Consoling Love - {aza/Moka}

[Licily]

In this world
In this world of mine
I will keep you til the very end
And at the end
At the end of time
I will hold you in my arms again

S ana and her younger sister, Moka, had just had to go in for the reaping check to put in their names to be possible tributes. Sana, personally, wasn't too worried. On the other hand, she was concerned as to what Moka felt about all of this. She assumed she was nervous, but she wasn't sure whether it would be more nerves about herself or Sana getting picked. Sana looked at her little sister to see how she was feeling about all of this. "Moka, are you alright?" Sana questioned her younger sister. Moving her hair out of her face, Sana looked kindly at the young girl. Since Moka was only twelve, it was her first year of entry. Today, Sana had tried her best to dress moderately nice. She wanted to make an impression, though it didn't take much to try and do that, since she had plenty of natural beauty. Sana leaned down next to Moka and looked at her carefully. "You seem really worried." Sana had added to her initial statement. Generally, when Moka was feeling upset, she would go to Sana for comfort. Glad that she could normally be there for her, Sana always wanted to make sure that Moka was alright. "You don't need to worry. I won't get picked. It'll be okay. Besides, the reaping isn't for a while." Sana tried to assure Moka. Knowing that this wasn't entirely true, Sana still wanted to try and comfort and console Moka. Sana, needing to get tesserae for the family, would be in the reaping more times than other sixteen year olds. Well, she didn't necessarily need tesserae, but her family wanted her to get it. They always had the oldest child do so, because with that, they would have more entries. The Fleur family parents wanted to see their children in the games. Not to die, but to win and bring pride to the family. Despite not liking the idea, Sana followed their family rules nonetheless. 328 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics

Modern man has a heart of stone
In an age we are so ordinary
Let's pretend, let's pretend we're old
But I sense that we are already there

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

IT WOULD FEEL JUST LIKE A SLEDGEHAMMER.

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MOKA FLEUR
and so 'x' marks the spot 

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It should have been just like any other day. It started like one, at least. But I knew that it was different. The days I spent at home, comfortable and warm on this day were gone. The time had come were I would have to enter myself into these 'games' which are purely there for the enjoyment of the residents of the Capitol. It utterly confuses me how we're played like puppets and made to do whatever they want.

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I had turned twelve not too long ago, and I knew that as I blew out the candles, I'd reached "that age". As the flames on the candles began to extinguish with my delicate breath, I wished for the day to never come. But this wish didn't come true.

'"Moka, are you alright?" The question asked by my sister tears me out of the flashback like a page in the book. I opened my mouth to give a reasonable response, but the words never escaped. They were stuck like a lump in my throat. I suppose that words couldn't describe what I was feeling anyway. Anger, sadness, upset, nervousness and disgrace. Not even those words can touch on what I'm feeling deep down. They're not even close.

Sana bent down next to me. She gentle and familiar voice whispered: "You seem really worried." I looked into her warm eyes and gave her half a smile. As I stared, I could see myself looking back. All prettied up, looking like I've made an effort. Why do we feel we need to dress up for such a sick occasion?  Before long, the silence is smashed by Sana.

"You don't need to worry. I won't get picked. It'll be okay. Besides, the reaping isn't for a while." She says she won't, but she might. And now the time has come - I might too. It's a given that our parents want Sana in the games to see her succeed and bring glory to our name, but the simple idea that she may have to witness another person's death to achieve that makes my bones feel brittle. One day, when I'm the only child from our family able to enter, they'll make me put my name in more than once. 

What an adventure the games would be. If you bypassed the death and horrific scenes caused by the bloodthirsty games-makers; it would be nice. The ability to converse with children from the other districts and learn how they live would fascinate me, and I'm sure it would do to others too. But in reality, it's not like that at all. I imagine that today's games would be a book that had been dropped in the bath too many times, a book with a cracked spine and pages that are folded to mark everyone's "favourite moments".

I look back to Sana and give her a reassuring smile. Now that my name is in there, I've got to prove myself to myself and my family that I'm strong enough. I have to. My mouth opens and words flow out like an organised symphony.

"I've got to prove I'm ready for this, Sana. You and I can both tell I'm not, but I've got to grow up now and accept that life has different paths for all of us."  I inhale a shaky breath, and exhale it slower and more steady. I open my arms and wrap them around Sana's shoulder and bury my head into her. My eyes close and I begin to forget about today's events. But upon opening them, I'm very much reminded of the horror and agony I feel.

