Grasping for straws (Grim)

[Jack Lexington]

The wind that blows today is cold, icy to be precise and it smells like snow. Most likely the land will be covered in a soft white layer tomorrow. Above me the stars are twinkling down on me as if they were having some fun with me.

I’m not in the mood to twinkle back or go home to my fathers house where my girl friend is waiting for me. Instead I retreat inside the old run down house, that once used to belong to my grand father with the half caved in ceiling and no more than two usable rooms.

There’s a fire crackling in the fire place providing a little warmth. Good enough for me as tonight I’m not concerned about warmth. I’m preoccupied dealing with what happened today.

Sore doesn’t quite cut it. THAT girl almost fractured my left collar bone and my jaw. I had to see our family doctor to make sure it’s not actually broken, who preceeded to wrap my shoulder up, stitch my tongue that had gotten in the way of one of her elbow whacks with 7 stitches and hook me up with a nice load of morphling. Thank goodness for that nice old man. He’s always been a good address to run to.

What he couldn’t mend was the damage she’s done to my ego though. The way she teased and pursed her lips, making me think she was flirting with me before she handed me my ass on a golden platter like no other girl before. Every one of her moves was so harsh and out of place in a training center and when she had me on the ground bleeding she suddenly seemed to care and worry. What a bitch. Classical female. Exactly the kind I hate.
For many years my father had told me to be weary of women, that they screw with your mind and heart just to tear it right out, that they say one thing and mean another, that they’ll give false signals, seduce you, make you feel cozy, then tear you apart.
I should have listened.

Kyanite made me soft. For her I was ready to throw caution to the wind. Heck, I even thought I could be one of those guys who understand girls but I wouldn’t be lying here on the sofa of the old house staring up at the ceiling if I was.


The bruise forming on my cheek has the shape of a purple have moon. It’s so swollen that I can’t even drink any water. All I constantly do is suck back the saliva that’s building when I suck on those damn stitches.
She got me good, that red head. Left me in a lot of pain.

If Kyanite could see me like this she’d loose it. Better that I’m not near her. She might not like a few other things about me tonight. If I could I’d take it out on the old punching bag that’s hanging nearby or drink half a bottle of whiskey but neither is possible so I squeeze my eyes shut trying to blend out the throbbing in my jaw and shoulder.

Hours later I wake from the first 30 minutes of uninterrupted sleep I’ve gotten all night due to pain.

Another day of working through it, another day of anger and resentment.
I’m plummeting into a girl hating place faster than I can try to cope.

So when Monday arrives and I have no option but show up to receive my punishment if I don’t want to get in trouble again, I’m like a loaded canon.

A hood covers most of my head but even now the bruise is so obvious…her victory over me. There’s no hiding that. I hate her and she will feel it when she shows up.

With a gaze of steel I show up at the career center managers office and opt for a spot on the opposite wall. A look at my watch tells me I’m a few minutes early.
Take a deep breath. Stay calm!

[grim.]

    I wake with a jump, his tortured expression is branded in my memory. I couldn't stop thinking about the way he looked at me. Like vermin, or a criminal. Technically what we did was illegal, but he had me shitting myself. I know for a second he was debating ending me.

     Maybe I misunderstood, or I over shot my bounds. He wasn't going to forgive me that was for damn sure, but why do I need his forgiveness? Was it pity, did I feel I needed his forgiveness for my own selfish well being? That was exactly it, I couldn't care less how he was feeling, just as long as I heard "I forgive you".

    This word ring through my head, reminding me of him yet again. My head was soaked in nightmare sweats. I was struggling more then usual to breath. Tomorrow was Monday, I would have to face my consequences, but even worse I would have to face him. When I returned home after that day my father wasn't the least bit angry. Of course my medically examined wrist, which was sure as hell broken, would put a dent in my training schedule.

