to the world around them. That was what she did, at least. She drowned the rest of the world and focused only on the children at play and the frost collecting itself on the branches of trees. The bark was thinning itself out for the winter, ready to bear the season’s white coat and match the icy shade that would soon decorate the grass. Nobody would notice a woman in white in a place like this. She didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Much to her surprise, this stranger was willing to help her. What a gentleman. People usually didn’t honor her a second glance, especially when her nurse was with her. A uniform screamed “mental patient,” and she learned the hard way that the average citizen preferred to turn a blind eye. Patients and nurses were the only friends she could make, and most of the nurses only tolerated her. They grew weary of her screams and her obsessions, she could see it in their empty eyes and sagging cheeks. Some of them were losing sleep from working overtime on night shifts. The bags etched under their eyes were telltale signs of their stress. She couldn’t blame them for their lack of interest and attention, but it did get lonely.

His name was shadow. She liked that name. ”I’m Cora,” she said, chapped lips curled into a smile. People never smiled for her anymore, but for some odd reason this boy was beaming and polite and willing to lend a hand. He wasn’t judging her on the spot for having a nurse. Did that simply mean that the idea hadn’t registered to him? Usually a person could figure it out in the blink of an eye – that she was a mental patient, that she was a crow in a field full of doves. She was isolated from the world until days like this, and the day of the Reaping. Somehow Shadow was different, but she wasn’t sure if different was trustworthy. She knew she needed to find her nurse, though. It was against protocol to be left alone, and she didn’t want her privileges taken away.

”Where should we look?” She asked, eyes scanning the fields once more. She could see children playing and parents sitting, but none of them were in white. The ice cream stand was also a dead end. Where could she have gone? Was there a restroom nearby that she needed to use? She only knew the park area and its boundaries. Everything beyond that was foreign territory.

template by chelsey

[kousei ♚]

S H A D O W

(Given the chance I would happily dance
on the grave of the one who shows no remorse
Lost on the way
no one to blame
no one to say
nothing to do with the way everything's changed)

To my absolute delight she responds positively to my offer to 'help' her. I guess I'm just a really nice guy... She tells me her name... Cora. Her name is Cora. And I didn't even have to ask for it. Has it truly gotten this easy? I'm not complaining, I'd rather have an easy job of what I do than spend days coaxing, convincing, acting to get one to believe the mask expertly crafted onto my face. After all, why put so much effort into a mask if everyone knows what's behind it?

It's taking all my mental control to not smile like an excited boy getting a new toy. I don't want to scare her, I'm just a nice, non-creepy stranger helping her. That's what she has to believe and that's what I'll make her believe. No one knows who I truly am and no one will find out, especially not this complete stranger. I'm helping her find her nurse, that's all I'm doing.

Still, what does she need a nurse for? From looking she doesn't seem to have any physical disabilities, she seems like any normal person. Maybe she has something wrong with her in the head. Not that I'm discouraged or anything. Maybe I'll coax it out of her on our friendly searching trip or her nurse will just tell me if we find him or her. ”Where should we look?” She asks me, snapping me back into reality and many ideas spring into my mind. I notice her looking around, as if finding this nurse is of absolute paramount to her which I guess it is.

"Well did you accidentally wander off? Maybe we should check were you were before that, she could be waiting there," I suggest, trying to sound as helpful as possible, "It seems like a reasonable idea, or we could check where you entered the park through first." I suggest, I make sure not to sound like I'm giving orders like she's my subordinate or something. I want to keep the persona of being friendly and helpful; that means being extra careful to only put forward ideas, not give out orders.

And then another idea springs to mind.

"I know this park really well you see, so with my help we'll find her no problem." I say confidently. Unlike most things that come out of my mouth that's not a lie at all; I've been coming here since I was a small kid and I used to play here with other little kids. Even when I grew out of playing on silly swings I still come here. Needless to say I know now this park like the back of my hand.

Still, it's a rather big park so this may take awhile.

Perfect.

I scan the field with my eyes, and take note of the ice cream stand that's usually there and the kids playing on the apparatus with their parents watching them. And that's only a small fraction. There's so much more ground we can possibly cover. It's a good thing I have plenty of time.

I glance at Cora for a second. "Don't worry, I won't leave until we find your nurse."