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template by chelsey

[Licily]

You are the loneliest star
You are the loneliest star

S ince Sana had spoken to Moka, telling her not to worry, the young twelve year old girl had told her, "I've got to prove I'm ready for this, Sana. You and I can both tell I'm not, but I've got to grow up now and accept that life has different paths for all of us." as she took a shaky breath. She had wrapped her arms around Sana's shoulder and buried her head into her. Hugging her gently, Sana rubbed Moka's back soothingly. "You'll be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you, okay? Everything is going to be alright." She whispered to her softly. As Sana sat there, she tried her best to console Moka. Knowing that she was the one person Moka came to when she was upset, Sana was trying her best to help. Though, the problem was, she wasn't quite sure what to do. Sana's mind began to become filled with thoughts. They were racing through her mind at what seemed like a thousand miles a minute. Was Moka going to be picked, and if she was, would she let Sana take her place? This worried Sana all too much. She didn't want either of them in the games. She didn't want anything to happen to Moka, whom she worried more about than herself. This was going to be really difficult. What was she supposed to do to reassure Moka that everything would be okay? Thinking that perhaps she could just talk with her, that was what she decided to try to do. "Moka, would you like to talk? You can tell me anything. Let me know whatever is bothering you." There had been a short pause before she said this. Sana looked down at her little sister, wanting to do whatever she could to help her. Pushing her own hair out of her face, Sana looked carefully to see if there was any sign of comfort to Moka. Not really able to tell at first, Sana was hoping that Moka would be able to relax soon enough. Anything that she could do to help would work for her. Sana would sacrifice herself for her sister, and she wasn't going to watch her be this broken down and upset. 370 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics

In my heart
In my heart a slave
Miles away
Miles away from home
I'll be waiting for your lonely soul

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

IT WOULD FEEL JUST LIKE A SLEDGEHAMMER.

_______________________________________________________

MOKA FLEUR
and so 'x' marks the spot 

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Her touch was comforting. Her hand rubbing my back was a soothing feeling - it felt like she was washed away everything I was feeling. It was replaced with warmth and familiarity, love and care. It brought a faint smile to my face .

"You'll be okay. I won't let anyone hurt you, okay? Everything is going to be alright." Her whisper is soft, her tone makes me believe each word she says. I could tell she was trying to help me. I flashed her a hasty smile to show that I was letting her in. I accompanied my smile with a nod. I don't know how she did it, but she made me believe everything she said.

My mind was empty - no harsh feelings or nervousness anymore. They had been lifted from my head and thrown out in the open air to float peacefully away. I opened my eyes as Sana let go of me and the gate opened, allowing each and every thought and feeling to flood back into my brain and make a confusion soup. This time, my imagination played graphic imagery of my sister and I in the games - blood in our hair and hands. I hated this. I hated it so much.

"Moka, would you like to talk? You can tell me anything. Let me know whatever is bothering you." It thrusted me back into reality. I could feel her stare looking directly at me. I had to find the right words to say this time; I couldn't ignore her and give a fake smile and nod. She's looking at me long and hard, I can feel a sort of pressure on my shoulders to speak out.

"Yes." I say with a sigh of relief. The weight is gone, my chest is loosening and I feel like I can breathe again. One word, one word was all it took.

"What bothers me is that there is a chance one of us or someone we know might die." My hands move to rub my upper arm slowly and gently. "It's scary... W-What if it's me that is chosen?" I didn't want to think about the question I put forward to my sister. It makes me feel like someone's long and sharp nails and digging into my slowly, while a crowd of mouth-watering people watch me bleed. My voice was cracking and I could feel a lump forming in my throat. I blinked and coughed to get rid of it, but it remained stuck there, secured with glue.

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template by chelsey

[Licily]

Modern man has a heart of stone
In an age we are so ordinary
Let's pretend, let's pretend we're old
But I sense that we are already there

A s Moka was released from Sana's arms, she seemed to be shot back to reality almost immediately, despite being calmed by Sana seconds before. When Sana had asked whether Moka wanted to talk, she spoke with a soft, "Yes." and then continued. Moka had then told Sana exactly what was on her mind. "What bothers me is that there is a chance one of us or someone we know might die." She said. She appeared very nervous. "It's scary... W-What if it's me that is chosen?" Sana wasn't sure what to say at first. She just wanted to be comforting to her younger sister. When Sana spoke up, her voice was soothing once again. "Moka, I can't completely prevent that, but I won't let it be you. Not if I can take your place, okay? I know that might not feel better for you completely, but it has to a little bit. I won't let you get hurt." Sana explained. Despite the fact that Sana knew Moka might not let her volunteer, Sana wanted to at least offer. She would do her best to protect Moka, even if it was only mentally and emotionally, not physically. Trying to think of what else to say, Sana had just decided to stay quiet and wait for Moka to say something instead. Maybe she would feel reassured. Sana sincerely hoped this was the case. Moka was one of the people that Sana sincerely cared about. The people she cared most about were her friends and family, so she would do anything to protect them, even if it didn't succeed. She was always glad when she tried. 271 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics
OOC NOTES: Sorry for the short post!