     But my father congratulated me for beating a man double my size fist to fist. He almost went to the extent of saying "good job". I don't think I would be able to contain my anger, if those words would have left his mouth. What I did was not the least bit of good, I ruined him, mostly his ego. I felt horrible, but he wouldn't care. Matthew's only goal was to hurt me, and that was more apparent now then it ever was in the training hall. It comes to my realization that he still wasn't aware of my name, I recognized him from the past training events and his talents in a fight, but he still wasn't aware of my identity. I wasn't sure how I felt about that, I'm nothing more then a blank face to him.

     I lay there, awake the rest of the night my hair drenched in sweat, my lips quivering with every sharp breath. It wasn't until I saw the sun raise over the bottom corner of my window that I sat up.

     I pulled a jacket over my drenched shirt, and pulled a pair of worn jeans over my bare legs. I looked like shit, even I could admit that. My eyes were circled with dark bags, my forehead grimy. I looked like I was from one of those pathetic excuses for a district.

     I don't care, I was going to get there looking like this, lifeless. I grab my bag and pull it over my shoulder, making my way to the training center.

     When I arrive I stare at the metal handles for a moment, unsure if entry is what I wanted. I finally muster up the courage to grasp the handle and whip it open with my good arm. There he was standing against a far wall. I stop dead in the door way and star.

     He didn't look to good either, he seemed ashamed of his injuries. I decide to avoid coming close until, the man dishing out punishment arrived. I sit on a bench near to the door, I'm not sue why, but keeping an exit near to me seemed logical.

[Jack Lexington]

The door opens, my head turns, past the fabric of my hoodie I spot her red hair, all messy.
With that one look my rage returns.
I've never been one who easily deals with his anger. It's gotten the better of me on many occasions earning the title of 'tough asshole' by even my friends. The tough stems from my ability to stand my ground even in bad fights. The asshole from the fact that I even beat on girls and many uóther things nobody should really be proud of. Today I am though and am I'm going to let this tard feel what an asshole I can be.

I turn my head away from her and keep it trained on the door opposite of me. Usually I'd clench my jaw, let it work....usually today I'm way too sore, so all I can do is let my eyes turn to ice.

The door opens at 10 am sharp and out comes no other than the impressive broad shoulder leader of this facility.
"C'mon in."

I don't react right away but watch her enter with that icy stare and not a flinch from the corners of my mouth. I want to scream at her 'I hate you, you egoistic bitch.'
I don't. Instead I follow her into the room doing and grand job at hiding the pain I'm in, physically and emotionally.

"Sit down." He orders us and points towards two chairs in front of his large oak desk.

Both of us hesitate so he clerifies. "This isn't an offer."

I sit down first and look at her for a moment. She looks not half as manicured and welltaken care off as she did on the day of our fight. On the contrary. Plus she's got her hand in a cast. That I can draw some satisfaction from. I'll have to ask her whether it hurts.

"Both of you have been at this center long enough to know the rules. You were caught during a fight that would have made the actual games look like childs play...forgive me the pun."
He gives us both a hard look before he drags out our files.

"I know you're both aware that you've crossed a line. Are you not?"
His tone gets louder and louder butI remain unimpressed because I've become used to the yelling during the training at the academy.
"Yes, sir." I answer in as much of an understandable speech as I am able to at the moment.

"Matthew, you have been training students here. Out of all people you should be a role model. Instead your file tells me I shouldn't have assinged you any students in the first place."
What on earth is he talking about? What's in his file?
Unfortunately I can't ask that in front of her.

"And you?" His eyes focus in the young woman now.
"What are you trying to prove? How many times does someone have to tell you to tone it down before you get kicked out?"
'I'd love to see that.' I think to myself balling my fist under the table next to her leg.

[grim.]

    


I stand when I notice the man in "power" steps in. He didn't seem as mad yesterday, but he wasn't happy either. I follow him somewhat close behind, to be honest I was terrified of getting to close to Mathew.