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts

[Python]

C O R A S C A R R O W

She didn’t want to feel like a lost child. Stray mental patients were always treated like naughty children. At the facility, they would be deprived of activities and left to sit in their rooms as if in time-out to “think about” their misbehavior. Cora spent enough time in her room, she didn’t want to be stranded inside with no privileges. If her nurse noticed that she was missing, she was in for a severe punishment. She could be accused of an escape attempt – an absurd conviction, given that she had nowhere else to stay. She would be homeless without their facility, homeless and starved and lost. She couldn’t survive in the streets on her own. Her “guardian” in her previous life was the only person sustaining her. Alone, she was nothing. She was dust in the wind, garbage beneath dumpsters, dirt beneath boots.

She prayed that the nurse hadn’t noticed her departure, or wouldn’t blame her for their separation. If they withdrew next month’s visit to the park, she would be miserable. Any breath of fresh air lost was a failure. She would waste her life away in that facility because there was nowhere else to live, not until they deemed her “prepared” to survive in the outside world. So far, she had not yet met their standards for freedom, so every chance to walk the earth outdoors was precious. She didn’t want it stolen from her because of one misunderstanding.

”She usually sits on that bench when we visit,” she said, pointing to an empty bench on the opposite end of the field. A few birds were pecking bread crumbs off the cobblestones, but other than that the space was vacant. ”She disappeared after I bought this ice cream.” She held up the half-eaten cone. Only a few drops of melted vanilla remained, pooled in the center of its chewed container. She stepped over to the nearest trash can and dropped it inside. ”I already checked the ice cream stand, and where we entered the park,” she continued, voice deflated. She didn’t want to give in so early, but whether they found her or not she was going to end up in trouble.

Shadow’s words were uplifting. Maybe it wasn’t too late, and since he knew the park so well he could help her search it thoroughly. He was kind and persistent about it too, even willing to stay here with her until they were reunited. Maybe he could vouch for her absence and clear her name. It was obvious that she hadn’t ventured off on purpose, and he could tell her that! He could tell her the truth. He was a normal boy, so the nurse would have to listen.

Maybe things weren’t so glum after all.

”Oh, I have an idea. Where’s the nearest bathroom? Do you think she could’ve gone there?”

template by chelsey

[kousei ♚]

S H A D O W

(Given the chance I would happily dance
on the grave of the one who shows no remorse
Lost on the way
no one to blame
no one to say
nothing to do with the way everything's changed)

I won't lie, even with me finding her nurse will probably be quite the difficult task, but I don't tell her that. This park is quite big and many things could happen, she could wander off to where we checked, we could spend the entire search attempt walking in circles only to find that she was in the simplest place possible but we hadn't just checked there properly. How embarrassing would that be, We'd have to check places thoroughly in order to find her quick. The fact that she's not in places that I'd suggested isn't exactly a big help or very uplifting (as they're the closest places) but I'm not one to give up. My mind is set on this task and no matter how cold I get, how bored I get, how tired or pissy I get I will complete this damn task.

I can only imagine how worried Cora must feel (I can't remember the last time anything really worried or scared me). I can only assume this nurse of hers is very important (or why else would she need one?) and she mustn't be left alone. But luckily for her (or unlucky whichever way one thinks of it) I'm her and even if I wanted to I can't walk away now. I've committed myself and thrown myself into the deep end of this scenario without really thinking about it. I do my best to push back the wave of doubt and second guesses about my decision to stay with her until we find her nurse. What if we never find her? What if she's dangerous? What if this is a trick?

We'll find her.

No one's as dangerous as me.

I don't get 'tricked'.

I let out a soft sigh when she suggests she may have gone to the nearest bathroom or something. A weird suggested but a completely viable one, the nearest bathroom isn't all that far from here, barely a five minute walk. "Yes, she may have gone there if she knows this park. The nearest bathroom is not even five minutes away so there's a good place to check," I reply, pointing my left hand in the direction of the nearest park. "Good thinking, never would've thought of it myself." I add on with a small grin. "Who knows, with ideas like that, we're sure to make we'll find her within fifteen minutes." I say, in a calm, joking manner.

It's my attempt to do as people call 'lighten up the mood'. I've found that it's a very good strategy to use when one wants to start any sort of conversation in an otherwise serious mood. After all, I've found that unless the mood lightens up people don't exactly appreciate the conversation and I guess this would qualify as being a 'serious time' for her at least. I take my hands out of my pockets and jerk my head in the general direction of the nearest bathroom. "I'll lead the way." I say with certainty and I begin walking, expecting that she will follow.