You are the loneliest star
You are the loneliest star
You are
You are

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

IT WOULD FEEL JUST LIKE A SLEDGEHAMMER.

_______________________________________________________

MOKA FLEUR
and so 'x' marks the spot 

_______________________________________________________

I looked deeply into Sana as our surroundings went quiet for another moment. I just wanted to cry into her and let words pour out of my heart and into the thin air around us, but I can't do that.

"Moka, I can't completely prevent that, but I won't let it be you. Not if I can take your place, okay? I know that might not feel better for you completely, but it has to a little bit. I won't let you get hurt." Her answer is clever. I know that she'd do anything for me, but I don't want her to risk her own life to protect me. It's a kind thing to do - very kind in fact, but I couldn't let her do it. It's not fair to have someone go into those games who wasn't picked.

I appreciate her efforts to look after me, after all, I'm her little sister. But I won't let her protect me with her life. 

I try to remove the lump from the throat by coughing a little. My mind tries to string together a reasonable sentence from the scrambled words inside my head. I can still feel the horrendous nervousness - and I'm beginning to question why. It's weeks away. Weeks and weeks away, yet I'm still so scared of it. I need to grow up.

"I love you Sana."

The four words that leaked from the tiny gap between my lips. And that's when I feel my eyes water, and I suddenly realise that I'm welling up. Stupid, Moka.

"I just want us... I want us all to be safe."

My voice cracks as I speak, my head sinks to look at my feet. I rock back and forth on my heels out of desperation to move on from the subject at hand. I watch as a tear hurdles down my cheek and makes a leap of faith off my skin, diving into the cold ground beneath my feet. I watch as it sinks into the ground slowly, disappearing before my very eyes. I inhale a breath to compose myself before looking back up to Sana with reddened eyes. 

I raise a hand to my eyes to wipe them, moving my hand to tuck a stray piece of my hair behind my ear as I do so. I try to focus my mind onto something more positive, I try to forget about it once again. Each attempt I make has been unsuccessful so far - I just hope this one isn't a failure.

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template by chelsey

[Licily]

Let's pretend, let's pretend we're old
But I sense that we are already there

A fter Sana had told Moka that she would never let Moka get hurt, Moka had nodded. The young blonde girl then coughs a bit. Sana looks at her somewhat worriedly. Wondering how she could help Moka, Sana stayed quiet, still kneeling down to Moka's height. She looked at her carefully. Then, Moka spoke up again. "I love you, Sana." was Moka's statement. Her eyes appeared to be swelling and watering with tears. Sana hated seeing Moka so upset. Especially when she looked like she was going to cry, or was crying. "I just want us... I want us all to be safe." Moka continued by telling her sister. Sana tried her best to think of what to say. "I love you too, Moka. Trust me, okay? I will try my best and do whatever I can to keep us all safe. I promise you that, okay? No one will get hurt as far as I can control." Sana reassured her younger sister. Sana meant every word that she said. She would never lie to her sister. She would honestly do whatever was necessary to keep her safe. As Sana waited to see how her sister would react to this promise, Sana stayed quiet once more. Too many possibilities were roaming her mind. What if Moka was upset with her for the offer? Sana wouldn't know why she could be, but it was still possible. She was hoping it would give her reassurance instead, like it was meant to. Thinking about other possiblities, Sana waited for an answer or reaction. It felt like the wait was taking forever, but perhaps it really wasn't. 269 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics
OOC NOTES: Sorry for the short post again!

You are the loneliest star
You are the loneliest star

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

CAUSE YOU'RE BRAVE, YOU'RE HONEST AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

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MOKA FLEUR
and so 'x' marks the spot 

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"I love you too, Moka. Trust me, okay? I will try my best and do whatever I can to keep us all safe. I promise you that, okay? No one will get hurt as far as I can control."

I could feel her words sinking into every nook and cranny of my skin. They swooped into my ears like sparrows to a silver pin, they were inhaled into my lungs where they swirled around until I finally set them free. I know that her words weren't stained with a lie or falseness. 

And the thought came to my mind about an earlier statement of Sana's. She said she'd volunteer for me - put herself forward into the games of death to save me. The thought made me smile outof admiration. But as much as I liked the idea of it, she shouldn't have to do it. I don't want her to but I can't control her.

"You promise?"

The coupled words manage to escape my dry lips eventually. I can read Sana and can already tell that her answer will be 'yes'. But I need to hear it out loud - I need to hear the words that will reinforce the assurance she gave me.