    He follows close behind me, his bruised face looking even more intimidating up close. It was horrifying, I honestly feel like shit for what I did, but there is no taking this back. I pull my mess of hair over my right shoulder and lift my strap back over my shoulder, this was going to be a time to remember.

    When we make it into this mans office he offers up two chairs for us to sit ing. I wasn't going to sit until Mathew did, he needed to show me that his guard was down before I put down mine. He takes a seat and seems to get amusement out of my discomfort...what an ass.

    When I finally take a seat, this large man goes on talking about how our sitting was not an offer, and basically trying to talk some fear into the both of us. He was going to have to try harder, I was use to dealing with large angry men. He goes on to bring up my past of beating many people senseless, but it was what I do, no fight is worth anything if you don't give it your all. "Don't mock me, I fight with passion and meaning.

    If you don't agree with that then throw me out". i say firmly. I could tell this made him angry, he hated every once of my being, but I was going to express my opinion. 

[Jack Lexington]

Icy would describe the atmosphere in the room perfectly. Even below the temperatures outside.
We don't look at each other, don't talk to each other. Both of us just listen to the verbal spanking we receive and hope not to get thrown out of this place. I do at least.
It becomes obvious she doesn't care so much as she claims.
"Don't mock me, I fight with passion and meaning. If you don't agree with that then throw me out".
her eyes sparkle at the old man.
I can't help but laugh at her words briefly. Passion? Is that what she calls that?
"Meaning?" I turn my head to raise my brows mockingly.
"Destruction, I'd say."
I can barely move my mouth to speak but my eyes sure as hell tell her how much I hate her for what she did.

Then my hand simply lands on her leg as I ask in a sweet tone. "Or what was the meaning behind your actions?" I know she's been teasing me, pretending to care, pretending to feel a bit of lust just to crush me. She tried to play me. So now I'm giving it back.

"Cut it out." The boss yells at me and points his finger. "Watch what you're doing boy. The peace keepers have a station just down the road."
Ah, so that's what's in my file.
I pull my hand back quickly.

"The kind of meaning and passion you put on display here is not allowed. You know that. Let this be your last warning or I WILLthrow you out. The two of you will be in charge of the gym cleaning duty for the rest of the month. i will tell the cleaning staff that they can focus on other parts of the center. Take out your excess energy on the brooms, you two, and should I hear anything negative I will report both of you to the authorities. We don't tolerate criminal behavior here."

Did he just really call us criminals...for one fight gone a bit too far? Is he really going to throw us to the dogs? I squint my eyes at him but swallow every objection.

"Understood?" The grumpy man asks.

Not a word wants to leave my mouth. She has to say something first.

[grim.]

His chuckle echoes through my head. He made me so angry, but at the same time I felt attached to him. I stare at him firmly, making it known that he was pushing my buttons. I watch as the corners of his mouth stretch across his face like a tight canvas. He was the biggest ass I have aver met, and I've met one to many. I return the devious smile that he is dishing, and reply "Is something funny?". I return my gaze to the head of this center. He didn't seem happy with the tension in this room. 

He rests his hand on my thy and, my heart nearly stops. My hearing becomes muffled, and I hardly hear what he says. I was more focused on my breath and my eyes sharp on his hands placement. What was wrong with me? He was taunting me, trying to make me feel something. My eyes swell up, filling with tears. I kew that soon they would fall, but I couldn't let that happen, not now.

I resist the urge to cry, I cant show him that weakness. I reach down and place my hand on top of his, I lean in close. Pressing my soft lips into the bruise of his jaw, I made it soft and full of lust. I then put my mouth inches form his ear, "Your a sick conceded bastard, and your skills are worth shit" I hiss. I was trying to make him angry, he was a piece of shit.

He made me feel for him, made me want for his health. FUCK HIM, FUCK ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH HIM. I smile because I know that my blur of affection has passed. I finally feel normal for the first time in days. I couldn't care less about him, and I would love to be the girl to personally make his life a living hell. If only I found that worth my time.