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts

[Python]

C O R A S C A R R O W

It was perfectly logical. Why else would a nurse wander off? Nurses didn’t escape, patients did. That was always the case, even if the underlying truth was littered with negligence and lack of concern. Patients were always blamed for a nurse’s mistake outside the walls. If patient and nurse ended up noticeably separated for just a few moments, the nurse could report it as an escape attempt. It would win the case every time, and the poor victim would lose privileges. Cora didn’t want to end up like those patients. She was always on her best behavior because she valued the little freedom she had. She cherished every moment she could be on her own. Hopefully the nurse was just visiting the restroom. She should’ve warned her, but nurses could be careless.

Shadow praised her idea and she smiled. She was proud of her lightbulb; she usually wasn’t so creative. She spent most of her time absorbed in her own thoughts, but that didn’t mean they were the thoughts of an intellect. Honestly, she just thought about the next time she would be allowed outside, and then invent new techniques of avoiding the fountain. New temptations always rose when she walked out of that sterile environment. The fountain was so pretty and inviting – it even had a dry edge to sit on, and that was exactly what residents did. Problem was, there were reflections in the water.

She couldn’t risk that.

There was no fountain here. It was disappointing, but relieving. The temptation wouldn’t present itself, and she would remain safe. She couldn’t imagine breaking down in the middle of the public eye. How embarrassing, and how easy it would be for the nurse to make the decision to cut her privileges. Survival without her monthly trips would be miserable. What would she look forward to? Pudding on Fridays? The next birthday party so she could eat cake and lick frosting from her fingers? There were nicer things in life, things like this park and its innocent children and its delicious ice cream stands.

”I hope she’s there,” Cora muttered, following Shadow in his footsteps. She trusted him to lead her to the right place. She had no idea where the restrooms were because she was always sure to empty her bladder before she left the facility. Bathroom trips would only waste her time, and she needed to cherish every second she was out here. ”I’ll get in trouble if I don’t find her.”

She wondered if Shadow would ask why. She wondered if he was already questioning her life and her mental health. It shouldn’t matter, he clearly cares about people enough to help me. Even if he was doing this out of pity or some moral obligation, she didn’t mind. It was nice to have company. Patients at the facility could be crude and unpredictable. She needed some peace for once in her life.

template by chelsey

[kousei ♚]

S H A D O W

(Given the chance I would happily dance
on the grave of the one who shows no remorse
Lost on the way
no one to blame
no one to say
nothing to do with the way everything's changed)

I think it would be rude if I asked her why she would get in trouble for not finding her nurse. But the curiosity is almost overwhelming and I really want to know. It's like how a snake stalks and analyses its prey before finally striking and injecting it with its paralysing venom. This is exactly like that - what I do, how I do it, it's a weird parallel. And what kind of snakes attacks its prey without knowing everything about it? For all I know she could be a dangerous lion that would tear my throat out the moment I revealed myself.

Who are you, Cora?

I have to know everything about her, what's wrong with her, why she's like this, why she so desperately needs a nurse, her likes and dislikes, her friends (if she has any) and her family (if they're still alive). I can't be too forward about it, if I am that could ruin the mask - it could ruin the ruse entirely and then I'd be back to square one. With no victim in mind.

I try to keep as calm as I can. It's just the too of us walking to the rest room (that shouldn't be too far away) but I can't do anything rash. It's a dangerous game this is, and the only reason I'm so good at it is because of one key factor; Patience. I can be as charming, good looking, or intimidating as I like. If I'm not patient then the mask shatters into little shards, and what can I do with little mask shards? Absolutely nothing.

I sigh and stick my hands in my pockets, keeping as calm and humane as possible. I know she needs to find her nurse quick, I can tell because it's so urgent she 'could get in trouble'. Whatever that is at wherever she's from. I'll find out more about that later. "So Cora, do you come here often?" I ask. It seems like a reasonable question, and I can find out a lot by that one simple question - just need the right analytical brain to get about it.

Just don't rush it.

"I was just wondering, you don't seem to know your way around but you seem like such an outdoor person." I add, smiling to make the compliment just that more settling and flattering. I want her to feel comfortable around me, to feel completely settled. I'm not a bad guy in her eyes. I want to keep it that way, and it will stay that way. I honestly wish we didn't have to hurry to find her nurse because I could easily make this conversation could drag on forever and ever.

But then again she probably wouldn't appreciate me 'getting her in trouble' because we spent hours and hours on end talking.

There's a timer, I'm under timed conditions - the clock's trying to put pressure on me. I can't help but smile to myself; the very thought of it makes me smile slightly.

What pressure?

"Let's hurry, wouldn't want you to get in trouble now would we." I say in a semi-serious tone.

Narrative
"Speech"
Thoughts