I quickly accompany my question with a cutesy smile to provide Sana with some reassurance of her own. I want her to know I'm fine and that I'm alright. I don't want her to know that I worry about her like she worries about me. Even thinking those words strikes my heart like a sharpened knife which had been launched with strength and ease.

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template by chelsey

[Licily]

No turning back
No backing down

A s Moka smiled, she asked Sana, "You promise?" Sana knew what to say. She had to be sincere and honest with her little sister. In all honesty, yes, Sana would take Moka's place in the games. She didn't want her getting picked. It wasn't something she would be able to live with if Moka went in the games, knowing she could have saved her. Sana would put herself into the games before her sister in order to save her life. "Of course." Sana said with a reassuring smile. "I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you as long as I can help it, okay?" Sana's words were sincere and promising. There was no hint of doubt. She pushed her hair out of her face and looked at Moka. She was consoling. The look in her eyes were caring and protective. No harm would ever come to Moka if Sana could do something about it. If Sana had gotten picked for the games, though, she wouldn't want Moka to take her place, either. The issue was, there was nothing that Sana could do about that. If someone wanted to volunteer, they could. Sana couldn't prevent that. She wouldn't want her sister in the games, but that would be a horrible position. She didn't want either of them to end up in the games. It would absolutely devastate their friends and family if they were to die. If they were to win, it wouldn't be so bad, but there were never good odds. 251 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics
OOC NOTES: Sorry my reply was so late!

No where to run
No silent ground

[D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]]

TIME IT TAKES TO FADE AWAY
IS TIME ENOUGH TO FIND A PLACE?

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MOKA FLEUR
and so 'x' marks the spot

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"Of course." Her words throw themselves onto me like a comforting, warm blanket. 

"I promise. I won't let anything bad happen to you as long as I can help it, okay?" I should reply but I don't feel I need to. She flashes yet another reassuring smile. It beams through the air like the moon shining at night time. I don't know what it is about Sana - but she makes me feel cosy. And I like that.

I take a hold of her hand. Her skin is soft and delicate, smooth to the touch. I tug gently onto her and begin to walk forwards. As I take my small steps, I look around us and take everything in. The people, the peacekeepers; everyone keeping everything running smoothly. It amazes me how they manage to get through the entire teenage population in less than a day - yet it also doesn't.

As I begin to walk forwards, the sun begins to shine through, breaking apart a grey cloud which it once used for armor. The light is bright and shines directly onto me. I raise a hand to shelter my eyes, allowing my vision to return to usual. 

I come to a sudden stop and halt Sana in her path. 

"Do you know anyone who was ever reaped, Sana?"

My question came from nowhere. I felt a sudden urge to break the silence our walking caused. The gossiping of people in the district square was barely audible now - the only things I could hear were the crunching of leaves beneath the canvass of my shoe and my pounding heart trying to escape from it's prison cell in my rib cage. 

Breaking the silence feels right. I look up to Sana and await her answer. I hope it wasn't much of a personal question for I do not wish to upset her if she had known someone - but I just want to know her. Like a friend would.

Sana breaks the silence like a twig beneath her fingers - easily and effortlessly. Very different to how I approached the matter earlier.

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template by chelsey

[Licily]

No place to hide
No one to trust

M oka seemed comforted by Sana's words. She then reached for Sana's smooth hand, taking a hold of it. As she begins taking small steps, so does Sana. Moka was looking around at everyone and everything, and Sana did the same. As they were walking, the sun seemed to grow brighter. Moka sheilds her eyes from it. Sana ends up doing the same. When Moka stops walking all of a sudden, it stops Sana from walking as well. Moka then spoke up, asking Sana a question. For some reason, there was something odd about this question. This particular question stood out to her. It made her think for a moment. It almost made her have to close her eyes for a moment, but she didn't. She looked kindly at Moka instead. "Do you know anyone who was ever reaped, Sana?" Moka had inquired to Sana. This question took her by a bit of surprise. It had broken the silence- perhaps that was why. Sana paused a moment to think. It wasn't too long of a pause though. It wasn't even all that noticeable. The reply came from her rather easily. Then, Sana answered. "No. Luckily, I haven't. Though, if I ever do know someone who is chosen, I will do whatever I can to support them. I wouldn't want to lose anyone. Of course, I'd do anything to protect someone I know if they were picked. Especially you. Don't worry, though, okay?" was what Sana said to her younger sister, Moka. 247 D6f Carmen Cantelou [aza]

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Lyrics
OOC NOTES: Yay for being back. Also, good luck to Pixie in the games!

No one to help you
When you're lost