The large man in the chair goes on to talk about how the way I fight regardless was un-excectable. I of course ignored him, he wasn't worth my respect. I didn't care was that old bastard said, he had no power over me. "Understand", the man says.

We both remain silent. I mostly stayed quiet because I didn't care enough to listen to what he was saying, but Matthew seems to think he is to good to respond first. So I run the word understand through my head, until I can comprehend what he meant . "Yes sir" I say. I grab the strap of my bag, and rest my hand on the arm of my chair, ready to raise up and leave the room, with permission of course.

[Jack Lexington]

If I should guess what's going on inside her I would think she feels equally annoyed by this situation as I do and hates my gutts just as much as I hate hers. She made me run away from my own girl friend for two days fro crying out loud. She set off the worst in me without even wanting to, most likely, turned me into a girl hating, self loathing asshole again when I thought I was becoming better.
But here I am plotting how on earth I can yank her chain some more just to pay her back...subtly.

She is obviously in the same mind set. After freezing for a second when my palm touches her muscular leg she places her small on mine in an almost gentle way and leans closer so i can feel her hot breath on my ear.
"Your a sick conceded bastard, and your skills are worth shit" Her words are like a verbal slap- much more than the old guys because they're so filled with sexual tension in the way she whispers them, her lips then softly brushing up against my bruised jaw.
Of course I flinch away, totally irritated by her behavior before my gaze harders filled with pure resentment and hate.
Yet I keep my face straight and pretend to listen to our boss.

While my mind is reeling what I can do in return I sit frozen until she finally gives a nod and tells him he understood.

H dismissed both of us with a "Don't let me catch you again. Report to the cleaning people at 6 pm today. Dismissed."

I take in a sharp breath and get up without any further words but on our way out I place my hand on the small of her back and whisper in the same seductive way.
"Guess I'll be seeing more of your pretty face again soon. I can't wait."

With that I turn to the left and march down the hallway. Away from her, as fast as I can, before she can turn me into every girls nightmare.

[grim.]

The man in the chair wasn't happy with our behavior. He in fact was becoming more furious. Not that his anger was frightening in any way. I hear him gobble about some kind of clean up duty at 6pm. I wasn't happy with this punishment. Having to clean up after a bunch of sweat dough bags, wasn't my cup of tea. 

He finally dismisses us with our punishment, and I grown in disbelief. I of course would serve my punishment, but I wasn't happy about it. I press myself up from the wood chair, and glimpse out the window, I catch a peak at some people coming to train. They all seemed to know each other.

I adjust the strap of my bag, and run my hand through my messy auburn hair. I begin to walk out the exit, when I feel the light touch of Matthews hand on my lower back. It was so sleazy and seductive. He was self centered ass, I couldn't stand him. "Guess I will be seeing more of your pretty face again soon. I cant wait." he says. His words melt through my ears like cream. He did something to me that I cant explain.

I felt something toward him, but I couldn't figure it out. I cared for him on a deeper level then I'm capable of comprehending. I know he didn't feel the same, he hated me whole heartedly. And maybe I hated him, but I was to confused to understand.

I simply respond to his remark with a playful giggle. I wasn't going to expose my pain. I notice him briskly walking to the door. I could tell I was getting to him, but the truth was that he was getting to me. I didn't know how I felt. Im sure its something to do with teenage hormones or some bullshit, but I hated myself for it.

I wait until I see him get far enough from me, and I slam my good hand into the wall. I let my head drop, and the tears start to fall. I couldn't make them stop, they were forced by this stupid thing called emotions. I didn't understand, I wasn't ever going to understand. I wipe my tears with the sleeve of my sweat shirt, and I stand tall.

I was stronger then this. I was built like a machine, steel to the core. I was done letting him get to me. I had to do something about it. I had to confront him, tell him that I was done with his bull shit. I start to walk to the door. I wasn't going to train today, I was in to much pain in more ways then one. I wanted to rest...rest and thinking will help, I hope.